Healing Heart
by OCDJen
Summary: Jasper, confidant and friendly but a creature of habit. Edward, depressed and withdrawn. Can Jasper get close enough to Edward to heal his heart? Or will it push him deeper in to his pit of hell? Rated M, AH and lemons later. Please R
1. Chapter 1

**I've rated this story as M for adult themes. If you don't like guy on guy then don't read. Please read and review and tell me what you think, thank you.**

**JPOV**

'Bang, bang, bang.'

What the fuck is that? Not lifting my head off the pillow I slowly listen to the sounds filling my apartment, slamming, banging and a hoover? Who is fucking hoovering? Wait, who is in my fucking apartment?

Sitting up I quickly look around the room to see if I can use anything on the intruder. I can handle myself pretty well, I work out and can pack a punch when need be, but still. '_Man the fuck up.' _I told myself getting off the bed and opening the door to the hall. My eyes fixed upon a short black-haired woman with her back towards me hoovering. Hoovering in my fucking apartment, she doesn't even live here. How the hell did she get in here?

"Alice!" I snap at her, she spins round smiling.

"Hey Jazz, did I wake you?" No, of course you didn't. I'm used to this shit all the time. Of course you fucking woke me dumb-ass.

"Yeah, just what are you doing?" I asked her walking passed her and into the kitchen to get something to drink. Fuck. My head is killing me and my mouth feels like I've licked the fucking pavement. I didn't lick the pavement again, did I? Okay think back to last night. What did you do last night? The bar....drink....dance.....more drink.....even more drinking........no, I think I'm good.

"Silly, you have that new roommate coming by today to check the place out. I wanted to make sure everything was presentable." Turning the hoover back on she continued hoovering.

Fuck. I had forgotten about that. It had smacked me in the face hard the day I found out that Emmett was moving out and in with Rosalie, his long term girlfriend.

_Flashback_

"_Yo Jazz, you got a minute?" Emmett walked into my room while I was busy trying to go through the pile upon pile of crap my students had sent me for their history essay. Did any of them learn anything or did they just think they could copy a book and pass it off as their own?_

"_Yeah sure, what's up?" Moving myself away from the continual crap that faced me on my laptop._

"_Err, you know I love you man and everything. I've had a blast, and you know with me and Rose...." He trailed off. Oh please no don't tell me what I think I you're going to tell me._

"_I'm moving out and in with her." Relief washed over me, for a second I thought he was going to tell me that he was moving out. Wait.....what.....no....._

_I sat there frozen on the spot. I always knew that one day one of us would go and move out but this apartment hadn't come cheap, in fact it was costing a small fortune to keep. It was one of the most desirable spots in town, people were on a waiting list to get their hands on one of these babies. Just a short walk from the town and all the local hot spots, the clubs, the restaurants, the designer shops, it was perfect. Not to mention the space these babies came with, my bedroom was two and half times the size of the one at my mom's. The living room had these great big patio doors which opened outward onto a nice sized balcony. Oh god, I loved this place._

"_Jazz...Jazz...oh shit, he's gone into shock" I heard Emmett's voice sounding concerned and a little pleading._

"_No I'm...wow....you're moving out?" I got out the words. I didn't think about it, I just opened my mouth and let them roll out. We had been living here for two years, six months into the new move Emmett met Rosalie. Who was....once you got to know her...alright. Shit. I can't afford this place on my own._

"_I know, dude. I'm sorry, but me and Rose... and well you love this place more than I do.... I'm not going just yet. I'll give you some time to find someone else to move in before I go if you like." So thoughtful but I'm not a baby._

_Emmett and I had known each other for years, since we were fourteen. We met in high school and have been friends ever since. There is a group of us who all grew up together and we still have that same close bond we used to have back then. _

_But finding someone new... As in they don't know me, I don't know them. God, this is going to be a nightmare. _

"_It's fine Em, you can move out right away. You don't have to wait around." I told him truthfully, and it was true. He could go right away. I would still be faced with the whole I don't know this person from shit and for all I know..._

_Stop it! Right now! I told myself before letting my mind get carried away._

"_Thanks dude, I'm sure you'll find someone. You never know, you could just meet your dream guy" Emmett chuckled while I cringed. That was another thing, what if this person had a problem with gays? I know it's not taboo anymore but some people are really stuck in their ways and don't like it. I'm so comfortable here in my own home. I'm proud to be what I am, I've never shied away from being gay. I came out when I was sixteen and I've never looked back. Everyone I know has been fine with it and Emmett thinks nothing of walking around in just his boxers in front of me, or if I bring a guy home. What about the new person?_

_Should I tell whoever it is that I'm gay right away in case they don't want the room? Or should I keep it to myself and find out about them first?_

_What the fuck Jasper, you're thinking of hiding? Snap the fuck out of it._

"_Yo Jazz, are you sure you're alright? You spaced out on me twice there." Emmett asked._

"_Yeah I'm just thinking." I answered_

"_Whoever it is will be fine with you being you and if they're not, then they can leave." Emmett said._

"_I know, but telling people I'm gay at work is different form telling someone who could be living with you. What if they think I'm going to be wanking all over them or....." I said worried._

"_Jasper, dude seriously chill out. Stop your little diva moment for a minute and get back to reality. Just let them know and leave it there. I'm sure they won't give a fuck, hell I don't." Emmett said._

"_Thanks" True, he really didn't and he was right, my 'diva moments' as he called them were me acting like a child and over thinking shit._

"_So when are you moving out?" I asked him._

"_A few weeks. I need to get things sorted first." Emmett told me._

_End flashback_

That was two months ago, Emmett left three weeks ago. I was going to put the add up, but finals were coming up and I was rushed with students trying to cram in all the things they should of being paying attention over the last year. Why do I do my job I ask myself some days?

Three days ago I placed an ad and got five calls within the first half hour of it being up. I was meeting guy number 5 today. The first four had been nothing short of wrong. One was an ex-student of mine, so not him. One was so far off his face I wondered if he had just walked in here thinking this was where his next party was taking place, again another no. One was old and sounded too much like my dad, with his rules of needing everything turned off and peaceful by ten pm to get his sleep. He never got to see the room. The last one was....well the best out of the others, so far. Not really what I wanted to share my home with, I told him I was gay and he was really into me. He said "That's great, do you wear woman's clothes? I do, I sometimes like to go out in them too." He then went on to show me pictures of when he was dressed as 'Victoria'. Please remove yourself from the property, the words screamed around my head. I didn't have a problem with anyone doing whatever turned them on, I couldn't really judge but I drew the line there.

I was hoping, no, praying to all gods out there that this last one was going to be normal or somewhat normal.

Taking my coffee and slumping down on the sofa I looked out over the bright sunlit sky, bored. I was bored. I knew moving would only result in Alice making me do something. Not that I can't clean, I could and kept things clean in the apartment. However, if I could get someone else to do it for me I would.

I could open the laptop and look at my planner for the next term of school, which was about to start again in three days time, but I just couldn't get myself into gear to do that. Screw it, I'll watch some day time crap for a while. I have... three hours till the next possible roommate showed up, plenty of time.

"Jazz" I heard my name being called followed by the front door slamming shut. I would have to talk to my friends about this. I didn't mind but the new person could.

"I'm in here Jake." I called turning off the TV. Thing was we all had keys to each others homes. We didn't think anything of it, we all trusted each other. And the door would be dead bolted if I didn't want anyone in because I was busy.

"Give me that now!" Alice screamed at I can only guess Jake. "Don't you dare eat it, I've just vacuumed."

"Woman I'm staving here. Yo Jazz, help me out here." Jake said.

Getting up I walked into the kitchen. Jake was holding a plate above his head. He was what 6'5? Maybe a little more and Alice was well 4 ft nothing, jumping up and down trying to get the plate off him. She was fighting a losing battle, but so was Jake. He couldn't eat, the moment he moved that plate Alice would tear it clean out of his hands.

"Guys, come on." I tried to calm the situation down a little but it fell on deaf ears.

"I won't make a mess. I promise." Jake crossed his heart with his other hand. It was a sight to see someone of Jake's size acting like a child in front of someone who was smaller than most of the kids I taught for a living. But the little pixie could be fucking scary when she got going.

"How long has she been here?" Jake sat down next to me defeated from Alice.

"God knows, I got woken up by her hoovering and that was about half an hour ago. Where's Bella?" I asked him.

Jake had been dating Bella for about six months, this was round number four I think. They started in high school and have been on and off ever since.

"Hiding from the evil one for fear of shopping." Jake said in a dark voice.

"Dude keep the bedroom tone just there." I couldn't help but laugh thinking about when we all went camping and everyone had heard this dark tone coming from their tent, there 'role playing' could be a little weird.

"That was one time and it was years ago." Huffing he stood up. "What's this new guy like? Do you want me to hang around and make sure he's cool?" Jake asked me.

"Nah its cool. He can't be any worse than the freaks I've already seen." I answered.

"True. I'm out of here, later buddy." He said.

Jake wandered into the kitchen first and picked up a cookie walking towards the front door just near where Alice was.

"Bye Alice." He said stuffing as much as of the cookie in his mouth as he could. Alice's face hardened over looking set to kill as she watched Jake break crumbs on the floor before slamming the door shut. She turned and glared at me.

"I'm going for a shower Al." Heading into the shower I flicked the hot water giving it time to heat up before stepping in. I looked at myself in the mirror. My dirty blonde curls hung all over the place, my blue eyes stared back at me. I ran my hand down my chest feeling the muscles. How long had it been since someone touched me? My cock twitched. Too long.

I had spent years working on my body. I was nowhere near the size of Emmett or Jacob who where nothing short of huge, but I was lean and well defined. My muscles did show, paying for all my hard work I had put in at the gym. Sighing I got in the shower.

What did it matter? The only action I was getting was my morning wank. Speaking of which, my cock began to twitch and throb. Stepping under the now hot shower I began to stroke myself, running my fingers over the shaft and tip before grabbing hold of it. Moving my hand up and down slowly at first I ran my thumb over the tip every now and then. I began to pump a little faster letting my mind wander and coming up with different fantasies to get me off.

I soon found myself thrusting my hips into my hand as the build up began to get stronger. Gripping my hand tightly around my hardened cock I pumped faster and harder, a small groan escaping my lips as I began to feel my balls tighten. Placing my other hand on the wall for support I pumped and thrust harder and faster. I was panting hard as my mind raced with fantasies, my back arched and a groan left my lips a little too loudly as I shot stream after stream of hot cum on the shower wall.

Once my breathing had returned to normal I cleaned up both myself and the wall before stepping out. Pulling a towel out I wrapped it around my waist before looking at myself in the mirror. I ran a brush through my blonde curls and walked out of the bathroom. Alice was standing there, arms crossed, waiting.

"About bloody time. You do know how long you've got, don't you?" Alice said tapping her watch.

"Relax, I have shit loads of time before he gets here." I started to walk towards my bedroom.

"You don't, you have half an hour." Half an hour? Fuck. Where had the time gone? Surely I hadn't been in there all that time, had I? Crap.

I moved towards my bedroom door. Pushing it open I noticed clothes on my bed, I looked at Alice and raised an eyebrow at her "I thought you would look good in them. I've saved you time." She smiled and walked into the bathroom. She had saved me time, I didn't know what to put on with Alice around. I had managed to keep her clear of here when the last four turned up but this time she had attacked. I couldn't argue though as she cleaned my apartment for me. If I wasn't gay I would want to marry that woman.

I dressed quickly in the jeans and button down she had laid out. My hair had started to dry out and was forming into curls. Pulling my watch on I looked at the time. 11:50 am. Ten minutes to go. Walking out of the room I was met with Alice who ran her hands through my hair.

"What are you doing?" I asked her pointlessly I know, but still had to ask.

"There. I made it look better. Right, I want all the details tonight. I've put coffee on so offer him one, okay?" She started to pull at my shirt the way your mother does just before you meet a long lost family member or someone important. Fuck. Thank god she isn't staying.

"I will Al, bye bye." I gave her a little peck on the cheek and pushed her out the door. The apartment was shining. Alice had down her magic and made it look more like a show home rather than a home.

I paced the floor waiting. No point in sitting, the moment my butt touched the chair the doorbell would go so I stood waiting. At bang on midday the doorbell went. Okay Jasper here we go, the last one. Please don't be a freak, please don't be a freak, I chanted to myself as I opened the door. I was met by a tall bronze-haired man. His hair was all over the place but it somehow looked sexy as fuck. You could tell he worked out but hadn't overdone it, his strong shoulders slightly hunched forward. Then I saw them. I looked up and looked right into the greenest eyes I've ever seen, almost like a forest green. I could go and jump right in them now and swim for days. I was becoming aware that I was staring and I shook my head to shake any dirty little thoughts out. "I'm Edward Cullen. I'm here to see the room." He spoke. His voice sounded so musical, deep and husky. Fuck!

"Um....Yeah come in. I'm Jasper by the way, would you like a cup of coffee?" I watched him run his long fingers through that beautiful bronze hair. He looked nervous as hell as his eyes cast down to the floor.

"Yeah sure." His voice was so low now, like he had used up all his courage in just a few little words.

Pushing the door open I led him in to the kitchen. "Kitchen" I told him. What are you retarded now? Don't you teach history at the college? That requires some sort of intelligence, but here you go and state the obvious.

"Yeah." His voice low again. Not making eye contact, he kept shifting from foot to foot. He was just a little shorter than me, maybe all of an inch.

"Milk and sugar?" I asked him. I was feeling awkward now.

"Please, two sugars." He said.

I watched him out the corner of my eye look around the kitchen. He didn't really seem to look at that much detail, he obviously just wanted to put his eyes somewhere. I passed him the cup and led him to what would be his room and said "It's a great sized room, all of them are. You can fit a lot in here."

He looked around the room, his brow pulled together. He looked almost frustrated, maybe it was more concern and worry than frustration. "It's good." He spoke so low I almost missed it. I watched him take a sip of coffee and saw his hands shaking. God was I scaring him that much?

"I'll show you the rest of the apartment." I told him.

"It's fine. Shall we get down to business?" His voice was a little higher this time and I noticed for the first time how he conducted himself when he spoke. He was clearly educated.

"Sure." I said and walked into the living with him closely behind me. He looked so scared as he sat down, I could see his form shaking just slightly.

"A few questions. Do you smoke? Take drugs? Have any pets? And will it bother you that I'm gay?" I watched his face to try and see what reaction he was going to give me. His face never moved.

"First one, sometimes. Second, only the ones the doctor gives me. No pets. And no, it doesn't bother me." His voice had dropped again. Looking at him he seemed to be trying to compact his 6'2 frame into the smallest space he could. I could live with this, not a problem.

"Here is the list of the bills that would be split fifty/fifty." I passed him the sheet of paper and watched as he never looked at it but placed it in his pocket.

"The first month's rent would be due the day you moved in." I told him.

"That's fine." His voice sounded as if it was going to break. I wasn't freaked out by him, I was concerned. I wanted to hug him and ask him if he was okay, if something was on his mind. I felt safe having him in this apartment, even though he was a complete stranger to me.

"The room is yours. If you want to take it?" I asked him.

"Um...yeah.....that's fine......um when can I move in?" Edward asked me.

"Well whenever, I'll be back at school in three days. I teach history there so you can move in before then or while I'm at work. Whichever is easier for you." I answered.

"Tuesday would be good for me, if that's okay. If you would rather it be sooner..." Edward said.

Cutting him off I said "No, no, not at all. You'll have a key anyway so just move in when you're ready."

I passed him the contract that had been drawn up. It had the regular bullshit in it. He never read it, he just signed it. I noticed his signature was perfectly neat, in beautiful script hand writing. What the fuck? You're calling his handwriting beautiful? Are you that that desperate to get laid? In a word. Yes! "Right, well here's your key. I don't know if you drive but around the back of the building is the car park. Here's the code to get through the gates." As I passed it to him I noticed he wasn't shaking as much this time around.

"Thanks" He stood and walked to the door. I followed him.

"Well welcome to the apartment. I'm sure we will get along great." I offered my hand out. Apart from it being the polite thing to do I wanted to feel his skin on mine. Fuck you don't even know if he's gay. All this because of some green colored eyes and bronze hair?

"Yeah" He shook my hand. A warm fuzzy feeling ran up my arm and around my body, almost like getting a shock but not as strong. I was fixed holding his hand, staring into his eyes. He pulled his hand back and snapped his head away. "Goodbye. I guess I'll see you Tuesday." He shifted again looking uncomfortable.

"Err yeah. Tuesday it is." I watched as he walked back down the long corridor towards the lift. My apartment was on the sixth floor, right at the top of the building. No wonder it cost so much. When you looked out on the patio at night you could see half the city in lights. It was a beautiful site, romantic almost, well I found it romantic.

Closing the door behind me I picked up the discarded mugs. He had only drunk half his coffee. Did he not like it? Maybe he was more of a tea person? Should I buy some tea? I know there isn't any here apart from herbal tea that I drink every once in awhile. Yeah, I'll buy some. I want him to feel at home when he moves in. In fact I may as well go food shopping.

Picking up the phone I dialed Seth's number calling him. "_Seth you free?" _Seth was currently dating Alice. He was some sort of relation to Jacob, cousins or something, good guy.

"_**Yeah what's up?" Seth asked**_

"_Nothing. I'm heading to the store. Want to come with me?" I asked him._

"_**Sure, be there in ten." He answered.**_

He only lived about five minutes away. Was there a reason for me calling Seth out of all my other friends? Hell yes. I could make him stand and look at what tea to buy and he wouldn't give a shit about it.

Standing there in the supermarket I was looking at all the different types of tea you can buy. Do they really need to sell all of these? Was there a difference in taste? I know they have about fifty different types of coffee but all in all it tasted the same. What was the difference between a circled tea bag and a pyramid one?

Seth was busy reading the label's picking what he thought would be the best one. We had been standing here for ten minutes already.

"Whitlock." I heard his voice boom down the aisle to where I was. Pushing his trolley in front of him, tagged by Rosalie was Emmett. He looked at Seth and then back at me, then back at Seth who was still picking tea. "Jazz what are you doing?" Emmett asked. Oh crap.

"I'm buying tea." Was my wonderful reply. I'm buying tea... No fucking shit Jasper.

"Dude you don't drink the stuff so why would you buy tea.....Oh wait is this because of the new roommate?" He asked me.

"I think he may drink tea so I thought I would pick some up while I was food shopping." Did I sound as sad as I thought I did? I'm a creature of habit, I don't like things to get all messed up and disturbed. When something is pulled out of its place I tend to go into overdrive trying to fix it. Of course this new guy moving in was throwing everything off balance. Which had led me to believe that I needed to buy tea just so he could drink it and not feel like he has to drink the coffee I placed in his mug.

"Right so you know he likes tea because?" Rosalie piped in.

"Because he didn't drink his coffee." Thanks Seth. Rosalie giggled while Emmett chuckled.

"Dude all of this because he didn't drink your coffee? You know you can be really weird sometimes." Emmett and everyone else had gotten use to my habits and knew that sometimes I had to be pulled back in before I went overboard.

"I know, but I thought....." I trailed off. What did you really think Jasper? You don't even know if he likes tea you just jumped ahead. For someone who carefully thinks things through you went right against the grain on this one.

Rosalie just randomly picked up the nearest pack of tea and thrown it in the trolley. She cut an end to the obsessive tea making choice and was now pushing out of the supermarket and towards the car, firing question after question at me. You had to love her; she was being caring right now wanting to know if I would be okay with a new roommate.

By the time I got home I was dead. I had been mentally drained by Rosalie who was now fully happy with what I had told her. Pulling a beer from the fridge I grabbed my laptop and sat down. I may as well start my term plan, I couldn't put it off any longer. Tuesday would soon be here.


	2. Chapter 2

**JPOV**

The bell had finally rung signaling the end of the day. I always hate the first day back. You're trying to get your students to listen to you and become interested in their work while battling against them talking amongst themselves catching up on what they did over the summer. I really was fighting a losing battle.

Gathering my things I headed out of the door locking it for yet another day. Then I headed down the corridor, most students had shot off the moment the bell rang but there was one or two that were still hanging around.

"Sir." I inwardly groaned. I knew that voice, he has been a pain in my ass for the last year and now this year is setting up to be just the bloody same.

"Yes Mike." Turning round to face him, I notice he has his bag over his arm with a fistful of papers in his hand.

"Um the essay I sent in before finals, you marked me with a D." He looked almost shocked that I had given a low grade. He was lucky, I seriously considered giving him an F.

"It was a fair grade." It was, he hadn't completely copied a text book but he was close. I gave him the D just because he had used enough brain power to change a few things so it didn't look completely copied.

"But sir, I worked really hard on that." Mike said.

"Yes, I could imagine that copying a textbook and changing a few words is hard work." You ever looked at someone and thought I could happily punch this guy's face all day long and never get bored? Well that's just how I feel looking at him, so much so that I can see the whole thing playing out in my mind.

"I don't want to fail this course sir." No, of course you don't. I'm sure your parents would be pissed to have spent god knows how much sending you here for you to fail history.

"I suggest that you buck your idea's up if you don't want to fail, you have another year to turn it around Mike. Use the time to do so." With that I moved past him and into the teachers' lounge.

Peter was already in there looking over the work his art students had done. He seemed to have the easiest job, he never saw the crap I got sent. "Jazz first day back, glad it's over?" He asked me.

"Oh yes, the bell couldn't of come fast enough for me. That's really good who painted that?" I asked him looking at the picture in front of me. The picture was of a path on an autumn day, trees with their brown leaves falling on the ground. It looked beautiful for something so plain.

"One of my new students. Good, isn't she?" Peter asked.

"Very." I dumped files on my desk and pulled out my car keys.

"How's the new roommate?" He asked. Oh yeah, Edward was moving in today. Wonder how he's getting on, should I head back now or wait a while longer? I have no idea what time he started to move in.

"I don't know. He moves in today, but he seems really nice." Those forest green eyes and bronze hair had played a nice part in my morning fantasy in the shower.

"Good, you should bring him out to drinks on Friday. I take it the rest of the gang are coming along?" He asked me. Friday night the whole gang would always be there for drinks, along with Peter and his girlfriend and a few others from our places of work.

"I might do that. I better see how he got on. See you in the morning." I walked out of the staff room and towards the car park, spotting my truck in the parking lot waiting for me. There was a joke between me and Bella that my truck happened to be hers great-grandchild. Her's was a rusty red about one hundred years old with a fixed speed limit of 50 mph battered and ready for the scrap heap. Whereas mine was two years old, all black and shiny and had some lovely speed to go with it. Mine was what hers once was.

Throwing my books in the car I made my way home thinking about what to have for dinner. Should I cook tonight or order in? What would Edward like? It's his first night, I'm sure he is nervous as hell and I would like to break the ice and make him feel at home.

Pulling into the car park at the back of the apartment building I clocked a silver Volvo parked a few spaces down. I hadn't seen it before. Maybe someone in the block had bought a new car, or could it be Edwards? Grabbing my things I got out of the truck and made my way through the building to the lifts. Stopping on the sixth floor I fumble with my keys and open the door. I wasn't expecting to see this.

The place was just how I left it this morning. I couldn't even hear a sound. There was no sign that Edward had moved in. Maybe he changed his mind and thought better of it. I put my keys in the bowl next to the door and headed into the kitchen. Opening a bottle of beer I almost downed it in one swig. Had today been that bad? Yes.

I wandered across the hall and stop outside the spare room door. I listened to see if I could hear anything. Nothing, not a peep. Should I open the door and find out if it's empty? What if he is in there? That wouldn't look good, would it? _Just tap the damn door Whitlock_.

I tap three times and wait. I'm now starting to feel stupid. He clearly isn't in there and I've just knocked on the door. Muppet. I slowly walk back down the hall toward the living room. I spotted an envelope on the side and pick it up opening it. Inside is this month's rent.

So Edward must have been here today then, well at least that's something. I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard the tap in kitchen turn on. Panic runs through me. I hadn't heard the front door open, there is nothing on so I would have heard it. I got myself together and walked into the kitchen. There he is necking a glass of water and I can see his muscles in his shoulders tense up and relax as he puts the glass down. _Don't drool, don't drool. _"Hi, you moved in alright?" His head snaps round and his forest green eyes blaze into me. Fuck. Were they really that green the other day?

"Um yes, thank you." His voice is once again low and he starts to hunch his shoulders again, just like last time.

"You hungry? I was thinking of ordering in if you fancy it." I smile at him trying to make him feel welcome. I don't think it's working though as his eyes hit the floor.

"No, thank you. I'm fine. Um did you get the rent money I left out?" He's speaking to the floor and not to me.

"Yeah...thanks. So Edward is that your car in the lot? The silver Volvo?" I asked him.

"Yes, it was okay to park there right? I can move it if it's a problem" Edward said.

"No, just wondered that's all." It fell into an awkward silence. I had questions I wanted to ask him. You know, get to know him type stuff but he didn't seem like he wanted to talk. Should I offer a beer? A smoke?

"Um....can I smoke on the patio?" His voice was all but a whisper.

"Yeah, that's fine. Mind if I join you?" Oh yeah Jasper start smoking again just to get to know the hottie with bronze colored hair. You little sado.

He just shrugged and walked towards the patio door. I noticed just how long his legs were and how nice his ass was looking in those jeans. _Jasper really? Are we sixteen again trying to fuck any man that looks remotely attractive?_ You would think so, wouldn't you?

I followed him out and he offers me a smoke. I take it and brush his fingers at the same time, the same buzz fills my body again. I saw him tense up. He must have felt it too. I hadn't intended to touch him it just kind of happened.

I looked at his long pale fingers as I watched him taking a long drag. His eyes closed and I saw his lids were a light shade of purple. Did he have trouble sleeping? Is that why he was so withdrawn? God Jasper, get a grip. You sound like his mother or something.

"What is it?" His voice cut through my thoughts and internal ramble. Shit, he knew I was staring.

"Um nothing, just wondered what you do for a living. That's all." Yeah play it that way Jasper why don't you.

"I don't work at the moment... I've got some time off." Edward answered me.

"Oh what is it you do?" I asked.

"Um..." He trailed off, flicking his cig over the side and moved fast into his room. What did I say? He just freaked out on me. Okay, maybe he wasn't the best choice to live here with me. I flicked my cig over the side and walked back into the living room, closing the doors behind me. I switched on the TV and start to flick through the channels hoping to find something of importance on for me to watch.

"I'm sorry I ran then." My head snapped around to see him standing in the doorway. His hands were rammed into his jean pockets, his head bent down with his hair falling all over the place.

"It's fine. I wondered what I had said." I joked.

He lifted his head slowly, not all the way up but just enough for me to see those green eyes. "I...um.....I don't like questions about my life."

"Oh. No, it's fine. I was just trying to get to you know a little. You want to watch a movie or something?" I asked him.

He smiled just a little bit and nodded. I smiled fighting the temptation to crack a full on grin at him, but there was a happy dance going on inside my head. That buzz I got from touching him is still there, and I feel so alive right now. I've never felt anything like it before. I wonder if he felt it? He sure seemed to look like he did. He walked over and sat down on the other side of the sofa. He seemed so tense right now, his shoulders are still hunched together and that same look of trying to compact himself appears.

"So um a bit of personal question but I feel I need to ask, will your girlfriend be coming over a lot?" I asked him.

"No.....I don't have one." His voice again is low and his eyes stay to the ground.

"Oh, I'm surprised." Did I just say that out loud? By the look on his face I did. Shit!

His body went so tight I can see his muscle's fighting against his long-sleeved top. Panic sets in his eyes and he stands sharply "Um this was a bad idea." His voice was low and rushed and I soon saw him making a bee line towards his room. Bad break up? It was the first thought that came into my head after watching him flee out of the room. Well done, Jazz. Class A asshole.

I didn't see him for the rest of the night. He never left his room and as far as I knew he was asleep. I couldn't hear a single sound coming out of his room. The night passed slowly for me as I chilled out and watched TV. I soon found myself heading to bed wondering if I should knock on his door and make sure he was alright after my comment.

I woke the following morning after a restless night's sleep. I had managed to tear my ass away from his door before knocking, but only just. As I sat up in bed I could hear someone moving around in the kitchen. I quickly got up and headed into the kitchen. I was met with a bare chested Edward, I had to stop myself from my eyes popping out and my jaw dropping. The sight in front of my eyes was magnificent. His body was perfectly perfected, giving him a strong muscle line but not going overboard. I wanted to run my tongue over those abs and across those pec's before playing with his nipples. I had to snap myself out of it before the raging hard on in my pants burst though the fabric and announcing itself to him. "Morning." I manage to get out in a slightly higher pitch than normal. My eyes couldn't stop themselves from running down his body to his waistband that was sitting a little low showing off a nice V. _Snap out of it, now!_

"Um morning." His voice was rough and his eyes looked a little red. Had he been crying during the night? Then I noticed it. As his hand brushed his hair I saw a faint long scar down his wrist followed by the little dotted scars either side of it. FUCK! A scar like that only said one thing... He saw me staring at it and his hand snapped down. He was out the room in a flash. I watched after him my mouth now falling open. Was I living with a nut case who has attempted and failed to do himself in? Crap I need to speak to someone, maybe I can get him out of the house... Shit. He signed the contract and paid a month's rent already, but there has to be a way right?

I didn't see him leave but I heard the door slam shut. It closed with force and I wondered if the door would fall off its hinges, it wouldn't be the first time it's fallen off. Then again it wasn't slammed shut when it came off before. I should call Alice and speak to her.

**EPOV**

I ran out the door and through the corridor. I didn't bother waiting for the lift. I took the stairs bolting down them. I was soon outside and in my car, my eyes burning and my chest hurting. I felt heavy and near the point of hyperventilating by the time I reached Tanya's.

Running through the building I burst through the office doors "Edward I didn't realize you were booked in today." Irina looked at me confused as to why I was there.

"I.....I....Tanya.......need..........to........" I tried to get out.

"It's okay Edward. Sit down and take a deep breath. I'll see if she can see you now." I saw her leave and walk down the corridor. I knew this was a bad idea. The whole meeting people thing was a nightmare. I could hardly speak to the guy... what was his name... Jasper? His questions, as harmless as they were, were too much for me. I couldn't handle them. Then he saw it.... not my proudest moment.... but it reminds me.... I need to remember.

"My god Edward." Tanya took in the sight of me. I was breathing hard near the point of passing out. Tears streamed down my face, my eyes were red and swollen. I looked a mess. "Come in. Come now, it's okay." She placed her hand on my shoulder and brought me into her office, making me lie down on the couch while she sorted out some pills for me to take. "Edward takes these." She offered me the pills and I took them knocking them back with a glass of water. "What happened?" Her voice was so calm and caring. She sat across from me and waited for my breathing to return to normal before I spoke.

"He... .He...." Was all I could get out. My people skills sucked right now, they had for the last eighteen months.

"Who's he? Is this Jasper? The man you have gone to live with?" I just nodded at her. I know she has been trying her hardest to get me to open myself up and let it all out, but I just can't. I'm scared to feel things, to laugh, to joke, to have friends. It's like... it's not fair, that's what it is. "Okay Edward, what happened to make you like this? I haven't seen you like this for months now. We made progress and I don't want you to look at this as a step back, okay? So what happened?"

"He... the scar… he... saw it." My reminder right there. No one ever sees it, no one, but he had.

"Okay you showed it to him? Or did he just see it?" She asked me.

"He saw." I now had my knees pulled up to my chest, arms tightly wrapped around legs curling up into a ball. I was locking down. I could see just where I was going, but I didn't stop. I didn't want to stop.

"How did he see it Edward? As far as I know you always have it covered." Tanya said.

"The... kitchen.... I.... he.... not...." I sucked in a few deep breaths. I was now unable to put a sentence together. "I thought he was still asleep. I only nipped in to get a glass of water. I thought I would be fine to just nip there and not cover it up... but then I turned round and he was there... staring at me... then he saw it."

I watched as Tanya thought about what I told her, watched as her face displayed many different things all at the same time. I knew what was coming. I didn't want her to ask me, to ask me would bring in other questions that I didn't want to answer. Those questions would then open that door, that door that was under lock and key in my mind. I liked it like that. That was for me, for me to remember, for me to be punished with. "He was staring at you? In what way Edward?"

"I don't fucking know. He was just fucking staring alright." If my mother would have seen me act like that towards a lady I would have gotten a slap around the head, but Tanya wasn't bothered one bit. She had dealt with me enough and had seen my outburst before, for her, in her line of work, this was a good thing. It showed a feeling, it showed something getting in. This made her happy. Bitch.

"What's Jasper like Edward? You moved in yesterday, right?" She now had my file in her hand. Fuck, was it really that big? She was jotting down whatever I was saying.

"Yeah, yesterday was the move. He is alright." Take that and write down in your fucking note pad. I was now angry, but yet I had no reason to be angry at anyone but myself. Jasper had been nice to me and even tried to get to know me and I shut down. Should I tell Tanya that?

"Edward were you attracted to him, at all?" Fuck off bitch. I'm not telling you shit, but my body gave me away. I tightened up and looked at the floor. "I see. Edward it's okay you know, to feel again. No one blames you and no one will blame you." Her voice so sure of what she was saying.

"I blame me, I do." Before too long the tears filled my eyes and ran down my face, thick, warm and salty tears. The same tears that fell last night, the same tears that have fallen for the past eighteen months.

"Take a deep breath Edward, its okay. Have been taking your pills?" I nodded at her. I had been taking them every day for the last eighteen months and at least I got them down from what they were. "Good. Edward I want you to talk to Jasper, maybe explain...."

"No." There was no way I was about to explain anything to some stranger I didn't even know. No fucking way.

"Edward I'm not saying tell him everything but just put him in the picture a little bit, so that he doesn't do anything by mistake to cause you to come running here in this state okay?" I thought it over. It wouldn't hurt to tell him small things. I walked out of Tanya's and drove around for a while. I haven't turned the radio on in my car for months. In fact I haven't driven for a hell of a long time. It's only been a recent thing. I pulled into the apartment car park and take a deep breath.

Didn't he say he was a teacher? Checking the clock I realize that he would by now be back inside his home. The place where I was being made to stay. I got out and made my way to the apartment taking a few deep breaths trying to slow down my heart rate before it bursts through my chest. I opened the door making very little sound.

I wander into the living room and clap sight of the pills, my pills on the table, Jasper in front of them. What the fuck? He went in my room? Rage fills me as I take in the whole sight. He's not only been in my room, he's been looking, going through my things.

"Is this how this whole set-up works? I go out and you go though my things?" My voice is starting to break as I can feel myself breaking underneath all of this. The thin protective layer already has the crack forming.

"I.... Look Edward, I saw the scar and I know what you tried to do and the pills I...." Jasper said.

I cut him off before he could finish. "Yeah the scar, I have another one too on the other wrist. Want to see that one too? Yeah I did try to end my life and those pills are... You know fucking nothing about me or what I have been through with your perfect fucking life in your perfect apartment."

"I'm sorry, but I don't want a druggie living here with me." Shock hits me like a slap around the face. He thinks I'm a druggie?

The tears fall from my eyes and I can't keep them back as they spill. I hit my breaking point. "You think I'm a druggie because I have pills that have been prescribed by my doctor? You could have just asked me why I have this scar and why I take those pills instead of being so close-minded and judgmental."

Without saying another word I walk... well run to my room. The sobs ripped through my chest as I reached my door, locking it behind me. I fell on my bed and cried. The sobs ripped through me as the pain began to come back, the hurt I suffered and the loss. I cried for him and I cried because of him, this wasn't how it was meant to be, this wasn't....

I just want him.

**Thank you to the people who have already put the story on alert.**

**Please review. I would love to know what you guys are thinking of it so far. : )**


	3. Chapter 3

**_WOW im blown over by all the Alerts ive recived, im glad you all like it._**

**_Please hit the review button_**

**_Here's chapter 3!_**

* * *

**_J0PV_**

I watched him bolt to his room, hearing the cries already breaking in his chest. The door slammed and I heard the lock click. I sat there motionless. Shit, what the fuck happened? I looked back at the three bottles of pills that sat in front of me, a bottle of sleeping pills and two types of anti-depressants. I've never been anywhere near needing those sort of pills. What triggers a person into having to take them?

I could hear his sobs and my heart started to break. I made him cry, cry like this. You really are an asshole jasper, a complete fucking retard. He was right. I could have just asked him, but I had been judgemental. And yet I'm one of the first people to knock those types of assholes. Here I am, one of them. I could do with someone kicking me up the ass. Should I knock on the door? See if he is okay. Oh fucking hell fire, why do I let my mind run away with me? It's not the first time. A little idea hits my mind and I play it out and about until it drives me crackers and I speak it only to make myself look like an ass.

Standing slowly I made my way over to his door. I can hear him crying as I tap the door and wait. "Edward?" I called softly through the door. Still nothing. "I'm sorry. Look I was an ass. I should have asked you and I'm sorry for that. I shouldn't have gone in your room, that was wrong of me and I'm sorry. Can you come out so we can talk about it? You know, start over?" Again nothing. Fuck. W ould you really be surprised if he never spoke to you again? If you got back home tomorrow and he had left? Really Jasper, would you hang around if it was you in his shoes? Um no, I wouldn't. I would leave and get the hell away.

I walked back to the living room sulking. Yeah I'm sulking, so what? Every fucker does it. Picking up a bottle of beer I wondered just what I should do. Living with Emmett was a walk in the park, this however wasn't. It wasn't hell... yet. I had a feeling that unless I sorted it out, it would soon become hell.

I turned on my laptop and saw the countless e-mails from my ever so loving students, wondering why they got low grades. Is it that hard to figure out? I mean these people are attending one of best collage's in the state yet they fail to realise that copying from a textbook won't get you that A you so badly want. Fucking hell.

Deleting all messages I check out my planner. Next week we start the history of the civil war, one of my favourites. I should be looking forward to starting this, but I'm not. It fills me with dread that I will have someone like Mike Newton being the permanent pain in the ass that he was born to be. Asking me the same question all through the year. I did I mention I hate my job some days?

Hearing the door bell ring I'm full of dread. I walked over and opened it and am greeted by Emmett and his overgrown bear hugs. "Jazz."

"Emmett, where's Rosalie?" It's weird not seeing him with her. They normally stuck together all the time, joined at the hip, that sort of thing. It's sickening really. It has nothing to do with being jealous, does it? No, none at all.

"She's having her hair done, I'm picking her up in a bit. Where's the new roommate?" Emmett asks looking around. Should I tell him I was a complete ass or should I bypass that one? Looking at Emmett who is well over 6ft over eighteen stone of pure muscle and built like a brick shit house, the answer is clear. The answer is no.

"In his room sleeping, I think. Want a beer?" I wandered off towards the kitchen. Please follow me Emmett.

"So... is he gay or straight? Does he have a girlfriend or a boyfriend? Do you fancy him? Have you pulling that train in the morning over him?" Emmett fires the questions and I can't help but blush

"You so have, haven't you? You dirty dog." Emmett booms through the apartment.

"To answer your first question's, I don't know if he is gay or not and as far as I can tell he doesn't have a girlfriend or a boyfriend. But I don't think he is gay." I answered.

Emmett hops onto the side of the counter stuffing his face full of cookies. "What makes you think he's not gay?"

"You need to see him, he's.... well too perfect... like a Greek god. Men like that aren't gay." I passed him a beer and take a big gulp of it

"Dude I'm not being funny, but look at you. I remember hearing women going nuts over you, in college and in school. And all those hearts you broke when you told them you were gay. Looks my friend has fuck all to do with it." He did have a point, just because he's good looking doesn't mean he's not gay. "Dude, I want to meet him." Emmett started to look like a little kiddie on Christmas morning.

"Not now Em, maybe another time when he's more settled in." I told him.

"Fine, so are you missing me? I know you are. No more late night gaming. We should do that one night, relive old times." Emmett said.

"Yeah, you and Rose coming out on Friday?" Of course they would be. It was Friday night. Jasper, you can be so thick sometimes. You need to get your ass laid and soon.

"Yeah about that....Me and Rose are planning to have a night in together you know, but the week after hell fucking yes." Emmett answered.

"Sure." We watched a bit of TV and chatted for a while, all the time I kept listening for any sound coming from Edward's room. I heard nothing. You don't think he would of... no, stop it now. Jasper, that mind of yours is running away with yourself yet again.

"I got to get Rose. I'll catch you later man." Emmett was out the door and gone. I did miss having him around the apartment; he was after all that large both in his body and out of his body that you did tend to miss someone like that. Before too long I headed off to bed. I could no longer hear Edward crying and thought maybe he was asleep. It was pretty late. Hopefully I can catch him tomorrow before I go to work.

_**EPOV**_

_Dream_

_There is blood everywhere. I can hear the faint noises coming from the machines and people talking fast. People are running around holding bits and pieces of medical equipment._

_"1.......2........3.........4 Clear"_

_The paddles hit his chest, it raises and falls, the outcome is nothing. Again the chest compressions start while pumping oxygen into his lifeless body _

_"1..........2.............3..........4 Clear"_

_Again the paddles hit his chest, it raises and falls and the outcome is nothing. My mind races and they continue to work on his lifeless body_

_"Call it Dr......."_

My eyes snap open. My heart is pounding in my chest and I'm covered in sweat. I sat up breathing hard, fighting the tears that are threatening to spill down my face once again. I throw the cover back and get up, pulling on a shirt and walked out into the hallway. The apartment is in darkness. I had no idea what time it is, but I figure it's late. I had one thing on my mind, finding my pills. I had to get out of here. I couldn't stay here. This poor guy actually thinks I'm some sort of mental nut case with a drug problem. I chuckled. I guess you could say I am a mental nut case with a drug problem. I wish it wasn't like this, I wish I could go back and have my normal life again. One where I didn't act like I lacked people skills, where I actually had friends and a life, and could go out and enjoy myself. It's never going to be the same and I can't let go.

I walked into the kitchen, the clock on the oven tells me it's past two in the morning. I saw my pills on the side. Thanks, you didn't throw them out. I open the lids and take two out. I don't want the sleeping pill, not yet.

I opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle of beer. I froze when I felt someone behind me. I turn around, beer in my hand and see Jasper. "Are you okay? I heard you screaming." I closed my eyes. I had hoped that didn't happen, but of course it happened. It always fucking did.

"Yeah, sorry if I woke you." I dropped my eyes off him and his chest, my voice is harsh and rough from crying. I necked some of the beer. "Um...you want one?" I offer him thinking it was a little stupid, it's past two in the morning. Who wakes up at that time and drinks beer? Oh yeah, I do. His answer surprised me. I almost forgot just what I asked him.

"Sure." His voice sounded full of sleep. Fuck, you woke him up and now you're offering him beer. I passed him one and looked at him as he took a drink.

"I.....um...I should explain a few things." I'm looking at the floor. Other than Tanya and my parents, no one knows the full extent to what is going on. My work thinks I'm taking a fucking long break, and they're paying me for it.

"You don't have to... I should of asked you before... well you know." Jasper said.

I walked into the living room. If I'm going to do this I may as well get comfy while doing it. I sat my ass down and watched as Jasper sat down across from me. "Okay right... I'm not a nut case or druggie, but I have been under the care of a doctor for the last eighteen months. This is part of her program so to speak. I had a mental breakdown eighteen months ago and since then she has been working with me to get me back into normal life." I looked at him to see what his reaction is going to be. Other than shock I see nothing else, so I continue. "I did try to kill myself, hence the scar you saw. I'm very... um... I don't like anyone seeing it. It wasn't a cry for help. When I did it I was set on the seeing it through, but I didn't bank on Tanya calling me. Then when I didn't pick up she came round... anyway, I spent some time sort of in rehab." I stopped and took a drink of beer.

"Is Tanya your girlfriend?" I laughed. I'll have to tell her that one.

"No, Tanya is my Doctor. I'm not..." I stopped and took a deep breath. I don't mind admitting what I am, it just feels like I'm letting too much of myself out in one go. Fuck it. "I'm gay, Jasper." I saw his face turn into surprise at this. Did he really think I was straight?

"I... um.. .thought.... you were straight." I smirked. Fuck, did I just smirk? A smirk and a laugh in one night and neither was forced, this is different.

"You mind?" I picked up my smokes from the side. It's far too cold out there to smoke but I want one.

"Sure, I don't mind. May I?" I passed him one and lit up. I'm smoking far too much. I took a long drag. I can just about see him in the light, neither of us turned one on. The only light coming in was from the street lights outside. "Why did you try to kill yourself? You don't have to answer." I ran my hand through my hair, a habit I do when put on the spot. I was trying to figure out if telling him is really the best thing. The only person that knows other then my parents is Tanya. I wish I could ask her and find out what she would say.

"Let's just say I hit a dark road and leave it at that." I wasn't ready to tell this guy secrets. "So, now you know... actually..." I stopped myself. Is it because I can't really see his face? By his reactions, the shadows crossing his face that I'm now seriously sitting there thinking of telling him my past. I can feel the tears already running down my face and my chest is starting to hurt. "I … um... fuck." I can feel myself locking down again, as the memories come flooding back to me in full force. That door that's under lock and key is open and its flooding my mind. I'm breathing hard trying to calm myself down. My head is spinning and I start to think that this isn't a good idea. None of this is a good idea. Tanya you fucking bitch. I stood suddenly and looked at Jasper.

"Sorry... I'm... I... not... I'll leave... if you want me too." I walked towards my room and hear him stand up off the sofa.

"Um Edward...it's fine, honestly. You don't have to move out." Jasper said.

"Thanks." My voice is low as I'm trying to fight the tears coming once again. I dropped on my bed and let my mind go. It's been so long since I opened that door, since I really replayed those special moments in my mind. Those moments that I could never get back. I could never have again those moments that meant everything to me.

I removed the top from the sleeping pills and took two out. I need to sleep, really sleep. It would be nice if I could have a good night's sleep and not have to take the pills. My mind starts to shut off and I'm out.

_**JPOV**_

I woke up late and ran around the apartment like a blue ass fly. I showered, changed, grabbed hold of some toast and I'm out the door. It's only when I hit the lifts that I remember not seeing Edward this morning. Last night was weird. The whole set up, the talk, it's the first time he actually spoke to me. I felt like I was getting to know him then bang, he's out of the room.

Fuck, Jasper just who the hell do you have living with you? He could be anyone, he openly admitted to trying to kill himself and being in rehab, he's a fucking nut case. You'll go home one day and find him banging his head against the wall or licking the fucking window. Is that green-eyed boy really worth your life being in danger? Mentally arguing with myself I can't help but think this could send him over the edge. If he's in some sort of program, maybe I should know just what I'm dealing with. Even though I saw the pills, the scar, heard what he admitted, I couldn't find it in myself to just throw the guy out. Maybe this is the stupidest thing I've ever done, letting him stay. But I feel like I must try and help him out somehow. And fuck, he's hot as fuck and gay. The little Jasper inside my mind does his happy dance at that thought, as I pulled up outside school. I inwardly groaned, another day of teaching ass wipes things they really don't give a flying fuck about. I already feel like shit, screams, broken sleep and beer are not a good mix.

I arrived in the teacher's room, which I find for some reason is empty bar one woman who I have never seen before. I know my first class doesn't start until ten, so I have some time but it's never empty in here, never. The woman notices me come in and stands. She's slender, good looking and has long blonde hair. She offers her hand out. "Hi, you must be Jasper. I'm Tanya, Edward's Doctor." I shook her hand and looked around. This doesn't seem right. Aren't doctors normally in like.. I don't know, hospitals?

"Yeah, um sorry, but why are you here?" My mind starts to run through things, different things ranging from my apartment being covered in blood to her telling me that Edward has an imagery friend.

"I'm here to talk about Edward. Sorry I meant to come see you last week, but things snowballed on me. Shall we?" She pointed to the chairs, I feel like I'm about to go under the lamp. "After yesterday I thought it would be best if I came to see you right away. Now I don't know if Edward has told you anything about him, but I can't discuss his past with you. I am here however to reassure you that Edward isn't a danger to you or to anyone."

Okay, so you're telling me that the wacko you sent to live with me is normal. I can't help but smirk at this. Dr.. Tanya catches it. "You need to give him time, he'll open up slowly. Well I'm hoping he will. Look Jasper I can tell this is a shock to you but Edward has been through a lot. He needs to start living again in order to rebuild his life again. I'm hoping that any sudden outburst or weird behaviour won't cause you to freak out and ask him to leave."

"Well... I have given it thought to having him leave. After all, I don't want to live with a nut case." I know I sound like a right bastard, but I'm not. I just value my fucking life. I'm actually very caring and sensitive to others. Maybe that's why I haven't thrown him out, I'm too damn sensitive.

"Edward isn't a nut case, I can assure you Mr.?" Oh fuck I've pissed her off, so long Jasper and hello Mr. Whitlock.

"Whitlock. It's all fair and well you saying he's not a nut case but he told me he had a mental break down. In my book that equals nut case." I answered her.

"People have mental break downs for all different sorts of reasons. Most mental break downs are the body's way of protecting itself for whatever is going on around them. A great shock, pain overload, trauma, that sort of thing. I've spent a long time working on Edward to get him to move into an apartment with someone. I would like my work to stay intact without someone giving up at the first sign of trouble." Easy for you to say. Jasper take a breath and calm down, think, start thinking about this. You have zero idea what has gone on and you're jumping ahead of yourself, just like the pills. Tanya seems to think its okay, and after all she knows him. I should trust in what she says, shouldn't I?

"Can you tell me something about him? Anything that will make me understand better?" Is that a dumb question to ask?

"I'm sorry, but I can't tell you. Those things are not for me to speak of. I hope that he brings some light on this for you. If I could ask one little question?" She said.

"Sure." What harm can it do?

"You're gay, aren't you? Do you like Edward in that way?" What? That's two question's. Why should I answer them, what does it matter to you? I'm sure the look on my face gave her the answers she was looking for and she was busy writing them down. "You'll be good for him Jasper, he needs some TLC. I think you would be perfect to offer that, if and when the time comes." Fuck, is she playing match marker? What's your problem? You thinking of your tongue running... yeah I get it, I get it. I just nod, not sure what else to say. I watched her pick up her things and head towards the door. "You may want this. Any problems, just give me a call, okay?" With a flash of a smile she was gone, and I'm left holding her little card.

I spent the rest of the day in some sort of fuzzy state. I wasn't into my work or what I was teaching. My students thought it was great. They were getting the day off to talk amongst themselves and not have me to worry about. I kept thinking about what Tanya had said and what I had seen from Edward. He looked in so much pain last night, the hurt in his eyes. I really did want to wrap my arms around him and hold him close. Tell him everything was okay, but it wasn't. I wanted to ask him more but I didn't want to push him. What had Tanya said? Give him time? I guess it's all I could do. Trust in what this woman was telling me and hope that he wasn't about to run around town killing everyone.

Needing a drink I headed into the local bar. I spotted Bella sitting there, a copy of her favourite book in her hands. How many times has she read Wuthering Heights? I slumped down across from her with a sigh. She looked up from her book, and her big brown eyes filled with concern as she close the book. "What's wrong Jazz?" Her voice was so soft and caring, she could go off bang with all the love she carries around her, always sharing.

"Its... I... I don't know where to begin." That was the truth. How do you tell one of your best friends that the guy who moved in has had a mental break down and I saw his doctor today?

"From the beginning Jazz, that's where most tend to start." I smiled a little. It's forced and a huge part of me wants to tell her but then I thought about it. If it ever got back that I had been out with my friends telling tales, it would make me look like a bigger asshole then I already do.

"Nah, I'll work it out. A few beers and I'll be all good." I ordered a bottle of beer and sat and chatted with Bella for a while. It's not long until Jake turns up and they head out, with the offer of me joining them at the movies. In all fairness I didn't want to go, instead I continued my drinking and head home.

It's past 11 PM by the time I reach my apartment. It's in darkness. I flicked the light on and headed into the kitchen to get a glass of water. I noticed that again nothing looks like it's been touched. Does he ever leave his room? I guess it makes a change from when Emmett lived here and the mess he could make. You always could tell when Emmett was bored or off for the day, the apartment would look like a bomb site but this......this was way too clean, even for me.

I stood outside his bedroom door for a few minutes. I could swear I heard him sobbing. It's so low that I'm not sure if he is or if my mind is just playing up a little bit, making me hear things that aren't in fact really there. I considered knocking on the door, but think better of it. I don't want to freak him out and he may think I'm keeping tabs on him, which I'm not. I'm just... well... concerned I guess.

Moving myself past his bedroom door and towards mine, I can't help myself but stop and look at his door. The beer is playing with my mind as I think about that morning I saw him in the kitchen. No shirt on and those muscles, the gorgeous muscles that I'm dying to run my tongue over. My cock twitches at the thought.

I soon found myself in my room stripped off and stroking myself. I wrapped my fingers around my cock and start to think of his hand being there instead. His skin touching my cock, cupping my balls. His lips on mine, trailing kisses down my chest. His lips kissing the tip of my throbbing cock. His mouth, his hot mouth around it, sucking it and licking it. I'm soon panting and sweating as I pump faster and harder feeling my orgasm fast approaching. I bite back the groan that wants to escape my lips as I shot my hot cum on my stomach. I continued to pump at a slow pace riding out my waves, bringing me down gently. My breathing settled and I grabbed my boxers wiping off the cum before throwing them in the hamper. I crawled into bed and my dreams are filled with the green-eyed, bronze-haired man that just moved in.


	4. Chapter 4

_**A big thank you to my Beta ,Ealasaid77. who has been checking my chapters for me, your a star.**_

**_Here's chapter 4 _**

* * *

_**EPOV**_

_Dream_

_"Call it." I hear the words leave her mouth, but it doesn't go in. She could have been speaking French for all I knew._

_"No... Again." Oxygen is pumped through his non-moving chest. Blood is leaking out everywhere, the bed is covered in it. I'm covered in his blood._

_"Clear." A woman's voice fills the room as I watch his chest rise again. I look at the monitor, hoping for something, anything, but see nothing._

_"AGAIN." The words are screamed out in pain_

_"Clear." I watched as they zapped his chest for the last time. There won't be another again, this time. It's been too many already. Everything is pinned on this last one ditch attempt to save a life. His life. _

_"Call it." My world froze right there and then. I can't move, I can't speak. I fall into darkness._

My eyes snapped open. The pain in my chest is killing me. My breathing is all over the place, and I can't seem to get a grip on it. I sat up resting my forearms on my knees. My breathing slows to heavy, deep breaths and my eyes are stinging already.

I traced the scars on my wrists, as I remember that day. I remember a lot of days. Days that you should forget, but days that I can't. I don't want this life. The bastard upstairs hates me that fucking much that he can't even let me fucking die. It wasn't enough for him to destroy my life but now he won't let me end it. I'm stuck in my own personal fucking pit of hell.

I pulled out my phone. It consists of two fucking numbers, one being Tanya's and the other being my parents. Tanya's phone rings. I hate the waiting, the wait for her to pick up the phone. "_Ta....Tanya._" I sobbed down the phone to her.

_**"Edward? Sweetheart, what's happened?" **_Her voice filled me with nothing. It wasn't the outlet I was looking for, then again nothing is. Nothing is what I want or need.

_"I.......My fault....My fault." _Again I fail to make a simple sentence. It's not fucking hard, is it? You learn this shit when you're a baby, but yet I fail to do the most basic of things.

_**"Edward, we've been over this. None of this is your fault, none of it. Y ou are not to blame, you did all you could, nobody blames you Edward. I need you to start to believe this. What has brought this on?" She asked.**_

"M.. My........." I can't even get past the first word. How sad is this?

_**"Okay, deep breathes. Calm yourself down. Now, do you know what time it is?" She asked me.**_

_"Yes... um... 1.30PM" I answered._

_**"Good, and do you know what day it is today?" Tanya asked me.**_

_"No."_ I didn't. I could have guessed, it was at least one day either on or between Monday to Sunday. This may seem like a strange way to talk to someone, but this is Tanya's way of calming me down. Giving me something else to think about until I'm calm enough to tell her what happened.

_**"Its Friday, Edward. Now what month are we on?" She asked.**_

_"October." I replied._

_**"Good, do you know what today's date is?" She asked me.**_

_"The um...4__th,__ I think." I said._

_**"Very good, now Edward tell me what happened." She said.**_

_"My dream, the night it happened... I don't want to start the dreams again Tanya. I can't.. I can't handle them again." I told her._

_**"It's okay, Edward. Now your mind wants to open up. Now would be a good time to talk to someone other than me, talk to Jasper." She said.**_

_"What? No...why him?" I asked her._

_**"Because I think it will be good for you Edward. You don't have to open the door all the way, but run along the surface. This is all part of the process, getting back to normal. Edward, I want you to at least try. I spoke to Jasper a few days ago, he is a little more in the picture. Now come on Edward, you can do this. It was the same as leaving the house, the same as driving the car, you can and will do this." She said.**_

_"I don't want to." I told her._

_**"Why? You won't let anyone inside that head. You have a fear of it destroying you, but this will make you stronger. Talk to him over the weekend, even if it's just something like what you used to do for a living. Something that just creeps that door a little more. I will be on call all weekend if you need me, you know where to get me, okay?" She told me.**_

_"Okay."_ I'm defeated, there is no point in arguing with her. I learnt that one, she will still continue to push until you do.

_**"Good, call me and let me know or I will see you on Wednesday at the same time, okay?" She said.**_

_"Fine."_ I hung up. Putting my phone on the side I got out of bed. I'm all hot and sweaty from yet another nightmare. I need something to eat. I walked into the kitchen and looked through the cupboards deciding on a sandwich and a bottle of beer. I walked into the living room. I don't turn the TV on, I don't even put the radio on, and I sit there in silence and wait. I wait to talk, wait to tell some stranger my past because Tanya thinks it's a good idea. I don't want to do this. The thought scares me to the very pit of my core. Nobody knows everything, other than Tanya, even my own parents are in the dark on some things and yet here I am about to open up. Well at least try and open up.

It turned dark and I haven't moved from my spot, I haven't even turned a light on. I don't want the light, I'm happy being here in the dark, it feels fine to me. I pull my knees up under my chin, wrap a blanket over me and basically become a sitting ball. I heard the apartment door open and close, keys hitting the bowl next to the door and the light in the hallway comes on. It casts a little bit of light into the living room, but not much. He hasn't seen me yet. I'm sure he thinks I'm in bed where I normally am. I heard him walk into the kitchen opening and closing drawers and doors before his footsteps near the living room.

"I was nineteen when I met him." My voice is low as per normal these days and shaking slightly.

"Fuck Edward, is that you?" I heard the surprise in his voice as he walked into the living room turning on the little lamp. He stares at me and he can see my red eyes, all puffy and swollen from my last bout of crying.

"I had just started college when I met him... Tanya thinks this will be good for me." I watched him sit down across from me, a look of confusion, shock and concern rolls across his face.

"James was a year older than me. He was........In the local bar one night............god, I miss him." I can feel the tears already start to fall. Thick, salty tears rolling down my face. I took a deep breath telling myself I can do this, that I can get through this.

"Was it a bad break up? Was that what lead you to this?" I heard his words and I wanted to laugh. If only it was something like a bad break up, even something like that would not have caused this.

"No.......James.........He..Um died." The pain hits my chest again and that hole rips wide open. I can't control my emotions as the sobs rip through me once again.

"I'm... I'm so sorry Edward... I had no idea you lost someone. No wonder you're a mess." I could hit him right now, offering me pity, pity that I didn't deserve.

"Don't say you're sorry.... please just don't........ Ever wondered want I did for a living?" The tears are still falling, but I'm finding it better to talk. This is good. I can't get through this, if it stays like this.

"Yes, of course." Jasper said.

"I was... am a doctor, I worked in A&E. I was working that night....." My voice trails off and I moved forward to pick up my smoke's. I lit one up and offered Jasper one. He took it and lit up. I took a deep breath and looked at my fag. "As I said I meet him when I was nineteen in a bar. We got to talking and well we got together. I'm twenty-five now and eighteen months ago he died. We were together the whole time. James trained and worked as a lawyer. We bought a house together about six months before the........ I remember telling him I had to go in that night, I was on call and of course got called in. We had a fight over the phone as he had managed to lighten his work load, the idea being that we were going have the weekend together." I took a drag of my fag and wiped my face as the tears fell. I would give anything to go back to that phone call, to go back to those last few seconds. "My last words to him was fuck off. I walked around with that, knowing that those words were my last to the man I loved more than my own life. Work was slow, a lot of the doctors had come down with flu. It had been flying around the hospital, hence why they called me in. About nine that night we got a call in saying that there had been a massive smash on the highway, a bus had lost control and flipped over smashing into several cars and pinned them on to the tarmac."

I lifted my eyes and looked at Jasper, I could see the tears already forming in his eyes. "We got ready to receive what would be hell, and it was. When the first lot got brought in it was hell, people were crying, screaming in pain, we were busy doing all we could for them. We were still waiting for the victim from the pinned car to arrive, they had to cut him out. He was barely breathing when he was rushed in, most of his bones were broken, he had lost so much blood. I remembered getting called into the room where they were busy working on him. I froze the moment I saw his shoes. It was James, my James, he had been the one pinned under that bus."

"For a second I couldn't do anything before it kicked in. I worked so hard trying to save him, I fought against everything and everyone to save him. I wouldn't call it, even when I knew that he was gone, when I couldn't do anything else. There was nothing left, but I wouldn't give up. My whole life, my world lay on that table, when another doctor called it I lost everything. I don't remember what happened but I remember waking up at home. My mother tells me I passed out but woke up and went into some sort of auto mode. I can't recall any of it." I stopped and took a deep breath, lighting up another smoke. I looked at Jasper, he hadn't moved since he sat down and was now crying. I could see the tears rolling down his face. I don't really know how to feel, I hadn't planned on so much coming but at the same time I felt like I couldn't stop talking.

"Edward.....I'm.......that must have been awful." I heard his voice breaking and I can tell he's picturing it all in his own mind, what he would do if it was him.

"Do you want me to continue or have you heard enough?" I felt I should ask him. After all I was the one pouring out everything here and he is just listening. Maybe he doesn't want to hear the rest, after all who would? Other than Tanya, but that's her job.

"Please... if you don't mind." I heard him clear his throat and look at the floor.

I took in another deep breath as I thought about what to say next. "It was my fault he was on the highway. If I hadn't been called into work then he would have left work hours ago and been home and it would have been some other poor sod that was pinned. When he needed me the most I couldn't save him and it kills me inside, it eats away at me. I shut down. I took time off from work and started to see Tanya, that was my father's idea. I found it hard to talk to her, to tell just what had happened. The night replayed in my mind over and over again until I couldn't take it anymore. I was the one at fault, yet I got to keep my life. I didn't see the justice in it."

"The night I tried to end it all, I wrote a letter to my mother and father. I wrote one to Tanya and I wrote one to James, the one I wanted to burn with. I trashed the whole house in some fit of rage before downing a bottle of vodka and a bottle of pills. Not content on that doing the job I took a blade to my wrists. I was told I was lucky, if I hadn't been found when I was I wouldn't be alive right now. I don't think I'm lucky at all, my life ended that night. I blamed myself and still do for him not being alive today. I locked down. I stopped talking, I stopped going out, I stopped eating and drinking, driving, you name it I stopped it. I just sat there, I didn't even cry. I had a breakdown. I spent six months in rehab while I was pumped full of all different drugs just to get me to function." The tears were flowing freely now as I looked over at Jasper and saw his were too. I couldn't believe I had gotten all this out in one night. It had taken Tanya months to get me to talk this much and yet here I was sitting pouring my sad little story out, waiting for him to tell me that it was my fault. "Nobody ever sees that scar, nobody. I keep it covered, it's my own personal reminder that I failed. Failed to die, failed to save him, failed at my job."

"You didn't fail at anything. This... that night wasn't your fault." I almost laughed. Could he really not see that I was at fault? Was everyone around me looking at a different picture to the one I'm seeing? They must be. If they were looking at the one I saw they would see that this was my fault, all of it was my doing.

"Surely your friends....." I cut him off. There was no point in him saying the next line that would leave his mouth. I didn't have any, that simple.

"No, I don't have any friends. The ones I had stopped talking to me a long time ago soon, after James... they stopped. It seems fair. Why should I have friends? Why should I laugh and joke and live my life when his was taken away from him because of my doing? I didn't bother to make any new friends after it, and if I'm honest you're the first person I've spoken in a long time. This was Tanya's idea, me coming here. I find it hard to speak to people, too ....." I couldn't finish it off, there wasn't much point to it. He could clearly see that when it came to meeting people my people skills sucked.

"They couldn't have been real friends if they just gave up on you like that. After what happened who can blame you for going off the rails a little bit." I could see him trying to understand this but he had it all wrong. My friends, well ex-friends had been right to drop me off the face of the earth. They had all blamed me for his death, at least they could see it.

"Well now you know just why I am the way I am. I would like it if this stays between me and you. I don't want people knowing my business." I told him.

"I won't tell anyone, you can trust me on that. Edward I'm sorry I've been an ass. That day I went into your room after I saw the scar I shouldn't have and it was wrong of me." Jasper said.

"You had a right to know just what you were living with. I'm sorry that it's me that's living here." I lit up again. I really need to stop smoking, it's not good me. Yet when I'm stressed like now I want them.

"Why didn't you go back to work? I'm sure they must miss you at the hospital." Jasper said.

"I doubt it. I thought I was good at what I did, thought I was making a difference but I wasn't. I followed in my father's footsteps. He works as a heart surgeon, one of the best in the business. You could say this was born into me, but as it turns out I didn't take my father's skills at saving lives. If I had James would be here now." I watched him walk out the room. I closed my eyes. Maybe he has finally put the bits together and saw that I am the one to blame in all of this.

_**JPOV**_

FUCK!

It was all I could think of as I walked into the kitchen. I had to get out for a minute, my emotions couldn't take all that was being thrown at me. I wiped my eyes and opened the fridge door, I needed a drink. I couldn't believe that he had just opened up to me like that, me of all people. I had been such an ass to him. Well I had thought some pretty bad things about him, to a point where I was sure he was just going to go postal on me and wipe out the fucking town.

My heart was breaking for him. How can you watch and work on someone who is dying in front of your very eyes and you can't do shit for him? That you love him so much and you can't save them. No wonder he had tried to end it all, I would have done the same thing if it was me. The thing that pulled me apart the most was that he truly believed it was all his fault. That he had failed. That his last words to the man he loved was fuck off. It put everything I've bitched about in order.

I had been sitting bitching about the students sending me crap essay's, all this time Edward had been walking around carrying that on his shoulders. He had scared me half to death when I saw him sitting there, curled up like that, waiting to unload his troubles. I was glad he had told me all of this, but I wasn't really sure what to do. Part of me, a huge part of me was aching to touch him, to hug him and give him the love he so clearly needed. To be a friend when everyone had left him high and dry like that. How could his friends just walk away? It didn't make sense to me.

I was standing up against the counter top, deep in thought, my brow pushed together and my fingers pulling on my lips. I didn't even realise he was standing there looking at me until I heard him clear his throat. His eyes were so red, his cheeks were red from crying. His hair all pulled in all different direction's by his hands. The long white fingers ran through it again and again, he seemed to be thinking of what to say. "Fuck Edward, that's....um interesting."

"Interesting?" His voice sounded surprised that I had chosen that word to sum up his past.

"Yeah... shit you could write about that shit, it would make you millions." Oh crap! That metal filter was differently off.

"You think this is some sort of joke? I've just opened up and you're making some sort of fucking joke about my fucking life!" He screamed at me. I could see the anger roll off him

"Edward......."

"Fuck you." With that he walked out slamming the front door behind him. Can I buy something that says I'm a cunt? I don't know, maybe I'll get it tattooed on my forehead. I hadn't meant to sound like I was making a joke out of his life. I fumbled with what to say and randomly said it. For a smart man who is normally good with words I can certainly fuck up when it matters. I could blame it on the booze but I knew for a fact that I couldn't. I hadn't thought it through. You know how sometimes people laugh when it's not funny? Like when they're told something serious and they laugh because they're nervous? Well I don't laugh, I turn that filter off and come out with shit line. I can honestly say I didn't handle that well and I now felt like crap. I had cried along with him when he told his story. I had wanted to hug him and comfort him and when I got the chance I made some joke. Class A Ass-hole!

I sat back down and waited for him to come back. I thought that maybe once he had blown off some steam that we could talk again and I could say sorry for once again being a prick. I fell asleep at some point and was woken up by a full bladder. I opened my eyes and saw I was still in the living room. Had he come back? First thing first, I really needed a piss.

Coming out of the bathroom feeling a lot better after emptying myself I walked towards his bedroom door, it was slightly open and I knocked on it gently. "Edward?" I called through the crack in the door, no reply. I pushed the door open a little more. The sight before me shocked me. There was nothing there other than a bed and clothes. No pictures, no CD's, no books, no nothing. It was like he was just existing, not living.

I pulled the door and left it just as it had been and went for a shower. Normally my morning showers consist of the following washing and wanking. This morning it consisted of just washing. My morning wank was nowhere to be found, I didn't even want to. I juts keep thinking about him. Those green eyes filled with hurt pain and rage at my remark.

I pottered around the apartment, had lunch, watched some TV and by four in the afternoon I was getting worried. Okay, he was a fully grown man who didn't need to be babysat by anyone, but he hadn't been back to the apartment since he left last night. By half past four I was having a full blown panic attack. I was busy going through every single jacket trying to find this Tanya's numbers. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't for the life of me remember what jacket I had on or where I put the bloody thing. "Yes!" I couldn't help it when I found it in the bottom of one of my folders. I got my phone and punched the numbers in. "_Hello Tanya? Um you might not remember me, it's Jasper Whitlock."_

_**"Oh, hi Jasper. How are things, is everything alright?" She asked me.**_

_"Not really, anyway it's Edward." I answered her._

_**"What's happened? I'll talk you through it." She said.**_

Oh, nice one Jasper. She thinks he's having some sort of lock down. How can she talk me through this when he's gone A wall?_ "Edwards gone. He bolted last night and he's not been back." _

_**"Gone? Gone where?" She asked me.**_

_"I...um, I don't know."_ I could feel my heart rate pick up and my palms get sweaty. I was worried about what could have happened to him. If I hadn't been such an ass, this wouldn't have happened.

_**"I'm on my way. Stay right there and don't move."**_ She sounded so pissed as she hung up the phone.

I paced the floor, biting my thumb nail. Not too long ago I had wanted him and had hoped that somewhere along the line we could get together. I guess I had blown that chance, hadn't I? If there was anything, any little chance of us at some point, even as friends I had well and truly screwed it up. So much so I caused him to run and now I had no idea where he was or in what state of mind he was in. I snapped out of my thoughts by the front door being banged. I opened it and I'm met with a very pissed off looking Tanya. "From the top Jasper. Give me a run-down of what happened, all of it." She demanded at me. I sensed that she was worried.

"I... um... we talked..." She cut me off

"About what? What where you talking about?" She asked me.

"He told me about his past, about James." I looked at her as I saw disbelief flash across her face.

"He told you about James? I'm shocked. I didn't think he would open up that much to you. Wow that really is a breakthrough. Okay then what happened." She seemed to be running things through her mind as she spoke, weighing up everything.

"I well... I made a joke." I looked to the floor. I didn't need to look at her face to know that she was fuming

"You made a joke? You laughed? Jasper, do you have any idea what it took for him to tell you? God, I've been working on him for over the last year and it's only been very recent that he's started to open up. I can't believe you could be so stupid." She said.

"I didn't think... I... I wasn't... I didn't mean it." I was sorry for what happened, so sorry,

"It doesn't matter right now, we have to find him." She said.

"Do you know where he might be?" I asked her.

"I have an idea, but I'm not sure. There are a few place's so, keys. Now you're coming with me." She told me.

* * *

**_I cried when i wrote this chapter, and so did my Beta. Dont you just feel sorry for poor Edward?_**

**_Again thank you to all who have added my story on Alert and put into there Fvaourite's it means a lot to me._**

**_Any show me love and hit the review button :)_**


	5. Chapter 5

_**AN- Im thrilled over all the hits im getting thank you so much.**_

**_Here's chapter 5_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**JPOV**_

Running down the corridor my mind raced. I had been a fool, he had taken this huge step, climbed a fucking big ass mountain to tell me his past and I had taken the piss. What sort of a person was I? What sort of person makes a fucking joke when someone, who has had trouble opening up, spills there heart out? Me.

Consumed with guilt I really wanted someone, anyone to beat the living daylights out of me. I wouldn't have to look far for that person. Tanya had gone from the lovely doctor woman who had come to my office to a full blown bitch who had a look of death across her face. She so clearly cared for Edward and I could only assume that she was now battling her own emotions and feelings. After all, she had been the one to convince Edward to open up to me, just a little, and it had back-fired.

"Do you realise just what you have done Jasper?" She screamed at me as we made our way to her car.

I couldn't answer, I couldn't even shake my head. I just looked at the floor. What could I say? I didn't really know his mind state the way Tanya did.

"I honestly thought you could have been a friend to him, I thought you would have been a good person to have in his life. How could you be so stupid Jasper? For anyone who has trouble opening up it's a big thing when they do." She said.

"Tanya... I'm... " She cut me off before I could even start.

"Sorry?" She smirked and shook her head. "Jasper, I would put that sorry on hold until we find him. When we do you better hope you don't have a lot more to say sorry for." I had little trouble breaking down what she had just said and what she meant. Would he really do that? I couldn't bear the thought of that running through my mind. "You should have called me the moment he left last night... it's been over twelve hours Jasper. I don't need to paint a picture, do I?"

"No... You don't think he.......?" I trailed off. I couldn't say the word let alone think it.

"Think he would try it again? No Jasper, I don't think, I know he would. God Jasper it wasn't a one time thing." So he had tried more than once. Fuck. The car pulled down a road, the houses looked big and nice; sort of like one of those neighbourhoods where people mowed there lawn on a Sunday morning and waved and said hi to the dog walker's. Tanya stopped outside one house. I watched her look and take a deep breath before getting out.

"Where are we?" I asked her. She shot me a look as if to say I should know.

"A house Jasper, Edward's house." I followed her up the path and watched as she pulled out a set of keys from her pocket. Fumbling with them she slowly put a key in the lock and opened the door. I saw the dread in her eyes.

"Is... is this where..." I trailed again, a lump had formed in my throat and I wanted to cry.

"Yes, I found him here that night." She walked in and ran upstairs right away. I could hear her opening and closing doors calling his name. I couldn't help but look around the living room, Tanya or someone had put things back after his rage that night. I saw the photo's on the wall. One of him and his family, one of him when he finished med school. My eyes fell upon ones of him and who I can only assume was James. His blonde hair was tied back, he was tall, good looking and he was gazing into Edward's eyes. My heart broke just that little bit more. They looked so happy together. Tears ran down my face as I looked at the rest of them, the life they had built together.

"No time for crying Jasper, he's not here." Tanya said pulling me by the arm and out the door. I was becoming a bubbling mess of tears. My heart was in bits, my emotions were shot to hell and I couldn't hold myself together any longer. Breaking down in the car my sobs bounced through the car as I tried hard to get myself back together. I was so used to having confidant people around me that when someone who was different entered my life I turned into someone I wasn't. If this had happened to any one of my friends I would have been so different. Listening to them tell me troubles I would be different. No silly jokes, I would have comforted them the way they needed it. Last night I had stood there in the kitchen knowing all of this and gone the other way. I felt Tanya's hand touch my shoulder.

"Jasper." Her harsh tone was gone and in its place was someone caring. "I'm sorry I snapped at you before. I'm.....I've worked so hard on him, spent so many hours, days and nights working through the smallest things with him..... I know you didn't mean it, but you should have thought more Jasper."

"I know. I didn't know what to do or say when he told me. I just.....opened my mouth without thinking." I said.

"Come on, we'll find him." She was out of the car again and running through the gates of a graveyard. I felt really uneasy. Graveyards had never been my favourite place, they freaked me out slightly, but I took a deep breath and got out the car to run after Tanya.

I saw her standing there looking around the graves. She was clearly trying to think just where his grave was. By the time I caught up with her she had started to run again, weaving her way through the graves until she stopped at a shiny black one. I couldn't bring myself to look at the headstone. They always reminded me of my grandma's from when she died. I had stood there for hours just looking at hers.

"He's been here." Tanya seemed to stand and look at the headstone. It looked like she was talking to it, but I guessed she was just thinking of where else he could be. I figured we were running low on the old options now.

"Do you know where else he might be?" My voice cracked as I spoke. God it was getting later and darker now, he could be anywhere. Why do you have to be such a prick at times, Jasper?

"A long shot, but I have nothing else to go on. I'm trying to remember what he said about this place. He didn't talk about it much, but I know it means a lot to him. Now where did he say it was...." She trailed off, her mind busy going over all the hours she had sat talking to Edward.

"Um... Tanya can we leave the graveyard now?" I will admit that yes I was getting scared. Graveyards in the dark, not my idea of fun.

"Sure." She walked towards the entrance and I wanted to run to it, but thought better of it.

We sat in the car for a few minutes while Tanya got a map out. I wanted to ask what she was looking for, but figured she knew what she was doing. If she needed my help she would ask for it. Of course me being me I couldn't help myself. "Tanya?" My voice was a little higher than normal. While trying to rid my voice of tears I had turned it into some high school boy whose balls hadn't dropped yet.

"Mm?" Her head was still studying the map on her lap.

"We will find him, won't we?" She closed her eyes and took a deep breath before opening them and looking at me. Her eyes were full of emotion, I'm sure she wanted to cry, but was holding it back. She was doing a better job than me and she's a girl!

"I honestly don't know Jasper. He's been gone for a long time and I don't know if I'm even looking in the right place." She turned the key and the car kicked into life. It wasn't as if we could call anyone to find out if they had seen him, from what he told me he didn't have any friends left. I thought about what he said and wondered if he had pushed them away instead of them dumping him. It didn't make sense to me, just because he blamed himself doesn't mean that everyone else will. I couldn't see my friends doing that to me, but......

My thoughts were broken by my ring tone kicking into life. It honestly made me jump. Pulling out my phone the caller ID said it was Emmett. _"Em, what's up?" _Now was not the time for him to be calling me.

_**"It's Saturday night and you're not home. You're not with the gang, so have you hooked up?"**_ I honestly didn't know what to tell him. Could I really say what I was actually doing?

_"I'm out with Tanya."_ Great one Jasper. Now he's going to ask who Tanya is and then how do I know her and it will snowball from there.

_**"Have you gone straight or something? Who's Tanya?" He asked me.**_

_"No, she's just a friend. Are you at my apartment?" I asked him._

_**"Yeah, where else would I be if I knew you weren't home?" He asked me.**_

_"Is Edward there?" _Please say yes, please say yes.

_**"Nope, not that I can see. Why?" He said.**_

_"It doesn't matter Em. I'll speak to you later."_ I hung up and groaned. I had really wanted him to tell me that Edward was there. It would put an end to my worrying and to this looking, which was proving to be really hard.

_**EPOV**_

I looked out over the water, I had been here most of the day. This was one of our favourite places to come to and it was the first time I had been here since that night.

With tears running down my face I sat there. How much can one person cry? Surely I had used up all my life's supply in the last eighteen months, but yet they kept coming. Somewhere over the course of the night my reason for crying changed, at some point I went from crying over James to crying over Jasper. I had sat there and poured it all out. I know I'm to blame for what happened, but to make a joke, to laugh about my life? How cruel do you have to be? Tanya had told me to do this. Okay she didn't push me into letting it all out, but once I started I couldn't stop. It had taken so much and yet I just got laughed at. This whole idea had been stupid, Tanya's great brain wave, fucking bitch.

I couldn't see clearly now. I don't know if that was because of my tears or the bottles of vodka I was currently downing. I didn't fucking care. How much can one person take? If god has this big plan for every single person on this planet then why was my plan full of heartache? I didn't think I was a bad person. I did well at school, never got into much trouble, went off to college, trained as a doctor. I loved my parents. But somewhere along the line I must have done something to have had this world turn on me the way it did. There are people out there, bad people who lie, cheat, steal and kill who haven't been dealt this life that I'm living. Where's the justice? I'm not saying my life was perfect because it wasn't, but I was happy with what I had. Why did it have to be taken away from me? Why did I have to be punished this way?

Tracing the scar over my wrist; it doesn't seem that long ago since I took the blade to my wrists. Then again it doesn't seem that along that I was happy. A fresh wave of tears hits me, my chest tightens and I once again pray that I'm going to have a heart attack. Of course I'm never that lucky, the bastard upstairs hates me enough to let me continue to suffer in my personal hell. Fuck, if this is my hell then the real hell must be a walk in the fucking park.

Downing the rest of the bottle of vodka I threw it to the side of me. It burns my throat going down, but I'm past caring about that. My mind floods with different memories of my past, happy one's, one's that I hold so dear to me. Soon it changes and I'm flooded by memories of that fateful night, the pain rips through me once more as I opened another bottle of vodka. Opening another bottle I poured the contents in my hand. I looked at the little tiny white pills. I'll pass out soon enough, fall into unconsciousness, organs will start to shut down and my heart will stop. The pain will end and this time I won't fail.

Throwing the pills into my mouth I downed them with the vodka. I continued this until the bottle of pills were empty and I've got half a bottle of vodka left. I can't help but smile. For the first time in a long time I feel as though it's all coming to an end. No more sitting and talking, no more listening while my life gets picked apart. No more stupid programs and no more sick fucking jokes. My head started to spin and I couldn't focus on what was in front of me. The sun had started to set and the wind had picked up. It's cold. I know it's cold, but I don't feel it. Laying on my side I fought the feeling of wanting to be sick. I closed my eyes and darkness follows.

_**JPOV**_

"Where are we heading?" We've been driving for an hour now and she hasn't told me where we are going. I'm starting to wonder if she has any idea or not, maybe she's just driving around randomly.

"The cliffs. A certain cliff that Edward once told me about. I'm hoping he's there, but I'm not too sure if I'm heading to the right one or not." Her face looked strained as she stares ahead. The sky is now pitch black and the rain started to fall. It's fucking freezing out there, surely he's not stupid enough to be out in this?

I've been beating myself up over this, now this was my fault. My stupid mouth has brought all of this on. Why in the world couldn't I have just given him a hug or something? I thought about what I would say if and when I see him. Would sorry really cut it? Probably not. How do you tell someone you're so sorry for being an ass and that you care and want to help them after causing all this mess? If someone has the god damn answer then please let me know, because I don't. "Tanya?"

"Yes Jasper." I looked at her then back to my hands. So many different feelings are running through me that I don't know what I'm feeling. I wanted a hug, one of those big hugs you get when you feel like crap and you get them and you feel so much better and safe. I wanted one of those.

"Will Edward forgive me for saying what I did? I mean, I do care and I was heartbroken listening to him last night tell me all about his past. I really did feel for him and I know I've blown it but I would like to try and help him, that is if he will let me." I can't stop the tear that runs down the side of my face, I wiped it away quickly.

"I don't know, Jasper. He has issues with trust and what little he had has been shattered by your remark. All you can do is try Jasper, if he will listen to you that is. But please if you get that chance don't say anything stupid again, please just try and think about what your words may do to him." I sat there thinking about that. If I did get the chance to speak to Edward again I wouldn't be the dumb fool I had acted. I would do everything to make him feel better and show him that this wasn't his fault, none of it was. I wanted to try and be there, to try and give him a friend he needed but first we had to find him.

"Jasper there are some flash lights in the boot of my car, get them please." Running round the back I opened the boot. It was so dark now I couldn't see a thing. Getting wet by the rain my dirty blonde curly hair stuck to my face. I passed Tanya one of the flash lights.

"Is this the one?" I asked her. She just shrugged, she wasn't sure if we had come to the right one or not, but we were going to have a look. We started to walk through the path that led to the cliffs, the climb was a little steep as we reached the top. The wind was so strong up here that the rain bashed against my face and the cold cut through me. I really hoped he was here. The closer we got to the top the faster we started to walk until we were almost running. I reached the top just before Tanya. My heart was pounding hard in my chest, I could hear it beating in my ears. My eyes shut for a just a second before I made that last final step.

I looked round and couldn't see him. Tanya was running along the edge of the cliff frantically looking for him or any sign that he may have been here. We looked for a while running along the edge, I peaked over the edge and saw the waves crashing hard into the cliff. Fear ran through me as my mind started to wonder if he jumped off or if he slipped. Stop now Jasper, don't think about it.

"Fuck, he's not here." I heard Tanya's high pitched voice. I hadn't heard her swear before. She was now past keeping it together and was worrying.

"Maybe he's at another one." I had the feeling that he was. I don't know how but something deep inside me was telling me that he was there, waiting. I couldn't shake the feeling off, I just knew he would be there at one of them at least.

"Let's head back to the car Jasper." Tanya said.

"Should we call someone?" I didn't know if that would help or not. How long did a person have to be missing before they would do anything? Did it make a difference if they walked out or not?

"Not yet. If they find him before we do it could freak him out. We'll try the next one first." We made our way in the dark towards her car. Normally I'm good at staying upright unlike Bella who can trip over thin air, but I couldn't stay upright while running back down. I didn't know if the mixture of not being able to see, being frozen and in a state of panic that was what caused me to fall so much. I was scared shit-less. Worried beyond belief, my mind was filling with all sorts of things. I was hitting the same thought of never seeing those green forest eyes staring back at me or that messy bronze hair that screamed fuck me.

I reached the car, wet and cold. Tanya didn't waste time in moving the car and it was flying down the track way too fast. Looking at the clock it seemed to be later then it was. Could it really only be 8 PM? It seemed like a lot longer since I made that call to Tanya. Why didn't I call her sooner? Mentally I kicked myself. If something happened it would be my fault for not doing something sooner. Hadn't Tanya told me that if I had any problems to call her right away? Wouldn't you think that what happened last night would class as a big problem? Therefore I should have called her right away or first thing this morning at the very latest?

"Have you got your phone?" Tanya asked me snapping me out of my thoughts.

"Um yeah, why?" I asked her.

"Good. It's got battery life, hasn't it?" She asked.

"Yeah, why?" I asked. She pointed out in front of her. All I could see was something that looked like a bit of silver just blending into the woods.

"There's his car." God, she could make out it was a car? It was only now that she pointed it out and we were getting closer that I realised it was a car. It was Edward's car. I had only seen it once, maybe twice. I wouldn't have been able to spot it from so far away.

Tanya slammed the breaks on just a few feet away from Edward's car. The path was more overgrown than the last one as we raced towards the top. "Edward." I could hear her calling his name over and over again. I had an uneasy feeling as we neared the top. Fighting to push the horrid feeling out of me, I didn't want to dwell on it. I didn't want to think about what could possibly be waiting when we reached the top of this mountain.

My lungs were hurting, I had tears running down my face as I pushed myself faster through the overgrown path and up the side of the cliff. I sucked in large breathes trying to stop the burning that filling my lungs. I hit the top, well what I thought was the top. It was flat but stretched on for a good few feet, I could just make out the line of the cliff.

"There he is." I could just make out a figure lying on his side, he wasn't moving. We ran closer towards him. Soon I could make out his bronze hair blowing in the wind. This didn't look good.

"Oh fuck." Tanya screamed as she bolted past me and towards Edward. I quickly saw the empty bottle of Vodka near him. As Tanya got to him she knelt down, I got to him a few seconds later. Another half drunk bottle of vodka was there and an empty bottle of pills. FUCK. I sure as hell didn't know what to do. I watched on as Tanya checked his breathing and his pulse.

"Edward? Edward, can you hear me?" I heard her say to him. Standing there I was frozen to the spot. Watching Tanya she continued to talk to Edward and kept his airway clear. I always thought that in some type of emergency I would know what to do and be able to keep my cool. But when it came down to it I didn't have a clue what to do.

"Jasper?" I just stared at her, looking into her frantic, panic-struck eyes

"JASPER!" Her voice screamed at me and it seemed to snap me out of it. Bending down I touched Edward's pale hand, it was freezing. I could feel his pulse was slow, his breathing was shallow and further and further apart by the minute.

"Call an ambulance." Pulling my phone out I called for an ambulance. Thankfully they could pick up my location through GPS as I had fuck all idea just where we were.

"They're on their way. Can't you do something?" Feeling myself shaking I wasn't sure if it was the cold or the panic that was making me shake.

"I'm going to try and make him be sick. Keep him on his side, okay?" Holding his hand I kept him on his side as I watched Tanya place her fingers down his throat. He wrenched a few times, nothing came up.

Crying now I was holding his hand, praying that he would open his eyes, that he would wake up. I felt...... I don't know. I couldn't think of the words or any word that would describe how I was feeling. If this was anything like how... of course how he was feeling that night would have been a thousand, no, a million times worse than this. I felt so helpless as I saw the blue lights flashing in the distance. Help was here and I hoped... no, prayed that we weren't too late.

* * *

**_Ha ha sorry im going to leave it hanging._**

**_Hit the review button, give me some love and i'll see you all tomorrow._**

**_ODC.;)_**


	6. Chapter 6

_**AN- Again im shocked by the response my story is getting, it means so much to me, im getting some wonderful reviews, you guys rock!**_

**_Another big thank you to my beta for checking out my chapter's first :)_**

**_Sorry to have left you all hanging with my last chapter but where would the fun be if i hadn't left it like that huh?_**

**_Anyway here's Chapter 6_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**JPOV**_

I hadn't moved from this spot. Through the night I never moved, I'd stayed put all this time. Just watching and waiting, waiting and watching. I saw something truly amazing last night through all the chaos that was going on around me. I saw Angel's. I know it sounds corny, I'm fully aware of just what a girl I sounded like by saying that, but it's true. It's the best word I can use to describe these people, these doctors who fought and won to save his life.

Edward.

The breathing tubes were removed once they got his breathing back to normal and I've been sitting here watching him sleep for the last few hours. I could hear the beeping sound every couple of seconds telling me that his heart was beating. His chest rose and fell with each breath he took and now I just waited for his eyes to open.

The doctors have told me that he will make a full recovery and won't suffer any long term effects from the pills he took. I still can't help but feel badly, knowing that I pushed him over that edge and caused him to try and end his life. I slammed things into order and I'm determined to right my wrongs. I was determined to be there for him and help him get through this. He thinks he didn't deserve to have a life, to be able to laugh and have fun. I was going to prove to him that he did, he deserved it more than anyone I knew.

You could say I have done a lot of soul-searching while I've been waiting. The truth is, I have. Sitting next to his bed I gently stroked his hand. Every now and then he made a small whimper and every time I heard it, it pulled at my heart. Funny thing is though every time he whimpered and I stroked his hand he stopped, like he's taking comfort from such a small gesture. I could still feel that same warm, fuzzy feeling I felt the first time I shook his hand.

"Jasper?" I turned to see Tanya's head poking through the door, she hadn't left either. I guessed we were both staying put until he opened his eyes, which the doctors have said could be any time. His body was recovering while he was asleep.

"Yeah." I talked low to her in hardly a whisper. I was tired and wanted to sleep but I was not ready to close my eyes, not until he opened his.

"Go home Jasper, you've been here all night and you have work tomorrow." True, I did have work tomorrow and it was already 2 PM. I still had papers to mark, but that wasn't important. They could wait and if need be Peter can cover me. Lord knows I've covered his ass on a Monday before now.

"I'm fine Tanya, I'm not leaving." I heard the door close and her feet gently crept across the floor towards me. She sat on the edge of his bed and ran her fingers through his hair.

"You don't have to stay because you feel you should Jasper. Its' okay for you to go home, you don't have to feel guilty." Tanya said.

"I don't. I'm staying because I want to, because I've made a promise to help him out and not be the ass I was that night again." Okay I did feel guilty as hell. Who wouldn't? After all, my stupid actions had led us to this point in time.

"You need to sleep. He's fine, I'll call you when he wakes up." Her voice pleaded with me to go. I knew what she thought, I'm just going to make it worse when he woke up. That I'll say something stupid and push him further into his own hell.

"Tanya, I want to be here. I'm not going to do anything or say anything stupid, promise." I told her.

"Jasper, I don't want you to cause him any more trouble. I know you're sorry about that night, but I really can't afford to have another episode with him." I could see what she was saying, she was looking out for him. But I wasn't about to fuck up again, make that mistake. I didn't want to cause him anymore trouble or pain.

"I know I've done nothing for you to trust me, but I promise I won't hurt him. I won't cause him any more pain, I swear. Just give me a chance." I told her.

Watching her look at him she sighed as she looked at me and shook her head. "I've already made one mistake by thinking you could be good for him. I don't want to make another."

"You won't be. Look, if he wakes up and wants me gone, I'll go and I won't come back. But I know I can be good for him. I can be that friend you want me to be, just give me the chance, please." I heard him whimper ever so slightly and I went back to stroking his hand as he stopped whimpering I smiled. I felt so proud of my little part. That's so sad, Jasper.

"Don't make me regret this Jasper." She kissed his forehead and got off his bed. Looking at me for a second she shook her head.

"I'm trusting you Jasper." With that, she was gone.

Continuing to stroke his hand I listened to the heart monitor beep. The sounds started to make my eyes drop. I fought the feeling of sleep, but chose to lie my head down on the bed. I relaxed my eyes for just a second and I was gone.

_**EPOV**_

You ever wondered what death is like? The feeling of death, or the act itself? Ever pictured what you think heaven or hell would be like? I have. I pictured heaven to be a happy place full of white fluffy clouds where you can relax in them and be comfortable. I pictured hell to be hot and full of pain where you will spend the rest of eternity surrounded by flames burning.

I didn't feel peaceful, nor happy or sad. In fact, I felt fuck all. I didn't feel the relief I thought I would. I didn't see the white fluffy clouds or the hot burning flames, I saw fuck all. I didn't even see the fucking white light that every fucker says they see. I'm disappointed in that. I didn't think I would go to heaven, I didn't deserve to go there. Hell would be the place I would end up I'd thought, but nope. I got nothing, not even the devil himself wants me there.

The more I thought about things the more I sensed things. Someone was stroking my hand ever so softly, almost not touching it. I was sure I could hear another sound, though I wasn't too sure just what that sound was. Something soft was underneath me. Again, I'm not really sure what it was. Then I heard it.

"Jasper." It's so faint I wasn't too sure if it's my mind hearing things or if I really did hear it. I knew that voice, that was Tanya's voice, and she's talking to Jasper. What the fuck are they doing here?

If I could hear them that means.... Oh come on, you're really taking the piss with me now. How did they find me? Why can't she just give up already and stop trying to save me? I followed her program and it got me nowhere.

Groaning I opened my eyes slightly. I'm hit with bright lights and snapped them shut again. This isn't fair, I've played the game long enough and I'd had enough. Let me go, let me fucking go.

Feeling something, it was someone gripping my hand. It felt warm and tingly, like little bolts of electricity were shooting up my arm. Opening my eyes again I looked to see who was gripping my hand. I saw a mass of dirty blonde curly hair, it's Jasper.

Pulling my hand away sharply I pulled myself up. I was scared right now, I didn't like people in my personal space and he was in it. After the joke he made he had the cheek to be here. My movements caused him to wake up, his piercing blue eyes locked on to mine for a second before I closed my eyes and groaned.

"Edward?" His voice was full of sleep

"Edward, do you want some water?" I nodded my head, my throat and mouth were dry. I didn't think I could speak even if I wanted to. Keeping my eyes closed I felt a little nudge on my hand. My eyes snapped open and saw Jasper holding a glass of water. His eyes were full of sorrow, he looked sad and pained. Taking the glass from him I downed the water in one. God that felt good, I passed it back to him and he filled it up again. This time I didn't down it, I took a few gulps and put it on the side and looked at him.

Tensed and scared, he is the last person I wanted to see. He went to open his mouth to say something but stops. I saw him look to the floor and back up again, his eyes looked a little bloodshot and red, he's clearly been crying. "I'm... I'm so sorry Edward. I didn't mean what I said, I just didn't think, it was all just too much... I'm so sorry." Hearing the sadness in his voice it did seem he was sorry, but still I didn't answer him.

"Edward I want us to start again. I want to be there for you, to help you through this. Please, can I try?" Not wanting to hear any more, I didn't want him to feel he has to try just because he was the last person I spoke to before another failed attempt.

"Y... You don't... have to." My voice comes out shaky. Every muscle in my whole body got that little bit more tight. This was someone I poured my heart out to, and this was someone who laughed at it.

"I want to, Edward." Closing my eyes again I hoped that he would get the message and go away, but he didn't. I felt the bed dip and his hand grabbed mine. That tingly feeling returned in my hand and I snapped it away. I've pushed myself as far as I ccould up the bed to get away from him.

"Jus... Just go." My breathing was shaky along with my voice. Keeping my eyes tightly shut I just wanted him to go, I wanted to be left alone.

"Jasper go and get a coffee. I'll come see you in a bit." I heard Tanya's voice. When did she get here? I didn't hear the door go. Feeling the bed go back up he sighed deeply. Hearing his footsteps across the room he was gone. I felt Tanya's hand on mine and it didn't feel the same. I wanted the warm, tingly feeling again. A feeling I didn't deserve.

"It's okay, Edward. Calm down and relax, you're safe. It's okay." Opening my eyes slowly I crept down the bed again. Looking at Tanya I didn't think I'd ever seen her look like such a mess, she looked like she hadn't slept.

"What... what are you doing... here?" Well my people skills still sucked.

"I'm here because of you Edward. I've been here all night. Edward, what the hell were you thinking? You should have called me, not run off on top of a cliff to down vodka and pills." Right then and there I felt like I was ten again, being told off for something. How does that tone always make you feel worse? You know the sharp tone, not shouting, but each word is angered.

"You could have... left me." I wouldn't have minded, it was my plan after all.

"Edward, I could hit you. I spent hours looking for you with Jasper. I've told you before I'm not going to let you die Edward, no matter how much you think you deserve it, and you don't. You don't deserve that Edward." She was losing her grip on her emotions, I could swear she was about to cry.

"Ta … Tanya, I'm sorry, but I can't do this any more.... You told me.... I did...... and he made a joke." Feeling the tears coming a lump was forming in my throat and I swallowed hard to shift it.

"He didn't mean it, he is sorry. Edward, he cares about you. You took him by surprise. I don't think he really knew what to say. I'm not excusing his comments because I do believe that he was wrong to say that, but you opened up to him for a reason Edward. I think you want to have a friend in your life." No, I don't. I opened up because you told me to and that didn't go well. In fact, it was a nightmare. Did I tell her this? No, I simply closed my eyes and locked down.

"Please Edward, I'm not talking to you as your doctor. I'm talking to you as someone who cares about you. He made a mistake and he's sorry, just think about it okay?" Nodding my head I waited until she was gone. I didn't open my eyes again. Continuing to think about what had happened maybe Tanya had a point, but me trusting someone was a big deal. He may not have meant to laugh and joke at my life, but what little trust I had had been shattered. I'm damaged beyond repair.

_**JPOV**_

As agreed I went home, like promised..... Well I got as far as the car park before I turned back and hid for a while. Yeah, I know. I'm hiding in a hospital until Tanya leaves so I can see Edward again. I don't have the right to be here, the right to even offer my help. He ended up on that cliff because of me. I wished....I could wish to my heart's content, but I won't be able to change what I said.

My hiding plan was going well until Tanya spotted me. How the hell had she seen me in here? I was hiding out in one of the wards, some old guy was busy telling me about his eight grandchildren. I thought I was pretty safe. Stay here, hide out, be nice to the old man who kept eating toffees with his false teeth and go see Edward. Did this woman have some sixth sense or something?

"Jasper, I don't believe you know this man?" Her voice travelled down the ward. I groaned, said my goodbyes and got up to go towards her.

"How is he?" I asked her.

"Go home Jasper. He's not going to talk just yet, he needs to mull things over." She told me.

"Tanya, please." Why am I pleading with her to see him, as far as I knew she wasn't his keeper?

"I know you want to help him, but come back tomorrow. He'll be in for a few days and this way you're showing him that you mean it. Trust me, you will make more progress this way than yours. Now go home." I sighed, defeated. There wasn't much point in arguing as she knew him better than me.

"Fine." I turned and left the hospital.

Getting a cab I went home, had a shower and got something to eat. Come 9 PM I was dead on my feet. I hadn't really thought much about the hospital or Edward. I knew if I did I would just end up heading back there, besides my head was killing me from all the thinking that was going on. Deciding to go to bed fate had other ideas, as I passed Edward's bedroom door I couldn't help but go in. My heart broke all over again at the thought of him in hospital. Seeing his bloodshot eyes, how scared he looked, I was adding to the cracks in his life. No, I wasn't adding, I had just sent him overboard again. It must have taken so much for him to tell me his troubles but I had practically laughed at him. The tears came as I curled up on his bed. I was scum. My family, my friends would be ashamed of me if they knew. I was ashamed of myself, always thinking I was this kind, caring person who was friendly. But when I got faced with someone like Edward, someone who was struggling with the life he had had I wasn't the Jasper I should have been.

Waking up early the next morning I was on his bed, I hadn't meant to spend the night in here, but at some point my tears stopped and I fell asleep. In a way I found some comfort in being in here. Slowly I started to get my things together for work. The marked papers weren't done so I took them with me with the idea of doing them at some point during the day. The apartment seemed empty, almost like something was missing. How can one person who spent most of their time in bed cause my apartment to feel so empty? I was at a loss for that answer. I had to get out of there before it drove me insane.

Making my way to school I was aware of the looks I was getting. Bright, happy, smiling Jasper had been replaced with grumpy, tired looking Jasper. I knew I had bags under my eyes and they were still slightly puffy from the tears I cried last night. I was turning into a girl with these tears. I could give any woman a run for their money in the tears department.

Grabbing a coffee I sat back and closed my eyes in the teacher's office. I didn't have the energy to do my classes today, I couldn't find the passion in me to teach some of my favourite things. All I wanted to do besides curl into a ball and sleep was to see Edward. I had called the hospital this morning to find out how he was, they weren't very helpful. Something about not being family or some shit so they couldn't answer my questions. Honestly you would have thought I wanted his full medical history the way she was carrying on. Would it really have broken all the rules to tell me if he was okay? That he slept through the night alright? According to that woman the answer was yes.

"Jazz man, you okay? You look like shit, heavy weekend?" Snapping my eyes open I saw Peter holding a load of pictures that his art students had done.

"You could say that." It had been a heavy weekend just not the way he was thought it was.

"What's bothering you? You know you can tell me, right?" Peter was looking at me, clearly trying to figure this out from just my face.

"Yeah, I know. It's just I can't really explain it. I haven't been very smart and I'm now suffering because of it." I took another sip of coffee and watched as Peter turned the information around in his head.

"What did you do?" He asked me.

"I....I don't think I'm such a good person after all." It was an honest answer; the events of this weekend had led me to think about what type of person I truly was.

"Oh, you know you're not a bad person, you tend to say some stupid things but on the whole you're a good person. I know you don't want to tell me right now what happened so I won't push you, but when you want to talk you know where I am."I smiled, Peter was always there when you wanted to talk. He never pushed for you to give him the answers, half the time he could figure the shit out without you saying too much.

The day dragged on and on, it was like the worst hangover, the first day back after a holiday, and being tired day all rolled into one. It was hell. The bell rang and I was the first out of there. Running through the school I looked like a high school boy on his leaving day, I couldn't get out of there fast enough.

Of course my drive to the hospital was anything but how I wanted it. Hitting every red light there was I sat in traffic for the best part of an hour before I finally made it there. I sat in my truck for ages. All day I had wanted to come here and see him, but when I finally got the chance I was stuck on the spot. I knew I shouldn't be here. After all I didn't really know Edward, but I can't help it. I felt a pull towards him, like a need to be there, even if he just throws abuse at me. He has every right to. For me I've had an easy life, a few boyfriends, nothing too serious, a good job, great friends. Yeah you get the picture. I've never had to deal with anything hardcore though. The closest I came to serious heartache was catching my boyfriend kissing another man back when I was eighteen. I've never had to support any friends through hard times. Yes I've been there when they have broken up with their first love's and such, but I mean really hard times, like what Edward has lived and is living. Generally I did care for people, and I did care for Edward. Seeing him on that cliff..... I shuddered and took a deep breath.

Fuck, that will keep me awake at night now. I knew that getting Edward to trust me was going to take some time, but I was hoping he would. I hoped he wouldn't move out. I was really thinking of sorting his room out for him, making it feel more like home for him. I did wonder if he had a house then why did he answer the add to live with me? Maybe the answer was right in front of me, but right now I can't see it.

Dragging myself out of the truck I started to head towards his room. I wasn't too sure what to say to him. I didn't want to make any mistakes, but at the same time I didn't want him to feel like I was choosing my words carefully. Looking through the window of the door I saw him lying there on his side looking out of the window. He looked so broken my heart broke all over again. Fighting the tears that once again wanted to spill I willed myself not to cry. Yes, Ladies and Gentleman, Jasper Whitlock is now a girl. Pushing the door open and walking across the room I noticed he didn't move. Thoughts ran through me that maybe he was asleep but I saw his eyelids blink a few times. Slowly I made my way to his side and sat down on the chair in front of him. He didn't even look at me, it's like he hadn't seen me. Taking a deep breath I began to speak. "I know you don't want me here and that I'm the last person you want to see right now, but I'm not going anywhere. I can see your pain Edward, and I want to help you." I talked quietly to him and hoped my emotions were coming through right, I heard him sigh.

"If you see my pain so clearly then why did you make some fucking joke about my life?" For a minute I was taken aback. I hadn't really thought he would hit me with something like that right away.

"Because I'm an idiot, because I didn't know what to do or say. I just opened my mouth and let the first thing that popped into my head come out." That was honest and I hoped he could see that.

"Want to tell me something personal about your life so I can make a joke? That way it will be even." Racking my brain I tried to think of something, anything that I would hate if someone took the piss with. Coming up blank after a few minutes of not saying anything he picks up on it.

"I didn't think you would. The idea of someone laughing at something so personal hurts, doesn't it?" I nodded my head at him. "Imagine how it feels to actually have someone laugh at it. I don't know why you're here, please just go. I don't need nor do I want your pity." He closed his eyes and I sat back in the chair and put my feet up on the bed. I wasn't going anywhere and it's about time he learnt that. After a while of not saying anything I tried again.

"Edward, I want to help you, please." Reaching for his hand I had that same fuzzy feeling as it shot up my arm. He pulled his hand away sharply.

"What do you want from me?" I could think of many things I wanted to say but none of them would be right if I was to say them now.

"I don't want anything from you. I just want to show you that you can heal." I smiled a little and heard him snort.

"You think I'm a nut case Jasper and you're here because of what you did. You're here out of guilt. I don't want that, I have enough guilt in my life. So if you're going to sit there you could at least do me the favour of being honest as to why you're here." Edward said.

"Truthfully, I don't think you're a nut case. Yes, at first I thought you were. After hearing your past though I don''t think that anymore. I think you're broken and need care in your life. I'm here because I do feel guilty but also because I want to be. I know I fucked up the other night and I can't express just how sorry I am. Looking for you last night I've never felt so scared in all my life..." His hand silence's me

"Jasper, that's enough. I'm going to ask you something and I want an honest answer, not one that is laced with guilt, but a truthful, honest answer." He looked at me and I could see the conflict in his eyes, his lashes cast long little shadows on his face. Nodding at him I told him without words that I would answer it the best way I could. "When I get out of here, do you want me to move out?" Watching him he closed his eyes almost as though he can't bear to see the reaction he might get. I wanted to smile. No, I wanted to hug him. He's allowing me the chance I so badly wanted, a chance to help him.

"No, honestly, truthfully, no, I don't want you to move out." I felt like I was beaming right now. I wanted to run around the whole hospital screaming that I've got the chance I wanted, but of course I don't. I just sat there and looked at him.

"Thank you." His voice was just a whisper, so low that I wondered if I heard him right or if I heard him at all.

"I'll let you get some rest. I'll call by tomorrow after work." He just nodded at me. Standing up I lightly squeezed his shoulder. I felt him tense up and for a split second I felt I may have just fucked up again, but no sooner did he tense up then he relaxed just a little bit and sighed. I took it as a good sign and left feeling like I'm on cloud fucking nine.

* * *

**_I battled with the end of this chapter, i wanted to start to give the boys a chance after all the fuck up's Jasper has made, hope i came across alright._**

**_Anyway hit the review button show me love :)_**


	7. Chapter 7

_**AN - In the words of Ric Flare Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. 50 Reviews on 6 Chapters, im touched by all the reviews i get from you guys, i never thought i would get 10 reviews let alone 50, so a big Thank you.**_

_**

* * *

**_

_**EPOV**_

The world looked at you differently when you had attempted to end your life. People looked at you differently. The people stared at you who knew what you had done. They whispered about you behind your back. Everyone changed around you, no one was the same. They talked to you differently, they chose their words carefully for fear that you might snap there and then, right in front of them and end it all. The tone of voice they used changed, almost as though they were speaking to a child. They acted different to how they used to. It scared them to think of what you had tried to do. Did I regret trying it? No. Would I try it again? I can't honestly say that I wouldn't because I've walked this road a few times now.

People will often try to sympathise with you once they get past the not knowing what to say. Often if someone hadn't lost a loved one they used their pets. Now I did not mean to be cold-hearted when I said this, but how the fuck could you compare losing your fucking dog to losing someone you loved? You just couldn't. I remembered losing my dog when I was a child. Yeah it hurt and I was sad. I cried and all of that, but I got over it because the love you have for a pet is different to the love you have for someone you're looking to spend your life with.

I wanted to argue with those people and say it's not the fucking same. You taking little Fido to the vets when he got knocked over is different to standing there working on the person you loved trying to save them, knowing it's your fault they are there. Of course I didn't tell them this because I could understand that they were just trying to be nice and understanding towards me. Then someone would throw some little remark about you going off the rails and having your breakdown. I'd like to see just how fucking well you coped.

Of course there was someone who wanted you to seek help, that someone in my life was my father. My parents knew very little about me trying to end my life. In fact, I didn't think they knew at all. It wasn't something I wanted to share with them and being that they lived oh a good few thousand miles away from me, it's not something you dropped in over the phone. My father's idea was to see Tanya. The fucking bitch that had these great mastermind plans to 'help' me. Today was no different from yesterday or the day before that, this was our 'Official' weekly meeting. The moment she walked in today I knew she had something for me to either do or try.

So far she hadn't said anything about it, but the look on her face hadn't moved. She waited for me to crack on this one. Sometimes she would come out and say it, other times she would wait for me to crack. The other day she had come to me and spoke about me going back to the apartment, going back to live with Jasper, not what I wanted to do. But Tanya was adamant that by me not going back I'm taking steps backwards. So after much arguing and flared tempers I finally agreed to go back. Just because I was going back didn't mean I had to talk to him, did it?

Jasper himself, the man of the hour had been attempting to right his wrongs. He showed up every day since I got here. He normally just sat there waiting for me to speak to him and when I did it's normally pointless things I'm asking. I'll give him credit though, he'd hung around looking to keep his end up, so to speak. I knew he was here because he felt guilty for what happened, guilt was something I didn't want. I had had enough of that and I didn't want more in my life. He had this thing about us being friends? Tanya thought this was wonderful, well Tanya and Jasper were going to be very disappointed. I didn't have trust for people, and when I tried I didn't want it thrown in my face the next second.

Tanya was pushing this on me, forcing my hand on it. I was past the point now of caring to argue, I almost felt like I was being babysat. Which in a way, I was. I got brought in here on Saturday night by Sunday evening I was awake, and tomorrow being Friday I got to leave, oh goodie. So let's get back to Tanya with her little smile, her face telling me she wanted me to do something.

"What is it, Tanya?" She blinked and looked at me like she didn't have a clue what I was going on about.

"Come on Tanya, you're after something. I know you are." Tanya flashed a smile at me and it lightened her eyes. I'd seen this look before, and I was filled with dread. This better not be the "You should start thinking about work." talk again.

With anyone else my people skills sucked. With Tanya, unless I was freaking out, I could hold a normal conversation with her. It's others I have a problem with. I thought the reason I could with Tanya was because of everything we had talked about and how long this had been going on.

"Edward promise me something, okay? Don't freak out when you leave tomorrow." She said and I couldn't help but want to dig my heels in here and say I'm not fucking going, but of course I've already agreed to this, so I'm stuck.

"Freak out over what?" I folded my arms across my chest. I didn't like where this was heading, at all.

"I want you to look at things a little differently. Try and see the nice gesture in it and not a cross over into personal space, okay?" She said with that smile never leaving her lips.

"Nice gesture? You have lost me Tanya." She had, I didn't have a clue what she was going on about.

"Just promise me you will at least try, okay?" I just shrugged, point being I had my walls and my limits, and I wasn't moving for anyone. I didn't deserve to feel anything other than pain.

I watched Tanya gather her things and smile before walking away, this ended our 'official' meeting. I often wondered just what sort of pleasure she took from her job. Having someone like me on her books couldn't be a joyful treat. I was hopeful that she would give up and let me just do what I wanted. Sighing I laid back down, this time tomorrow I'll be back there.

_**JPOV**_

I had the afternoon off. Thankfully my afternoon class was on a field trip and I wasn't going so I thought I would use my time wisely. It was now Thursday and tomorrow Edward was leaving hospital. Every night after work I went to see him, half the time we didn't talk, and I didn't mind. I had figured this was Edward's way of testing me and my words, my self-proclaimed little speech I had given him. If he was testing me then I was going to pass with flying colours.

Setting about sorting out his room I made it more like home for him, so he could feel like he belonged somewhere and not just living somewhere. I had run my brainwave past Tanya, I thought I would play it safe and see what she said. She had loved the whole idea of me doing this for him, and had dragged me off to his house to pick up some of his things. I was careful not to overload with memories. I figured that over time he could add other things, but for now I wanted him to feel like this place was home for him.

Now being a man I had some great ideas about what I wanted to do, but I needed help. So I called in Alice. Now this is Alice at her best, she owned and ran her own clothing shop, but tell her you wanted to redecorate and she would have blueprints in her hand the next morning. A wise person to call upon in times of need, and time wasn't on my side. Of course calling Alice meant her calling Bella and Emmett, which meant I would have the whole gang here to help out. There free help came on one condition, that I gave them some information.

Again I had called Tanya, she joked that she would have to start charging me for her services. She was happy that I was willing to do all of this just to help him out and therefore would help me as much as she could. She told me what to say and just how much to say. So here I was sitting in my living room with the whole gang there waiting to start Alice's brilliant idea and waiting for me to talk. Taking a deep breath I looked at them.

"Okay, I'm not going to go into that much detail because it's not my place and I don't want him to feel like everyone knows his business so....." I trailed off just to collect my thoughts again and took a few deep breaths.

"Edward lost someone, his partner died in a car crash about eighteen months ago. Edward is a doctor and was working that night, he was there trying to save him and now blames himself. He's in a bad way and has been in hospital since Saturday night, he's coming out tomorrow and I want to make his room feel more homey for him." I looked at them, the Ice Queen herself looked like she was going to cry. As I've said before Rosalie had a bark worse than her bite, you just had to get to know her.

Alice was fighting her tears, she was more emotional than Rosalie but nowhere near as emotional than Bella. She was in full-blown tears and had run to give me a hug. "It's....its awful..... It's so awful." She sobbed into me. You had to love her for this. The woman could love the whole world and still have spare love. Problem was her running in to Edward, she would run and hug him and freak the poor guy out. Meaning no harm at all, she would soon unleash her love and care. I didn't think Edward was ready for hugs and tears from people he didn't know.

"Were you looking for him on Saturday night when I called you?" Emmett said, his face full of concern. He might look mean and scary but he was a big softy at heart. I just nodded. He huffed and looked pissed off a second. "Jazz you should have said, I.... we could have helped." Emmett said.

"I know, but it was all a little crazy. Anyway, Alice let's start with your plans." Looking at Alice I noticed for once she looked a little shocked and thrown off balance. She shook her head and took a deep breath. I was glad that the gang had moved off Edward. I know I may have sounded like I didn't care but I didn't want to end up in a corner that I couldn't get out of.

Alice set about her idea, and soon she had Seth, Emmett and Jacob removing items from his room. Ripping the carpet up and getting the girls on painting she told the boys what to put together. Yeah I went a little mad with Alice in the department store and bought more than I should have. I was going to take it back, but Alice had insisted that what I bought would be fine and set the room off right. When I tried to challenge her on this she threw _"I know more then you and if you don't want my help then fine, sort it yourself and when you fuck up don't come looking."_ So I trusted Alice and kept the things I had bought, the wardrobe and matching night stands along with a massive chest of draws, which matched. New lamps, new bedding, yeah the sales guy thought it was great. My plastic however didn't.

Alice had insisted on new curtains and new carpet which we could fit ourselves, as far as she was concerned she was in charge of the whole job and you didn't want to cross her. I had picked up a few things from Edward's house, a few pictures that hung on the wall as well as a couple of photos. Little things really, things that just made it seem like his. Of course going shopping with Alice also meant a shopping trip for clothes and had demanded, no insisted that we buy Edward some new clothes to go in the new wardrobe. For her you couldn't buy a new wardrobe without buying clothes. I just saw that as one fat excuse.

Slamming the breaks on her at this point I didn't want her to overdo it. I wasn't completely sure that he would like all I had done, and as the afternoon went on I was having some serious doubts and started to get nervous. I had wanted Tanya to come over and check it out, seeing as she knew Edward really well, but she had told me that she didn't need to look and I was doing fine. Yeah I thought I might have a heart attack I'm that fucking nervous.

By nine that night the room was done, the carpet had been laid, the walls had been painted and the furniture had been placed and it looked like a different room altogether. I had to hand it to Alice, she worked her magic and got it all sorted. Had I ever mentioned that if I wasn't gay I would marry this woman?

I was hoping that I hadn't made another fuck up by doing this. I knew I couldn't afford to screw up this chance. How many chances can a broken man give you before they snap? I'm guessing not many and that I'm on my last one. Maybe I had gone a little overboard, but with everything that had happened I just wanted him to feel like this was home for him and how his room was wasn't. I guessed I was trying to show I cared by doing this, trying to give him some comfort. I was worried how my actions might be taken by him, I didn't want him to feel as though I had overstepped the mark. "He'll like it Jazz." Snapping my head round I saw Alice standing there looking at me, a warm smile on her lips, content in knowing she had done some good in the world.

"I'm hoping so." I mumbled to her, she crossed the room and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Jazz, you're a good guy who has a problem with your mental filter, but you're there, you're trying. When he comes home tomorrow just show him you're there, don't overcrowd him or push him." Alice said.

"Thanks Al, you've done wonders you know." And she had, the room looked perfect, I thought.

"I know." She smiled and placed a kiss on my cheek before disappearing with the rest of the gang. I sighed and wandered around the apartment thinking of tomorrow.

I felt nervous about him coming back and I wondered just how he must be feeling. This wasn't going to be an easy road by any means, it's going to be hard work. I was sure I was going to have to deal with Edward trying his hardest to push me away just like he did with everyone else. But I think it's worth it, if at the end of it Edward realises that he can move forward with his life after what happened, then that in itself was a gift. It's baby steps all the way.

*******

Looking at the clock on the wall, it was still the same time it was a second ago. The day just never seemed to end. What felt like hours was only five minutes and nothing, no matter what I did was helping to pass the time. My nerves were fucked; I had been awake since four in the morning, cleaning an already clean apartment to make it ready for Edward's return from hospital. I had been through the cupboards so many times thinking about what to make for dinner tonight or whether I should order in. I wanted to make it right, and I was fast becoming a hormonal teenage girl with each passing second.

My guilt was playing a big part, and I had to watch myself in my attempts to make Edward feel at home that I wasn't going overboard. After battling with myself I chose to order in. For one thing I didn't know what Edward liked so that could be a disaster waiting to happen. I was walking a thin line and I was hoping I was not fucking anything up. After a chat with Tanya on the phone she had informed me that Edward was being very standoffish with everyone today and wasn't in the best of moods. My heart sank at that.

I cared about Edward. Coming to that realisation pretty quickly after he took off that night, I was just finding it hard to figure out just what sort of care I had for him. I wanted to make him feel happy. To teach him that it might have been bad what happened, but it wasn't his fault. I wanted to be there for him. I came to realise that right now my care couldn't be placed into anything, I just cared about him. Wanting to get to know him, I figured I was doing all of this because I cared for him. Yet other than his past with James I knew nothing about him. I didn't know what type of music he liked, what his parents were like, if he had any brothers or sisters, what his favourite film was, or colour. I wanted to know all of those things.

I still wanted to give him that hug. Looking at him so sad, so pained, so broken and damaged, his eyes always filled with so much pain, god it broke my heart to see it. I was and still am so angered by myself for acting the way I did that night. So angered for not taking that chance and pulling him into my arms and hugging him like I would have done if it had been any one of my friends.

The bell rang signalling the end of class and the end of my day. Thank you field trip. "Make sure those Essays are on my desk Monday morning, you have had a week to write them." I didn't look up from my spot, my eyes were fixed on the book in front of me, but I never changed the page or read a single word. I heard them groan. Oh, did they think I would forget? Looked like I was going to get some more crap.

"Sir?" I inwardly groaned. Why did this boy have to come and pester me? I swore he did it on purpose just to piss me off.

"Yes Mike." My eyes slowly lifted from the book to look at the boy who stood in front of me. He had a slight smirk on his face. God, I wanted to wipe it off.

"The paper, um any chance I could have longer on it?" You have to be kidding me. Really Mike, did you really think I was going to give you the extra time?

"Why?" My reply was sharp and a little cold

"Well I'm away for the weekend. I'm seeing my family so..." He trailed off.

If I was to trip him up say when he's walking down the stairs would I get fired? The thought ran around and around my head. "No, I gave you it on Monday and I want it back this Monday coming. I've given you enough time." I stood closing my book. Get the picture Mike and leave, but of course he just stood there looking like a lost lamb. This wasn't helping me right now, I had an hour to get home before Edward got there.

"But sir." His voice was pleading with me and almost breaking slightly.

"You have till the end of the day Monday. Mike that's the best I can offer you." I was being nice, now fuck off. Could I swear at my students? Or would that be wrong of me? Thankfully Mike took the hint and left the room, but not before looking at me with sad puppy dog eyes. It didn't have the effect he was hoping for as I just stared at him coldly. With Mike now gone I was free to leave the school building and get home, walking fast through the school I watched as the students moved around form one room to another. I caught site of some boy with almost as green eyes as Edward's. I had to look away before I drooled.

Getting to my car I fumbled with the keys, excitement was running through me as I tried in vain to get the fucking key in. Why did nerves fuck up your ability to use your hands and feet the way your brain is telling them? Finally I got the car going and hit the road, I made it home in record time and I was proud of my efforts. Quickly I rushed into the apartment like a bull at a gate, I slammed the door shut and stopped dead in my tracks. Edward was there, coming out of the bathroom. His chest was still wet and a towel wrapped around his waist. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a truck, his face was one of shock, he hadn't expected to see me here just yet. I was sure my face gave away the same shocked look, and I was trying really hard not to let my eyes run over his wet toned chest.

"Um.... sorry I... I thought you … wouldn't be back... so soon." His voice was almost non-existent as he stuttered through his words.

"Yeah... sorry. I got out early, my last class had a field trip." I tried to keep my voice light and friendly. I didn't want him to feel any more uncomfortable than need be.

"Oh." I watched as his body hunched again and his eyes hit the floor. His head dropped a little and that wet bronze hair dripped little bits of water on to the floor. Fuck, this is killing me, get a grip Jasper.

"So you hungry?" I asked as I dropped my keys in the bowl trying to act normal even though I was getting hard at the sight of him.

"Um no, thank you Jasper." He didn't stammer or stutter this time, but his voice still stayed low.

"Okay, well it's good to see you back anyway." I smiled at him and I received a tiny little smile from him. It was hardly noticeable but I saw it. I wanted to talk to him but thought better off it, so instead I wandered into the kitchen to grab a beer.

Listening I heard Edwards door close. The thought struck me about his room and what he thought of it. He hadn't said anything, but then again neither had I and he did seem friendly enough with that little smile. Maybe he liked it or maybe he didn't care what I had done. That thought put me slightly down for a while, I had no reason to think it, but then again I had no reason to think he liked it. This was why I wanted to be here when he got back, to see the whole thing. I wanted to see his face when he saw the room, plus I wanted him to feel like there was someone waiting when he arrived and not greeted by nothing. Sighing I sipped my beer.

Setting about I watched TV again. Nothing was on, you get all these channels and yet I found it hard to find something decent to watch. Does anyone else have this much trouble or is it just me? After flicking through the channels I settle on a rerun of MTV cribs and get something to eat. I chose to throw in one of those ready-made meals where you just put it in the microwave and Bob's your uncle, it's done. Filling my face I sat and watched TV, drinking my beer and tried to relax. My mind every now and then drifted back to Edward who hadn't shown his face since I saw him leave the bathroom when I got in. The temptation was there to knock on his door and see if he was okay, but every time I set myself up to do it I chickened out, which is a good thing because of my baby steps program.

It was starting to get late and I was just starting to drift off on the sofa. I thought the sleepless nights of this week were catching up with me. I heard his door open slowly and him head to the kitchen, suddenly my eyes didn't feel that heavy anymore as I heard him get a drink from the kitchen. I kept my eyes fixed on the TV and stayed as relaxed as I could.

"Um.... Jasper." Looking over to the doorway I saw him standing there. He looked nervous as hell as his eyes flickered on everything.

"Yeah." I tried to sound casual, not wanting to push him now he that he was standing there.

"I... um just wanted... to say thank you... for the um room." I smiled softy at him and looked at his slightly shaking form.

"You're welcome. I wanted you to feel like this was home." I didn't know what else to say and I didn't want to keep looking at him. He seemed uncomfortable enough as it was, so I smiled and turned my head back towards the TV. Out of the corner of my eye I watched him dip his head and leave, his bedroom door closed softly behind him.

* * *

**_Aww wasn't Jasper sweet? Little baby steps between the two._**

**_You know what to do, hit the button and show me some love_**


	8. Chapter 8

_**AN- Thank you for the wonderful reviews im getting, it really does make my day.**_

**_Thanks to wonderful Beta for checking my chapters :)_**

**_Anyway heres chapter 8_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**EPOV**_

Home – A place where one lived, a place where one felt safe and secure, covered with memories, both happy and sad of days gone by. Photos lined throughout a home, creating a feel-good vibe, and wherever you went in your home you felt content, you felt welcome, it was your home after all.

A Home built with love - A place where one lived, a place where one felt the love the moment you stepped through the door. A home built with love, covered you in it, brought you both the happiness and the sadness that walked hand in hand with love, it brought you pleasure and heartache all wrapped into one. You felt safe and warm, all wrapped up in your love nest. It's the best place on earth, your own personal bit of heaven sitting on god's green earth, and you want for nothing.

Did I call this place home? This place where I was living, this place where I was told this will do me good; did it feel like home to me? Did I feel warm and safe, and all secure being surrounded by these walls? Did I feel welcome?

NO.

Why was I here if I didn't feel all these things you normally feel when you're home? Why didn't I go home? Because the home I had was no longer there.

I arrived back at "Home" as Tanya so wonderfully called it, after my short stay in hospital. My internal feelings as I arrived here are nothing. I didn't want to be here. I felt like a child being dragged off to my grandma's on a Sunday, not wanting to go and making sure all around me knew it. I was not kicking and screaming, but my dark moods shouts louder than any scream I could make. As I arrived at this home, I rocked down to my very core. My very foundation cracked under the sight of what I saw before me and I didn't know what I should do.

While I had been away on my little trip Jasper had gone and done something that I didn't expect. Something that I thought would never happen, that someone like me shouldn't receive. The room I left behind wasn't the room I saw before me. The carpet had been changed, the curtains had, there were chest-of-drawers that weren't there before, memories from my own home, and pictures. I noticed that these items had come from my very own home that I lived in. I also noticed that he had been careful on what he had chosen to bring, making it feel more like me, but not pushing too far. I was for no other better word, shocked.

Then I saw it, I caught a flicker of light that hit off the frame, the thin sliver frame. I could tell you just where that frame had come from, and what picture laid in it. The picture came from the bedside table, it was one of my favourites of James. The thought of him in that photo pulled at the hole that sat in my chest and I fought the feeling to breakdown and cry like a baby.

I hadn't seen one picture, one photo, one painting of James since I left that house, and that was over a year ago. I tried to remember Tanya's words about seeing it as a caring gesture and nothing more, but it's hard. Hard to look at the photo that was on the bedside now, knowing I wouldn't ever see him again, that my last memory of him was one of him lying on a hospital bed covered in blood fighting for his life. I took a few deep breaths and sat on the edge of the bed, I was torn. I so badly wanted to look at the picture, it's been so long since I last saw it. But I didn't want to have to deal with the feelings and emotions that would come with it. I closed my eyes and thought back to that day.

_Flashback_

_It was our last day on holiday; we had spent two weeks enjoying the sun in Barbados to celebrate me finishing med school. It had been the best two weeks of my life, just the two of us relaxing in the sun enjoying each other's company. The beach was almost empty that day and James had just come out of the sea. His blonde hair covered his face, it was all dark from being wet, he tilted his head, closed his eyes and swept his hair off his face. The sun glistened off his wet body, almost highlighting his abs, he looked so beautiful, so relaxed that I couldn't help myself. His eyes snapped open hearing the click of the camera and he shot me a dirty look._

_"What the fuck, Cullen?" His angered tone and playful smile on his lips did nothing to help me contain my laughter._

_"What? You looked so beautiful like that." I giggled out. Yeah, I giggled._

_"I look like shit babe, delete it off the camera." Walking towards me I bolted down the beach, I had dropped the camera by this point. It didn't take James long to catch me up and tackle me to soft warm white sand underneath me. He pinned me down on my back, his ass pressing into my now hardening cock. He smirked, feeling it._

_"Dirty mind you have, Edward." He said as he slowly rubbed his ass over my cock, a small groan escaped my lips as my breath caught in my throat. He gently brushed the hair off my face and leant forward lightly kissing my nose. I smiled as I looked into his gorgeous eyes. No other words were spoken as we grazed into one another, letting the feeling of love consume us. His lips soon found mine as his hand slid over my............_

I snapped my eyes open, the pain in my chest ached, causing me to place a hand over my heart. Bitter-sweet memories, it's so nice to think aback, but it hurt so much when I did. I chose not to look at the photo just yet; it's too close to home right now. I looked around the room, taking in all that had been done for me. I hadn't been here that long and Jasper didn't really know me, other than my horrid past and last ditch attempt at ending my life. I wondered why someone like him who knows so little about me could do this for me. For me.

The tears fell from my eyes, but for once I was not crying because of the pain that's in my heart. I was crying because of the gesture I've just received. He didn't have to do this, none of it. I could say I was happy with how the room was before....well maybe happy is a little too strong, I was okay with it. A warm feeling slowly crept through me as my mind fully took in just what he had done and the thought that went behind it. How long did he actually think about doing this? His careful planning into making sure that nothing would be too much, but give just enough. His little way of saying sorry for how he acted that night.

I shuddered at the thought of it, and decided that at some point I would say thank you to him for the room. For what he had done for little old me, who didn't deserve to have received this wonderful gift from someone, from a stranger. Lost in my thoughts I didn't realise that Tanya had entered the room until I felt the bed dip next to me.

"You okay? You've been in here a while and I haven't heard a thing." Her tone of voice told me that she was secretly proud of her little act to get me here again. I have to admit to myself that I was glad she talked me round to this. But I still hated her for making me do things I didn't want to do.

"Yeah..... I'm just thinking, that's all. I take it you're behind my things?" Having trouble maintaining eye contact with people I looked to the floor, not wanting my eyes to give anything away.

"Well yes, it was Jasper's idea, but I did help him out. You're not mad?" Her tone suggested that this wasn't Dr. Tanya the bitch, but Tanya the nice lady who cared. I was not fooled by her little nice act, and Tanya never came out of doctor mode round me.

"Mad? No... Shocked, yes." I answered her honestly.

"Shocked? Care to explain Edward?" What did I tell you about her never switching off around me?

"It's a beautiful gesture, one in which I don't deserve." My eyes flickered and landed on the photo of my James.

"It is, isn't it? But you do deserve this Edward, you really do, you should thank Jasper when he comes home." She placed her arm over my shoulder as she did when she was trying to play the 'I'm not Dr. Tanya card.' I tensed under the feeling, I didn't relax until she let her arm drop. It's small little things like this that have taken me the longest to get used to. I wasn't really used to it, but you saw what I meant. I used to shake when she did this, so tensing up was a good thing, well according to her anyway.

"I will." I whispered to her. I wanted to be alone with my thoughts and feelings right now. Tanya felt my need to be alone and with a gentle squeeze of my shoulder she left the room. I heard the front door open and close behind her. The apartment fell into silence, a sound I was used to hearing, the emptiness of nothingness gave me the space I wanted to collect myself.

As nice as the gesture was I wanted to leave it alone, the warm feeling I felt had now left me and the pain I normally felt had returned. I decided to take a shower, leaving my new room in the hope that that little warm feeling would return to me when I re-entered it. The hot water felt good on my sore, tight muscles. Being tense all the time had its drawbacks and this was one of them. Soon I felt my muscles start to relax and unwind as the hot spray hit my back. I sighed deeply, for a few short seconds I almost felt normal. Those points in time were few and far between and its normally when I had managed to switch my mind off from my thoughts and the outside world. Those few short moments it's like the last eighteen months had never happened. How I wished those few short seconds were real and true.

Grabbing the warm towel off I wrapped it around myself. I didn't dry off as I headed towards the bathroom door, knowing Jasper wouldn't be back yet. School had another hour or so to go, but I froze when I opened the door and saw him standing there. Panic set in; although I wanted to thank him for the room I was not ready yet to do that. This had caught me off guard. Thoughts ran through my mind as I wondered if he would mention it to me. I could hardly look at him, and it didn't help my nerves standing here dripping wet with just a towel wrapped around me. Thankfully our encounter was short with little talk and I quickly retreated back into my room.

That warm feeling returned when I entered. Surprisingly I didn't shy away from the feeling, as it's the closet feeling I had from James. Sounded silly I knew, but you do those things, you take something and made it feel like you could feel the person you're missing the most in the world. Even though I knew that this was not James' doing, I couldn't help but feel as though it's from him.

The night wore on and I toyed with saying thank you. I didn't want to have to wait until the morning to do this, I wanted to do it now. At the same time I was torn over it. I didn't know what I should say or how he would react. I was the one on anti-depressants and had a mental breakdown, yet I'm wondering just how he would react, go figure.

I took a deep breath and gently opened the door, not wanting to bring too much attention to myself just yet. If anything, I felt embarrassed over what he saw. Seeing me at such a low point like he did, it's embarrassing. It was even more so to know that this person stopped you from your desired result and resulted in a failed attempt, yet again.

Deciding to get a drink first I headed into the kitchen and grabbed a coke out of the fridge. Killing the can in seconds I threw the empty can in the bin and walked slowly to the living room. I could hear the TV on and I started to wonder if I was doing the right thing. Before I freaked out and changed my mind I found myself at the doorway.

"Um... Jasper?" My voice was just above a whisper as I saw him turn his head towards me. I couldn't make eye contact with him, so I let my eyes flicker around the room.

"Yeah?" Was his casual response to me.

"I... um just wanted...... to say thank you...... for the um room" I was aware that I was shaking. I was nervous as hell as I saw him cast a soft smile towards me

"You're welcome. I just wanted you to feel like this was home." He cast another soft smile towards me and turned back to the TV. I let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding and dipped my head just a fraction and left the room, softly closing the bedroom door behind me. I laid on the bed. I still had not looked at the picture that I was well aware was sitting there. I couldn't look, not yet. I wasn't ready. Instead I turned the light off and closed my eyes and fell into a slightly comfortable sleep.

I woke up early the next morning feeling a little refreshed from my night's sleep. For the first time in a long time I didn't dream, and if I did I can't remember it, either way I was not complaining as I stretched out in my bed. I left the warm covers in search of emptying my bladder and coffee. I pulled on a long-sleeved top making sure my two scars were covered and headed into the bathroom. I thought I faintly heard Jasper in the kitchen, but I'm not sure, my mind wasn't fully awake yet. I relieved myself and picked up my smokes before heading into the kitchen. I hadn't heard it; he was there, his blonde curls all over the place as he waited for the kettle to boil.

"Um... morning." I had to be somewhat polite, and besides I thought Tanya would be proud. She might even lay off on me for a while. Yeah that chance would be a fine thing.

"Morning, do you want one?" Again I couldn't look at him, the shame of what I tried to do was all still too prominent in me.

"Please, um coffee, if that's okay." I took a few shaky breaths and kept my eyes down.

"Kay." He turned his back to the kettle and sorted out another mug. I turned and headed outside on to the patio.

Leaning over the railings I took a long deep drag, blowing the smoke out I looked out over the city. James always loved the city, the heart and soul of it, the night-life, the restaurants, the busy buzz that ran through the city. He could live in the city twenty-four hours a day, whereas I preferred the quieter life. I didn't mind the city, but I didn't want to be surrounded by it all the time, choosing instead to want to live on the outskirts of town to be able to relax. Funny how that now that he wasn't here I wanted to stay in the city and couldn't stand the outskirts anymore. It felt closer to him to be in the city, somewhere he loved to be.

"Here." His soft voice broke me out of my thoughts; I wiped my face quickly to remove the tears that were falling. His arm was outstretched holding a mug of coffee.

"Um... thanks." I took the mug off him and took a sip. Placing the mug on the side I went back to looking over the city. Finishing off my fag I flicked it over the edge, of course looking down first to make sure no one was walking there.

"I'm heading out later today, is there anything you want while I'm out?" I kept my back to him not wanting to face him. I was not meaning to be rude, it's just..... I don't know, it's how I am now, I guess.

"Um no, thanks." I carefully picked up my coffee without really looking at him.

"Okay." And he's gone.

Waiting out there for a while, I didn't want to do too much talking, and it wouldn't be long until Tanya arrived to give me my pills. Yes, at the wonderful age of twenty-five I was not trusted to take my pills, or more to the point I was not trusted with a bottle of pills just yet. No doubt that once she got here I would have to go through some sort of session with her, it's never a flying visit no matter what day it was.

Finishing off my coffee, I slowly made my way back into the apartment. I appreciated the small gestures that Jasper had made since me returning here from hospital, a large part of me wanted it to stop though. I couldn't help but feel unworthy of something so small as someone making me coffee, but there seemed to be a little part of me that was enjoying the feeling of having these little gestures given to me.

Hearing the door close I realised that Jasper had left, I could breathe that little bit easier now. I've gotten my space back, my dark no feeling space that I've grown so used to over the last eighteen months. Maybe I could do this, all I had to do was have very little interactions with him. He'll feel like he's not living with someone who was completely rude and Tanya would be happy.

It wasn't long until Tanya arrived fresh to give me my pills and have a chat. I forced a grin at her happy tone, and groaned inwardly. She sat down in the living room and looked around.

"How are you feeling, Edward?" Her eyes searched my face for anything that might give away what I might be thinking.

"Fine, I guess." An honest answer, well almost honest. Could I really tell her that I hated her for stopping my attempt yet again?

"You settling in well?" Short, little questions and I shut down. I brought my legs underneath my chin, not meeting her gaze.

"Edward....." She trailed off at me, in a disappointed tone. What did she expect from me? A fucking miracle?

"What?" My tone changed and my voice was heavy laced with venom.

"Don't shut down on me. I just wanted to know how you're settling into living here, that's all." I closed my eyes trying to keep my emotions in check that are threatening to burst through at any minute.

"Tanya, I..... I don't want this." My eyes stayed closed.

"Don't want what, Edward?" She said, her tone staying light.

"This." I gestured with my hand around the room. "I want my old life back Tanya, I want my old life." My voice broke and I realised I was losing the battle to keep my emotions in check.

"I know you do, but that doesn't mean you can't rebuild your life again. You can rebuild it once again and live a happy life once more." Her voice almost sounded pleading to me. This was the usual talk after one of my "Mishaps." It never changed, every failed attempt made me realise even more that the world just fucking hated me.

"I can't rebuild what I lost Tanya, unless you know a way to bring back the fucking dead." My cold pissed off tone bounced off the walls in the apartment, Tanya brushed them off.

"You know I can't. Edward just because you lost James doesn't mean that's it." I've stopped listening now, resting my forehead on my arms. I really had become a ball.

"Okay Edward, we'll talk tomorrow. Okay?" I didn't move or even say another word to her as she got up and left the apartment.

When you've lost everything, how did you rebuild your life? When your whole world got ripped apart and smashed into a thousand tiny little pieces, where did you start to lay the foundations again? The feeling of loneliness hit me once again. I hated being alone, but didn't feel as though I was worthy enough to have company in my life. My own personal fucking hell, full of bitter-sweet memories of things I would never have again.

* * *

**_I thought i would write the whole chapter in Edwards POV, I didnt realise just how hard this one would be lol_**

**_Anyway hit the button and show me some love. :)_**


	9. Chapter 9

_**Again thank you for all the wonderful reviews im getting.**_

**_Here's chapter 9_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**JPOV**_

It had been two weeks since Edward returned from hospital and life had fallen in to a nice pattern. Okay we were not all buddy buddy but we had had a few chats over the last two weeks. Maybe chats wasn't the right word to use, I did most of the talking while Edward nodded or gave me one word answers. I was not complaining. I was happy that he was giving me this, these five or ten minutes a day where we would talk. I knew trust was a big thing for Edward, and it felt as though slowly but surely I was gaining little bits of trust from him.

I had found out that my afternoon with Seth looking at different types of tea turned out to be a waste of time. I had seen Edward drink coffee, water, beer and coke, but no tea. Of course I had to ask him if he liked tea, as the bag had stayed unopened and on the side all this time. I even thought that maybe he hadn't touched it because it wasn't open but as it turned out he never touched it because he didn't like tea.

Walking across the car park towards my car with my hands full of essay's that I had to spend my evening marking I groaned. The wonderful thing about my job was I had to do marking at home as well as sort my lesson plans out, not the fun way I wanted to spend my evening. With my head slightly down I continued my path to my truck planning my evening of food, beer and essays.

"Jazz!" I looked up to see Alice standing there; waiting for who I can only assume was me. I smiled at her praying that this was just a friendly visit and she's not after something. My hopes soon hit the wall as I heard her voice ring out the words that no man should have to listen to.

"Were going shopping Jazz, hurry up." I cringed, screwing my face up and desperately tried to think of an excuse to get out of this.

"I can't Alice. I have papers to mark." I put on my nicest tone and used the puppy dog eyes, it didn't have the effect I was hoping for as she crossed her arms and stared blankly at me.

"You can and you will Jasper. We won't stay long and you will have loads of time for marking essays later, now come on. I know you need to stock up on your products." Before I could even protest the woman was in my truck, belted in and waiting. I threw my things in the back and climbed in.

"Products?" I asked her raising my eyebrow towards her, she smiled looking all angelic and I wanted to scream.

"Come on, Jazz. You haven't come shopping with me in ages and besides I want to know how Edward is." I wasn't going to get out of this. I could argue, but I would only be arguing all the way to shopping centre without realising and therefore making my argument nil and void.

I filled her in on how things were going at home. How Edward was and the little chats we tended to have every now and then, all the while her smile got bigger and bigger. She walked around the shopping centre looking like some kind of nutter with that smile, but the great mood she was in made it less painful than normal. Two hours later, I dropped Alice back off and went home. My master plan of doing those essays came to a crashing stop when I walked into the living room and found Edward sitting there watching TV.

My heart started to pound in my chest and my thoughts went all over the place, this was different. He was always in his room and hardly ever stepped foot in the living room to watch something. If he did sit down he was gone in about a minute, but from the looks of things he'd been there for some time. Deep breaths, Jasper. There was no need to go overboard and scare him, just smile and make small talk to him, I told myself as I stopped at the doorway.

"Hey Edward, you want a beer?" I tried to sound casual, but I didn't think it came out the way I had hoped. I thought my pounding heart and dirty thoughts were having some serious effects on me. No, wait. There was no thinking about it, I knew it was.

"Please, if you don't mind." I smiled, nodded and walked off into the kitchen. Little Jasper in my mind was having his own little party. Although I knew that Edward was going through a serious hard time, I still couldn't help but have my dirty little thoughts about him. That fuck me hair and those green eyes, his soft voice, and catching him that time coming out of the shower had played main events in my fantasies.

Smiling to myself I pulled out two beers. Walking back into the living room I noticed that Edward had pulled his knees under his chin. I've noticed that this was something he did when he's uncomfortable or nervous, much like the running of the long white fingers through that fuck me hair. Handing him the beer I sat down. I sat down on the other sofa, not wanting to make him feel as though I was in his personal space. God how I wouldn't mind getting into..... Stop it now, Jasper.

"Thanks." His voice was low again but the shaking voice seemed to have left tonight, this was good. I watched him lift the beer to his soft looking red lips. I had to make myself turn away for fear of drooling. Yes, it had been that long since I had fucked.

"You're welcome, what are you watching?" Seemed like an innocent enough question, didn't it? It may have been innocent, but it sure as hell was stupid. I could see what he was watching, fucking retard Jasper, now are we? Fuck off.

As if he enjoyed hearing my internal ramble I heard a soft low chuckle from Edward. I was gob-smacked. I had to stop myself from letting my jaw hit the floor. It's the first time I actually heard him do that. It's such a beautiful sound I wondered why he didn't do it more often. I could cum just from.... I said stop it.

"Dumb question, huh?" I might as well make fun of myself; it's a bonus if I got to hear that sound again. I didn't get the soft low chuckle this time, instead I got a soft little smile from him. I really wanted to bounce up and down, run around doing a happy dance complete with screams. Instead I stayed put in my seat.

"It was." His voice was so clear, still very low, but clear none the less. "Do you want to change it over?" He asked offering me the remote. Oh fuck no, I didn't want to change it. Scarface was a classic.

"And miss Scarface? It's a classic, you don't turn Pacino off." I said in a very matter-of-fact tone. It was like I had forgotten that I was talking to Edward, and I suddenly wondered if maybe I had overstepped some line. I had seen the way the doctors spoke to him in hospital, like a child. Here's a man who's well educated, been through med school and worked as a doctor, yet thery'e talking to him as if he's five. Maybe that's how you should talk to someone in Edward's situation. My thought was soon knocked right out of my head when I heard that soft chuckle again.

"You're a fan?" He said almost as if it shocked him. Who didn't love Pacino? The man was a legend, a living legend.

"Huge." I noticed that Edward's position on the sofa had changed ever so slightly. His knees were still pulled up under his chin, but he had relaxed his arms around his legs. Almost as if he was resting them there instead of trying to become a human ball.

"The man is a legend." I stated at him, referring to my earlier thought. Edward simply nodded his head and looked back at the film. I had made a breakthrough, I got him to smile and chuckle and he relaxed his position ever so slightly. I wanted to call the fucking world, in fact I wanted to call Tanya and tell her about my massive breakthrough. I was literally buzzing, the world could fucking end and Jasper Whitlock would be a very happy man.

We fell into silence and watched the rest of the film. I had seen it enough times to be able to miss the first half hour of it and still know what was going on. The film finished and I had grown hungry, I was jumping the thought around of what to eat in my mind. I didn't want another Bob's your Uncle meal, I couldn't be bothered to cook, so that left take-out.

"Want one?" For a second I had no idea what he just asked, even if he spoke, I had let my mind wander on food for too long. Quickly I shook my thoughts and composed my face for fear of looking really dumb and shocked by his words. I noticed he was holding out his packet of smokes.

"Thanks." I took one and followed him out to the patio. Was it wrong of me to be looking at his ass in those sweatpants?

"You smoke a lot?" I asked him, then mentally kicked myself for it. What sort of a question is that? I watched his face as he leaned against the railings, his ankles crossed, he almost looked relaxed. His face frowned for a second then he shrugged.

"On and off really, you?" He looked at me for just a second, his forest green eyes staring in to mine before he looked away. I thought for a moment, should I answer and be truthful? Should I tell him that I haven't smoked in the last three years and it's only because of him that I started again? Would that sound a little freaky?

"Every now and then, when I'm drinking normally. I'm more of a social smoker." Well it was almost the truth. I did smoke when I was drinking, so that was true, but I went against the full honesty.

I wanted to ask questions, get to know him, but I figured it might be best to leave it for now. This was the most time he had willingly spent with me. I tried to keep my eyes off him, off his form that was standing just a few short little inches from me. All too soon I saw him flick his butt end over the railing and run his fingers through his hair, he looked down for a second almost seeming to be nervous all of a sudden.

"Night, Jasper." I was sure my mouth must have dropped open and slammed against the hard cold floor underneath me from hearing him say that. I managed to mumble a good night back to him, but I wasn't too sure if he heard me or not, he was already halfway through the living room when I finally spoke back.

Watching him walk out of sight I smiled widely and I couldn't help my body from moving slightly as the happy vibes ran throughout my body, causing every nerve ending to feel alive. I was so fucking happy, my little baby steps program was slowly starting to pay off. Okay, it was hardly the most exciting night of my life, but to have had these few hours... making small talk had made my day. No, correction, my fucking year.

I was all too well aware that he might not show himself now a few more days, he had made a huge step tonight just by sitting there and watching a film with me. Suddenly I was thinking about calling Tanya and telling her the good news, I was sure she would love to hear this.

I took my phone out of my pocket and scrolled down to her number. I was just about to hit the call button when I stopped. The little voice inside my head, my voice of reason started to fill my mind with questions about making this call.

_Would Edward really like that you called her? Would he see it as broken trust?_

_Was this something he wanted to keep to himself before Tanya knowing?_

_Did he want to tell her himself and by you telling her you're going to ruin it for him?_

I cancelled the call before it was even made. In my happy thoughts and upbeat mood I didn't think about him. I could have so easily just cost myself all my hard work with my baby steps. I didn't want to go back to square one again; no, correction, there wouldn't be a square one next time. I thought back to him sitting on the sofa and how he ever so slightly relaxed his form in front of me. I was sure for someone else who didn't know they wouldn't have noticed it and if they did they would think nothing of it. That to me, for me, showed me he was slowly relaxing ever so slowly, slower than a snail moving on the ground.

Don't ruin this Jasper, you've played it right so far. Don't fuck it up, I mentally reminded myself. I thought of the last time he started to open up towards me and what happened. I walked back inside the apartment and closed the patio doors behind me. Heading into the kitchen I was hungry and couldn't find fuck all to eat. I settled for a cheese sandwich, so much for my take-out. My eyes cast over the pile of essays that were on the side.

"Shit." I cursed out loud. Those fucking essays, the ones I said I would do, the ones that were meant to take up my whole evening, sat there untouched from when I dropped them there. I had no major rush to have them done and ready for my ever loving students, but I'm picking up another set tomorrow and the thought of having two fucking sets made me not only cringe but groan at it. It's my own stupid fault. I should have done them, but Edward and Scarface seemed much more important.

Sighing deeply I knew that tomorrow night I was going to have essays all over the place. I was normally so organized that these things never happened to me and I often laughed at some of the teachers who found themselves in this situation all the time. I turned everything off and headed to my bedroom, the thought of tomorrow night hung heavy in me.

_**EPOV**_

The thought had crossed my mind many times in the past, just what am I taking? I looked at the little bottles of pills that I had to take twice a fucking day. I'd been allowed my pills back with the safe knowledge that I wouldn't do anything stupid with them. Those little tiny pills were meant to help me with my depression; two different types of anti-depressants currently ran through my bloodstream, just like thousands upon thousands around the world. I was led to believe that these would solve all my problems and make everything all right, I doubted it.

I had had a few days where I hadn't taken them and to tell you the truth I felt no different from when I was taking them, so it made me wonder if those little pills are placebos. We are brought up to believe in what the doctor tells you. Take these, it will make you feel better. Sleep more, it will stop this. Try drinking more water to help with whatever. And because they stand there in a white coat, holding a clip board looking as if they knew what they were going on about we believed them.

They gave you pills, labelled them with something and told you that in the next three to five days you would start to feel better. Was that the pill working, or the mind? Or maybe it's just the passing time for most common illnesses. We handed out placebos to them and because the doctor said it worked we believed it and it did. It's in the fucking mind. We've just given you nothing more than a sugar pill, we've tricked your mind into thinking that this would work and it did. So what happened when you're given a placebo and you didn't believe it? It didn't fucking work, you felt no different.

I was not saying that these were placebos, but it made me wonder. Even though I had my doubts I opened the two little bottles and took out two pills. I rolled them around in the palm of my hand before throwing them back and washing them down with a glass of water. I laid down on my bed and placed my hands behind my head looking at the ceiling. I took a massive step tonight, well a massive step for me that was.

It wasn't something I planned on doing, and I would admit that when he first came back I thought of fleeing the room, running for the hills almost. I had been almost happy sitting there watching the film, but when Jasper arrived back I was unsure just how he would react to seeing me there. I battled with myself to stay or move, I finally settled on staying for a while. I could always leave, couldn't I?

While he went into the kitchen my normal route for me took hold. Pulling my knees up under my chin I wrapped my arms around tightly around my legs, it was my protective way of not being seen that much. Slowly, very slowly I eased up a little, loosening the tight hold I had around my legs. I was by no means relaxed, but I was a little more comfortable in his presence than I had been.

It helped for him to talk to me as though there was nothing wrong. As I mentioned before people normally talked to you like you're a child after you try to end your life. Jasper didn't. Whether he intended to do that or not I was grateful for it, and I actually managed to talk with him instead of shutting down and just nodding. Towards the end of the film I was looking for my way out. He hadn't done anything, but the comfortable atmosphere was becoming too much for me. Those sort of things are not meant for the failures in life like me. Some people deserved it and others didn't, I certainly didn't. Pain is the only thing I deserved.

I turned the lamp off and closed my eyes as my mind raced round. All sorts of things were floating around in there and I was trying to switch off so I could fall asleep. Slowly my mind started to slow down from all the internal thoughts that were making my head hurt and I drifted off into sleep.

_Dream_

_I had been placed on call this weekend. It's something that no doctor enjoyed about their job. You could be home, but you never knew if you're going to get that call and you were always a little on edge, never fully relaxing. James had managed to lighten his workload tonight, giving him an early leave from work on a Friday. He was in the middle of a big case and was spending more and more time at work, and with me at the hospital with shifts changing from week to week we hadn't really seen each other for more than a few hours in the day._

_James had this idea of us just doing nothing but locking ourselves in our home and spending the weekend together catching up on one another and the things we've missed. Friday afternoon my... our plans changed. A call from work had changed everything in a matter of minutes. The hospital had been gripped by the flu, it happened from time to time and we were in the middle of flu season. Many people would turn up and complain that they were dying claiming they had the flu, it angered me that they were taking up my time over a bad cold. If it was the flu they wouldn't be here now, they would be in bed. I changed and got ready to leave the house, but before I left I had to call James._

_"What's up, babe?" His smooth voice sent little goose bumps down my arm_

_"I've got to work. I just got called in" My voice was full of sorrow as I knew this would piss him off._

_"You're fucking kidding me?" How I wanted to say yes and laugh down the phone making out I was joking, if only I was._

_"No, love, I'm not. I wish I was." I could hear him pushing things around on his desk_

_"Tell them no, you're busy." His demanding courtroom voice bellowed down the phone._

_"I can't, I was on call. I know you're mad, but I'll be home during the night and I'll make it up to you." I said to him matching his tone_

_"I've pushed more work for next week so I could leave early tonight. Now you're telling me you're not going to be there? Edward, I haven't seen you in ages." Let's play pass the blame now._

_"It's not just me; you're the one that's always there at the fucking office working on that case." My temper flared at this, I hated the pass the blame game._

_"It's my job, you know that." He spat down the phone_

_"And this is mine." I hated fighting with him, and it was worse when it was over the phone. I would be sulking all night now._

_"So I won't be seeing you over the weekend, great." His tone was clearly pissed off by the events that had happened._

_"I haven't got time for this, fuck off." My temper got the better of me as I slammed the ph.........._

I was pulled from my dream by someone shaking my shoulder calling my name. I was aware that I was covered in sweat and my breathing was coming out in short sharp breaths as if I couldn't breathe.

"Edward? Edward, wake up." I heard Jasper's voice as he shook my shoulder. That tingly feeling ran around my body, I bolted upright in a fit of panic as the tears ran down my face. Pushing myself against the headboard in a frenzied panic, my eyes were wide open as I fought to catch my breath. All I could see was Jasper's concerned face as his hand was in mid-air.

"Edward?" I couldn't do or say anything, fear hit my body hard as the pain in my chest ripped wide open. My heart was beating so fast and so hard I was sure it would either give up and stop or fly out of my chest. I was shaking as the tears ran down my face, unable to stop them. I continued to be the pathetic mess I was.

* * *

**_Some bonding time between the boys, them little baby steps have started to build the foundation's._**

**_Anyway you know what to do, hit the review button and tell me what you think :)_**


	10. Chapter 10

_**AN/ Amassive thank you to all who have reviewed, and added me and my story, im so touched by it and it really does make me keep writing.**_

**_Again another thank you to my Beta for doing her thing, thanks hunni :)_**

**_Ok so i might not be updating for a few days, i have my mother in law coming tomorrow and she is here untill sunday, i'll try and update tomorrow before she gets here and after that i might fit another one in during the week but as of sunday i'll be back on track with my updates._**

**_Here's Chapter 10 and we get to find out just how Jasper and Edward handled the panic Attack_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**JPOV**_

_'What the hell?" _I thought to myself as I was rudely awakened from my sleep. Listening for the sound again, after a few moments I heard the noise pierce through the quiet darkness of night. It sounded painful as it bounced around the apartment. My mind slowly woke up to the sound and registered just what it was and whom it was coming from.

"Fuck, Edward." I bellowed out as I bolted upright in my bed and raced down the hall to his room.

Pushing his door open I saw him tossing and turning, his chest heaving up and down as whatever nightmare ripped through his mind. I touched his shoulder and shook him. "Edward? Edward, wake up." I called to him shaking him from his sleep, his skin was wet from sweat. He bolted upright, his eyes wide as the tears cascaded down his cheeks. He pushed himself up the bed to the headboard, panic as clear as day on his face. Even in the dim light of night I could see just how scared he looked.

"Edward?" I called to him again trying to get some response from him. His breathing sounded hard, almost fighting to bring the oxygen into his lungs, like he was gasping for air. His body was shaking as the tears ran down his face. Oh fuck, he's freaking out. Should I call Tanya?

Okay, calm the fuck down Jasper. You could calm him, take a deep breath, don't do anything sudden, or say anything stupid.

"Its okay, it was just bad dream. Shh, it's okay. Take deep breaths and try and relax." I tried to keep my voice calm and caring, almost reassuring. Fuck, he sounded like he couldn't fucking breath. I tried again this time and took his hand ever so gently. Slowly touching the back of his hand I made sure that he was okay with this. I slowly grasped his hand.

"Deep breaths, Edward. In through the nose and out through the mouth. Breathe with me, okay?" I started to take deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth. Edward still hadn't started to breathe with me.

"Edward, in through the nose. Come on, take a deep breath in through your nose." I watched and heard him take a very shaky breath through his nose. "That's it and out through the mouth." He complied and I felt his hot breath fan over my face.

"And again, that's it. Deep breaths, Edward." I watched him continue to listen to me and slowly he started to calm down. "That's better. Do you want a glass of water?" I asked him. He only nodded at me and I left the room quickly rushing to the kitchen to get his water. I picked up his smokes off the table in the living, figuring he might need one and headed back to his room. He'd calmed down now but was still crying. The endless tears rolled down his face like a tap that couldn't be turned off. His head rested against the headboard as his wrist hung over his knees. Was it wrong of me to let my eyes sweep across his bare chest?

"Here you go, I brought you these too." Passing him the water I watched him neck it back before placing it on the side. I noticed that the photo was now placed face down. I frowned a little at it, but passed it off. He pulled out a smoke and offered me one. I took it and sat down on the edge of his bed. His face was lit up for a second as he lit up, I could see his eyes were red and swollen before the lighter went off and he passed it to me.

"Thanks." I said to him lighting up my own smoke. I really shouldn't be doing this, but I was willing to do it for now, and a little part of me thought about us quitting together.

We sat there in silence for a few moments. I was thinking of what to say to him, should I ask him about his dream or what? Fuck, I really don't want to say anything to fuck this up. "We can talk about it if you like?" The words left my mouth and I regretted them right away, I saw his body tense up at the question. Oh fuck Jasper, you really are a stupid son of a bitch.

"I remember his tone that day I called him, his courtroom voice shouting down the phone." His voice was just past a whisper and very rough.

"Courtroom voice?" I asked a little confused by it. I remembered him telling me about him working as a lawyer, but still....

"James tone would change whenever he was working in court, so full of authority and command. He could make you believe bullshit by his tone and he hardly ever raised his voice, he didn't need to. He was good at his job. He loved it, every part of it. He was so passionate about everything he did." I waited for him to continue, but he didn't, almost as if he was waiting for me to say something. I wasn't sure what to say but my heart was beating so fucking hard right now.

"A kick ass in the courtroom, huh?" It was the best I could come up with.

"Yeah, he was." I watched him wipe his face.

"When I was ten I had this stupid dream, I woke up crying and screaming, you know I dreamt about a fucking cat. A cat that wanted to claw me to fucking death, even now I'm still a little spooked by them." I rambled this bit of information to him for no other reason than I couldn't think of anything else to say. I heard a little chuckle come from him, my heart swelled.

"Mine is clowns. I still can't watch IT without it scaring the shit out of me." He said. I couldn't help the chuckle that escaped my lips.

"James made me sit and watch it, he had this thing of facing your fear head on in order to cure it. I couldn't sleep without the light being left on for a month, he found it highly hilarious." He laughed softly at the memory of it. I smiled wide, his laugh was almost like music, it was beautiful. A laugh beautiful? Seriously Jasper when did you become such a girl?

"Thanks Jasper, for coming to calm me down." He said, his voice going back to its whisper, I shrugged.

"It's okay, you worried me." I answered him honestly. It was true, he had worried me. No, he had scared the fucking shit out of me.

"You shouldn't be worried about me, I don't deserve it." I shook my head, he deserved it. The man had been through so much and needed some TLC.

"That's nonsense. You do." I stood up from his bed and looked at him. His face didn't turn to me. "Do you need anything?" I asked.

"Um no, thank you, Jasper." He laid back down on the bed and closed his eyes.

Walking to the door I looked at him one last time. "Night." I closed the door behind myself and wandered back to my own room, crashing out the moment my head hit the pillow.

****

'_They will not force us_

_They will stop degrading us_

_They will not control us_

_We will be victorious'_

Uprising by Muse rang out of my phone and I groaned. Not lifting my head up I grabbed hold of my phone and pressed the green button placing it against my ear.

_"Hello." My voice all full of sleep. Who the fuck wanted me? _

_**"Jasper, where the hell are you? Your class starts in thirty minutes." **_Peter's voice said down the phone. What? No ,I wasn't running late, was I? I turned and looked at the clock 9.30 AM.

_"Fuck. I'm on my way."_ I hung up and raced around my bedroom. Changing fast I threw on a pair of dark blue jeans and plain white tee. I ran into the bathroom, had a wash and before I knew it I was out the door, bolting down the stairs to the car park. Why did I have to live on the top floor?

I got to my car and floored it to college. I was in some serious need of coffee by the time I came flying through the office door. Peter was already on hand holding a coffee for me.

"Pete, thanks." I took a gulp then cursed when it burnt my mouth, that wasn't the brightest idea I'd ever had.

"Late night, Jazz? What boy did you bring home last night?" He smirked at me wiggling his eyebrows. I rolled my eyes at him, I wasn't in the mood nor did I have the time for that. I turned on my heel and headed towards the door again.

"What?" Peter asked smirking a little. I bet the bastard thought he was right. Oh, if he fucking knew, he wouldn't be fucking smirking like that. The little fucker. I suppressed my groan and opened the door to my wonderful students.

"Good morning, class." I said in my best 'I'm tired, please don't fuck with me voice', I heard a rumbled reply from them. It's good to see they're so interested in learning this stuff, how I loved my job.

"Right. Class." I paused for second. I hated doing this, and this was something my history teacher used to pull a lot of but sometimes needs must. I picked up a load of textbooks, all covering the same thing just written by someone different. I walked along passing them to the students. "I'm giving you all a history textbook, all of these books are written by well known authors in this field and today I want you to read their books. I want you to break down there words, there work and write about what they have said. I want to know do you agree or disagree with them. If you do what do you agree with and disagree with. I want you to write your name along with the book you are working on, hand in the papers to me on Friday." I smiled and walked to my desk. Hearing the pages open I sat down and picked up my coffee, an easy hour for me.

Trying to look as though I was busy doing something I opened the book that's on my desk, and started turning pages until I'd reached a point where I looked as though I'd found my page. I stared at the book in front of me and thought about last night. My heart pulled at the memory of seeing Edward like that. I honestly thought he was going to have a heart attack and die. Seeing him fighting to catch his breath like that as his body shook, it took all I had not to hug him. I knew that would make matters worse if I crossed that line.

Holding his hand seemed to work nicely though. I couldn't help the smile as I looked down at my hand, I could still feel that warm tingly feeling I got when my hand touched his. His soft skin, all covered in a thin layer of sweat, how his hands trembled under my touch, how his body seemed to be fighting a losing battle to control his emotions. I felt awful. Seeing him crying as though the tears wouldn't stop even if he tried, he looked so broken, so damaged, but a small part of me... okay a massive part of me was so proud of myself.

I handled the situation perfectly, managed to calm him down and stayed with him until he was ready to fall back to sleep. I was buzzing, I could really see why people took jobs where they helped others out like that, the little things you received were such a big pay off. I couldn't begin to imagine how hard it must have been for Edward to sit there through the movie with me and talk to me. I thought I was slowly gaining his trust and I couldn't be happier over it.

_**EPOV**_

I didn't want to think about last night until I had to. I had managed to pass the morning without coming to think about my whole panic attack. How pathetic can one person be? I knew this was all part of my pain, part of my punishment for what happened, but did the world have to bring me the embarrassment of having someone see me like that? I sighed as my car came to a stop outside Tanya's office; another session was on the cards for today.

Walking through the corridor I kept my head down. I could feel stares on me, as though everyone knew what I had done, like a big sign hung over my head declaring to the world just how much I failed. I gave my name and sat down, my shoulders hunched forward as I waited. I hated being in this place, I hated the feeling of people looking at you as you waited around for your name to be called. I knew there was no point in leaving, the last time I did that I got as far as the main doors before Tanya got to me.

"Edward, Tanya will see you now." Irina called to me. I stood up, still not fully straight and headed towards her door. The times I'd gone through those doors... Would it ever end or was my life now just going to be this shit?

"Edward, how are you today?" Her voice filled the room. I looked at her face, she had the same happy warm smile on her lips that I'd seen for the last eighteen months.

"Um, okay." I sat down and waited for her to begin firing her questions at me.

"Okay, then how have you been feeling?" The same question she opened with every fucking time, just once I would like to hear something different than how are you feeling.

"In pain." I looked to the floor. I knew she was going to want more than that from me. "I had a panic attack last night, a bad one." My eyes stayed on the floor.

"What brought it on, Edward? Do you know?" I nodded my head. I knew why the attack happened, and I knew why the dream came again last night. "In your own time sweetheart."

Taking a deep breath I lifted my head so it rested against the back of the wall. Looking at the ceiling was better than looking at her, she'd want eye contact, I didn't do eye contact. "I watched a film last night with Jasper..... Scarface...... we chatted for a bit before I went to bed." I told her.

"Edward, that's brilliant. I'm so proud of you for doing that. How did it make you feel, watching the film with Jasper?" Her tone was happy like I'd just done something good, or learnt a new trick.

"Okay I guess, but I was ready to leave once the film had finished, too much, a feeling of being in my own space." I waited for her to start again.

"Well I'm pleased that you stayed there Edward, it's real progress for you. So why do you think that brought on the nightmare?" I wanted to cry now; I took a few deep shaky breaths trying to steady myself before I spoke.

"Because for a little while I felt almost comfortable sitting there and I shouldn't feel things like that, I don't deserve them." I closed my eyes and waited, I knew just what she was thinking. Hearing her let out a sigh I could see her face now, the disappointment that I was once again walking this road.

"Edward, it wasn't a punishment for you because you felt almost comfortable there. I know you don't want to believe this, but you do deserve these things. You're not at fault, no one blames you, only yourself. I wish you would see this." Her voice pleaded with me before she continued; Tanya wouldn't hit that road today, she's on to something new this time. "The nightmare, what was it?" She asked.

"The argument I had with James the night he..... he died." I choked the last words out; it hurt so much to say it, to say he was dead and was never coming back.

"And this brought on the panic attack?" She asked me and I just nodded. "How did you handle the panic attack?" Questions, questions and more questions.

"I didn't handle it well. I couldn't breathe, it was that bad, but Jasper...." I trailed off, I'd said too much now.

"Jasper? What did Jasper do, Edward?" She wouldn't let me leave until I answered her questions.

"Jasper.... he woke me up.... I... I was screaming and ..... he worried...... I..." I trailed off again as I started to find it hard to breath. Tanya waited for me to calm myself down so I could continue. "He told... to take deep breathes.... I couldn't breathe, my heart was beating so fast.... he did the deep breaths with me, held my hand until I calmed down enough to speak." I hoped she was happy now; my pathetic self was putting it all out for the world to see.

"Did you speak to him afterwards?" I looked at her for a split second before looking back at the ceiling.

"I spoke about James for a minute or two before he went back to bed." My voice was low almost not wanting her to hear it

"He was comforting you when you were in need. Edward, this is a milestone for you, you allowed Jasper to comfort you when you were having this attack. How did you feel receiving that comfort?" I closed my eyes and blocked out her voice for a minute. That was something I should never get, no one should comfort me and I wondered why I let him, why I let him get that close to me.

I guessed I was that freaked that I didn't care. The warm feeling I got when he touched my hand, it wasn't right. None of that was right, none of it. I had to leave there and soon. I couldn't stay there letting that person slowly work their way in, through my walls. He was wasting his time on someone who was worthless. I'dfailed in every area of my life and now that person, that man is hell bent on helping me out. Why?

"I shouldn't have received that feeling, that comfort. I let someone die, I cost him his life Tanya. All because of me, me and my job, he should have never have met me. My heaven should not have happened, I was the biggest mistake that happened in his life and I cost him it..... Tanya, I can't even look at myself with the feeling of disgust and shame that run through me. Please Tanya let me go now, let me do as I please. My life is worthless and there is no point in it." I felt the tears slowly run down the sides of my face.

"Edward, you never cost him his life, this was out of your hands. Do you think that if James was given the choice he would do things differently? I don't think he would. From what you have told me and how much you love him, I don't think he would pass any of it up. You have gone through something that no one should ever have to go through, but you need to let it go. You did all you could and I'm sure he was thankful that it was you there fighting to keep him alive and not some other doctor. Your life isn't worthless, your life is a gift. You were and are still a great person underneath all this hurt and pain; please believe me when I tell you this. You have nothing to be shameful for, don't blame yourself." Her words ran around the room. I could hear her tone change as if she was willing me to believe her, but I couldn't, I wouldn't, everything I touched turned to shit.

"I want you to do something Edward, something that will be good for you. You received so many little gestures from Jasper I think you should return one." I looked at her as if she was crazy; maybe they should give her the fucking pills instead.

"What?" I asked her. I didn't really want to hear the answer that would soon be leaving her lips.

"A gesture, something to say thank you. It doesn't have to be big and you don't even have to hang around for it, but you should do something as a way to say thank you for him helping you out last night as well as all the other small little things. Will you do that Edward?" She raised her eyebrow as her question finished.

"Do I have a choice?" Stupid really, I knew the answer, it was no.

"No, you don't." See, what did I tell you? Bitch. I huffed and folded my arms across my chest. "I will check up on this Edward, so the sooner you do this the better, okay?" Bitch, bitch, bitch, bitch

"How will this help me again? Because it just seems like this is a fucking game for you now." I was clearly pissed off with how this was turning out.

"It's emotions, Edward, you need to start to experience different types. You have received comfort from someone who is a stranger almost to you and you felt almost comfortable with it, I want you to experience the giving of a small gesture. You can play it however you want, you don't have to hang around and you can disappear the moment it's done, but this will be good." I knew your good and mine were two different things altogether.

"FINE." I huffed at her. Her little face lit up and smiled at me, the whole look of her winning the stupid game. Bitch. If she was a man I would wipe that smile clean off her face, the fucking bitch drove me fucking nuts.

Huffing I stayed there. Tanya just waited for me to continue whatever was rambling around in my head before she ended our session, so I stood. "Bye." My voice was low as I headed out of the door and towards the parking lot. I didn't really hate her. In fact the woman had been amazing for me. She had spent so many hours listening to me go on and on about my troubles, often listening to me during the middle of the night when I had an attack and she was always there every time I went to end it. I guessed I should be thankful for that.

I just didn't like the things she made me do. I thought that by me telling her what I had gone and done off my own back would be enough for her not to make me do something else, but she wanted more. She wanted me to return the gesture. Okay fine, I'll return the gesture, that would be nice of me, but what was I meant to do? I knew nothing about the man other than him teaching history and loving Scarface, but I couldn't see how I could fit any of that into any gesture.

Drumming my fingers on the steering wheel while I drove back to the apartment I racked my brains until something, anything came up. I knew Tanya would be on my case until I did something, anything. It was better to get it over with now and fast. Like a plaster, rip it off quickly and it stings for a second, but then it's all better, right? Wrong.

Bingo! The idea popped into my head.

* * *

**_Didn't Jasper handle it well? Aww so proud of my boys bonding like this, hehe._**

**_So anyone have any ideas of what Edwards Idea is? Let me know what you think it is._**

**_Hit the review my lovelys and show me some love _**


	11. Chapter 11

_**AN/ Aww thanks for the wonderful reviews im getting, all the hits and alerts aswell.**_

**_I wrote a longer chapter to make up for the fact that i wont be updating now till the weekend, hope you guys like this one, we get to find out what Edwards Gesture was, and there's a little bit more bonding between these two beauitful men._**

_**

* * *

**_

_**JPOV**_

My day just got worse and worse as the day wore on, I couldn't get all my classes to read textbooks and then write about it. At some point I had to teach, this was something I loved. I had worked hard to be where I was and I got such a buzz from teaching my students, who would listen now and then about the wonderful history I loved so much. But today, today was not my day. I was finding it hard, hard to get my brain in gear. Lack of sleep from last night had left me a little worse for wear and on top of it I couldn't stop thinking about the panic attack either. I wanted to call the apartment and make sure that Edward was okay, I hadn't seen him this morning and it made me a little edgy all day.

How was he feeling? I knew he was seeing Tanya today but I still wanted to call, just to make sure he was alright. Although I went against the idea thinking he might not like it and it might freak him out, also that would be another step in becoming a complete girl. Thankfully I was nearing the end of my day, the long ass day that never seemed to end was almost over. I could cry tears of sheer joy knowing that I was almost done for the day. Of course I had the wonderful task of marking those stupid papers. I frowned, screwing my face up at the thought. What a way to spend my evening. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket, I took it out and checked the caller ID, it was Tanya. Fear rose in me, what if something had happened to Edward? Why would she be calling me? Something must be wrong. As my mind started to run through the different situations it could come up with I excused myself from my class and stepped into the corridor.

"_Tanya_?" I said down the phone trying to sound as natural as possible, even though my palms were sweating like no tomorrow.

_**"Hi Jasper, sorry to call you. Are you still at work?" **_Okay, her tone sounded happy. She had said she was sorry to have called me, maybe it's not that serious and she just thought I should know. Yeah, that's it.

_"I am, but it's fine. My class is busy at the moment so I can spare a few minutes. What's up?"_ I was pacing back and forth now down the corridor.

_**"It's about Edward...."**_ I cut her off.

_"Is he okay? Is something wrong? Oh god there is, isn't there?"_ I continued to ramble down the phone until I heard her laugh lightly down the phone.

_**"Jasper, he's fine. The reason I'm calling you today is to thank you for what you did last night for Edward. He told me today how you calmed him down during his attack, I'm most grateful."**_ Relief washed over me and a smile appeared on my lips.

"_It wasn't a problem. Honestly I really didn't mind."_ True I didn't, I got to see Edward's bare chest in the darkness of the night. That was a pay off all on its own.

_**"I'm glad you were there Jasper, thank you. I'll let you get back to work. Bye Jasper." **_She hung up and I walked back into class beaming. I had received a call from his doctor thanking me, my bad day had just gotten better.

The last hour dragged on until I heard the sweetest noise in the world. The bell. I sighed happily knowing that I had done well last night with Edward and I had got him through his attack. Also knowing that I received thanks from his doctor for it and knowing that my day was now done. I'd take the papers and mark each and every single one of them with a smile on my face. I skipped along to my truck, yeah I manly skipped to my car. Even the rain that was poured down outside and wet me through wasn't enough to dampen my good mood.

Traffic was a bitch as per normal, but I was pleased this time, busy thinking about what to say to Edward. Should I mention that Tanya called me? Or just pass it off altogether and just ask him if he was alright after last night? I wondered if he might feel a little embarrassed from me seeing him like that last night. I hoped he wouldn't feel like that, I really didn't mind and he had nothing to feel embarrassed about. Would he now hide away for a few days because of it? I hoped not. I enjoyed watching a movie with him last night, and was secretly hoping that maybe we could watch another one tonight or some other night. I should mention it to him, see what he thinks, and maybe make it a weekly thing. I parked up and got out of my truck, making my way in the building, to the apartment I loved so much.

Reaching the door I just stood there staring at the door, like I had forgotten how to open a door or use the key. I desperately needed to get a grip on what was happening, get a grip on my feelings. I rested my back on the door and sighed. Truth was I liked Edward .... a lot. These little talks were everything to me, hearing his chuckle or his beautiful laugh made me soar higher than the fucking clouds in the sky. The rare times he would look me in the eye, even when it was just a fraction of a second, I got to see those forest green eyes. Those eyes that I could easily get lost in, drive right in and stay there for days. His just fuck me hair that looked so soft it was just begging me to run my fingers through it. His strong firm muscle, his shoulders, those abs that I so badly wanted to run my tongue over. The warm fuzzy feeling that shoots around my body every time I touch him, even if it's just a passing touch.

I closed my eyes. What I wanted was right there through that door, but I knew he was off limits. He was broken, so badly broken after losing his love, the love of his life he can't get over. He was never going to want another man, and while I know all of this I can't stop the little fantasies that play out in my head about us. God, I'm sick. I'd seen him breaking over what he had lost and stood there and thought about stupid little things that will never be.

While I knew I would continue to keep my little promise and help him as much as I could, I knew I was just going to have to settle for him just maybe being my friend at the end of it. And that only if I could heal him enough for him to accept friendship.

Sighing I finally pulled myself up and opened the door, the flat was empty or so it seemed. No sound was coming from the living room or the kitchen. I knew Edward was in as I saw his car so that meant he was in his room. My heart sunk knowing that last night's movie watch was nothing more than a one off. I headed off into the kitchen where I pulled a bottle of beer out the fridge. My happy mood that I had no more than ten minutes ago had crashed and burned in front of me, while my mind went in to some sort of downward spiral bringing me down along with it. Why was it your mind could easily bring your mood down in seconds?

As I entered into the living room I picked up the pile of papers for me to mark and turned on the TV. Slumping down on the sofa I brought my beer to my lips, I was just about to take a sip when I saw it. Sitting there resting on the bowl that sat in the middle of the coffee table, the elegant script clearly spelled my name. I looked at it for what seemed like minutes but was mere seconds before I leaned forward and placed my beer down. Carefully I picked up the envelope looking at the beautiful handwriting that stared back at me. Slowly I opened it up and took out a letter slowly unfolding it. My eyes grew wide as I saw the words written down on it.

_My way of saying thank you for last night._

_Enjoy,_

_Edward._

Looking back into envelope I pulled out two tickets for the history exhibition at the national museum this weekend. I'm gob-smacked. My eyes cast over the two tickets, fingers feeling over them to make sure they were real. I couldn't believe he had gotten me these to say thank you for last night. I was touched by his thoughtfulness, my eyes clouded over as the tears filled and spilled over my lids. I was so happy by this. This little thought and once again I was flying. He knew what I loved, he'd remembered my job and got me something that I couldn't have wished for.

The tears spilled down my face as I stood there smiling wide and feeling like a little teenage girl who had just been noticed by her crush. I wanted to dance around the living room and scream from the top of my lungs, I was so happy I could have burst with happiness. The warm beautiful feeling sat proudly in my chest as I walked happily towards his room. Knocking on his door softly I was wired up right then and was almost shaking with the excitement that was running wild through my body. It took everything I had not to act like a five year old over receiving a brand new toy. I heard his soft voice telling me to come in; I took a slow deep breath to calm myself before entering the room. I saw him sitting there on his bed, a wrist resting on a bent knee, his other arm resting in his lap. I could see his muscles in his arm pushing against the material on his long sleeved sweater, and I had to remind myself not to drool.

"Hi, I just wanted to say thank you for the tickets you got me. It was very thoughtful of you, but you really shouldn't have." I smiled at him pouring my gratefulness into those words. His eyes carefully lifted up and looked at me, not fully meeting my eyes, his lips moved slightly into a soft hardly noticeable smile.

"You're welcome, it... um was to say thank you for … um not just last night but my room as well." His voice was soft as he spoke to me, as much as I wanted to enter more into his room I stayed in the doorway. He seemed comfortable enough me being there.

"Would you like to come with me?" I figured I should ask him as he bought them. I really wanted him to say yes but I wasn't too sure if he would, watching his face his forehead creased a little.

"Um no, thank you. Thank you for asking me though." My heart dropped a little but I kept the smile on my face, it was in no means forced. I didn't think I could stop and remove the silly grin off my face if I tried.

"Um Edward?" Might as well ask him, he can only say no, right?

"Yes?" His eyes had dropped off me now and he was looking at his hands

"Last night..." I started and I saw him tense right up. Fuck Jasper, sort it out fast.

"The movie, would you like to watch another one with me sometime, maybe next week? I have a whole bunch of Pacino films..." I trailed off as I suddenly thought this was no longer a good idea, I watched his face as he seemed to be deep in thought for a minute. So I continued "We could watch something else if you want, it doesn't have to be any Pacino films." I saw his head snap up and he looked at me for just a second, his eyes met mine and I was lost.

"Thought you said nobody should turn Pacino off?" His eyes dropped just a bit but remained on my face. I smiled, he remembered what I said last night.

"Well it's true you shouldn't, but if you like we can watch something else?" Please let that be a yes, please let that be a yes, I chanted over and over again in my mind.

"Um.... sure." His voice was just a whisper and I barely heard him, but I did catch it, and my smile got even bigger.

"Great. Well thanks again Edward. Um are you hungry?" How much could I push my luck in one day?

"I guess." He answered, back to looking at his hands.

"I'll make dinner, anything you don't like or want?" Little Jasper was busy doing a happy dance. No, that was a lie. Little Jasper was in the middle of a night club buzzing his tits off on speed.

"Um anything will be fine, thank you." YES, YES, YES, YES. Could I dance around now?

"Okay, I'll knock when it's ready." I said to him still grinning like a girl.

"You don't have to Jasper." His voice sounded strained as he spoke to me.

"I want to." I went to turn and leave but before I did I caught his soft little smile just a fraction wider than before. I left the room before I lost it and closed the door.

Unable to contain myself anymore I bounced up and down on the spot grinning stupidly and did a happy dance complete with silent screams, I didn't want to seem like a nutter. Dancing into the kitchen I was super excited, with every nerve in my whole body on fire. I felt so alive right then as I looked through the cupboards thinking about what to make. I could cook. I was very good at it, but I had no idea what I should make. Something nice but simple, I didn't want to seem like I'd spent hours in the kitchen but I want it to taste like it.

Flicking through the cupboards I was still having trouble thinking just what I could make. Fuck, why does this have to be so hard? It's just dinner, a normal run of the mill dinner that most people have every night of the week; it didn't have to be some fancy meal, just something normal. _If that's the case then why are you freaking out?_ Because I want this to be nice. After what seemed like hours I finally decided to make a very simple pasta dish, a little on the garlic side and very creamy. It was one of my favourites and hoped Edward would like it.

While it was cooking I thought about laying the table but decided that I had already pushed my luck once today and it paid off, this might just make that band snap. Besides I still had papers to mark and as nice as it would be to sit and look at Edward all night, it would be a distraction and my papers would never get marked. Once it was done I picked up his plate and walked over to his room. Taking a deep breath I knocked on his door, I wasn't sure if I was expecting him to call me in or what but I stood there like a idiot when he opened the door.

"Um.... it's pasta." No fucking shit, Sherlock!

"Thanks, Jasper." God, I loved how he said my name all husky like that. I passed him the plate and left. My heart was going so fast I thought you could see it bursting out my chest.

Taking my own plate I sat down with my papers and began to mark, I was shocked to see that almost half of them were somewhat decent. I guessed the threat of this would go towards your final mark really did kick them into gear; I should use it more often.

I didn't see Edward for the rest of the night, and although I was a little downhearted by it I figured I had some great success and should be happy with that. But you know what it's like, you always want more. The rest of the week passed by in a flash, I had asked Bella to come with me to the history museum. Out of all my friends she was more interested than the rest besides I wanted some 'girl talk'. Saturday rolled round and I crawled my sorry ass out of bed. I was up early, ridiculously early considering I didn't have work and I wasn't meeting Bella until 1 PM, but here I was out of bed at 7:30 AM. I decided to make coffee first before anything else, I needed the caffeine to kick-start my day. As I headed towards the kitchen I stopped in my tracks. Edward was up, dressed in running gear and filling a bottle of water.

"Morning." I couldn't stop my eyes from giving him the once over, in long shorts and a baggy sweater my heart-rate picked up along with something else.

"Morning, Jasper." His back was still to me, but his voice was just a fraction higher than normal when he spoke to me.

"You going for a run?" No Jasper, he just wants to look like he was. What the fuck Jasper? He chuckled at me, that beautiful chuckle crept through his lips and a smile hit mine in seconds.

"I was planning too, um would you like to join me?" My heart just froze, I stopped breathing, and I couldn't think straight. The little Jasper was busy doing a full dance routine; I couldn't believe he had just asked me to join him. Me. I could fucking burst right now.

"Yeah, um give me ten, okay?" I bolted out the kitchen like my ass was on fire, I changed quickly and in minutes I was back in the kitchen complete with my iPod in hand. He was still standing there waiting for me.

"You ready?" His low musical voice hit me and knocked me for six.

"Yeah. Yeah come on, let's go." I picked up a bottle of water that he had done for me. The rush I was feeling right now was brilliant, I wanted to call the fucking world and let them know that I had not just scratched the surface of Edward Cullen, but I had put a crack in him.

We jogged out of the apartment building and headed towards the park, the air was crisp and clean with just a slight bit of winter sun setting in. In all honesty I didn't fucking care, it could have been twenty below outside and I wouldn't have noticed. The run was quiet, neither of us spoke during it, but it wasn't uncomfortable. I was enjoying my run, it beat running with Emmett who would grow bored halfway through and decide to set stupid little challenges which normally ended in me out of fucking breath and dying from pain. I was fit, I worked out but nowhere near the amount that Emmett did, I did enough to keep me in shape.

Halfway through the park Edward started to slow down until he came to a stop at some benches, he sat himself down and pulled his ear buds out. I watched him drink his water, looking at his long neck. Fuck, I wanted to kiss that fucking neck. I managed to get it together and sat down next to him looking around the park which was empty. It still felt very surreal that he had asked me to join him.

"Thanks for coming, Jasper." His words broke me out of my thoughts and with a sheepish smile I looked at him.

"No worries, thanks for asking me. It's been awhile since I went for a run." That was true; my whole diet and workout program had gone to shit just recently.

"Me too." I saw him squint his eyes slightly as he looked out over the pond.

"What made you go today?" Really Jasper was that the best you could think of?

"I don't know. I just felt like it, I guess." We fell silent again, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It was easy, but I had one question that was bugging me. Okay, well I had a few but this one really was.

"Can I ask you something?" I suddenly felt very nervous sitting here talking to him.

"You can, doesn't mean I'm going to answer." For a minute I thought he was going funny until I saw his little smirk.

"Why do you live with me when you have a house?" I watched his face twist up as he tensed his body up.

"Too many memories. I couldn't stand being in there. Everything just reminded me of him, even the colour of the walls that we fought over when we first bought it. It was too painful for me." I was getting open Edward, I suddenly felt that this little crack I had made was actually there and was slowly getting bigger.

"Didn't you think about selling it? It's a beautiful house, I'm sure it wouldn't take long to sell." I kept my eyes off his face, if he was being open with me I thought that looking at him might put him off.

"I don't want anyone else to have it. Stupid, I know." He played with the lid of the water bottle as he spoke.

"It's not stupid; it's something I would do." I said to him.

"I guess I'll sell it one day when I'm ready, but not just yet. I'm not ready for that." He stood up, I figured that this was the end of our little chat. I wasn't going to complain, after all I had gotten more Edward time then I thought I would.

We made our way back to the apartment, all hot and sweaty. I let Edward shower first, I still had plenty of time before I was off to meet Bella, so I took my time having breakfast and flicking through the morning paper that I picked up. I showered and changed, said bye to Edward whom I hadn't seen since we got back, and headed off to meet Bella outside the museum. By the time I reached it I was running late, Bella was already waiting outside looking a little cold in the late October air.

"Sorry I'm late." I told her as I watched her rub her arms.

"Its okay, shall we go in then?" I nodded and headed into the museum handing over my tickets. I was still so touched by it that a part of me was sad to hand them over, but I was looking forward to enjoying my gift.

"So..... How's it going with Edward? Do we get to meet him any time soon?" Her arms folded across her chest as we looked at the history on display.

"Yeah, it's going well, I went for a run with him this morning." I couldn't stop the smile that hit my face. Bella stopped, her mouth dropped opened and smiled wide.

"Jasper Whitlock, dish now Mister." I chuckled, she was seeing way more into this than it actually was.

"It was just a run, I saw him getting ready to leave this morning and......" I trailed off waiting for Bella to calm down from the side silly grin that was stuck on her face.

"Did you ask him or...?" I smiled again, a lovely warm feeling hit my chest that slowly spread around my body.

"He asked me. Oh Bell it was great, we even had a bit of a chat, and then the other night we watched a film together. He even agreed to watch another film with me." I was getting excited as the happy warm feeling continued to run through my body; I couldn't help feeling good right now.

"So you like him then? Look at you, Jasper. You have a little lovesick grin on your face." I sighed. This was something that I had been battling with for a few days now.

"Yeah, I do. But the thing is he.... he's not going to want anything like that, which sucks but I'm happy just breaking through to him you know?" My face fell a little at the realisation that nothing would ever come of this.

"Jazz, you don't know. Just because he's hurting now and doesn't want it doesn't mean he won't. From what you have told me he's broken a few milestones since he arrived, just continue as you're going and hopefully things will work out." I smiled a little and continued to enjoy the rest of the museum with Bella.

_**EPOV**_

Arriving back from my run with Jasper I was consumed with guilt. I stood in the shower and cried, it was the first time that I had been for a run since.... that night. First time in a long time I felt like going for one and I invited Jasper to come with me. I felt like it was some sort of betrayal to James, most Saturday or Sunday mornings if I wasn't working we would go for a run together. Running with Jasper just felt like I had done something wrong. Truth is I asked Jasper to come because I didn't want to do it on my own, then arriving back and feeling the guilt I wished I hadn't asked him.

I didn't want to continue to feel like this, to feel the pain that I felt every day, but when I did things to try and change I felt twice as bad as I did before. Looking down at my wrist's I slowly tracing the scar that now sat there, another night that haunts me just like the night he died. I knocked back two of my anti-depressants trying to shake the memory of that night out of my mind. Every time I closed my eyes my mind raced back to the night I first tried.

_Flashback_

_My last session with Tanya had been bad that day, making me look and go through photos of my past with James. By the time I arrived back to the house I had once called my home, the place I had built with James, I was in a blinding rage. Why him? He had his whole life ahead of him and all because a bus had been going too fast on the highway he lost his life. The driver walked away, well after two weeks in hospital he walked out of there and got to continue his life, James didn't. Where was the justice in it? The man who caused the whole crash got to keep his life while the innocent victim's lost there's. _

_My emotions were running high as I tore through the house, smashing everything that came in my path, tables, chairs, bookshelves, DVD's, CD's, everything that once had meant so much to me lay in a pile of rumble on the floor. I trashed the kitchen, smashing plates, threw cups against the wall, wiping the worktops clear of all the electrical crap we had bought. Wine bottles smashed against the tiled floor, everything was broken. Grabbing hold of a bottle of vodka I opened it throwing the lid on the floor. I grabbed hold of a bottle of pills and made my way upstairs popping the pills like they were sweets, downing them with vodka. I stopped and looked at a photo that hung on the wall on the landing, one of James. The tears poured down my face as I pressed my forehead against it._

_"I'm so sorry, please forgive me. I love you." I gently kissed the photo and headed into the bathroom._

_Finishing off the pills I dropped the bottle on the floor and finished off the vodka. I slid down against the blackish grey tiled wall on to the floor. I could hardly see, the pills were taking effect but I wasn't happy with just that. Picking up the blade I looked at it shining in the light and I wondered if this would hurt? I placed it at the top of my wrist and pressed in until I saw the blood. Dragging it down my arm it hardly hurt, I don't think I cared whether it did it or not. As I watched the warm blood run out through my vein I took the blade to my other wrist. I didn't waste time this time, in one quick movement I had done the same. Blood poured out of me covering the clothes I was wearing and spilling on the tiles underneath me, I smiled. I would soon be seeing him again. I laid on the floor starting to feel weak and my eyes started to close. I could faintly hear the phone ringing as I closed my eyes._

I opened my eyes again. That was meant to be it, I wasn't meant to continue this life after that night. My thoughts of seeing James wherever it is we go didn't come true, I woke up in hospital with Tanya sitting there.

I shuddered not wanting to be alone with my own thoughts now. Wiping my face I went towards the living room just as Jasper entered the apartment. He looked a little shocked to see me standing there, I smiled a little at him, feeling slightly nervous. I thought about just continuing towards the living room, but thought I should be polite and at least ask him if he enjoyed the museum.

"Um... did you have a nice time?" I kept my eyes to the floor but ran my fingers through my hair.

"It was brilliant. Thank you so much for getting me them." He beamed at me; I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole.

"You okay?" His voice was full of concern and I was fighting the tears that were threatening to fall down my face once again. Hot, thick, salty tears that never seemed to end. I just shook my head at him unable to speak, not trusting my voice.

"Come sit down, do you want to talk about it?" His arm slowly reached out and touched my forearm. My body tensed up, but I felt that fuzzy feeling shooting through my arm and around my body. I simply shrugged.

Walking into the living room I sat down pulling my legs up under my chin and wrapping my arms tightly around my legs. Jasper followed in a moment or two later with two bottles of beer. He placed one in front of me while he sat down next to me. There was space between the two of us but I still felt uncomfortable sitting there, my body tensed up even more than before and I could feel my chest starting to tighten up. I seriously needed to calm down or I was going to have another attack, closing my eyes I tried to calm down taking deep breaths.

"I can't begin to imagine just what you have and are going through Edward but it does break my heart to see you blaming yourself over this. It wasn't your fault." His caring tone was full of understanding and concern. Why was this person so hell bent on helping me out? I kept asking myself the same question over and over again.

"It was, all of it, my fault." My face was pressed on my arms as floods of it all came back to me.

"No Edward, you did all you could, just as you would have done if it was someone else lying there. At least you were with him when he died, that he died knowing that you were doing all you could for him." I had heard this from Tanya, in one of her many tries to get me to see I wasn't to blame.

"He died knowing the man he loves was there working on him. I'm not really into religion or anything like that, but I would like to think that if it was me I would take comfort and be able to rest knowing that even though we had a fight you were there doing all you could for the man you loved. Life is a beautiful thing Edward and even though sometimes it's cut short you should never think that you're to blame." He said.

That did it, the tears I was fighting back came through full force, it ripped through my chest causing me to shake. My head was still pressed against my arms when I felt Jaspers' arm wrap around me and pull me to him. I tensed up not wanting to be touched, but he rubbed small circles on my back and whispered hushed words in my ear. I found myself relaxing into his arms with my head pressed against his chest, my hands gripping his shirt as I cried, he continued to rub my back until I calmed down.

"I don't want this for my life Jasper, the pills, the nightmares, seeing Tanya every week. I don't want it." I said as I pulled back and looked at him, his face so concerned

"You can get through this Edward. All of it. And be able to live a life again." He said.

I couldn't help but smirk at the words that left his mouth, that was bullshit. It's not what I deserved; a worthless life that is full of pain was what was meant for me.

"I can't, because it's not fair for me to be able to enjoy my life when James' life was ripped from him." I wiped my face picking up my beer and almost downed the whole bottle in one.

"Life's not fair Edward, but that doesn't mean you can't live your life." His thumb came to my face and wiped a tear that was running down it. "You're beautiful and caring, your life has just begun and you can get through this." His face was just inches from mine, I could feel his breath on my face. Suddenly he closed the distance and his lips met mine.

I was stunned, this wasn't what I was expecting. His thumb brushed the side of my cheek and I found myself moving my lips against his, his tongue traced my lips and it woke me up. I pushed him off and stood up, my breathing ragged and heart beating hard in my chest, panic ripped through me.

"Edward...." He started but stopped.

"I.... I can't do this." I bolted out of the living room and into my bedroom, locking the door behind me. Slumping down against the door I could hear Jasper outside, my mind racing, a million thoughts flying through my mind all at once.

* * *

**_Hehe dont hate me for leaving it like that. _**

**_Our boys are slowly getting there, but they still have a hell of a long way to go yet!_**

**_Anyway my lovelys hit the review button and send me some love while im entertaining my family lol. _**

**_Jen:)_**


	12. Chapter 12

_**AN/ Hello my lovelys have you all missed me? Its been days since i last updated and what did i leave you all with, hehe. I know im aweful but to make it up i wrote an even longer chapter this time. A lot of stuff happens in this one.**_

**_Again thank you for your wonderful reveiws, i cant believe my little sory has gotten over 100 reviews, im buzzing really i am, im so touched._**

**_Another thankyou to my Beta, Ealasaid77 for doing her wonderful thing, though my break gave her chance to bust out an update for her story, Strange Desire. If you havent read it go check it out its really good. Its not a heart breaker like mine and its lovely to see our boys happy together._**

**_Anyway here is chapter 12._**

_**

* * *

**_

_**JPOV**_

_FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! Of all the stupid things you have ever done Jasper Whitlock this has to be one of the worst. No, it's not of the worst, it is the fucking worst! _I mentally cursed myself as I paced the floor outside of Edward's room. He had been opening up to me, we had been getting there, slowly, very fucking slowly but with each passing day our baby steps were getting closer together and then I went and kissed him.

My lips still tingled from the kiss of his soft lips; I couldn't stop myself from touching them. _Like it fucking matters how your lips fucking tingle, you crossed the fucking line_. Fuck off brain, now was not the time. I stopped outside his room and gently knocked on the door. I could hear his sobs through the door and it was breaking my heart, pulling at the corners and making me feel pain.

"Edward please open the door, I'm so.... so sorry... I shouldn't have done that, I crossed the line. Please Edward open the door so we can talk." I pleaded through the door with him. All I wanted to do was make this right.

I stood there for a while waiting, he hadn't moved to open the door, and as the time wore on I felt like all the hard work I put in over the last few weeks was going down the plan. _And whose fault is that?_ Mine! All fucking mine.

"Edward please, please talk to me. Open the door and let me in, I promise I won't cross that line. I won't do anything, I'm so sorry." My voice broke at the end and I could feel myself close to tears. I cared so much for him and him shutting me out now after my stupid mistake was ripping me apart.

"Please....... Please let me in" The tears now started to roll down my face as I realised that unless he opened the door and at least gave me a chance I was going to lose all I had done. "Please." My voice was rough and thick with emotion as I continued to weep outside his door.

I didn't know how long I sat there for, crying. Begging almost silently for him to answer the door and talk to me. It could have been hours or it could have been minutes. I cried my heart out, the broken man inside that room who was slowly coming out of his shell to me I had just crushed him again and sent him flying back in. It started to get dark and I made my way off the floor and towards the kitchen. Pulling out a bottle of beer I dragged my sorry ass to the living room. I flopped on the sofa, my eyes sore from the tears I shed, my head hurting from the panic I felt and the pain in my chest from the realisation that I had truly fucked up.

I couldn't believe what a fool I had been, I had jumped the gun, gone head on in there and I knew I shouldn't have. What did I really think was going to happen? _Him tear my clothes off and fuck me right here on the sofa? _The thought had passed my mind, as shamefully as it was to think it; certain areas were having a field day over the kiss. That kiss, wow. My whole body felt alive, the warm fuzzy feeling I normally got when I touched him went tenfold. It was like a fire had been lit and it was running at full speed through my body, it was unlike anything I had ever felt before._ It's something that you're never going to feel again Jasper. _I groaned outwardly, out of all the things I could have done, I kissed him. The look on his face of sheer panic realising what I had just done, I caught him off guard, like I had baited him into getting close to me just so I could see where it could go.

That wasn't what I intended to do, but it sure as hell now felt like it. All the hard work I had done in bringing him out of his shell, making him feel like he could trust me and for what? A kiss that lasted a couple of seconds that I couldn't really remember due to my mind fucking racing at the time. I wished I could turn back the clock and turn this around, but I knew I wouldn't be able to. There was no turning of the clock, there was no taking it back, there was nothing that would sort this one out. Jasper Whitlock you should get a degree in fucking things up.

I didn't know how long I laid there for, I hadn't bothered to turn anything on, choosing to just be with my own thoughts, my own self pity. Slowly I drifted in and out of sleep, not really sure if I was ever truly awake or asleep. My dreams consisted of Edward, being there waiting for me, us being together, even telling me that everything was okay. I didn't want my dream to end. The thought of everything being okay and us being happy together was such a lovely thought but a bitch when it came to reality. Those things would never be. A man that was so broken over his past love would never heal enough to be able to be happy. His heart was in a million tiny piece's that failed to come back together, his life consisted of him taking pills and seeing Tanya. How could I have really thought that some kiss would sort out all his problems and give him a life again? It was like some stupid teenage fantasy, where the girl was obsessed with some actor or singer and they were convinced if they ever saw this person they would fall in love with them and no matter what was going on around them everything would fall into place. Life didn't work like that.

Not sure if I was dreaming or not but I swore I could feel a draft blowing through into the living room, like the patio doors were open. In my dream state I was unsure if I was dreaming this or not, I shivered a few times. The coldness I was feeling woke me from whatever sort of dream I was having. I opened my eyes, sore from the tears I had shed and sat up. Looking around I was a little lost and dazed for a moment until my eyes fell on the patio doors, they were opened just a little bit. It meant one thing, Edward.

Moving myself off the sofa I took a deep breath and headed towards the doors. For a moment I stood there just looking at him, his back was to me and he was hunched over the railings. I cleared my throat, and he slowly tilted his body towards me, his face never looked at me but his hand offered a pack of smokes. I took one from him and lit it up. Taking a long deep drag I held it for a moment before I blew it out. Fuck this was a little awkward.

"Um Edward, can we talk please?" My voice so rough and thick with sleep I was sure he wouldn't even answer me, but to my surprise I saw his head lift up and look out over the city.

"I was going to wake you after I had this. I figured we needed to talk." I felt like a weight had lifted just a little off me. I didn't know what he wanted to say but I figured it was good considering he wouldn't open the door.

"Good, look Edward I'm so..." He raised his hand cutting me off.

"Inside Jasper, not out here." His tone showed nothing at all. Fear slowly crept in as I watched him walk past me and into the living room, turning the little lamp as he went.

Breathing deeply I tried to settle my nerves, I had such a bad feeling about this. I was hoping that maybe this was just my mind playing up for me, but I couldn't be certain. I finished off my smoke and walked in. He sat there with his feet on the edge of the sofa, his knees pulled up under his chin, his head down. I swore I could see the thoughts running through his mind. I shut the door and walked in sitting across from him. Taking a deep breath I went to speak but I saw Edwards head come up, I saw the confusion and pain in his eyes and my heart broke all over again.

"Jasper..... this.... that.... me....." He stopped and took another breath, I didn't speak. He wanted to say something so I wasn't going to get in the way until he had voiced what he wanted to say.

"I'm hardly living, my life right now... well it's not a life, is it? I need to get my life on track, I.... You're the first person I've had any sort of connection to since James died, believe it or not Jasper. But I don't want this life I currently have, I want a somewhat normal life again. I don't know how to get that, and .... well I actually thought you could help me there." He stopped, my heart was racing so fast in my chest I thought it might explode in there.

"I'm sorry, really. I don't know what I was thinking. I wish I could take it back. Honestly, I really do." I was rambling I knew, I saw his face never changed. The no emotion on his face hit into my chest, in to my heart every time I looked at him.

"I feel like I'm heading backwards and not forwards, this is so hard for me, the feelings I have to deal with over the littlest things." He ran his fingers though his hair and looked at me. He held my gaze longer than ever before, those forest green eyes staring right at me. I was getting lost.

"I.... don't want to be alone anymore." His voice was nothing more than a whisper.

"Edward please forgive me for what I did. I would like to be there for you and help you though this." My voice was pleading with him. He just shook his head at me.

"I can't, it's best if I leave here and sort again somewhere else. You don't understand what I've been through to get to this point and you...... How can I continue this when you want more?" His words hit me like a ton of bricks, I was falling into my own fucking pit and it was all my doing.

"Please Edward.... Please give me that chance." He mocked me by laughing, almost snickering at me; his face became murderous.

"Give you a chance? I did, after you made some sick joke about my life. I gave you that chance and look where it got me." I cringed. I had nothing to argue with, he was right and holding all the cards. I had played this all wrong.

"You kissed me back." The moment it left my mouth I regretted it. I saw his fist ball up and I really thought he was going to hit me.

"Jasper you caught me off guard, you were comforting me only to get more from me. Don't you dare think I wanted that, because I didn't." He spat at me. "Thanks a lot Jasper for taking my trust in you and throwing it at me. I'll be out by the end of the week. Don't worry, I'll pay my half this month." He got up and left the room slamming his door behind him.

This was the second time I had seen him angered like this, seen him angry and slamming doors. My mind wondered if he was going to try anything again but I soon talked myself out of it. He was so right, everything he said was right. He had trusted me, slowly coming out of his shell towards me and I threw it back at him. I might as well have just spat in his face, it would have been the same. If I had left well enough alone, just let him continue the path he was on, who knows what would have happened if I had just left well enough alone. Now he was leaving. Now I had broken the trust he had placed in me and destroyed any hope of us even being friends.

I pulled myself off the sofa and looked at the clock 3.25AM. Shit. Tomorrow or should I say today was Sunday so there was no major rush but there was no way I was going to be able to have a good night's sleep, not after all of this. _And whose fault is that dickhead? _Mine! _No fucker will feel sorry for you. You know that, don't you? _Yes, I wouldn't expect them too either. I crawled to my bed feeling sorry myself and fell asleep.

I woke with the light shining through the curtains, brining me back to the hell I had created. I pulled my jeans back on and a top over my head. God, I felt like shit. I shuffled my hands in my pocket and felt the ticket ends for the museum yesterday, I pulled them out and looked at them. The wonderful thoughtfulness of Edward, he had gotten them to say thank you to me. It just showed how far he had come, but yet I had messed it all up with a kiss. _The word wanker comes to mind._ How about you fuck off and leave me alone today? _Truth hurts, doesn't it? _Shaking my head I tried to remove the voice that filled it and headed into the kitchen. I put the kettle on and got my things ready for a coffee. While I waited for the kettle to boil I headed into the living room. The doors to the patio were open and I could see Edward leaning against the wall. I hadn't thought I would see him today. I hadn't gotten myself ready to speak to him just yet. What could I say that I hadn't already said?

"Um... do you want a coffee?" I offered him looking very sorry for what I had done. He lifted his eyes to me, I could see that they were red and swollen. God, what the fuck had I done?

"If you're making." I wanted to smile. His tone had changed from last night, he seemed almost back to normal. I wasn't going to get my hopes up, there was no point. I wondered if I should mention him moving out or at least try and talk to him. Hearing the kettle click I walked back into the kitchen, making myself and Edward a coffee. The thought hit me that those little things were numbered and I realised just how much how I would miss them. Those tiny little things, making a coffee for him, enjoying a little chat with each other, going for a run, all those little tiny things that made me on cloud nine now brought nothing but hurt to me. I had to suck this up and sort it out while I still could. I picked up his drink and walked back out on to the patio. It was getting cold out here now, the almost November air was a clear sign that winter was well and truly here.

"Edward, please I know I fucked up. I broke your trust and I'll be honest with you, I do like you, but I know you're hurting and I know you're off limits. I know I have done everything all wrong but please give me a chance to sort it all out." I pleaded with him again. That couldn't go any worse than last night, could it?

"All I want is a friend Jasper, someone to help me out with this life crap, not someone who is going to try and stick there tongue down my throat." He titled his head to the side and looked across the low sun hitting his beautiful bronze hair making it all shiny. God how I wanted to run my hands through it. _Thoughts like that got you into this mess Jasper._ Yeah I know.

"I know and I won't, I promise. Please Edward." I offered my hand out to him, he looked at it and then at me. "It's a hand of friendship and nothing more, hand on heart." I even placed my other hand on my heart, fuck I would get on my knees and beg if need be.

"I don't know Jasper." His voice sounded so torn, his eyes kept looking back down at my hand.

"Just think about it, please. That's all I ask." He nodded and headed into the living room. I continued to finish off my smoke, looking over the city thinking about what I could do to make it up to Edward. Truth was I couldn't do anything that would make it up.

If he did decide to stay then at least he would be seeing me as someone that maybe could be a friend to him. I heard his bedroom door close and sighed. All I wanted to do was to make this right and be there for him, try and show him that he could live his life and not feel guilty for it. I flicked my smoke over the side and headed into the living room, a pile of papers that I needed to look at sat there. Right now I didn't fancy them, I didn't fancy sitting there going over my wonderful students work when I had all this going on. I knew letting my work suffer was not going to change anything, just gave me more work to do later. I screwed my face up and pulled the pile in front of me, may as well make a start at it.

Halfway through my marking I fell asleep. I'm having the most wonderful dream, I could feel wonderful strong arms underneath me, holding me so gently, so carefully but yet too strongly. I could smell his scent, it's heavenly. He smells all fresh, like just got out of the shower fresh. My whole body is warm and tingly, such an amazing feeling ran through my body as I was being carried to... I didn't know where, but I didn't care. I could feel his skin on me, my head tucked into his neck, I could feel his vein pumping blood through his body. Suddenly I felt something soft underneath me as the arms disappeared beneath me. I was in heaven, but I had not opened my eyes. Even in my dream I didn't want to shatter whatever wonderful dream this was. I felt the cover being pulled up over me, tucking me in to this comfy place. I sighed content, this wonderful feeling wasn't in a rush to leave me. My dream faded out and I didn't dream of anything else.

_Buzz Buzz Buzz _

My alarm blasted through the room, I smacked the top of it and groaned. Monday already, where had the weekend gone? I sat up in my bed. My bed? What? I couldn't remember coming here last night. In fact I didn't remember leaving the living room, the last thing I remember was my papers I was marking and then nothing. Shit, had I slept walked to bed? I rubbed my face trying to think back to when I came here last night. I couldn't remember finishing off my marking. Is it possible that you could just blank out half a night? Was I that tired that my brain was still asleep when I left the living room to come to the bedroom and therefore not remember? I looked at the clock, 7AM. I couldn't remember setting that either. Fuck, maybe I should see a doctor if I've just blanked out a shit-load of hours from my life.

Pulling the covers back I got myself out of bed and headed into the bathroom. I hit the shower on and waited for it to heat up. I lent against the sink pulling the bottom of my lip thinking, trying to get my head around how I had got from point A to point B. I've been drunk before and been able to remember, so why was I having trouble now? Then it hit me, my papers. Oh fuck, I hadn't even checked that they were in a pile or worse crumpled up on the floor. I pulled my half opened jeans up and headed out the bathroom door, almost running into the living room. The panic was running through me, if I had crumpled them up how was I going to explain to my students the state of them? Luck though was on my side as I saw them sitting in a nice neat pile on the coffee table, I breathed a sigh of relief at the sight of them.

I headed back to the shower and showered off, my mind still on how I got from point A to point B and having no memory of it. My mind remembered my dream and for a second I thought that maybe I wasn't dreaming, that it had been real. It would explain everything, but still Edward wasn't talking to me. I still didn't know if he was going to leave or stay after my kiss. Fuck, how had my weekend gone so wrong?

Pretty soon it was time for me to leave for work, I had hoped I might have seen Edward before I left but nope. There wasn't a single sound coming from his room. _Jasper you seriously have just not placed your ear against his door, have you?_ Maybe. _Maybe a doctor would be a good idea after all. _Nobody asked for your opinion. I pulled myself away from his door and picked up the papers I had marked. I would double check them as I couldn't remember finishing them off, and headed towards my truck. I got in and didn't move, I was having some serious thoughts that maybe I was going insane, so I decided to call Alice. Placing the phone against my ear I looked at the clock on the dashboard, I had plenty of time before work. She picked up after the fourth ring.

"_**Jazz hun, is everything alright?"**_ Her happy voice filtered through the phone, she was always so happy.

"_No, I think I'm going insane Al. I can't remember how I got to bed last night. I know this sounds crazy, but I've always been able to remember and now I can't. I wasn't even drinking."_ I rubbed my temple, god this sounded so silly. Why did I call her again?

"_**Jazz surely you can remember something, maybe you walked half asleep. Do you remember anything like that, that you could think it was a dream?"**_ She said.

"_Well I dreamt that someone carried me to bed last night. It did feel so real, but I know that wouldn't have happened. I've fucked up Al, and I mean fucked up."_ She would find out anyway, might as well tell her.

"_**Right, so you think that it was a dream because you have fucked up. Jazz what did you do?" **_I could hear her tone change

"_Promise me you won't get mad?"_ You're hoping, aren't you? Yes, I fucking am.

"_**Depends. Does it involve that bronze haired boy that's living with you?" **_You fucking know it does so why are you asking?

"_I kissed him....... Saturday night. He got upset, I comforted him and then kissed him. He freaked and bolted." _She didn't say anything. I wondered if maybe I had lost the line, but that hope was short lived when I heard her breathe deeply. Oh fuck, she was mad.

"_Alice?" _Please just say something, anything.

"_**Jasper Whitlock, I'm ashamed that you did that to him. What were you thinking?"**_ Anything, but not that.

"_It just happened, Al. He is on about leaving, I've made so much progress with him, and now.... well..."_ She cut me off.

"_**Now you have fucked it by thinking with your dick. Jasper I don't know him but from what you have said it seems he has taken big steps with you. But somehow you have managed to forget all the crap he has and is going through by kissing him. I don't feel sorry you Jasper because you're a dickhead."**_ Thanks Alice, just what I wanted to hear.

"_I know, I know, trust me. I fucking know. So can we go back to the start of this, am I insane?" _I asked her. I wanted to get off the Edward chat and fast. Alice would soon be giving me more words than dickhead if I continued this.

"_**Yes, you are insane, but not for that reason. Maybe he moved you; ask him if you get a chance Jasper. That is if you can keep little Jasper in his pants."**_ Her words spat with venom, cutting me deep.

"_Al please." _I didn't really know what I was saying please for by this point, it was all so fucked up in my newly insane head.

"_**Please what, Jasper?"**_ I didn't say anything. There wasn't much point to it now.

"_**Thought so, Jazz. I'm going, I have work to do. Bye."**_ She hung up on me. No doubt by the end of the day all my friends would know about my wonderful little kiss.

I groaned; please say we have invented the time machine, like now? I started my truck and got as far as the end of the road before I turned back around and headed back. A quick text to Peter and I was heading back inside the apartment once again. If I had fucked this then I was going to sort it out, trouble was I didn't know what to say when I saw him. With any luck he wouldn't be up just yet and this would give me some time to think of what to say. But how wrong was I when I walked in? Very fucking wrong. He was up and in the living room, his feet were resting on the coffee table as he flicked through the channels. The moment he saw me the relaxed position he was in changed. His knees went up under his chin and his arms wrapped tightly around his legs, he didn't even look at me.

"Edward can I have a word?" I looked at him with pleading eyes. He never looked at me, he never spoke. He lifted an eyebrow at me and I took it as a sign to carry on, I took a deep breath.

"Did you move me last night or am I going insane because I can't remember it?" I played with the hem of my shirt. God, I felt so stupid right now.

"Yes." He answered, his eyes never leaving the TV. My heart just flipped and sped up, it wasn't a dream, it was fucking real.

"Why?" This seemed like a normal question to ask, though I didn't really want him to give me the answer. He looked at me for a second, those beautiful eyes staring right at me.

"Because how you were lying wasn't good for your back, you'll knock it out of line if you carry on sleeping like that." He cares, he fucking cares. Little Jasper was doing another full blown dance in my head, and I couldn't stop the silly ass grin that hit my face.

"Thank you." I couldn't remove the happiness in my voice even if I had tried. He chuckled at me, that wonderful sound hit my ears and made my knees go. _Hold it fucking together Jasper._

"No, thank you. Your were entertaining." A little smile played on his lips, it was bigger than the others and I so wondered what he looked like when he truly broke out into a grin. I bet he could fucking make me cum by just smiling at me. _Again Jasper, hold it together._

"Um, why was I entertaining?" I suddenly felt a little embarrassed by this. I wasn't a sleep talker, but could I have been babbling when he carried me? After all I was sort of awake.

"You told me I smelt fresh, and how sorry you were. You even said I could destroy your papers you had to mark if it would make me feel better." He chuckled again, I got the feeling he was holding something back.

"I'm glad to see you didn't do that, anything else?" I asked him.

"Other than fuck me hair? No, that was it." The colour drained from my face. I had told him he had fuck me hair, oh fuck.

"Don't worry about it Jasper, it's a new one on me." He smiled at me again. He seemed in a better mood then before.

"Edward can we talk?" I might as well face this head on now, now that we were both a lot calmer.

"Yes, I was thinking we need to talk. Okay, that's a lie; Tanya said I should talk to you so..." He trailed off and I sat down across from him.

"About the kiss...." His hand came up to stop me. Oh fuck, it's not going to be the same as last time, is it?

"Jasper please listen to me. My life right now is so fucked up, I'm not getting any better. You remember me first coming here and I couldn't speak without it all coming out all screwed up?" I nodded, he had come a long way since the days of the whispers and the screwed up words. "Jasper I'm still like that, it's just easier to talk to you now then it was back then. Besides I do want to get better, there are so many things that trigger me off though. I'm living a life that I personally don't think I deserve. I don't think I deserve any sort of happy feelings, I feel at fault for everything that has happened. I'm trying so hard to follow the fucking program that Tanya puts in front of me. I need to learn to walk before I can run, do you understand?" Halfway through he dropped his eyes off me and looked at the floor. Could I really be so lucky as to get another chance at this?

"You don't know how sorry I am. Can we forget about the kiss?" Did I sound too hopeful? Yes. Did I fucking care? No.

"We can try. That's the best I've got at the moment." Cloud fucking nine here I fucking come!

"That all I ask for." I looked at him for a moment. He caught me looking, a silly grin still on my face as he smirked.

"What's fuck me hair?" Oh crap, how do I answer this one?

"Um... your hair... it's... um.... it looks like.... well..." _Oh for the love of fucking god Jasper can you not answer the fucking question?_ I heard him chuckle at me. Oh fucking great, he's laughing at me now.

"I know what it is Jasper. I just wanted to see you squirm for a minute." Bastard! Bastard Bastard!

"That's not fair." I sulked. Yeah I sulked, complete with pout and everything.

"Yeah, it was." I couldn't make out if he was joking or being serious.

The rest of the day passed with ease as did the week, I caught up on my markings after my extra day off. It wasn't long until the next two weeks passed and college broke up for a week. Oh yes, a week off where I didn't have to deal with anymore students. Surely I was never that much of a pain in the ass when I was a student? Me and Edward were starting to spend a little bit more time together talking. Most talks happened at night, he spoke about James a lot. About how much he missed him, and how he feels guilty over the little things that he does. Watching TV with me or going for a run I didn't understand or know just how much those little efforts cost him. That for me were sending me way past cloud nine, were doing to him, to learn that made me break inside a little.

_Flash back_

_We sat in the living room, the patio curtains were open shining in the street lamps from outside. The lamp was on as he curled up in a ball, I knew then that whatever he was going to talk about was going to hurt him, but I didn't expect what he came out with._

"_I feel so guilty you know, not just the life I lead that he doesn't, I mean the things I do. When we went for that run, it broke me when I got back, I felt like I had betrayed James in some way." His voice was breaking but he was keeping it together. He had grown better at talking about things without breaking down._

"_I guess I can see why, you two never broke up." I said to him truthfully._

"_Exactly. It's so hard to live when I feel like everything I do is a betrayal to him. Even little things like talking to you or watching TV, I'm consumed with guilt over it." His voice became a whisper again as I looked at the broken man before me. I had no idea that those little things were causing this for him._

"_Jasper I don't even have any friends. My old friends just stopped talking to me after James, and well I haven't made any new ones because I feel guilty if I do." As much as I loved our talks I hated hearing this, it pained me to see him suffer so much._

"_You should meet mine, they are dying to meet you. All of them, and it will be good for you." Fuck did that end bit sound like I was offering advice?_

"_I don't think I'm ready to meet new people yet." He ran his long pale fingers through his hair pulling it slightly, god how I wanted to do that._

"_Maybe so, but I think what we should do is just have one of them pop round, for five or ten minutes and then when you're ready we could make a night of it." I watched him think this through, his brow pulled together deep in thought for what seemed like ages._

"_Sort of like breaking the ice?" I just nodded at him. "One day, one day soon, but not yet. I'm only just becoming comfortable talking to you, I don't want to rush through this." He's comfortable with me, hell fucking yes Jasper. Bye bye cloud fucking nine, and hello fucking heaven!_

"_Don't be afraid to make new memories, keep and cherish the ones you have but it's okay to make new ones. James would want you to be happy Edward, he would want you to make new memories. Your time with James may be over but that doesn't mean that you can't balance your past and your future together. Remember the good times and the bad, and be thankful for that time you had but make new memories Edward." I spoke from the heart and watched as he wiped away a tear that ran free down his face._

"_You sound like Tanya." He joked, I couldn't help but smile._

"_Well maybe we're onto something." I said to him with my little smirk still hanging on in there. _

That night we spoke about his family as well. I knew his dad worked as a top surgeon, but I also found out his mother was interior designer, she also helped out at the kids school. Loving children they had fostered a few children over the years until it became too painful for his mum to give them back, so she went to help out at the local school when she could. He didn't have any brothers or sisters but had a great relationship with both his parents.

Today marked the break up from work for a week, normally when the last day rolled round it consisted of me and my friends getting stupidly drunk and doing stupid things. I had been asked, no, begged to come out but I had passed it off. I had asked Edward and he said no he wasn't ready for that which was fine. I understood his side of things, and felt sure that soon he would get there so I asked him if he wanted to meet two of my friends on Saturday night, explaining that they were in couples and that it would be less awkward. He screwed his face up and thought for the longest time over it before finally agreeing to it. On one condition that if it became too much for him he would leave and I wouldn't come looking for him. I agreed to it, and told him that those things had to be on his terms. As long as he felt comfortable then he would stay.

Things had to be on his terms. I didn't want to force him into anything that he really didn't want to do, as long as I played by his rules then everything would be fine. Tanya had noticed in the last three weeks how far Edward had come. Okay to someone who didn't know him you would think that there hadn't been any changes but there had, those little tiny changes were big things, and changed Edward completely. He still had off days where he wouldn't really speak to me, more times than not he would stay in his room out of the way, but on his good days he was talking more freely towards me and even laughing every now and then. He could hold eye contact for a little longer now before looking away, but his normal curling into a ball position was still around and very much in place. I had noticed there were two types of balls when it came to Edward. Ball A was a good ball, knees under his chin with his wrists just resting on his legs, not holding them in place. His shoulders would be relaxed and he actually looked like nothing was forced, every now and then he would drop a knee and relax one leg down, this normally happened when watching TV. Ball B, this was a bad ball. Knees curled up under his chin, his arms tightly wrapped around his legs. His shoulders hunched forward and completely tensed, this ball normally appeared when he was talking about something painful for him.

I was surprising myself as the days and weeks passed just how at ease I was becoming around him. God yes, he still had fuck me hair and eyes I could lost in, a chest I wanted to run my tongue over for days on end and never get bored, but I had managed to keep myself in check. Keeping only one little Jasper going when he did something that made me fly to the fucking stars in the sky. That little Jasper now had a full dance routine complete with song and back up dancers.

So tomorrow night two of my wonderful friends were coming over to meet Edward. The plan was take-out and a few drinks, bit of chat. Nothing too hardcore, something that Edward would feel comfortable with. So that left tonight. The Friday that I had broken up for a week from work and I wasn't going out, instead I was planning on watching a DVD with Edward. Friday night had become our movie night, the last three weeks we had watched a DVD and I so looked forward to them. Spending this time with Edward every week just chilling gave me the greatest pleasure in the world, I would even put it up there to cumming. Oh yes, it gave me that sort of pleasure! How much of a girl had I become? Close to calling myself Jasmine, that's how much.

I entered the apartment and was hit by the wonderful smell of food. I inhaled deeply, my tummy rumbled. Fuck, it smelled awesome. I followed the smell of food almost drooling as I went in to the kitchen. Edward had been cooking. Fuck it, I wanted some. I almost had a full blown sulk until I noticed a plate made up for me. He had made lasagna with side salad, fuck it looked too good to eat.

"It's still hot." I heard him call from the living room, my eyes filled up. He had made me dinner, he had never made me dinner. Never. It all suddenly became too much. I stood there with tears running down my face, the happiness inside my chest was about to burst. I was so touched by his thoughtfulness as I picked up my plate and headed into the living room, I was now sobbing as I entered. I couldn't stop. Edward took one look at me and put his plate down.

"Jasper... are you okay?" His faced filled with concern which only made me cry even more. He was concerned about me, my heart swelled even more. All I could do was nod my head at him.

"Why are you crying?" He continued to stare at me. I sat down and wiped my face.

"You.... made..... me...... food" I sobbed out. I was so happy I wanted to frame the fucking plate. He looked at me like I had grown two heads.

"And you're crying because?" The confusion in his voice just made me smile and laugh.

"You.... made me food." I managed to get out as I sobbed and laughed at the same time. I saw him frown, and his body tensed up. He looked at his plate and then at me. I stopped crying and laughing and looked at him. Shit, he was taking the wrong idea with that.

"I'm touched Edward, that's all. I wasn't expecting something like this. That's all." I saw him relax a little. I smiled wiping the tears off my face, I was so fucking happy right now.

"Oh, well I fancied it and there was some leftover so I thought....." His voice trailed off.

"Thank you, it was very thoughtful of you." He just shrugged at me. I got the feeling that maybe he was a little embarrassed about that. I picked up my plate and took a bite. I was shocked by how good it tasted, it wasn't that I thought it wouldn't taste good, but this was seriously the best I had ever tasted.

"This is good, what did you make it with?" I asked him.

"Not telling, it's a secret." He half smiled at me, I beamed. Could I become any happier over little things like that? _No Jasper, you have become a girl._

The evening continued, we ended up watching Pineapple Express. I was glad we put it on, I got to hear Edwards beautiful laugh, it really was like music to me. Looking at him laughing through the film I couldn't believe how far he had come in the months he had been living here. My thoughts were turned to tomorrow night. I trusted my friends enough to know that they wouldn't do anything or say anything stupid that would upset him or make him feel uncomfortable, but I wondered how he would handle it. That was going to be one big step for him and I hoped that it wasn't too soon for him.

* * *

**_Aww our boys our bonding so nicely together, im so happy hehe._**

**_So who are the friends coming over? How will Edward handle it? And will Jasper manage to keep his mental filter on?_**

**_Hit the review button show me your love and you'll find out soon enough. :)_**


	13. Chapter 13

_**AN/ Hello my lovely readers im back again with another update, yey, like i could leave you all wondering for so long? **_

**_Again thank you for the wonderful reviews im getting it really does make my day._**

**_So we are making progress and in this chapter we really will see just how these little small changes have had a big postive impact on Edwards life._**

_**

* * *

**_

_**EPOV**_

I was dreading this; my heart was beating fast and loud in my chest as I sat in my room waiting for the night that was sure to be hell to begin. I was being tag teamed, I had run to Tanya over this night meeting Jasper's two friends. Of course Tanya being Tanya I didn't get the get out I was hoping for. In fact she beamed at me, thought it was amazing and was all for it. Bitch. Jasper had assured me on more than one occasion that everything would be fine, and it would go the way I wanted it. I didn't see that happening. I wanted them to not come, I didn't want to meet them and I had no intention of talking to any of them.

I knew that I had to do this, my road to recovery was all about doing things I didn't want to do. As Tanya had so wonderfully pointed out sometimes I might not want to do things, but I ended up with a positive result from it. She was of course on about Jasper.

Things with Jasper were getting there. I had spent more time with him since the kiss, agreeing to have a movie night every week. It was small but it was a step forward. I found that Jasper although could be a prick at times was actually a nice guy who cared way too much. He had spent time talking to me about all sorts of stuff from my childhood to my parents even to James. It never felt like I was talking to someone who just wanted to sort through my problems like it did with Tanya, it felt like he actually seemed interested in my little fucked up life.

He had been helping me out no end when it came to me feeling guilty over things, telling me that it was okay to feel those things but also to remember that I could make new memories. The guilt that I still felt all the time was slowly, very slowly starting to feel less and less. Maybe he had a point to that. I had shut myself off for so long that the basic skills in life had left me. This was all like starting again, learning how to walk once more.

I had made a decision with Christmas just around the corner; I was going to make changes in the New Year. Tanya had told me that I needed to focus on a date that would be my turning point. Between now and then I was laying my foundations to start this turn around when the New Year arrived. I looked at the clock, Jasper's friends would be here soon. My stomach turned at the thought, and an uneasy feeling hit the pit of my stomach.

"Edward, you okay?" Jasper's head popped round the door. I screwed my face up at him, I was not okay. Taking a few deep breaths I watched as he entered in to my room and sat down next to me.

"It will be okay Edward. Whatever you're comfortable with, okay? Small baby steps" He smiled at me and I nodded.

"What are they like?" I asked him trying hard to keep my voice above the normal whisper; one of my classic signs of me being uncomfortable came in the form of a whisper.

"They're lovely, I've known them for years. Jake and Bella have been dating for a while, they're on and off all the time. But she will love you, I will warn you though she might try and hug you. She's a little too caring; she has so much love to give that sometimes she can go overboard with it." His tone was caring as always whenever he spoke to me like this.

"I don't want hugs." I didn't, not from someone I didn't know. I wasn't into people being in my personal space and it took me awhile for anyone to be able to get somewhat close to me like that.

"I know and I have told her this, I'm sure she won't. They're good people Edward. Don't worry, I'll be there." I half smiled. Fuck, this was a nightmare. Why had I agreed to this?

"Come on I'll get you a beer." He got up and headed towards the kitchen, I took a deep breath and followed.

Taking the bottle of beer from Jasper I knocked some of it back. Watching Jasper fidget around I could see he was nervous about tonight. That wasn't helping how I was feeling, if he was nervous about it then he had doubts about how tonight would go. Maybe he was just doubtful about how I would react, I was doubtful over that too. The doorbell went and he placed a hand on my arm giving it a gentle squeeze, the warm tingly feeling hit my arm and ran though my whole body. He dropped his arm and headed off to the door. I could still feel the warm fuzzy feeling as I heard voice's, I closed my eyes and counted to ten. I could feel my chest start to tighten up. I could do this I told myself as I heard Jasper bring his guests towards the kitchen. Opening my eyes I ran a hand through my hair and tried to calm myself down before I saw them.

My eyes first fell upon a native. He had long black shiny hair, big black eyes, and was grinning at Jasper. Behind him was a woman, her brown hair pulled up in a ponytail with chocolate brown eyes. She was beautiful, very natural looking. Meeting my gaze she blushed. I turned my eyes away and looked at the floor.

"Guys this is Edward, Edward this is Jake." Jasper pointed to him, he offered his hand. I took it, the polite thing to do after all.

"Nice to meet you Edward." His tone was happy and friendly enough

"You too Jake." One down, one to go, I told myself.

"This is Bella, Jake's girlfriend." Jasper then introduced her, her face flushed again and she bit her bottom lip.

"Nice to meet you Bella." I said, my voice a little more than a whisper.

"You too." She said. The room went a little awkward. Could I go now? Might be best if I at least stay for half an hour.

"Guys lets head into the living room, we can sort out what we're going to order okay?" Jasper said signalling for everyone to move. I watched Bella and Jake leave, Jake whispering something in her ear and her nodding. Jasper turned to look at me.

"You okay?" I shrugged. Okay wasn't really a word I would use for how I was feeling but it will do, I guess.

"They seem alright." I took another drink of my beer. Meeting them had been alright, it was just the whole watching a film I wasn't really looking forward to.

"They are. Bella feels so sorry for what has happened to you that's why she's a little shy, and she doesn't want to upset you." He placed his hand back on my arm. I was slowly getting used to Jasper's touch, and the warm fuzzy feeling was starting to grow on me.

"Thanks Jasper." I half smiled at him and watched his face beam. I knew he took great pleasure in the little things that I did, marking my progress. I just hoped that he wouldn't try anything else.

The kiss itself had been nice. The same fuzzy warm tingly feeling was there on my lips, but I remembered James right away, he was there at the front of my mind. I shook my head clearing the thoughts that were coming.

"Let's not keep them waiting." Jasper nodded and walked into the living room. Following behind him I sat down next to Jasper. Bella and Jake were on the other sofa.

"So what are we having? Man I'm staving, I could eat a whole cow. Jazz you got any of the cookie things that Alice makes?" Jake said looking at Jasper

"Jake! God we just got here, I'm so sorry." Bella scolded Jake. He looked at her like she had grown another head.

"What? I'm hungry and a man has to eat. I don't know if you've noticed but I'm a growing boy, I need food woman." He shook his head at looked at me and Jasper. "You would think she doesn't know how much I like my food. Hey Jazz remember that time me and Emmett had that contest on who could eat the most? Man that was funny. We ate everything in the house, Bella was not impressed at all." He laughed as Bella narrowed her eyes at him. A little chuckle escaped my lips and noticed Jasper smile a little wider because of it.

"What does everyone want?" Jasper asked. I wasn't that hungry, my stomach was still busy doing back flips, food was the last thing on my mind.

They settled on pizza and placed the order. The group fell into easy talks while they waited for their food to arrive. I sat back listening to them tell stories of their childhood, how they all seemed to have known each other for years. Jasper was so lucky to have that, such a strong bond with his friends. They all cared for each other; I couldn't stop the pull at my heart that caused. I was surprisingly settling down as the evening wore on, there talks were of nothing of much importance. I would have to thank Jasper for thar, he had clearly given heads up to them on what was and wasn't safe for them to mention.

Starting to pull at the sleeve on my shirt I was becoming a little uncomfortable now with the evening. I didn't like sitting so openly and really wanted to pull my knees up under my chin, close myself off from everyone here. I didn't know what triggered me off, I think it was when Bella looked at the scar that you could just see at the end of my shirt sleeve. Catching her looking at it she flushed with embarrassment and sent me an apologetic look. I think that caused it, followed by Jake noticing what had happened and whispering something in Bella's ear. I could feel the tension starting to pick up in the room and had to leave, I stood up and looked at them.

"It was lovely to meet you both, excuse me." I managed to get the words out even though my heart was beating wildly in my chest and I was finding it hard to breath. Making my way to my room I closed the door.

Had I failed this step? I wasn't too sure. I had after all met them and stayed for a while, I managed an hour and a half before fleeing from there. As soon as I was in my room I started to calm down a little, but I was alone. The loneliness hit me again and again, that was something I hated, something I had grown to hate with such passion. Spending so much time with Jasper I had started to enjoy the company he gave me and now I was alone and I didn't want that. Shit, when did I start relying on Jasper's company?

Hearing low mumbled voices I heard the front door open and close. Jasper had sent them home. On one hand I was thankful to him for doing that but on the other hand I felt awful for him doing that because of me. It wasn't fair that he sent his friends home because I couldn't handle it anymore. I didn't want him or his friends to feel like I was controlling the time he spent with them. Pressing my head against the wall I closed my eyes. I was proud of myself tonight. Okay maybe not everyone would think this was some great step, but for me it was. I had actually managed to sit there for over an hour with people I didn't know and not freak myself out. I heard Jasper walking towards my door, he gently knocked on it.

"Come in Jasper." I rested my wrists on my knees as I brought my knees up a little bit. They weren't under my chin so that was a good thing. Jasper walked in, his face beaming at me as he crossed the room and sat down.

"Sorry." I said to him looking away slightly.

"Sorry, why? Edward you did great, I really thought you wouldn't last that long." He said, his face still beaming at me.

"You didn't have to kick your friends out Jasper. I don't want....." He cut me off.

"No, no it's fine. They knew anyway, so it's not like the night was cut short or anything. Bella is sorry for looking at your scar Edward, she didn't mean to stare." His voice softly sounded full of care and concern.

"I guess I should get used to it." A little smile played on my lips. "Thanks Jasper for tonight, you have some wonderful friends." I held eye contact with him for a few minutes before looking away again. I was getting better at that.

"Thank you. They like you, I could tell. Do you want to watch a film with me or..?" I thought for a moment. Now I had relaxed myself and was no longer threatening to freak out. I smiled at him, it was probably the first almost full smile I had given him or anyone else.

"Sure." I swore his face would break one day with the amount of smiles that he gave. I thought I found my comfort zone.

****

The next morning I woke up early. The sun was bright for the winter's day that was outside and the frost was lying on the ground. I had been toying with the idea of returning to my house. There were a few things I wanted to pick up from there, but I wasn't sure if I could handle it. I certainly couldn't handle it on my own, I hadn't been there since the night I first tried to end it all and the memories from that night were still very fresh. Every time I thought about returning I was hit with wave upon wave of memories from my former life. But I wanted to go, and I felt like pushing myself, maybe last night had more of a positive effect than I thought it would. Getting out of bed I headed towards Jasper's room tappimg on the door before opening it.

I had to admit that seeing Jasper sleeping was a nice sight. Shocked at myself by thinking that I gently woke him up. His blue eyes stared right in my face, a look of pure confusion hitched on his face.

"Edward are you alright?" His voice was full of sleep as he wiped his face and turned. I stood up and smiled a little at him, feeling a little uncomfortable about asking him that.

"Will you do me a favour today, if you don't have anything on?" I asked him. My eyes flicked around the room, could I really be asking him that?

"Yeah, what is it?" He sat up in bed. I took note of his bare chest, his muscles, his abs, he looked hot, well defined but not too much. _Fuck Edward, what are you doing?_

"Um... would you come to my house with me... I want to pick up some things.... and I don't want to go on my own." My voice became nothing but a whisper at the end. He must have thought I really was pathetic. His hand reached out and touched mine, I felt the warm fuzzy feeling hit me harder than before. My breathing hitched ever so slightly and I could feel my cheeks start to get warm. Fuck!

"Of course I will, you don't have to be embarrassed to ask me, I'm honoured you asked me." He gave me a sheepish smile and pulled his hand back, I missed the contact and my hand felt cold.

"Thanks Jasper." I left his room for him to get ready and made my way back to my own. I took a few deep breaths, I wasn't looking forward to this, going back to a place I once loved so much. Back to a place that held so many memories for me. Was I running before I could walk?

I knew I had to do this and my little try last night had left me wanting to try and push myself again. But was going back to a place I once called home too much of a push? I could always turn back if I couldn't handle it and I wasn't going on my own, was I? I changed quickly and headed into the kitchen and made a coffee. Jasper soon appeared dressed in a pair of jeans and a thick jumper. Was it really that cold outside now? He looked half asleep and I suddenly felt bad for waking him.

"Sorry I..." He cut me off by putting his hand up.

"It's fine, honestly. Coffee smells good this time in the morning anyway." He smiled and picked up his cup. I played with my car keys in my hand, my heart once again beating wildly in my chest. My breathing was starting to become quick deep breaths. Jasper looked at me and placed his cup on the side.

"Let's go. If you're ready?" I nodded and headed towards the front door. Waiting around wasn't helping me, the sooner I got this done the better.

We headed towards my car, Jasper got in almost dancing towards the car like a school girl, and I couldn't help but chuckle as I got in. "What?" He asked me. Did he really not know that he almost danced towards my car?

"Dancing towards car's, just how much of a girl are you?" I saw him blush deeply, clearly he hadn't realised he had danced.

"Sorry." He said embarrassed by being caught by his little dance.

"Don't worry about it." I said to him. He played with the radio for a while trying to find something to listen to, he soon gave up.

The rest of the ride was almost silent, we chatted a little, but I wasn't really in the mood to talk. My mind was full of heading to that house, that house I once called my home. James was in the front of my thoughts like always. I had slowly found myself being able to think of him and not break into a million pieces. I guess I had Jasper to thank for that. In no time at all I pulled up in front of the house that I owned now solely. The mortgage had been paid off when James died, his life insurance covered the house as well as a large sum of money. The money had never been touched and it still sat in the bank account we once shared for the household bills. I cut the engine and sat there, my hand gripped the wheel and I took a few deep breaths. Jasper broke the silence. "You don't have to go in if you're not ready Edward. You don't have to rush into this." I looked at him and nodded my head.

"I know.... I...... I need to though." I got out of the car and walked towards the front door. Standing at the door I could feel Jasper a few steps behind me. I closed my eyes as memories of the past came flooding back to me.

_**Flashback**_

_We had just picked the keys up for our new home. We had been waiting weeks for the keys to finally arrive, all the paperwork had been done and we were waiting on the last owners leaving. James had received the call that afternoon saying we could finally collect the keys. We raced to pick them up and we now stood in front of our brand new home. I stood at the front door as James snaked his arms around my waist. I could feel his hot breath on my neck, making my skin go all goose pimply, and I shivered as he kissed my neck._

"_What are we waiting for baby?" His voice whispered in my ear. I turned my head to him and smiled widely kissing him gently on the lips._

"_Shall we then?" I asked him as I placed the key in the door, his hand lapsing over mine._

"_Our new home." He said as we turned the key and pushed the front door open._

I snapped my eyes open and took a deep breath. Jasper placed his hand on shoulder and gave me a gentle squeeze waiting silently for me to either open the door or bolt the hell out of here. I was torn. I wanted to go in, I so badly wanted to go in and hopefully feel him still there in the house. But I also wanted to run, floor it the fuck out of here and file it under "bad idea". My hand was shaking as I pulled the key out and placed it into the lock. Letting out a shaky breath that I was holding I slowly turned the key and pushed the door open.

Slowly I walked in, the air smelt fusty and old, like it had been months since someone had been here. Well that was true, unless you counted Tanya and Jasper stopping by a few weeks ago that is. Walking in to the living room I noticed that the furniture I destroyed had been replaced, and looking at it you wouldn't think I had torn through the house. Jasper was behind me now watching me look around the room. My eyes fell on the pictures that were up, and I tore my eyes away quickly.

"I'll not be a minute." Leaving Jasper in the living room I slowly made my way up the stairs towards my old bedroom. Pushing the door open slowly my breath shook as I breathed in and out. The room hadn't changed. As I walked towards the wardrobe I opened the door and was met with James' clothes. The pain in my chest tightened and I fought back the tears that threatened to spill. Slowly I pulled out one of his shirts and inhaled deeply, I could faintly smell his scent on the shirt.

That was too much. I broke, the tears ran down my face as I fell to my knees. Breathing in his scent and sobbing into the shirt, everything I missed was here, but the man himself. I rocked back and forth as the tears continued to fall. My cries crept through the house which I was sure Jasper heard as the next thing I felt was Jasper's arms around me rocking me gently as I cried.

"I miss him so much." I sobbed into his shoulder; he rubbed my back slowly and gently.

"I know, I know. It's okay. Let it out, let it all out." He whispered into my ear as he comforted me.

"When will the pain end?" I asked knowing he didn't have the answer, no one did.

"I don't know Edward, but you'll get through this. I'm here every step of the way." His hand continued to run up and down my back as he pulled me close to him comforting me. I could honestly say that I was happy to have Jasper with me. Happy that he had broken my personal space right now. I didn't know how I would have handled it if he wasn't here with me and I had come alone.

Slowly I managed to calm myself down long enough to pull away and put James' shirt back in the wardrobe. Wiping my face I pressed my back against the wardrobe, I started to laugh as the memories of that fucking thing hit.

"What's so funny?" Jasper asked.

"These things, god I hated them. They were from James' place, brought them to the apartment and then here, and no matter what I did the fucking things wouldn't be parted from him. God we fought for hours over these things, they're so god damn ugly. James on the other hand thought they were beautiful and unique, I swear he needed glasses half the time." I chuckled out as I saw Jasper smile.

"They are a little bit on the ugly side but a little unique all the same." He said. I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at him

"Whose side are you on?" I asked him, he just shrugged at me.

"Good memories Edward. Don't be afraid to think of them and laugh." He told me, the care shining in his voice. I half smiled at him.

"Come, I want to show you something." Getting up off the floor I headed into the living room. Jasper followed behind me and watched as I searched around looking. I found it hiding in one of the drawers. Pulling it out I handed it to him, he took the book from me and his eyes lit up.

"Where... where did you get something like this from?" His eyes carefully looked over the old book that he held in his hands. He slowly and carefully touched it, like he was frightened he might break it.

"It was my grandfather's, it was passed to me when he died. It's an original as well, not some copied crap that's out now. I do believe it was his father's before his." I told him as he slowly opened the book. The book was all about the civil war, a written diary from a soldier who had served in the war.

"Fuck Edward, do you know how much this is worth? It's worth thousands. I can't believe you have something like this sitting in a drawer." I shrugged at him. "Edward this book... it's real, it's fucking real!"

"Told you it was. I never really cared for this stuff and I was surprised when my grandfather left it to me." The diary was the only original of its kind. There were many books like this one that had been copied from other solder diaries, but this one had never been copied as far as I was aware. It couldn't have been or I wouldn't have it.

"I want you to have it Jasper." His jaw hit the floor, shock hit his face.

"I can't... I can't take something like this, Edward I can't." He closed the book and tried to hand it back to me but I wouldn't take it.

"No Jasper, I want you to have to have it. Honestly I don't care for it. I never did. Why do you think it was in a drawer? At least if you have it someone will appreciate it." I sat down on the sofa and my eyes flickered around the room.

"Are you sure?" His voice was still full of shock and disbelief that someone would give something like this away. To me it was just an old book.

"Yes, Jasper it's my way of saying thank you. I'm slowly getting better and I know that's down to you helping me, so please don't offend me and take the god damn book." He smiled widely looking over it, turning it around in his hands.

"Thank you, thank you so much." His eyes never left the book, holding it like it was some rare stone he had just stumbled across.

I got up and walked over to the other side of the room collecting the CD's I was after and turned back to Jasper. "If you don't mind I want to leave now, too much for one day, you know?" He got up and nodded his head.

"Of course." He walked out of the room and out in the hall. Looking around once more I inhaled deeply, I was feeling better than I thought I would after my episode upstairs. Leaving the room I slowly made my way out of the house locking the door behind me. I went to the car, Jasper was still looking at the book as he got in.

"I can't believe you have this." He kept repeating over and over again.

"I don't have it, you do." I told him as I pulled away from the house and headed towards the apartment.

"I can't thank you enough. I'm going to cook dinner tonight, what do you want? You can have anything. I don't mind making it." The schoolgirl was back bouncing up and down in the chair. I smirked.

"I don't mind Jasper, whatever you want to cook." I told him honestly.

We arrived back to the apartment, Jasper was busy babbling in my ear about the book. I seriously didn't see the great thing that book was, and I guessed you had to be in to that sort of thing. Jasper got started on dinner. He had decided that he was going to make pasta and meatballs, he had assured me it was one of his best dishes. I didn't know who he was trying to convince, me or him. The evening passed quickly as we talked about other things. I was slowly becoming more and more at ease with Jasper which I was happy about, my little changes were having a big positive effect on my life. That night for the first time in a long time I slept soundly.

***

It had been three weeks since we had gone to my old house and Christmas was a little under three weeks away. That was something I was dreading, another Christmas without James. My wonderful mother had been on the phone none stop trying to sort out flight times, flights I hadn't yet booked. My phone went off and I looked at the ID, my mother was back on her mission. She had left me alone for two days over it and was now threatening to go ahead and book them.

"Mum." I answered the phone, her softly loving voice hit my ears.

"Edward have you asked yet?" I groaned into the phone. My mother had some harebrained idea of me bringing Jasper with me. Why? Because my mother wanted to thank him for all he had done for me.

"Mum, I'm pretty sure he will be with his own family." Okay so I hadn't asked, but still where else was he likely to be?

"You don't know if you don't ask. Edward please just ask him. Maybe he could fly in for New Year's." Why wouldn't mothers take no for an answer?

"Because I hardly doubt that he will, just drop it. I'm coming home, what more do you want?" I asked her.

"I want to meet him Edward. I want to meet this man that Tanya says has done wonders for you." Tanya, should have known she would have been giving them weekly updates on my progress.

"Well why don't you ask Tanya to come? I'm sure she can give you even more details mother." I spat down the phone. I hated Tanya with a passion right now.

"Just ask Edward, and don't use that tone with me. Call me back, okay? Love you." She said.

"Love you too." I hung up. It didn't matter if I didn't call her back. She would call me if she hadn't heard from me by the time the sun came up tomorrow. Putting my phone on the side I headed into the living room. Jasper had papers in front of him, trying to get his marking done before college broke up.

"Want a beer?" I asked him. He smiled and nodded at me as I wandered in to the kitchen picking up two beers and walking back. Handing him one I sat down across the table in front of him. Taking a sip of my beer I watched him sigh. On one of our many chats he had told me how much he hated marking. He loved his job but the marking was a pain in the ass.

"Jasper?" My voice was a little lower than normal. He stopped his marking and looked at me, waiting for me to ask the question.

"What are you doing over Christmas and New Year's?" He looked a little taken aback for a moment.

"I'm going to Emmett's and Rosalie's. My parents are off flying around the world so I'm heading there, why?" He asked. I just shrugged at him.

"It doesn't matter." I answered him taking another drink of my beer.

"Sure it does. You wouldn't have asked if it didn't matter." He piled the papers up and looked at me. I took a few deep breaths not able to meet his eyes.

"My mother wants to know if you want to come and spend it with us" I swear to god he almost danced on the spot. His face lit up, his eyes danced at me.

"Really?" He asked, the excitement in his voice plain and written all over his face as he spoke.

"Yes, my mother wants to meet you. Tanya has been filling her in on my life, but it's not a problem. I told her you would more than likely be busy." I told him, I didn't want him to cancel with his friends because of me.

"No, don't be stupid. I would love to. Emmett and Rosalie won't mind, when do we fly?" He asked me. I groaned a little inwardly, my mother was going to love this.

* * *

**_Aww isn't it sweet? Can we see the foundations for a beauitful relastionship? _**

**_Anyway you know what to do hit the button and send me some love :)_**


	14. Chapter 14

_**AN/ WOW! Over 140 reviews? I dont know what to say, honestly i never though my story would reach that many reviews. A big thank you to all who have added me and my story to your alerts and Favoutes it means a lot.**_

**_Im sure that you will love this chapter. Im going to stop rambling now and let you have it_**

**_Here's chapter 14_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**JPOV**_

I couldn't believe it. I was without a doubt shocked to my very core that he..... that fucking god out there asked me to join him and his family at Christmas. How I managed to stay in my seat I would never know. Little Jasper was busy performing in front of thousand in a packed out stadium, the smile hadn't left my face since that night. We were flying out two day's before Christmas and would be returning on the 3rd of January. That would give me three days before I was due back at work. Could we find the fucking time machine now? Please for the love of god and all things holy let the next week and a half fly by.

Fuck, if my parents hadn't been visiting all those different places this year I still would be going. Nothing was going to stop me from spending the holidays with Edward. I was flying, way past cloud fucking nine. I was in outer space right now, I was that happy.

Edward had really started to open up more and more, laughing about times he spent with James. He still had bad days where he would cry and tell me how much he missed him, but this was becoming healthy now for him. The Edward that I now saw was a different Edward to the one that first arrived here. We had become great friends, and after his meeting with Jake and Bella he wanted to meet the rest in the New Year. To say I was proud of him was an understatement. Everything was falling nicely into place, we had a sort of routine going on, we went for a run every Sunday and spent most nights watching TV and talking together. He was still very protective of himself and every now and then I would find him curled up into his human ball. If he had a bad session with Tanya he would be very closed off but it was nice to see him slowly dropping the human ball position to something more relaxed.

I headed off into the living room and found Edward with the laptop on his knee, his brow pulled together deep in thought. I smiled as I watched him screw his face every few minutes as he clicked on different pages.

"Something amusing you Jasper?" He didn't look up at me as he spoke and I flushed with embarrassment. Busted.

"You screwing your face up every couple of minutes, it's amusing. What are you looking for?" I asked stepping closer towards him.

"I can't find what I'm looking for, stupid internet." He sighed, clicked out the page and closed the lid. I had a feeling that whatever it was he was looking for he didn't want me to know about it. I felt a tad bit of hurt but brushed it off; after all it wasn't as though we were together.

"What's your mum and dad like?" I suddenly asked him. He looked at me confused for a second.

"I've told you before Jasper." He said as he placed his feet on the coffee table sitting back. I could see the muscles in his legs pushing against his sweat pants. Fuck.

"No, I mean what are they like?" Was I really just rambling? By the look on his face I guess so.

"Well do they push your choice under the rug?" I asked looking away a little. Not everyone had supportive parents when they came out, and I knew a few people whose parents would bypass it altogether.

"You mean about me being gay?" I nodded looking at him. "Supportive, I came out when I was fifteen. They were shocked but were happy that I was comfortable in my own skin. They just want me to be happy, that's all. So Jasper if you're worried about them firing questions at you about your love life, you can relax." His white long fingers ran though his hair before he changed the channel.

"Good." Good? That was my reply.

"Yours?" He asked suddenly, raising his eyebrow at me.

"Yeah they took it well. My mum cried for a day but she got over it, my dad gave me the whole be careful and safe lines, but yeah they were cool." I played with the cushion edge for a while.

"Are you all packed?" I asked him. We did only have a week and a half to go. The wonderful sound of his chuckle filled the room. I loved that sound so much, but not as much as his laugh, that was a sound all to its own.

"No, but I'm guessing you are?" I had been packed for days. _Don't lie Jasper you have been packed longer than that._ Okay so I packed that night when he asked me, but I did unpack and then repack.

"Yes, I am." There was no point in leaving to the last minute.

We ended up watching some random film that I wasn't really interested in. I was glad I wasn't that interested as I still had to decide when to give it to him. Of course Christmas day was the day I would give it to him, but I didn't know if I should give it to him in the morning with his family or later in the day when he was alone. I worried about giving him this gift. I didn't know if he would like or want it. He hadn't said not to get him anything, but at the same time he hadn't said to get him something.

At some point during the film Edward had fallen asleep. He was stretched on the sofa, his hands behind his head, a knee slightly bent, his top had risen up slightly and I could see the bottom of his abs, along with the slight trail of bronzed hair from his naval before disappearing under the waist band of his sweat pants. Fuck, how I wanted to touch. _Don't you dare lay a single finger on him; don't fuck this up now Jasper._ He looked so peaceful I didn't want to wake him, but I didn't want him to sleep there all night. I couldn't bring myself to move him like he did me a few weeks ago. Moving slowly towards him I bent down on my knees. Fucking hell, he looked so fuck-able like this. His gorgeous hair was just touching his eye lid, I so badly wanted to move it out of the way. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and lightly ghost my fingertips over his beautiful face. Taking a deep breath I fought the temptation that was right there in front of me. Instead of touching his hair or his face I gently shook him.

"Edward wake up." I whispered in his ear. Fuck, he smelled good. _Knock it off Jasper._ I shook him again and he suddenly opened his eyes looking all dazed for a minute before moving his head away and looking at me.

"Hey." His voice all full of sleep. I smiled warmly at him. His beautiful forest green eyes shone at me.

"Go to bed Edward, don't sleep on the sofa." I told him gently. He smiled slightly at me before sitting up and stretching, his muscular arms stretching out above his head causing the top to rise up again. Oh please don't do this to me.

"Sorry, night Jasper." He got up and wandered to his bedroom, giving me another smile before leaving the living room.

****

We had an hour to go before we our plane took off; the wait at the airport was killing me. I was so nervous about meeting his parents, spending the holidays with him and his family. I don't think I'd ever been so nervous my entire life, never had I felt like this. I watched as Edward fidgeted, he looked so uncomfortable right now. I really wanted to give him a hug but I knew that hugging him randomly was a bad idea, instead I chose to lightly squeeze his hand. He looked at me and I smiled warmly at him.

"You okay?" I asked him. I was concerned for him right now. I hadn't seen Edward this worked up in a while.

"Not really, I'm not a big fan of flying." He gave me a weak smile.

"Safest way to travel or so they say." I told him, you had more chance of getting into a car crash then you did of the plane crashing.

"I'm okay once I'm up in the air, it's just getting there and coming back down I hate." He frowned a little. I wanted to push the frown away with my fingers and see that beautiful face in all its fineness, not all frowned together.

I had become bored waiting for the flight, I never saw the point in being there two hours before you fly. I just didn't get it. Was it so they could just laugh at you sitting there bored out your mind knowing full well you'll get on the plane and have to wait for some fucker who got to the airport late? I wanted to be the late person for once and not sit around waiting for what seems like forever. The waiting wasn't doing my nerves any good. I couldn't wait to meet his parents, but at the same time I was dreading it. What if they didn't like me? _Jasper you really need to calm the fuck down. Who cares if they don't like you, it's not like you're fucking their son is it?_ No, but still. _Still nothing Jasper, just watch the mental filter. _Yeah alright shut up now. I was that caught up with my internal thoughts that I didn't hear our flight being called. It wasn't until Edward tapped my shoulder that I was pulled out of my thoughts. I looked at him for a second unsure of where we were.

"Jasper do you want to get on this flight?" He asked the smallest smile playing on his lips.

"Huh? Oh yeah sorry, I was just... well you know." I rambled on, he smirked at me.

"Worrying about meeting my parents?" He asked and I nodded. I got up from the seat, my ass already sore from the hard plastic. Fuck, why didn't they put more comfy seats for you to spend the next two hours sitting on?

"Jasper, my mother already thinks your this fucking amazing guy. According to her, Tanya has been giving you great reviews. All she wants now is to put a face to the name." He said as we walked towards the plane.

So there was no pressure then was there? _Nooo, none at all Jasper, yeah fucking right no pressure, bullshit._ Not fucking helping. We boarded the plane and I watch Edward take a few deep breaths gripping the sides of his seat. My hand reached out and grabbed his as I heard the planes engine's kick into life and we started to move. His eyes were shut tight with his head pressed back against the seat. The plane slowly started to climb and Edward gripped my hand tightly. Little Jasper was abuzz, doing a full break dance routine. The warm buzz ran through my body making me tingle all over. Fuck, I loved this feeling.

The plane slowly started to level out and I watched as his breathing started to settle down. The grip on my hand slowly released, almost as if he didn't want to let me go. _You're getting carried away Jasper._ Let me have my moment. His eyes opened slowly and he placed his hand back on his leg. Blinking a few times he let out a long breath. He had relaxed himself back down. God, I missed hand in mine. He turned and looked at me when a soft smile hit his face.

"Sorry." He said shyly. Fuck. Even when he was embarrassed he still looked hot as hell.

"Don't worry about it." I told him honestly, the man could squeeze the life out of me and I wouldn't mind.

The flight wasn't as long as I thought, and before too long we were landing back down on the ground. I didn't think I'd ever seen Edward as relaxed as the plane hit the tarmac. We collected our bags and headed towards the rental car. Edward didn't talk much as we drove towards his childhood home. We drove through a little town, I could see why Edward wanted to stay out of the city before. Growing up with something like this I didn't think I would want to trade it for the busy city life. It must be so nice to leave the city behind and come home to a nice little town house free from the busy city life, being able to relax in the back garden as the sun sets; not being able to hear the car's or buses or people walking by, only hearing the birds singing beautifully.

Turning off onto a side road I was starting to wonder if he had taken a wrong turn or something. There was nothing but trees either side of the road. Suddenly I saw a house, like it just broke out of the woods, fuck it was huge. No, this wasn't a house, this was a fucking mansion. It looked so modern yet it didn't look out of place surrounded by the woods, I gasped.

"You lived here?" I asked him looking around at the house as we pulled up outside. Fuck, if I wasn't nervous before I sure as hell was now.

"Yes, why?" He looked at me a little confused.

"It's a mansion." I said almost to myself, I heard him chuckle.

"It wasn't this big to begin with. They built it up as their careers took off, and the higher up the ladder they went the more the house got built." He said.

"Oh." I replied to him suddenly feeling a little embarrassed that I had thought they were just handed this.

Edward cut the engine and looked at me a little smile on his lips. Taking a deep breath he opened the door. I sat there for a minute, fuck I wanted to turn back and head home. I was about to meet his parents and now I was here the rush of excitement I had felt had long fucked off and left me. I opened the door slowly and got out, Edward looked about as nervous as I felt as he walked the steps to the front door. I stood behind him as he rang the doorbell. He ran a wonderful long hand through his bronze hair, the front door opened and my eyes fell upon his father. His blonde hair brushed back, killer good looks, he looked like he should be a movie star. I could see where Edward got his good looks from.

"Edward." His father said almost breathing a sigh of relief as he pulled his son in to a hug.

"Hi dad." Edward said breaking out of the hug and walking in to the house. I followed behind feeling a little out of place. His father closed the door and looked at us, a warm loving smile on his face, the relief shining through. I could only begin to imagine what sort of stress he would have been under watching Edward break.

"Dad this is Jasper, Jasper this is my father Carlisle." Edward said looking at us both.

His father offered his hand "It's wonderful to meet you Jasper." He said shaking my hand.

"You too Carlisle." I smiled slightly.

"Edward?" I could hear a woman's voice coming towards us. She turned the corner and I saw his mother. Her beautiful bronze hair, the same as Edwards hung just below her shoulders. She ran to her son pulling him in to a tight hug and kissed his cheek.

"I've missed you so much." She said through tears making me want to cry, think of my own mum and what she was like every time I saw her.

"Missed you too." Edward whispered in to her ear. I felt like I shouldn't be here right now, it seemed such a private moment between mother and son.

"You must be Jasper? I've been so looking forward to seeing you." I was about to answer her when she pulled me into a hug, whispering thank you in to my ear. She pulled back and wiped her eyes.

"This is my mother Esme. Mum this is Jasper." Edward said. I watched as his mum couldn't take her eyes off her son, I could see the strong bond they shared with each other.

"Shall we go into the living room?" His father asked holding his arm out pointing the way.

I followed behind taking in the house, it was stunning, everything had its place. A tree was up in the living room, the light on it sparkling away. The fireplace was lit, and on top of the fireplace sat different pictures of Edward growing up. His with his parents, there were a few of just his parents, their love for each other shining through the picture. It must have been so hard for them having their son so far away when he first lost James. I wondered why he never came back home. The bonds with his family were strong, it wasn't like he wouldn't have been welcome. Maybe one day I would ask him.

"How was your flight?" His mother asked.

"Yeah it was good, boring but good." Boring but good? Just shut up until someone asks you a question.

Soon I started to relax in his parents' house, they were so welcoming towards me. I watched and listened as Edward spoke to his father about the hospital he was working in, I couldn't help but pick up the faint longing in his voice. He must miss his job sometimes. He had told me that he wouldn't ever go back to the hospital, not after what happened. But by listening to him talking to his father you could hear the passion in his voice, he shared the same love as his father did. His mother kept looking at me giving me little smiles, her eyes shining every time hers met Edward's, and the love was pouring out of her. Soon it was pretty late and I was a little jet-lagged from the flight. I said my good-nights to his parents as Edward showed me where the guest room was. He led me up to the third floor of the house, pointing out certain rooms as he went. He stopped at a door and opened it flicking the light on. The guest room was stunning, the bed was huge, it looked so inviting I couldn't wait to get in bed and sleep.

"Through that door is the bathroom, okay? Do you need anything?" He asked me.

"I'm fine, thanks." I smiled at him. I couldn't believe I was here in his parents' house, spending the holidays with Edward.

"Okay well goodnight Jasper." Edward said turning towards the door.

"Night Edward." I smiled as he closed the door, the hugest grin hit my face and I had to admit I did a happy dance. Quickly I stripped off and climbed into the comfy bed, I was out pretty fast.

***

The next day flew by, filled with trips to the supermarket picking up the last minute things for his mother, which was a nightmare. The store was packed out, it was going to be closed for two days. The way people were carrying on you would have thought that it was never going to open again. Edward seemed relaxed back in his home town. I hadn't seen him tense or curl up once. Maybe this break was doing Edward the world of good, he had come so far, and his little steps were paying off. It soon rolled round to Christmas Eve, Edward was busy talking to his dad about something and I was helping his mum in the kitchen.

"I can't begin to tell you how happy I am that you have come in to Edward's life. He finally looks like he's living again." She said suddenly, I was taken back by her words. "That smile on his face is you Jasper. I don't know what you have done but whatever it is you have done him the world of good. I only hope that Edward continues this. He's been so broken for so long, Jasper I didn't think he would ever return." Her voice broke as her eyes filled up slightly.

"He's making good progress." I told her as she wiped her eyes.

"You care about him, don't you?" That caught me off guard. I hadn't expected to hear it from his mum.

"Um..." I didn't know how to answer it. What should I say? Yes, but I know he is off limits or no and lie?

"It's okay Jasper, I can see you do. You mean a lot to him too. He may not tell you but you do, you're a good friend to him who has helped him no end." I beamed, could I really mean something to Edward?

"I brought him a gift, but I'm not sure if he will like it or not." I told her suddenly feeling like I shouldn't have mentioned it.

"Oh? What is it?" Her face lit up at me and I was torn between telling her or not.

"No, don't tell me Jasper. I'll find out tomorrow morning." She touched my arm and gave me a warm smile before heading out to join Edward and Carlisle.

The evening slipped by as it started to snow outside. I watched Carlisle become a child in my eyes dragging his wife Esme outside in the snow only to attack her with snowballs. Edward soon joined him, I watched him laugh and mess around in the snow with his family, he looked so happy. He looked at me standing at the door and beckoned me out there. I joined them, teaming up with Esme taking on both Carlisle and Edward. I was hit full on in the face with a snowball, I laughed and almost choked thinking it had come from Carlisle. As I wiped the snow off my face I saw Edward looking at me, his face lit up in the most beautiful smile I had ever seen. He took my breath away. I had spent weeks, months wondering what he would look like when he truly smiled and I had just found out. His eyes shone the brightest green I had ever seen, he looked truly breathtaking.

We started to get cold from being wet off the snow and headed inside, his mother made hot chocolate to help warm us up. Edward's cheeks were all flushed from the snow and I was finding it hard to keep my eyes off him. I was also finding it hard to contain the raging hard on I had so I soon said goodnight, wanting to get away before I did something I might regret. I had crossed the line once being stupid and I had almost lost my friendship with Edward. I didn't want to take that chance again.

Showering I got in bed, my gift for Edward sat on the side. My eyes looked at it wondering how he might react to the gift. I had spent a long time thinking about it and I thought it was perfect but now I was having doubts. Would he think it was a wonderful as I did? My mind played different events throughout the night, I didn't sleep well. On and off most of the night I was flipping every five minutes from giving it to him and forgetting all about it. I heard a knock on my door followed by talking. I could hear Esme's voice talking to Edward, I grabbed the gift and put it in my pocket and got up.

The house was full of a fresh coffee smell as we sat around opening gifts. I was shocked when Carlisle handed me a gift. I almost cried, I was expecting anything from them and was really touched when his mother gave me a hug.

"To say thank you for all you have done." She whispered in my ear. Opening the gift my eyes fell upon a gorgeous watch, the face was almost like a coffee pearl colour, with little diamond studs sitting at 12, 3, 6 and 9. I had to stop myself from crying. I was so touched by them, and they didn't know me but had spent money on such a wonderful gift. I didn't want to look like a complete girl by crying but my eyes were filling up as I beamed at them. I decided that I was going to give Edward his gift.

"Edward, I got you something." I handed him an envelope and watched as he gently opened it pulling out the contents. He opened it up and tears ran down his face as he realised what it was. His mother and father looked at him and then back at me, oh fuck.

"What is it?" Esme asked, holding her hand out as Edward passed it to her. I gulped feeling a little uneasy. I shouldn't have done this, Edward hadn't looked at me since I handed him the gift.

"Jasper.... this..... whatever made you think of it?" She asked becoming emotional.

"I... well..... um just thought it would be nice to remember him that way." I looked down.

I had bought a star and named it James. I thought it would be a nice touch for Edward to remember him, it was something that I had thought I would I do if I lost someone close to me. What happened next surprised me. I had really thought Edward hated the gift but he pulled me into a hug, wrapping his arms tightly around me. I could feel his hot tears hitting my neck, I squeezed him back.

"It's perfect Jasper, thank you. Thank you so much." He whispered in my ear. I breathed easy.

"You like it?" I asked still pulled into his hug.

"I love it. I couldn't ask for anything better to remember him by." I smiled as I let my own tears fall.

* * *

**_Aww how sweet was that? Im so proud of my boys right now bonding like this and having Edward truly look happy and relaxed, big changes have and are happening._**

**_Anyway you know what to do hit the review button and show me the love for these two boys._**

**_Reviews keep my mind ticking over thinking deeply about this story and spending hours on my laptop lol. :)_**


	15. Chapter 15

_**AN/ Aww im so happy that you guys liked the last chapter, Wasn't Jasper's gift so sweet? hehe. **_

**_Thank you for all the wonderful reviews im getting, im blown away by it, i didnt think my story would get this much attention, thank you!_**

**_Im sure that if you loved the last chapter then your really going to love this one._**

**_Here's chapter 15_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**EPOV**_

I looked down at the paper that was in front of me, tears clouding my vision. I was unbelievably touched by his gift. No one had ever bought me something so meaningful before, how did you thank someone who has bought a gift like this? Such a personal touch, it really was perfect. I was aware that Jasper was becoming more nervous by the second, he gulped and his eyes darted around the room. I couldn't find the words to thank him, I didn't know what to say as my mother took the gift from me and became all emotion. James had been like a second son to her, and when he died I wasn't the only one in my family that suffered.

Jasper was near the point of freaking out, I could see the regret hitting his face. I didn't want him to feel that, for him to regret getting me this. So I did the only thing I could think of, I pulled him into a hug and sobbed slightly on his shoulder, thanking him for the gift and telling him it was perfect. I could hear the relief in his voice when he asked me if I liked it. Liked it? No, I didn't like, I loved it. It was so meaningful and so deep, he had thought about this, buying me a star and naming it James, a way I can always remember him by. I could look up into the night's sky and know that one of those beautiful stars was mine, it's my James.

I felt Jasper's tears hit my skin and I chuckled at him, pulling back from the hug and looking in his eyes, his blue sparking orbs shone back at me. "Thank you Jasper, I mean that, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Would you like your gift now?" I watched his face light up, had he really thought I wouldn't get him anything? For a bright man he could be so stupid sometimes.

"You brought something for me?" He asked. I simply nodded and handed him his gift. It hadn't gone unnoticed that Jasper would become happy over the slightest things, but I doubted he would expect this from me.

Opening it up he looked at it, then he looked back at me and then back at it. I could see him trying to work out when he had either mentioned or I found out it had stopped living. "When did you do this?" He asked. I shrugged at him, I almost wanted to laugh at his face, it was priceless.

"It's all backed up, I had everything transferred from your old one to this. You didn't think I hadn't heard you, did you? I'm not deaf Jasper, and I think the whole block heard you that morning." I had to chuckle watching as his face filled with embarrassment.

Jasper had a full blown melt down when his iPod stopped working, he swore at it and even begged it to work. I found it highly amusing to hear a full grown man begging the little piece of modern technology to work. It was nothing short of a part of him, he always seemed to have it attached to him. It seemed like the perfect gift for him but after seeing what he got me, I felt like it wasn't enough.

"Was I really that load that morning?" He asked, I nodded my head. Jasper became lost in his music, running through all the songs that were on there, checking that every one had been transferred over.

The morning quickly passed as my mother went into full blown cooking mode, you didn't step foot in the kitchen unless you had a death wish. I wandered upstairs and into my room, I wanted some time alone to be with my thoughts for a while. This was my second Christmas without James, and though it was hard it was better than last years. I didn't think I left my room all day; it really was a crap Christmas last year.

I wasn't going to dwell on it this year or spend all my time thinking about James, but I had told myself I would have half an hour or so thinking about him, talking to him silently telling him that I missed him, and what I would do to have him back with me. I could hear my father talking to Jasper in his study. I had to smile. My parents had welcomed Jasper in their home with open arms, I knew how grateful they were towards Jasper, he had done wonders and I had found a true friend. He had learnt how to handle things, I was truly thankful for meeting him. I was sure I would still be in a bad way if I hadn't been forced to go there by Tanya.

Ah Tanya, the woman of pure fucking poison had been very busy filling my parents in on everything, and I knew she wouldn't call me directly over the holidays but she would call my mother to see how I was doing. Bitch. Her heart was in the right place but it still didn't stop the whole set up rubbing me the wrong way. The door knocked and Jasper's head popped round as I lied on my back looking up at the ceiling.

"Your mum says that dinner will be ready in five and to get downstairs now." He said. He didn't move to enter the room, keeping out of my personal space as best he could. I was thankful for that but had gotten used to him being in it. What the fuck? Did I want Jasper in my personal space? I shook my head clearing the thoughts.

"Thanks Jasper, you enjoy yourself?" I asked as I sat up on my bed, he grinned a little at me.

"Yeah, your parents are lovely. Oh yeah I didn't thank you for the snowball in my face last night." He stepped carefully into the room, I chuckled slightly.

"You're welcome." I got up off my bed and walked towards the door. "Shall we? I'm sure my mother has gone overboard with the food." I started to walk down the stairs towards the dining room Jasper trailing behind me.

"Yeah, my mum normally does." I heard the sadness in his voice.

"You spoke to them today yet?" I asked him, he shook his head. "You can call them you know, we won't mind."

He smiled softly at me. "I'm not too sure where they are. They said they will call me, so depending on where they are and the time difference I could hear from them any time. Thanks for inviting me."

I smiled at him. No, it was me that was thankful, not him. "I'm glad you came." I was.

We entered the dining room, and just as I thought my mother had gone overboard with food. I'm sure she forgot just how many people were here, she could feed the five thousand with all she had made. Jasper ate a lot, I didn't know if he was just that hungry or if he felt like he should eat it all considering my mum had made it. The more he ate the more my mum offered, until he looked a little sick. He had consumed too much food and was feeling like he was going to go off bang. My father excused himself from the table and grabbed Jasper, heading into the living room. No doubt my father hand plans of talking to Jasper over a few drinks. I had agreed to help my mother clean up. I finished off my glass of wine and helped collect the plates off the table, loading them into the dishwasher.

"Edward." My mother's voice called out as I returned from the dining room with more plates.

"Yeah?" Looking at her she had a wide smile on her face, her eyes filled with tears. I hugged her.

"What's wrong?" I asked her as I pulled back from the hug to look at her face.

"You, my son are slowly coming back." I felt guilty. My parents had gone through it all with me, I guess I never stopped and thought about how my state was affecting them

"I'm sorry." I looked at the floor embarrassed by the hurt and pain I had caused them.

"No Edward, we understand, you lost someone.... that's hard for anyone to deal with and the way it happened was awful. I'm just thankful to finally see you coming back, seeing you smile again, and looking happy." She said as she wiped the tears out of my eyes. "I'm trying mum." She pulled me into another hug. "I know you are, I can see that." She whispered into my ear before breaking the hug.

She looked at me and smiled wiping her own eyes, I smiled back. I was starting to feel more like me again, I didn't think it was possible to feel happy again after what had happened. I had spent so long on my own, too long in fact.

"Jasper's a nice lad Edward, he cares about you deeply." She said as she closed the door to the dishwasher.

"Yeah, he's been a good friend to me. He's helped me a lot, talked me through some difficult times, dealing with my guilt and such." I jumped up on the counter, watching as mum pottered around the kitchen, it had a been a while since I had a heart to heart with my mum.

"Guilt? I'm guessing this is a different guilt to the one you feel over his death." I ran my hand through my hair as she passed me a bottle of beer.

"Yeah, I felt guilty about enjoying life, being able to joke and smile, or going for a run with Jasper. I still feel the guilt but it's not as bad, it doesn't consume me like it once did. Jasper helped show me that I can make new memories and not forget James." She grabbed my hands looking the scars that sat on both my wrists.

"You'll never forget him or the times you shared together, but you have your whole life ahead of you. I wish I could of stopped your pain, it broke my heart to see my little boy so broken for so long. I will never be able to thank Jasper enough for all he has done for you, I hope you realise just how special Jasper is." Her caring words brought fresh tears to my eyes.

"I know mum." I wiped my face again, and jumped off the counter. Taking my mum's hand I walked us into the living room, my dad and Jasper were busy laughing over my baby pictures. What the fuck?

"Aww Edward you were a right fatty as a baby." Jasper laughed out as my dad continued to shove pictures under his nose. That was embarrassing, why did parents feel the need to do that? Get out the baby pictures and show anyone that would look at them.

"I wasn't, I was healthy." Taking the pictures off my dad and tossing them aside, I had no wish to look at the awful photos from my childhood; there should be laws against it.

"I'm going for a walk. Do you want to come with me Jasper?" I asked him. His face lit up along with my mothers.

"Yeah, I'll just get my coat." I watched Jasper skip, yes skip out of the living room to get his coat. I'm sure he didn't realise just how much he did that, the simple things made Jasper do the strangest things.

We headed outside, the ground thick with snow, as we walked along the path that led to the river. I watched Jasper lose his footing a few times making me laugh, he shot me a dirty look.

"Can't dancing queen dance on the snow?" I chuckled.

"I don't know what you're on about." He huffed, embarrassed by the ripping he was getting. Oh I wasn't done yet Jasper.

"Oh Jasmine, I saw your little skip out of the living room. Are you trying to skip down the path with me?" I watched his face turn red with embarrassment, unable to stop myself I skipped down the path in front of us.

"I did not do that." He said making me laugh more

"It was pretty close to that, I'm sure you almost turned in a circle as you left the room. Did you do a happy once you were out the room?" He chuckled slightly. "That's a yes then." I raised my eyebrow at him, Jasper pouted. I grabbed his hand and pulled him along the path. His face lit up into a wonderful smile, I could feel the warm fuzzy feeling tingling up my arm. I couldn't help smiling wide holding his hand and feeling the warmth running though my body.

When we reached the river I let go of his hand and missed the contact right away but brushed it off. I hadn't had skin to skin contact in a while. I was just getting used to it again, that's why I was missing it I told myself. Resting my arms over the wooden railing I looked out on to the black water. The surroundings were beautiful, this was almost my favourite place to come when I visited home. In the winter it looked like something off a picture, the tress bare with thick white snow on the ground and on the tress, it was so peaceful. In the summer, it was just as breath taking, the trees and flowers in full bloom as the sun shone high in the sky, the forest alive with birds and other animals, I loved it here. I felt content, it had been a while since I felt that feeling but I knew what it was, I was content with how my life was now, and the direction in which it was heading.

Looking at Jasper I smiled, his dirty blonde curls hanging in his face. Without thinking I pushed them aside and looked at him. My heart was beating wildly in my chest as I felt his hot breath fan my face. I held his face in my hands gently, his sparkling blue eyes danced at me, the heat of his skin rushed through my hand and up my arm.

"Thank you Jasper." I leant forward not giving him time to answer and captured his lips with mine. My lips felt on fire against his smooth and soft lips, the kiss was gentle cherishing the feeling of his lips on mine, moving against them. I smiled against his lips before pulling away. A very flushed looking Jasper stood in front of me, his face full of shock.

"Edward..... wow." He said breathlessly at me, I smiled and took hold of his hand.

"Jasper I'm getting there slowly, will you wait for me?" I had butterflies in my stomach waiting for him to answer.

"Are you sure?" He asked me.

Nodding I said "Yes, but I'm not fully there yet, so will you?" His gorgeous blue eyes sparkled brightly in front of me as he smiled.

He kissed my lips softly just once, a little peck. "I will, I won't push you or rush you, this is at your own pace Edward."

Smiling I gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "Thank you. Are you doing a little happy dance right now in your head?" I asked him. He laughed at me, I couldn't help but join him.

"Edward, Little Jasper is on a worldwide tour." I had to laugh at that; I wondered how often Little Jasper had been doing those dances. We walked slowly back towards the house holding hands.

_**JPOV**_

He kissed me; he fucking kissed me... wow! I never thought he would. I mean I was hoping that maybe one day if I was lucky enough, but today... Shit, I wasn't expecting it at all, but I wasn't going to complain. Walking back to his parent's house holding hands we fell into a comfortable silence. I was in heaven, this was pure bliss. I wouldn't rush him or push him into anything, if he asked me to wait forever I would. I knew that every step our relationship took would have to be on his terms at the moment, all I had to do was just let him know I was there waiting for him whenever he was ready. If all we ever did was hold hands and have the odd kiss I could live with that until the day I died. I couldn't contain the excitement I was feeling holding his hand as we walked. I wanted to run, skip, dance. I wanted to drop to my fucking knees and thank all the gods for this wonderful day.

I had no idea that this walk would result in a kiss, in me seeing a happy Edward who even took the piss and skipped down the path, mocking me for almost skipping out of the living room. For the record I did not skip._ Yeah you did and you certainly did a happy dance when you were out the room._ Nobody asked you, did they? I didn't think I could deny this, what I was feeling, it was too strong. I was in love.

The smile hitched even higher across my face. There were so many things I wanted to talk to Edward about, like how did he want me to act in front of his parents? Should I just continue the way I had been doing and just let him make the moves? Even though I said I wouldn't push or rush him into anything, did that mean I couldn't hold his hand, or run my fingers through that fuck me hair of his? I still hadn't touched it but boy was I dying to. I just had to keep telling myself not to rush this. I didn't want to ruin what was just starting out.

I could see the house up ahead, the sun was setting in the sky casting a beautiful light red sky and I sighed. Could this be any more perfect?

"It looks beautiful doesn't it?" He asked me almost as though he had heard my every thought, I squeezed his hand gently.

"Yes it does, I'm hoping the sky will be clear tonight and you can see James' star." He smiled sweetly at me.

"That gift was perfect Jasper." His voice just above a whisper.

"I'm glad you like it, I thought it would be a touching way to remember him by." He stopped and looked up at the sky. I could see the fresh tears gently running down his face. He dropped my hand for a minute before pulling me close to him wrapping his wonderful strong arms around me, I inhaled his scent deeply.

"James will always be in your heart Edward, and I don't ever want you to forget the man you once loved. I know I'll never be able to replace him, and that there will always be a place in his heart that is solely his." I whispered in to his ear. I didn't want him to feel guilty about his past with James and I would do everything and anything for him to understand that.

"Thank you, for understanding." He cried softy on my shoulder for a few minutes before pulling back and wiping his face. His face broke out in a beautiful smile and I knew I had a goofy silly ass grin on my face, but I didn't care. Edward was happy and right now seeing that smile on his face I would do anything to keep it there. I was so wrapped up in my thoughts that I missed Edward picking up snow, the next thing I knew he had rammed it in my face and broke out in a wonderful musical laugh before bolting towards the house. I laughed and chased after him but unfortunately for me I slipped on some ice and ended up on my ass sliding down the path. By the time I stopped Edward was doubled over in a fit of laughter. My heart swelled looking at him laughing like this, I had seen Edward laugh before but just like last night this was the first time I was actually seeing Edward.

I laughed and pulled myself up rubbing my now sore backside, it felt wet and I cringed. I huffed unimpressed that my backside was now sore and wet for all the wrong reasons, bastard I'll get you back. _Yeah you show him, just don't stand there drooling over him when he looks at you, that might help._ I smiled as I walked past him causing him to laugh even louder than before.

"Jas.... Jasper... you... you look like you've.... pissed your pants." He managed to get out during his fits of laughter

"Well it's your fault I now look like this. If you hadn't thrown snow in my face I wouldn't have slipped when I ran after you." I pouted, which stayed all for about a second when I saw his beautiful smile again.

"I managed to run on the path and not slip." He said, so I did the only mature thing I could think of, I stuck my tongue out at him.

He continued to chuckle as we walked up the steps to the front door. He opened the front door and like a true gentlemen held it open for me, I flushed slightly knowing he would soon laugh again once he saw my 'I look like I've pissed myself pants', bastard. True to form he laughed again and headed into the kitchen chuckling as he went. I saw his mother standing there in the doorway a wonderful smile across her face, the gratitude written all over her face.

"Jasper are you alright?" She asked me seeing me still rubbing my sore backside. I better not get a bruise there. I opened my mouth to answer but before I had chance I heard Edward's voice.

"Jasper pissed himself." He appeared in the hallway his coat already off and his jumper hugging his muscles. His eyes were shining brightly as he looked at me.

"Jasper? You didn't, did you?" Esme asked causing Edward to laugh once more.

"No. I slipped and landed on my backside, I'm going to go and get changed." I said turning on my heel and walking upstairs hearing Edward and his dad throwing remarks at me while his mother giggled at them.

I changed quickly and I was just about to head back downstairs when my phone went off, I looked at the caller ID seeing my mum's number flash up on the scene. "Mum" I said down the phone to her.

"Merry Christmas Jasper, are you having a nice day?" She asked. She sounded so far away, which I guessed she was.

"A wonderful day mum, it snowed here last night and the place just looks like something out of a post card or something. What about you?" I asked her.

"Oh Jasper it's beautiful here, a bit cold but stunning. How's Edward? Did he like his gift?" I had told her about the gift I planned to get Edward for Christmas.

"He loved it, and yeah he's fine, in fact he's better then fine. He seems so relaxed here mum and his parents are great. When do you and dad get back?" I really wanted Edward to meet my parents.

"The end of January dear, you are being well behaved aren't you?" No, I'm acting like a five year old.

"Yes I'm using all my manners mum." I rolled my eyes down the phone. I was a grown man, I knew how to act. _Most of the time you did._

"Good, Jasper I've got to go. I'll call you in a few days take care, love you." I smiled hearing her loving tone. I couldn't wait for them to get back

"I will do and you too, send my love to dad as well. Bye." I hung up and placed the phone in my pocket. As much as I was enjoying my time here I did miss my own parents, but I wouldn't trade this time for anything.

I ended up laughing and joking with both his parents, at some point Edward had nipped out. It was dark outside and I knew he had gone to look at the stars and think of James. His mum headed into the kitchen to make a hot drink, I continued to watch the crap Christmas stuff that was put on TV every flaming year. Really could they not find anything better to stick on?

"Jasper?" Turning my head I saw Esme's smiling face at me beckoning me to follow her. Getting up I walked into the kitchen, on the counter-top is two mugs of hot chocolate.

"Take this out to Edward please. I think he would sooner see you than me right now." She smiled warmly at me and headed into the living room.

Looking out of the kitchen window I could just make Edward out sitting on the table of an A frame picnic bench looking up at the stars. I didn't want to disturb him sitting there, I was torn. He had on one hand been out there for over an hour and I was sure he was getting cold and so was his drink, but on the other hand if he was having a moment I didn't want to get in the way and make him feel like I was crowding him. I pulled my trainers on and picked up his drink, opening the door gently I slowly walked out towards him.

"Edward?" I whispered to him, he turned his head around and looked at me. Smiling slightly I lifted his mug, he smiled at me and nodded. I took it that it was okay to join him, walking slowly towards him I handed him his mug and sat down next to him.

"You okay?" I watched him close his eyes and breathe deeply, watched his chest rise and fall. He opened his eyes, a little smile playing on his lips.

"Yeah, just thinking and talking to him, you know?" He took a sip of his drink. I couldn't help but look at those wonderful lips that this afternoon were on mine.

"I know. Do you want to be on your own?" I asked him. He chuckled at me and slipped his hand in mine, our fingers linking together, his hand felt so cold.

"No, but will you stay with me for a while?" He asked rubbing his thumb against mine in soft gentle circles. I grinned widely at him. Fuck, I'll freeze to death sitting here but for him I would stay.

"Edward can I ask you something?" The question had been floating around inside my head for a while but I didn't have the guts to ask him until now.

"Sure, what's on your mind?" He titled his head slightly and looked at me, a warm smile on his lips. I took a deep breath feeling nervous asking him about it.

"Did it hurt? When you slit your wrists?" I watched him cringe for a second, his brow fused together. "I'm sorry." I told him feeling like a right prick for asking him.

"No, no its okay. I don't mind telling you. No it didn't. I mean I felt it, the blade cutting through my skin, but I had taken a bottle of pills at the time and gone through a bottle of Vodka so I was kind of out of it." He let go of my hand and pulled both his sleeves up revealing his scars. It was the first time I had really seen them, he normally kept them covered and was protective over anyone looking at them. "It hurt more having the stitches taken out." I went to touch one but hesitated for a moment, I looked at Edward and he nodded his head. Gently I traced my fingertip down the long scar and up the other one. He smiled gently at me as I lent forward and lightly kissed his scars. I smiled as I picked up my mug taking a long gulp of it, fuck it's cold.

"You cold?" He asked suddenly. I didn't think I shivered, no I was pretty sure I didn't.

"Nah I'm fine, you?" _Yeah smooth Jasper play it off like your balls aren't about to drop off from the cold._

"Sure you are, you're freezing. You don't have a coat on, come on." He got up off the bench and started to walk towards the house. I watched him walk off and sat there like a twat for a minute until something hit the back of my head and ran down the back of my jumper. I touched my head pulling out the bits of snow that were still there. The sod did it again. I glanced round just as Edward threw another snowball which caught me right in my face. Smiling I got up off the bench now wet and cold.

He grinned at me as I walked towards the house and past him, sulking over getting wet again. I walked into the kitchen snow dripping off me, his mother looked at me and shook her head.

"Let me guess, you sat out there on your own, didn't you?" I nodded at her. She placed her arm around me and squeezed my shoulder as Edward walked in grinning at us.

"Edward play nice or don't play at all." She scolded him.

"It was an open shot, I couldn't resist." He said taking off his trainers and emptying the contents of his mug down the sink.

"You'll learn Jasper." She whispered in my ear and left the kitchen. Edward opened the fridge door and pulled out two bottles of beer. Handing me one he took a sip and sat on the counter-top, his long legs hanging off the side.

"You seem so much better here than you did back at the apartment." It suddenly fell out of my mouth. Mentally I cursed myself for it.

"This is home for me Jasper. I'm surrounded by people that know what happened. I don't have to be on guard here and anyway New Year, New Me." He said very matter-of-fact.

"How so?" I asked, wondering what the new him meant for us after that kiss.

"You'll see." A wicked grin spread across his face. He jumped off the side and walked over to me before he kissed the top of my head gently "Night Jasper." I fell into a pool of goo right there and then, I didn't even say good night back to him. By the time I had gotten myself together he was already gone.

When did I really become a girl? I used to be a man, do man things, not go dancing around to cars, or skipping out of rooms, or turning into goo on the floor over a kiss on the head. What the hell was I doing? He would start to think I was one of those really girlie gays, which I was not. _It's called you're in love Jasper, and if he thought you were that much of a girl he wouldn't have kissed you._ I smiled and sighed staring off into space. _Yeah I think you really are girl._

_

* * *

_

**Now who is happy with how things are going? Wasn't it perfect and romantic? **

**Those little baby steps have now moved on to baby steps in there relationship, Edward has started to live again, dont you just want hug them both? I know i do.**

**Anyway my lovelys hit the little button and show me your love for these two wonderfur men. :)**


	16. Chapter 16

_**AN/ 180 Reviews are you kidding me? I cant believe it im almost at 200, hehe. Again thank you for the wonderful reviews you send me.**_

**_I might not be updating for a few days my laptop is going in to be fixed today and i have t use my hubbys so it might take me while as i have to share, so sorry guys if you have to wait around._**

**_Thank you again to wondeful Beta who is suffering from the flu at the moment, hope you get better soon hun._**

**_Here's chapter 16_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**EPOV**_

Opening my eyes I saw the room was still dark. Turning my head to the side I looked out of the large bedroom window, the darkness still heavily lining the forest. What time was it? I looked at the clock and then threw my head back on to the pillow, it was still early, stupidly early. I felt like crap. I hadn't slept well following yesterday's events, my mind filled my dreams of James, the guilty feelings slowly starting to eat away at the edges of me. My over active brain doing nothing to help the situation at all, in fact making it a lot worse. Getting up I picked up my smokes off the side. I hadn't touched one since we arrived here, but now right fucking now I wanted them. I felt like everything I had done, everything I had worked towards was crashing around me. I needed to talk to someone, needed someone to tell me that everything was okay and let me ramble on about what was running through my head. I needed to talk to Jasper.

Opening the door I walked quickly down the hall towards Jasper's room. I opened the door and pushed it gently behind me, I didn't want the door to wake the whole house up. I saw Jasper sleeping soundly, a slight smile on his lips that I could see from the moonlight shining in. Walking over to him I shook him gently; he stirred a little but didn't wake up.

"Jasper." I whispered in his ear. That woke him, his eyes snapped open looking right at me. He jumped back slightly, he didn't expect me to wake him in the middle of the night

"Edward, what's wrong?" I screwed my face and ran my hand over it.

"Can we talk please? I know it's late but...." He cut me off.

"No, it's fine." He sat up in the bed and moved over patting the side for me to sit next to him. I sat facing him to begin with, I didn't want to be too close right now. I took out a smoke and lit it up offering him one. I knew Jasper would take it. I left the bed to open the window slightly; the last thing I wanted was my mum to have a fit at me in the morning because the house smelt of smoke.

"I'm freaking slightly, my mind is racing around. I'm feeling guilty Jasper." I took a long deep drag of my cig and blew the smoke out.

"It's okay. I thought you might feel guilty, maybe even regret it." I could hear the strain in his voice. I shook my head at him.

"I don't regret it. I... I just feel guilty. My dreams were filled of James and since I woke up.... I don't know." I ran my fingers through my hair pulling it slightly.

"I know this is hard for you. We can take this is as slow as you want to, I know you feel guilty but you have nothing to feel guilty over. James would want you to be happy Edward. He's been on your mind a lot today, well yesterday. I saw you looking off like your mind was elsewhere, I knew you were thinking about him." I closed my eyes for a moment.

"I'm not being fair to you Jasper, I still love him and I miss him so much." My words came out in a whisper as the tears threatened to fall again.

"I know you do and I accept that Edward, I told you that yesterday. I know you'll always love him but that doesn't mean you can't move on." I felt his fingers gently run along my forearm until they reached my fingers. Gently I tilted my hand up interlocking our fingers together, his fingers rubbed softly against the back of my hand.

"You asked me if I would wait for you and my answer was yes, it still stands as that. Whatever you feel, think or are going through I'm here for you, talk to me. I understand Edward." I smiled slightly. His caring tone made me feel better as well as the warm feeling running up my arm. I flicked my ash in the ash tray I brought from my room.

"I've not been close to anyone since James. I don't know ,I'm scared I guess. Scared of what might happen and scared that it will end the same way, scared to feel things. I've come a long way but I still have such a long way to go." Truthfully I was scared shitless, but at the same time I had this small excited feeling growing inside of me.

"And with every day you get better. I'm here no matter what happens. You don't need to feel scared, I'm right here, complete with mental filter that is slightly faulty but I'm working on it." I chuckled. His mental filter could be awful some days, thankfully I had gotten slightly used to it. I put my smoke out and looked at him.

"Jasper? Can I stay? I don't want to be on my own right now." He simply nodded at me. I pulled my hand back and climbed into bed next to him. I missed the feeling of the bed being warm because of someone else. I lay down next to him on my back listening to him breathing next to me. I felt safe.

"You would have liked James." I told him feeling him turn to face me.

"Yeah?" He asked me. I smiled more to myself than anyone else.

"Yeah, he shared the same sort of mental filter as you, but whereas you tend to say things at the wrong times, he would say things in the movies or in the supermarket while waiting to pay. Something would randomly pop into his mind when people were around and he wouldn't think about where we were, he would just say it. I used to wonder how he managed to stay in the courtroom without randomly coming out with something." I chuckled thinking back.

"Did you get on well with his parents?" He asked me, I cringed slightly.

"No, they hated me. They said that I was nothing but trouble and would end up costing him dearly. Oh yeah their hate for me went tenfold the night he died, I was blamed right away by them." I turned myself slightly to face him.

"Really?" He asked, I nodded. "To be honest they didn't like that James was gay, that was all my doing according to them. It was a nightmare whenever we went to visit. James hated going but would drag me there with him, saying if he had to go through it then so did I."

"Ouch. I've never had to deal with those sort of parents before." I felt his hand touch my hair ever so slightly running his fingers through it. "It's so soft." He suddenly came out with, I laughed at him.

"The so soft fuck me hair as you called it?" I heard him chuckle next me as he stopped touching my hair. I looked at him and smiled, gently running my fingers down the side of his face.

"Goodnight Jasper." I smiled softly before turning over.

"Night Edward." He whispered in my ear gently kissing it. I felt him turn over, I sighed content for the time being and closed my eyes. I soon fell back to sleep.

Hearing movement around the room I opened my eyes slowly to see Jasper standing in front me holding a mug of coffee. His warm smile looked down on me, I smiled softly and sat up taking the coffee from him.

"Morning sleepy head." He sat on the side of the bed looking at me smiling gently. I ran my fingers though my hair and took a sip of my coffee.

"Morning, what time is it?" I asked feeling that it was later then I thought.

"11.47 AM, you were out for the count when I woke up. I didn't have the heart to wake you up, but I figured you should wake up now." Shit, I had slept for ages. Placing my mug on the side I sat forward pulling my knees up a little, running my fingers through my hair again.

"Jasper, I'm sorry for waking you last..." I started, but he stopped me by placing a finger against my lips.

"It's fine. I want you to come to me, and we will work though this together okay?" He smiled and I nodded

"Thanks, so how long you been up?" I looked at Jasper sitting there, his curly blonde hair all over the place. I wanted to touch it, and I wanted to run my fingers through it over and over again.

Chuckling he said "A while. I've been chatting to your mum for ages, waiting for you to wake up." I offered Jasper a smoke, he took it looking at me. I half smiled at him.

"Jasper, I know this is weird, me grieving over James and us but when we get back will you come with me to James' grave?" He went to reach my hand and stopped. "You don't have to stop Jasper. I may have asked you to wait for me but that doesn't mean I don't want you to hold my hand." He touched the back of my hand.

"Sorry I don't want to push you." He said smiling softly.

"You're not, so will you? I understand if you think it is weird but I would like you to come with me. Sort of you meeting my past and him meeting my future." His face lit up into a sexy smile, his whole face glowed at me. Gently I ran my fingers across the side of his face. This was important to me for him to come with me. I wanted him to share this with me, I did look at Jasper as my future or at least I hoped he was.

"You mean it? You really want me to come with you?" I smiled at him and ran my fingers across his hand.

"Yes, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want you to come." I smiled hoping he would say yes.

"Edward of course I'll come, but can I ask you something?" He looked at the floor for a second. I nodded and waited for him to speak. "Why did you kiss me yesterday?" I laughed and he frowned at me.

"Because I wanted to. Jasper, I may be grieving over James still but I do want you." I got off the bed and walked towards the door leaving him sitting there. "I'm not into playing games Jasper, get dressed and we'll head out somewhere okay?" He nodded and I smiled leaving the room heading towards my own bedroom.

Closing the door to my room I sat on the bed. I was slowly letting James go, after all this time I was coming to terms with what had happened and the man I lost. I would always love him. There would always be a place in my heart that was just his and no one else's, and it still hurt to think of him and the life we once shared together, but with each passing day it was getting better. I was happy that Jasper could understand this, I knew there were people who wouldn't understand that I would always love him, and thankfully Jasper did. I couldn't describe how I felt with Jasper. I had feelings for him, feelings that scared the living shit out of me, but also excited me, made me feel alive again. Jasper had shown me so much, and his wonderful nature had helped me grieve from James. I wish I could give him some sort of date and time when I would be ready, but I couldn't. He knew that and yet he continued to comfort me when I needed it, laugh and joke with me when I wanted it, and went through my memories with me when I felt guilty.

I took a quick shower and got dressed, then headed downstairs. Jasper was already down there in the kitchen talking to my mother. I looked at him, slightly bent over the counter top as he spoke, his jeans hugging nicely over his ass. He did have a nice ass.

"What are you two on about?" I asked as I opened the fridge door.

"Jasper was just telling me that you two were heading out. Where are you off too, anywhere nice?" Her warm smile could warm the house up.

"Nowhere really, just thought we would head out for a while, give you and dad some alone time. We will be back for dinner." I pulled out a bottle of water and headed towards the front door pulling Jasper's arm slightly as I walked past. Jasper followed suit and headed towards the car.

"We're walking. That's if you don't mind?" I asked slowly walking down the drive, I looked over my shoulder I said "That's if dancing queen can stay upright today." I chuckled as I turned back round.

"Ha fucking ha, so where we headed?" He asked as he caught up. Jasper stood almost the same height as me, give or take an inch. "Nowhere really, I thought it might be nice to spend a bit of time together, just the two of us."

We reached the end of the drive and turned right heading towards the small town. I knew that my time back at home had helped me no end, I hoped that when we returned I wouldn't fall back in to my old self. We reached the small park, I remembered playing here when I was a child. I also remembered getting stuck hanging upside down on the climbing frame. The lanky kids always got stuck and I happened to be one of them.

"You used to play here when you were small?" Jasper asked me as we walked through the park.

"Yeah, see that climbing frame, I got stuck on it when I was eight. My dad had to pull me off it." He chuckled at it.

"The park that's near where I grew up has this roundabout, me and my friends used to lay face down on it and spin round until I fell off it and cracked my head open. I've got a nice scar on the back of my head from it." He gently pushed himself on the swing, a funny sight, seeing a man who was over six foot swinging on a child's swing.

"Jasper, truthfully does it bother you? You know me and my past and James?" I had to ask, I needed to know what he thought about it all. I wanted the truth, not something he thought I wanted to hear. His face showed concentration and he thought about the question.

"No, truthful answer is no. Edward, your past or what you tried to do doesn't bother me. I want to see you better and seeing you make these steps makes my heart swell. I know that makes me sound like a pussy, but I don't care, because it does. James was a big part in your life and I accept that, I don't want you to hide your feelings away. I want to be honest and open with you and I hope you will do the same." I smiled at that, he took such pleasure in the smallest things. He looked at me and smiled a little. "How do you feel about me? I'm not pushing but I would like to know, you seem to have me pretty much figured out."

I thought for a moment, yeah I did have him figured out pretty well. I guessed my answering his question was only fair.

"I don't know Jasper. I like you and I care for you but these feelings scare me. I want us to try, and I want you to be there for me when I need you. Other than that I don't know. I have a lot going on inside me right now, I'm sorry I can't answer it better than that." I looked across the park, the snow covering the ground. There were a few people around, most walking their dogs.

"You answered it perfectly Edward. Do you feel it? You know when we touch, do you feel something?" He seemed almost embarrassed to have asked me this.

"Like a tingly feeling?" I asked and he nodded. "Yes, every time we touch, do you?" He grinned widely at me. "Fuck yes I feel it, and after the kiss I felt it even stronger. My lips tingled for ages after that, you ever felt it before?" He turned his head and looked at me, his blue eyes sparking like dark blue sea in the sunlight.

"Yes, I felt it with James when we first got together. I don't think it ever went away, I think we just got used to it after a while." I looked at my watch, fuck the day was just slipping by. "New Year's Eve will be trying for me." I told him, I was dreading it. I might have come a long way and I was settled being at home surrounded by the people who knew the story but my parents were throwing a party as they did most years. Groups of people I still had trouble with, I had only met two of Jasper's friends and that lasted only just over an hour before I had started to freak.

"The party?" He asked me, I just nodded. "Well if you want to bail and watch a film upstairs I'm all for it, remember whatever makes you happy. I'll stay with you if you want me to." The caring in his voice, how this man could really want to spend time and help someone like me, I didn't deserve it at all.

"Thanks Jasper, I might just take you up on that." He smiled at me and shivered.

"Can we go, I'm getting cold." He wrapped his arms around himself trying to keep warm. I chuckled and stood up holding my hand out towards him.

"Dinner should be ready soon, come on I don't want you to get sick." He took my hand, it was freezing, bless him how long had he wanted to go for? He should have just said instead of freezing. I felt the same warm fuzzy feeling running through my body warming me up, I gently kissed his hand and he beamed at me.

****

_**JPOV**_

The days passed by, drinking and eating, talking and messing around. Edward was opening up more and more, his trust in me was growing as he spoke more and more about his fears and his feelings, both towards me and James. I still couldn't get over him wanting me to go to James' grave. That was a huge step for Edward to make, and it showed he really was set on making big changes in the New Year.

He had called me his future, he saw me as his future. I had admit that little Jasper was busy recording an album following that remark. And of course he had come to me that night and stayed in the bed with me, how the fuck I managed to keep to my side and not spoon him during the night I would never know. I didn't think I slept that much that night, the raging hard on was keeping me awake, and of course there was Edward lying right next me. I had to fight to keep myself in check that night, but I did get to touch the fuck me hair.

We hadn't kissed since Christmas day, there had been hugs and holding of hands, the odd kiss of the hand or fingers across face's but other than that there had been no lip to lip action. I was of course dying to kiss him again, but I didn't. I stopped myself, things had to go at his pace, and if we didn't kiss again for months to come I would be happy. Edward was still healing and if I pushed I could break the man who had worked hard to piece his life back together. I was stupid at times but not that stupid.

Edward had told me that lot of his family and his parents would be at this party and he wasn't looking forward to it. They all knew what had happened to James and he didn't really want to be put in to a situation where he was asked questions about it.

I watched as Edward read a book sitting by the large bay window, the sunlight hitting his hair making it shine. He looked so beautiful right now, so peaceful. I walked slowly towards him and sat down across from him, he smiled at me never taking his eyes off the book. He wasn't very talkative today, choosing to spend most of his time reading and being alone. He beckoned me over to the sofa he was sitting on, still not saying a word. I sat next to him and he turned slightly lying down and resting his head on my thigh, oh fuck.

"You okay?" I asked him as I ran my fingers through his hair.

"Yes and no. The closer we get to New Year's the more I'm thinking of James, marking another year of him not being here. But I'm also looking forward to the New Year, the new me or so I think." His eyes closed, his lids slightly purple. I wanted to lick them. _Jasper what the fuck? Lick his eyelids, you got it bad._

"It's that time of year." I said softly to him. "I'm looking forward to seeing the new Edward. Will the new Edward be thinking about going back to work?" His eyes opened, the forest green eyes staring at me.

"I'm not sure if I could go back to the hospital but I think I will try something else. I haven't decided yet, but one thing that is on my list is getting rid of the pills." He said his eyes still looking into mine.

"Do you think Tanya will take you off them?" I asked, he shrugged. "Who knows. I hope so, I'm sick of taking them, but I don't know how I will be when we get back to the apartment." My heart swelled again, he used the word 'we'.

"Boys glad you're here, I have jobs for you to do." His father's voice called through as he entered the room.

"No, because it's always wrong. Don't listen Jasper." Edward said not moving from the spot he was in. I didn't mind, he could stay with his head on my lap forever I really wouldn't mind.

"Now Edward." His mother passed the room holding a large box. Edward groaned.

"Is this really that bad?" I asked.

"Yes, it's worse. She wants us to help put up the decorations for the party, the one I don't want to be at." He pouted. I couldn't help but chuckle watching him pout, he was still gorgeous as fuck. He lifted his head up and headed in the direction his mother went in. My thigh felt all warm and tingly from where his head had been.

* * *

**_I know not a lot happened in this chapter, we got to see what Edward is thinking of Jasper, which is sweet, its really coming along now. But i had to have a filling chapter, the next chapter is New Year Eve's party, and hopefully we will see a little bit more of the new Edward. Of course there not fully on smooth waters yet, but im not going to say anymore._**

**_Anyway my lovelys hit the review button and show me some love, hopefully i can get to 200 reviews by the next time i update, it will be by the weekend guys so dont worry. :)_**


	17. Chapter 17

**_AN/ Are you kidding me? Is this thing broken? 221 reviews? Wow. I just never thought i would get that many reviews, thank you so so much for all your wonderful reviews, it means so much for me to read them. _**

**_You all loved the last chapter, which im pleased with, i wasn't really sold on it but you guys were right it covered things that needed to be covered and gave you a little insight in to Edwards head._**

**_Again a massive thank you to my wonderful Beta, who managed to get this chapter back to me tonight even though she is full of flu, your a star hun._**

**_Anyway here's chapter 17!_**

* * *

_**JPOV**_

The house was busy with people coming and going, the decoration's had been put up, food was arriving and being made. Oh yes, the Cullen's did nothing by half, hiring caterers to prepare the food, vendors brought in extra glasses. The house no longer looked like a house, it looked like something from a magazine which would have a heading like, 'The place to be for New Year's' or 'Hire this fabulous stately home for all your party needs.' It looked that good. There was a certain buzz running though the house, like this was going to be big. Both Carlisle and Esme had the most wonderful smile's across there face's all morning, both singing and dancing together whenever they passed one another.

As the day wore on Edward was becoming more and more withdrawn, he had made no secret in the fact this party was something he would sooner do without. I couldn't say I blamed him, his family was going to be here, along with his parents friends. Most, if not all knew what had happened to James, but none of them knew the whole story. He didn't want to be placed in a corner struggling to answer people question's about his past with James. I hated seeing him like this, seeing him slowly back away, the protective walls creeping once again back up around him. I watched him try to get out of it, but his parents wouldn't allow it, telling him that he could stay downstairs for at least an hour to meet everyone, and then he could disappear from the world. I thought it was a fair deal, after all his family was going to be here and they would want to see him. Edward didn't seem convinced.

He had spent most of the day hiding away. He hardly spoke three words to me this morning, didn't make eye contact with me or anything, that hurt just a little bit. I had said I would wait for him and that I fully understood just how he felt as with regards to James. But now after this morning, after today I was wondering just if he had regretted it all, the kiss, holding my hand, talking to me, asking me to wait for him. Was he now having second thoughts over it all? I hoped he wasn't, that this was just the result of this party tonight but I wasn't convinced. I lightly, ever so lightly touched him, the back of his neck, and he tensed up on me. I brought my hand back said sorry and retreated out of there.

So now I sat here on my own wishing I could go back to a few days ago, or at least yesterday, this wasn't fair. How fast had I become used to his small touches? Ghosting his fingers ever so slightly across my fingers, the fingertips ever so lightly running across the side of my face leaving a trail of fire in its place. I had it bad, I had fallen so fast and now I risked getting hurt. His little rejection this morning had added a small little hole in my chest. _You told him at his pace, however slow he wanted to take this, and now you're moaning because he tensed at you. Jasper get a grip on things, go and talk to him if it bothers you that much._ Shut up.

I sighed, I could argue with myself all day long but I would still have the same problem. I should go and see him, talk to him, see where the land lays as they say, but what am I really going to do? Sit here like a dick doing nothing. _Pussy._ No one asked you. Yeah, so what? I was being a pussy and didn't want to face him, didn't want to hear the rejection that was bound to come out of his mouth and poor little old me will be left hurt. _Be a man Jasper!_ I groaned and headed myself up the stairs towards Edward's room. I stood outside there waiting, I hadn't even knocked on the door yet and already I was waiting like I had. I took a deep breath and knocked on, and I waited, and waited and got nothing. I gently held the door handle and slowly opened the door. He was on his back on the bed looking up at the ceiling with his hands behind his head, his knees slightly bent. Fuck, I wanted to jump on him right there and then.

"Um Edward, you got a minute?" I asked him looking to the floor slightly.

"Of course, come sit Jasper." He patted the bed, the spot right next to him and waited for me to join him. I moved to his bed and sat down facing him.

"I'm sorry Edward....." I trailed off before I even started. How was I going to go about this again?

He raised his eyebrow, tilted his head and looked and me. I took another deep breath and tried to steadily bring my breathing down. I went to speak but stopped as he touched my hand. "No, I'm sorry. I've not been that great today, and I'm guessing you have had your brain in overdrive about us. Am I right?" I really wanted to say no, to lie and tell him that I hadn't spent the best part of the day picking apart the last few days with him trying to figure out if I was being rejected or not. His forest green eyes burned holes into me, he already knew the answer and had figured me all out.

"Yes, I'm sorry, but this morning when I...." His long finger touched my lips stopping me from talking.

"Jasper it wasn't you. I'm not looking forward to tonight, to all these people. I guess I'm just protecting myself before tonight gets here and you just caught me off guard. I'm sorry for making you feel like that, I didn't intend to. It's just... well you know." He looked away, looking out of the large window that took up half the wall in his room, his fingers continuing to trace small pattens on his hand. _Jasper you're a fuck wit you know that, don't you? _Piss fucking off.

"Marks another year without him?" I asked. He nodded at me, and turned his head smiling.

"Yes, but it marks the new beginning as well, one I'm looking forward too." His breathtaking smile took my breath away again. "I'm sorry Jasper, you should have come to me sooner. I wouldn't have minded. In fact I've missed your company today, being alone with my thoughts for too long is never good. And I need you to help me tonight." I beamed at him. He had missed me, missed fucking me. _Edward and Jasper sitting in a tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G. _Little Jasper sang around in my head.

"How do you want me to help you?" Was that a dumb question? Or not?

"Stay by my side whatever happens tonight. Promise me you won't leave me alone with the wolves." He asked me, almost embarrassed to have asked me that.

"I won't leave your side Edward, promise, hand on heart." His face lit up into a beautiful smile once more, I smiled back. Fuck if he wanted me to stitch myself to him I would. Hmm that might hurt. How about just chaining myself to him? That would work just as well.

The party was in full swing, there were so many people in this place I wondered how on earth Carlisle or Esme could be the perfect hosts and greet everyone. I stayed by Edward's side, as promised. Thankfully no one had asked any difficult or awkward questions. I had a little feeling that people were staying away from those questions because of me, I didn't mind and neither did Edward. I met the rest of his family who on a whole were very nice, a little nosey maybe, wanting all the details on who I was. It was easy to see that they were just making sure that Edward was being well looked after. Speaking of him, I was walking around a little uncomfortable thanks to his attire. His long sleeved black shirt was fitted wonderfully to his muscled body. His black trousers hugged his ass beautifully. The fuck me now hair looked as fuck-able as ever. Fuck me now and send me to fucking heaven, that sight was not fucking fair.

At some point during the night I managed to lose Edward, which left me feeling a little uncomfortable. I didn't know any of these people and was starting to feel like a spare wheel. If I was feeling like this then how was he feeling? I sipped my beer, I had drunk my fair share of it tonight and I was starting to feel the effects of it. I felt bad for how I had managed to get myself into such a worked state this morning. For letting my mind run and having my diva moment, thinking that he regretted it and was rejecting me. I felt an arm snake around my waist, that warm fuzzy feeling running up through my body, my stomach feeling as though it was on fire. I felt his breath on my neck and I shivered making him chuckle.

"I want to get out of here, meet me upstairs in ten." He whispered gently in my ear before unwrapping his arm and disappearing through the crowd of people. Oh fuck, little Jasper was busy screaming in my head to hurry the fuck up and knock my drink back and get my ass up there.

Trying not to waste any more time than I had done already I downed my drink and slowly made my way to the top of the house and towards Edward's room. The door was ajar slightly and I could see the bedside lamp on, giving the room a soft warm glow. _Keep it in check Jasper, keep it in fucking check. _I pushed the door open and walked in gently closing the door behind me. I didn't see him anywhere. I looked around but couldn't see him. What the fuck?

I walked towards the window looking out into the forest. I sighed, maybe he got called away somewhere by one of his family? I sighed again, pissed off that I waited too long to come upstairs and missed my chance to spend some alone time with Edward.

"All that sighing is no good for you, you know?" His silky voice coming from behind me making me jump. He chuckled as I turned round and he handed me a glass of whisky.

"Came prepared then?" I asked him taking the glass from him.

"Always. Golden rule, keep booze in room for dreaded family parties." I walked past and sat on the bed placing my glass on the side.

"You did well tonight with the party." He smirked slightly and looked to the side taking a drink of his whisky.

"It helped having you next to me." He looked me dead on his eyes locking with mine. He slowly walked towards me placing the glass on the side next to mine. Edward stood right in front of me a wicked grin across his face, his hand came out tracing down the side of my face. I felt hyper aware of his touch right now, his hand trailed down my neck and onto my shoulder before he pushed me back on the bed. Slowly he crept on top of me, his knees either side of my hips, his hands supporting his weight, my breathing hitched. Oh fuck, you're killing me right fucking now. His face just inches from mine he smiled and closed the space, dropping on to his forearms. His lips touched mine, gently at first. He pulled back just slightly enough to look at me before attacking my lips with more force.

I couldn't stop the groan that escaped my mouth. He took advantage of it, his tongue darting into my mouth exploring every inch of it. My hands went in to his hair pulling him closer to me, I was in fucking heaven right now. He sucked my bottom lip gently causing me to moan again. He smiled against my lips, kissing to my jaw up towards my ear. His hand trailed ever so gently down my side, tickling me slightly making me giggle like some girl.

"I want you so fucking bad right now." He whispered in my ear, grinding his erection into mine. I groaned again as my hands trailed down his back.. _As much as you want this, don't fucking do it, he's drunk._ So am I, we're adults and we could do what we want, he wants me just as bad. Fuck. Does he want me? His lips attacked mine again, I took hold of his bottom lip, sucking on it, causing him to make a sexy groan. My tongue then explored his hot mouth, fuck he tasted good. _Jasper push him off now, you'll regret this and so will he. _No, he won't. _Yes, he will and you know it. Do you really want your first time with Edward to be a drunken fuck?_ His hand had worked its way up my shirt feeling every inch of my muscles before squeezing my right nipple. I groaned again and thrust my hips upwards, causing more friction on our grinding erection's. He groaned as his hand slipped down to the waistband of my jeans, that was my wake up call. I grabbed his hand stopping him, he pulled back looking at me.

"Edward stop, this isn't right." I said breathlessly at him, fuck this was killing me now. He looked at me and rolled off, lying next to me, his breathing as fast as mine. He hadn't said a word to me, not even looked at me since he rolled off. I felt like such a dick right now but I knew deep down I was doing the right thing. The booze we had drunk tonight was playing a big part in this, and I was sure that if we had gone through with this he would regret it in the morning. I didn't want that. As much and as badly as I wanted him, now was not the right time.

I sat up and looked at him. His eyes were closed with his forearm resting across his face, his chest shaking slightly. He was crying. Had he taken this as rejection? Oh please say he didn't. I pulled his arm away seeing the tears rolling down the side of his face. I wiped them away and whispered in his ear.

"I'm not rejecting you, I'm making sure that there will be no regrets in the morning." His arm wrapped around me pulling me close to him, holding me tightly against him as he wept.

"Thank you Jasper." I smiled at the realisation of what he was about to do and what I stopped hitting home.

"I want it to be right, not a drunken fuck." _Jasper for once in your life you have used your brain._ Little Jasper clapped and took a bow.

"Stay with me tonight please." His voice sounding rough.

"Of course, I'll not be a minute" I pulled out of his hug. He looked at me his eyes pleading with me to stay, he clearly thought I was going to run. I smiled reassuringly at him and he nodded. I left the room and ran to mine, I changed quickly in to my pyjama bottoms toying with the idea to leave the tee off or not. I chose to put it on, I didn't want any repeats of before. I headed back in to his room just as he was coming out of his bathroom, already changed and ready for bed. He looked like shit and smiled a little looking embarrassed as he looked to the floor. I walked to him and grabbed his hand.

"Don't be embarrassed Edward, honestly don't be." I looked at the clock on the bedside table it was 12.05 AM. I pulled him towards the bed and got in. We faced each other, his eyes looking a little red from the tears he shed. I wiped under his eyes and smiled. "Happy New Year." I smiled at him showing him love and comfort in my smile and eyes, or what I thought was love and comfort in my slightly drunken state.

"Happy New Year Jasper." He lent forward and kissed me again, a soft gentle kiss making me melt, he pulled back and smiled at me. I turned quickly and turned the lamp off, the room being lit up by the moonlight. I wrapped my arms around him pulling him to me. His arm went around my waist as his head rested on my chest, he squeezed me gently. "Good night Jasper." His head rested on my beating heart.

"Night Edward." I kissed the top of his head listening to his breathing change. I smiled, he was asleep curled up into me. I was so proud of myself for stopping ourselves tonight, no regrets in the morning. I pulled him to me, his arms squeezing me tightly almost as a reflex action. God, I was in love. I rested my head on top of his breathing in his scent and closed my eyes drifting off to sleep.

I woke up, Edward still in my arms, his head pressed against my chest. I could feel his hand gently tracing patterns on the bottom of my back. I smiled, this was good. He wasn't freaking out over last night. Touching his hair I gently ghosted my fingers through it and kissed the top of his head.

"Morning." I whispered to him, gently holding him a little tighter. I didn't want him to think I was freaked out by last night or uncomfortable. He moved slightly giving himself more room to pull his head off my chest. I missed the heat right away, my whole body tingling all over. He looked at me his forest green eyes sparkling at me and smiled sheepishly.

"Good morning beautiful." He whispered kissing me gently on the lips. He called me beautiful, he called me fucking beautiful. My heart soared and swelled with so much love I felt for him.

"How's the head feeling this morning?" I asked him. Mine was killing me, I felt like I had been smacked in the head with baseball bat repeatedly. He ran a hand through his hair, the warmth radiating off his body, filling the cocoon we had wrapped around us.

"Truthfully, it's killing me." He smirked a little. "Jasper, I'm sorry about last night. I was drunk and well.... it's not like I didn't want you because I did, and I do, but I'm glad you stopped it when you did. That is something I'm not ready for yet." His checks turned pink slightly, his eyes dropped down. My hand touched his face, running my fingertips from his temple down to his chin, lifting his head so I could see his eyes.

"That's why I stopped it, we don't need to rush anything. I'm not going anywhere Edward and I want you to be ready. I would have hated waking up with the feeling in the room full of regret. That isn't what I want. As much as it killed me to stop it, I would sooner wake up like this with you than the other way." He smiled slightly at me, and rolled on to his back. I missed his body touching mine, I fought the urge to whimper at the loss of contact.

I rolled on to my front lifting my head and supporting my bodyweight on my forearms looked at him. He was looking up at the ceiling, his hand touching my hair, almost as though he didn't realise he was doing it. God, he could do that forever and a day, I wouldn't mind.

"Me too, it was nice waking up having you next to me like this." He sat up and looked at me, his hair all over the place. Right then I didn't think I'd seen anything more beautiful than Edward first thing in the morning.

"You disappeared last night, where did you go? If you don't mind telling me." He turned to face me pulling a foot under his knee and smiled.

"I went to say Happy New Year to James, and just spend five minutes talking to him." He ran his hand back through his hair, he'll be bald if he carried on doing that. "I asked him if he would be mad at me." His head dropped a little along with his voice, the embarrassment plain to see.

"Mad at you for what?" He didn't look at me, I touched his hand. "Edward look at me. Don't be embarrassed." His eyes gently came up and looked at me.

"About you. I asked him if he would be mad at me for finding you." Right fucking now I could burst I was that happy. "And?" He looked at me for a minute. Yeah I know a dead person can't answer you but come on you know what I mean, people take signs from the strangest things. He smiled. "I don't feel guilty for waking up in your arms. If that is answer enough, I'll take it." He lent forward and kissed me again, my lips tingling from his touch. "Coffee?" I lost the power to speak right then, everything he had just said running around my head at a million miles per hour. I did all I could do, I nodded.

He got up throwing the covers back and slipped out of the room, yes I stared at his ass as he left. Once the door was closed I had the biggest grin on my face. I threw my head back against the pillow stamping my hands and feet against the bed, trying to stop the scream that wanted to come out. Little Jasper had a full blown marching band going off inside my mind. He wanted me, he called me beautiful, he even asked James if he would be mad at him for being with me. How happy could I get right now? I didn't think I could be any happier right now, nothing was going to dampen my mood. Nothing.

_**EPOV**_

I closed my bedroom door and walked down the hall towards the stairs, a slight smile on my face. Last night hadn't been a complete disaster. I had managed to mix with family and friends and not freak out, I couldn't argue that the main reason behind it was Jasper. The slight squeeze of my arm, and warm smile reassuring me that everything was alright helped me no end. He had been my leaning support, my rock last night. In fact he had become that long before last night took place.

My disappearance had been noticed by my mother. I thought it was only right to go outside to look up at the stars and talk to James. He had been such a huge part of my life for so long, I never saw an end to me and him. It was always just us, but he was taken away from me, and while it still hurts to feel that pain in my chest, I was slowly healing. Jasper has shown me so much, been there for me when I needed him, and I was slowly starting to fall for him. I had to talk to James about it, tell him about Jasper and how much he had helped me, and ask him if he would was mad at me for what was happening between the two of us. The guilty feeling I thought for sure I would have waking up in his arms never came, I took it as a sign.

The embarrassment of last night was still very fresh in my mind. I couldn't thank Jasper enough for stopping it when he did. I was drunk, I had had way too much by the time we got upstairs, and as much as I wanted him last night fucking Jasper would have just set me back. Our relationship, if you could call it that was still in a very small stage. It had been a week since I had asked Jasper to wait for me and while I may be getting there I was not there yet.

If I could use just one word to sum up Jasper, it would have to be mesmerising. He completely mesmerised me with the way he was, how he took on everything that had happened to me with James. How I still felt about him, how he would always be in my heart. He took it all on board, accepted it and supported me through it. He was willing to let this go at my pace and even stopped me from regretting things in the morning.

I reached the kitchen and surpass it to say it looked like no party had taken place last night. I wondered what time my parents were up cleaning the house? I flicked the kettle on and got out two mugs. I looked out of the window in the kitchen, the day was a little grey. The snow was now starting to shift, leaving behind sloppy crap that hardly looked like snow. My mind cast back to our walk on Christmas day and how different it all was, the start of everything taking place, slowly starting to head in the right direction.

"Good morning Edward." My mother's voice called behind me. I turned round to see her smiling face at me, the love and happiness shining in her eyes, like looking at your child for the first time. I guess you could say it was, this trip had helped me, brought me out more then I ever thought it would. I was happy, contented, not fully all right yet, but I was well on my way.

I gave her a hug, wrapping my arms tightly around her and whispered in her ear "Happy New Year Mum."

She gave me a gentle squeeze and a kiss on the cheek. "Happy New Year. Is Jasper awake?" She asked as she broke from the hug sitting down at the breakfast bar.

"Yeah he is." I watched a smile creep on her face. "What?" I asked her, she had thought something.

"Are you going to tell me? About you and Jasper?" Right to the point as normal mum, don't beat around will you.

I smiled at her. "It's early, but there is something there." I turned back around, nothing worse than seeing my mum beaming at me over my love life.

"I knew there was. I've seen the way he looks at you, the love he holds in his eyes for you. I just hope you're not rushing anything Edward. I know it's been almost two years and believe me nothing makes me happier than seeing you like this but I also know you, and I know you haven't fully let go of James yet. I don't want this to end up being a regret." She got up and touched my shoulder giving me a gentle squeeze.

"I'm not rushing anything mum, you have my word on that. Jasper is fully aware of James, in fact I've not kept much back from him. I've asked him to visit his grave with me when we get back. Jasper …...." I trailed off closing my eyes, relishing in what he did last night just to make sure I had no regrets despite what he wanted. "Jasper stopped me from having any regrets this morning mum, he really is wonderful to me."

My mother's face lit up like a Christmas tree. "Edward, I'm so pleased he is looking out for you." I smiled at her and poured boiling hot water into the mugs.

"Where's dad?" I asked her while rummaging through the cupboards looking for biscuits.

"At work, he'll be back at dinner." She said as I pulled out a packet of chocolate Hobnobs. "Don't eat all of those Edward, you won't want your dinner." She scolded me as I rolled my eyes and headed out the room.

Back upstairs I opened the bedroom door, Jasper was still laying in bed on his side looking out of the window. He looked over to me and smiled, a warm smile hitting his face making me feel all warm and happy inside. I stopped dead in my tracks as I replayed that thought in my head. I was happy, for the first time in almost two years I felt happy, really happy, contentedly happy. My smile grew wide as I walked over to him and placed the mugs along with the Hobnobs on the side. I climbed back into bed, the bed all nice and warm against my cold feet, I couldn't help myself.

"Arr fuck your feet your cold." He screamed as he moved his legs away from my feet. I moved and put my feet on his warm skin again chuckling. "Don't be a nasty pasty." I pouted at him causing him to laugh.

"Nasty pasty?" He asked.

"Yeah, you're being nasty by not letting me warm my feet up against you." I smiled at him and gently kissed his temple. I heard Jasper's breathing hitch. I smiled against his skin inhaling deeply, taking in his wonderful scent.

"I'll have to remember that one." He said as I passed him his coffee.

I opened the packet of Hobnobs up, in my opinion the best biscuits in the world for dunking in your coffee. I offered the packet to Jasper, he took one out and looked at it.

"You know these are crap for dunking." What? Was he that stupid? I knew he could have his moments but really?

"No these are the Marines of biscuits, perfect for dunking. They don't break apart after the first dunk, they're almost screaming at you again and again after every dunk." I said very matter-of-fact at him.

He laughed at me. "Yeah, but losing half your biscuit is half the fun."

I shook my head. "How is having your mug half full of biscuit slop fun? Trust me, Hobnobs are the way forward."

We were due to leave today, we had been here for two week and the time had sped by. Jasper was back at work in three days time and I had my first session with Tanya of the new year, oh joy. I was ready to talk to her about coming off the pills that I no longer wanted to take. Jasper and my parents were supportive over it, but that hadn't stopped Jasper reminding me everyday to take them. I often wondered if he was secretly working off Tanya, I wouldn't put anything past her.

My relationship with Jasper had grown over the last three days since that night. We hadn't slept in the same bed since New Year's Eve, but we had fallen into a routine of whoever woke up first went to make coffee bringing it to the other one and crawling into bed. Yeah it was normally me waking him up. He didn't seem to mind though, in fact I was pretty sure that he was loving every morning we spent together.

We loaded up the rental and hugged my parents goodbye.

"Take care son." My dad said giving me a manly hug. I looked at my mother the tears already falling, I pulled her into a hug. "I'll miss you. Be careful okay, love you." Her whispered sobs on my shoulder made my eyes start to water.

"You too." I kissed her on the cheek. Jasper shook my dad's hand and then received a massive hug from my mother. We said our goodbyes and headed towards the airport. Jasper wasn't talking much which wasn't like him, it was normally me who did that. I looked at him concerned as I saw his head resting on his hand pressed up against the window a look of loss on his face.

"Jasper what's wrong?" I heard him sigh deeply before looking at me, his forced smile doing nothing to ease my nerves.

"I don't want to go back." His voice a whisper as he looked away. Why didn't he want to go back? As much as I loved my parents I had spent long enough with them now and was looking forward to having some alone time without them.

"Why?" I asked him, he just shrugged at me. "It doesn't matter." I turned my head away and looked at the road. The airport was still another hour's drive away and then there was the flight and the waiting time beforehand, I didn't want to see this for the rest of the day.

"Yes it does, tell me." He shifted in his seat uncomfortably.

"Its just that I'm afraid when we get back, what has happened here won't continue. I mean between us." His face was all torn up as he looked at me. I smiled softy at him and took his hand in mine gently kissing it.

"Jasper, I can't promise that things won't be different because I don't know. Just as I can't promise when this will move faster between us, but I told you I'm not in to playing games. I want you, that won't change when we get back. I want this to continue, and hopefully get better." I squeezed his hand gently watching his face light up at me, his blue eyes sparkling at me.

"Are we still going to the grave tomorrow?" Jasper asked. We had decided that we would go tomorrow morning. Our flight got us back to our apartment in the early evening, giving us time to relax before tomorrow.

"Of course, it's really important to me that you're there." I smiled at him.

"I know it is Edward. I'll be there with you, every step of the way." His caring tone made me feel warm and loved by this man, he truly was one of a kind.

* * *

**_Now who is proud of Jasper? I know i am, I loved writing this chapter, showing that Jasper can use his brain when need be. _**

**_Aww there getting closer and closer with each passing chapter, aww i love these boys so much._**

**_Anyway my lovely's you know what to do hit the reviews and send some love. :)_**


	18. Chapter 18

_**AN/ Im blown away by all the wonderful reviews im getting, all the alerts and hits thank you so much and im so happy your all enjoying my little story.**_

**_Again thank you to my Beta for doing her thing._**

**_Here's chapter 18_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**JPOV**_

We arrived back at the apartment early evening, thankfully the flight wasn't delayed and everything ran to time. The flight back home was different to the flight going, Edward still freaked during take off and landing, but other than that he was fine. He held my hand or drew random patterns on my arm. He had been talkative on the flight, talking about nothing important, having stupid random chats about some of the most stupid stuff. I was getting to know Edward's childish side. I had seen his playful side during the winter break but now I was getting to know his childish side, just like he was mine.

Coming back to the apartment it felt like it had been months since we had been here. The Edward that left here two weeks ago wasn't the same Edward that arrived back. This Edward smiled all the time, taking my breath away each and every time he did it. I had turned the heating off while we had been away, and of course the apartment was freezing. My first port of call was to go and turn the heating back on, and make a hot drink. Edward darted right to his room with his bags. He reappeared a few minutes later in sweatpants and tee, holding his quilt in his hand. I had to smile, he had no problem in me seeing his scar's anymore, letting me touch them if I wanted to. I had to admit I enjoyed running my fingers over them. I knew it sounded weird but I did. I think somewhere in my mind I thought that this might be a good thing for him, so that others could see them. I didn't know if it was going to work or not but it had with me.

I finished the drinks and headed into the living room, Edward already on the sofa with the quilt covering the front of him. I smiled at him as I placed the mugs down and ran off to get changed. I was out of my room in seconds. Returning to the living room and seeing him waiting there for me made my heart swell, I had fallen so hard and so deep for him. He pulled the quilt back and pattered the place next to him, calling me to him. I wanted to jump up and down, this was by far the best gift I had ever had. I sat next to him and kissed him gently before curling up to him, the back of my head on his chest as his arms wrapped around me, holding me close to him. I lightly traced his arm watching his muscles in his arm flex every now and then from my touch. I took so much from that, knowing that this, how Edward was right now was because of me. Through all the fuck ups I had made at the very start, I had learned and brought Edward out of his shell to reveal a wonderful man whom I was fucking in love with.

"Edward? Can I ask you something?" One of the things we had agreed on during the holiday was that we would be open and honest with each other. We could talk about what we were both thinking, good or bad, and answering each other question's the best we could. Edward found answering some question's harder than others, but he always answered, maybe not going into detail but he told me what I wanted to know. If he had just skimmed the answer to a question it would only take him a few days to go back to the question and answer it fully for me.

"Anything beautiful." I felt him kiss the top of my head, my heart raced, every time he called me beautiful I felt like I was turning into goo. _That's because you are. _Butt out of it.

"What was the funeral like?" I saw his arm tense slightly and heard him take in a deep breath.

"I take it you mean with his family?" He whispered on to the top of my head. I nodded. Edward had told me how James' parents were, that they blamed Edward for everything.

"From outside you would have thought I hardly knew him. His parents made sure I was nowhere near his coffin, nowhere near the front. I couldn't even say a few words. You would have thought I was just someone whom he worked with, said hi to in the morning, not his partner, the man he lived with and spent all those years together. His first and only girlfriend he had when he was thirteen got more attention. You would have thought she was married to him and had his children the way it was all set up. His parents kept her right there next to them. She got to touch his coffin, throw a rose in before he was lifted in to the ground. She even got to say a few words about him. Me? Nothing. My own parents had offered to pay towards the bill as they had taken James as one of their own. They were hurting too, but his parents had screamed bloody murder saying they didn't want blood money." I felt him shake ever so slightly. I wrapped my own arms around his, pulling them tighter around me, letting him know I was here and it was okay. He took a few deep breaths and rested his head on top of mine.

"I just wanted to say goodbye to him like everyone else was doing and I couldn't. I wasn't allowed to stay for the wake, being told that I had no place to be there. That I had no idea what they were going through. I think I had a fucking good idea what they were going through. They had lost their son, I had lost my partner, my lover, my best friend. I knew James better than they fucking did." I could feel the tears gently hitting the top of my head wetting my hair.

"Edward, I'm so sorry. That's awful. How could they do that? He was your partner, you shouldn't have been treated like that." My own eyes filled up and I fought the tears back not wanting to cry. I wanted to comfort him not cry like a girl.

"I told you, they blamed me for turning him gay. They bypassed the fact that James came out a long time before he even met me, but they wanted to blame someone for their son being gay and they chose me. They were convinced that if James met a girl then he would stop this nonsense as they called it." Where did these people come from? What time line were they living in?

"It's not something you chose, it's who you are at the end of the day, you can't just turn it on and off." I moved slightly forward feeling his arm tighten around me just a little bit more. I looked at him and smiled before reaching for my coffee and passing him his.

"Try telling them that. They couldn't or wouldn't accept who their son was, they wouldn't allow it in their house. I was the devil in their eyes, fucking cunts. I hated them and made it no fucking secret. How can you treat your own son like that? Surly his happiness is what counts?" I could hear his tone change to one of anger, I ran my fingers across his arm trying to settle him down.

"You would think so, wouldn't you?" I said as I took a sip of my drink.

"Yeah, but not them. His sister was different, she was nice and I actually liked her. She didn't care what her brother was, just as long as he was happy that was the main thing to her. She was the only one from his family that spoke to me the day of his funeral, she even tried fighting my corner against their parents for me to say something at his funeral. But of course it just caused more problems that in the end I told her not to bother, the people that knew us knew how I felt about him and he knew how I felt and that's all that mattered." His arm relaxed slightly and I felt his head leave mine and rest against the back of the sofa.

"I'm sorry if I've brought up bad memories, I didn't mean to." The last thing I wanted to do was cause him pain that he didn't need to feel. He kissed the top of head, I felt the small smile on his lips and he pressed them against my scalp.

"No, you didn't, not really. I'm glad you asked, I want you to know. If you're going to know me you may as well know all of me." I smiled. I loved how he was wanting me to know this stuff. He wasn't afraid or ashamed to share this with me, he wanted me to be a part of all his life. His trust in me had grown so much that I didn't think it even had a limit now.

He played with my hair while we sat in silence, a comfortable one at that. I had found that Edward was a touchy person, always wanting to touch if he was next to me, whether it was holding hands, running fingers across arms or playing with my hair, he always seemed to want that contact. The closer we became the more he would do it. He even wrapped his arms around my waist and rested his head on my shoulder at his parents house. I had to admit when he did it I thought I was going to have a heart attack. I didn't expect it. My heart went crazy in my chest and I swore to the lord above that I thought I was going into cardiac arrest.

The more Edward touched the more I did. I had been so careful not to crowd him, fighting against wanting to touch him or run my hands through his fuck me hair, which by the way I loved. But I was becoming more comfortable doing these things knowing he wouldn't freak out on me. I had also learnt to read his moods, finding out just what he wanted and needed. Some moods he was in he wanted to be held close to you, not talking to holding. Others he didn't want the contact but wanted to talk and see your face. Then he had the moods where he didn't want too much touching and was happy with fingers gently and loosely interlocking. Edward was complex to understand but once you figured it out it was easy to see the signs.

Edward had figured me out very fast, he could read me like a book. He didn't miss much and would tease me later. He seemed to know when my mind was going crazy and having a diva moment, almost like he knew I just needed some little reassurance myself. As though he could hear my thoughts, he was in tune to me, and I couldn't have been happier that he could read me so well. I felt his breath on my neck, suddenly a light gentle kiss caused my neck to feel like it was on fire.

"Stay with me tonight, I want you close to me." Oh how I loved this, hearing him asking me to stay with him, hearing him say he wants me close to him. His tight hold around me tonight almost felt like he was worried I was going to disappear on him, scared that if he let me out of his sight I would go. I knew this was one of his insecurities, with what happened to James I couldn't blame for having this fear, and I couldn't complain. I got to sleep next to the god, with him either in my arms or me in his.

"Of course I will, I like being close to you." I told him honestly. How could I complain or say I hated being close to him? The man could make me cum with just a look, he was that hot.

"I know you do, I like it too." I smiled again. Little Jasper was now selling his platinum album. This was Edward slowly getting closer to me.

He let go of me and pushed the quilt off, moving me as if I weighed nothing off his chest and standing up holding his hand out for me to take. I took it as he smiled at me, his eye's shining more brightly as the days passed. I could see him healing, slowly putting himself back together. The wonderful fuzzy feeling ran through my body at lightning speed making my heart beat wildly. I knew he felt this too. He gently pulled my arm and headed towards my bedroom.

Once inside the room we crawled into bed, and under the covers. God how I could get used to this. _Could? There was no could about it, you already were._ No, I'm not. Well maybe just a bit. His arms wrapped around me the moment I was under the quilt. Facing him he looked deep into my eyes before kissing me gently, our mouths moved together as I trailed my tongue against his lip wanting entrance. He happily gave it to me, our tongues danced together, neither one fighting for dominance, just the feel of each other. The kiss was passionate and caring, no rush or urgency to it, the kiss was almost like connecting to each other. I couldn't stop the groans that came from me as I ran my fingers through his hair pulling him close to me. God, I loved him so fucking much. He pulled back gently gasping for air, his breathing hard. He smiled at me and kissed me once more gently on the lips.

"Good night Jasper." He smiled pulling me to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around me. My head rested against his chest hearing his heart beat beautifully in my ear.

"Night Edward." I half mumbled to him, quickly falling to sleep in his wonderful arms. I was in pure heaven.

****

I woke facing the other way, at some point during the night I had moved. I rolled back round my arm stretching out looking forward. I felt an empty bed. His side was cold, not slightly warm like he had just got up, but cold as in not been there for hours. My eye's flew open. The door was closed. I stumbled out of bed and rushed to the door. I had to stop myself and take a few deep breaths before I left my room, I needed to calm down. I couldn't go out demanding where he was, could I? _No, that would be stupid._ I slowly opened the door and walked across the hall to his room. Opening his bedroom door I saw his room was empty. I turned and headed into the living room, the TV was on low, but no Edward. I headed into the kitchen and my eyes met the back of him, leaning slightly over the counter waiting for the kettle to boil. His tee shirt had been removed and he stood there bare chested in a pair of sweatpants, I could see the muscles in his back flexing every now and then. My breathing hitched and caught in my throat as my eyes drank him in, running them down his well toned back to his ass. His sweatpants sat low on his hips, I was drooling. I was sure I was about to burst through my own sweatpants right fucking now. Oh for the love of god, I'm going to die of a hard on. I'll be the first man to die of it.

"It's rude to stare Jasper." _Oh you're so busted Jasper._ How the fuck did he know? He never even turned round.

"I... um.... I..." I babbled out like some idiot.

"Good morning?" He said turning around to me, making it sound like these were the words I was looking for. He smiled at me making me melt just that little bit more.

"Morning." My voice hardly anything more than a whisper, I was fighting control here. This wasn't fair, I had needs. God damn it, Jasper had needs. He chuckled and walked towards me, gently wrapping his arms around my waist pulling me towards him.

"What's got you all flushed this morning?" Grinning at me like he didn't know. Bastard! He kissed me gently on the lips before trailing his nose across my jaw to my ear. My breathing hitched again coming out all shaky. The bastard knew what he was doing.

"You can stop drooling now." The smile in his voice made me flush red, I had been caught red fucking handed. He looked at me and smiled before releasing me and heading back towards the kettle to finish off the drinks. I tried to get myself back in to some working order before he turned back round, pretty hard when you're nothing but goo on the floor.

"How long have you been up?" I asked him as he passed me the mug of hot coffee. Oh thank you god for making coffee, and thank you even more so for making coffee and having Edward give it to me topless.

"About an hour, you were flat out. I had a shower and I was just finishing off the coffee then I was going to wake you." He stayed all night in my bed, in my room next to me. Little Jasper was busy working on his dance video. I smiled as I wandered into the living room.

"What time are we heading out?" The skies looked dark outside like it was going to rain.

"Whenever you're ready." He answered. I could see his mood starting to shift slightly, he was getting nervous about going. I walked over to him and slid my arm around his waist.

"Shall we stop off so you can buy some flowers for James?" His eyes shot up and looked at me, a little smile on his lips.

"Please, and if you don't mind could I have five minutes alone with him?" I heard the plea in his voice. If Edward wanted five minutes alone with him I wouldn't mind, I understood all of this.

"I would insist." I kissed him gently before heading off to get changed.

_**EPOV**_

The ride was short to the graveyard, my heart was beating wildly in my chest. This was the first time I had come to his grave with anyone, not even my parents had come to his grave with me. But I so badly wanted Jasper to be here with me through this, he was the only person I trusted enough to come here with. I didn't speak much during the ride there, the silence wasn't uncomfortable. I wondered how Jasper could be so at ease with all of this? This had to be hard for him. I wasn't stupid and knew that Jasper cared more for me than he was letting on, just what was he willing to do to himself just for me?

I had, of course, questioned this between us. In some ways I wasn't ready for anyone to be in my life like this, but on the other hand I craved his touch, his smell, his smile. I wasn't being fair to him, I knew this. Although things were slowly moving along I often wondered if I shouldn't have kissed him, asked him to wait for me, and ask him to stay with me during the night. Maybe I should have waited, but now I couldn't stop it. I craved these things far too much now to have them taken away from me. It worried me that Jasper would get pissed off at me and break it off, whatever it was. I had spoken to him about it and while he admitted that he sometimes found it hard, he wouldn't want things to change. He was an angel to say the least.

My mind was filled with James, coming to his grave would result in my mind bringing up memories of my past with him, leaving me hurting. Jasper sensed my change in pattern and gently squeezed my arm as we came to stop at the graveyard.

"You ready to meet James?" I asked him as I got out of the car taking hold of the flowers I had brought. Jasper held his hand out and I took it, his fingers gently rubbing circles on the back of my hand.

"I am, do you think he will like me?" I had to laugh. "I'm sure he already does." Truth was I knew that if James was still here he would have loved Jasper.

We walked through the graveyard hand in hand, I could find his grave with my eyes shut I had been here that many times. I squeezed his hand reassuringly as we turned the corner on to the path that led to James' grave. I wasn't sure if I was trying to reassure Jasper or myself. I slowed down as we approached his grave, I could see the black shiny headstone already. My heart beat wildly in my chest as I came to stop at his grave, I let go of Jasper's hand and removed the dead flowers that where there, placing the fresh one's in it's place. I sat down facing his grave my eyes running over the wording that his parents had chosen to say.

_James Richards _

_Loving son to David and Susan Richards _

_Taken too soon from this world, _

_Dearly missed by all his friends and family._

_May God bring you peace in the next life._

I could feel my eyes being filled with tears as I looked up at Jasper, his warm eyes looking down on me. I smiled weakly holding my hand up to him, he took it and I tugged him gently down to sit next to me. He sat down and looked at the gravestone and then back and at me. I took a deep breath and wiped my eyes.

"Jasper, meet James." I was well aware at just how crazy I was sounding, but in a graveyard that was normal.

Jasper stared at the headstone, his face working a mixture of emotions as he turned to look at me and smiled slightly. "You mind?" He asked me. I just shook my head, I wasn't sure what I was shaking my head too.

"Um...this is different, I've never spoken to a headstone before." I smiled my eyes full of tears, my past and future together in one spot, I felt a strange sense of relief. It was like I was connecting the two together, I didn't know how to describe it. I was linking my past with my future, and I found it comforting.

"I hope you like the star I bought Edward for Christmas, I thought it would be a wonderful way for him to remember you." I squeezed Jasper's hand. He gave me a warm smile, his eyes clouded slightly.

"Thank you for coming Jasper, you being here means a lot to me." I touched James' headstone, gently letting my fingers run over it.

"I'm glad you asked me to Edward. Do you think James looks over you?" He asked me his tone so caring and kind, I smiled

"Yeah, I was never really into believing it before now." I answered him. He had to be. My life had changed so much in such a short space of time. Jasper looked at me.

"I believe he sent me you, your compassion and understanding towards me makes me believe that you are an angel." He blushed.

"What the hell are you doing here?" A woman's voice screamed behind me. I got to my feet quickly followed by Jasper. I was met with James' parents.

"David, Susan. Jasper these are James' parents." This could not be happening.

"Stay away from him Jasper. He'll kill you just like he did my James. You should have gotten life, you ruined my son and took his life away." She threw at me, the words cut through my chest, opening up my wounds, wounds I had worked so hard to close. My world came to a standstill, I couldn't even find it in me to speak before she attacked me again.

"You killed him, my boy, my only boy, you killed him, and yet you acted like you were a victim in this. We lost our son because of you, turning him gay, why him? What did he do to you for your fail at your job?" The tears fell all over again. I was breaking and I couldn't move to get out of her attack. I felt Jasper grip my hand.

"Killed him? You should be thanking Edward for fighting hard to save your son. Do you have any idea what Edward went through trying to save his life that night? Do you? You're looking to blame someone and you're blaming the wrong person." Jasper said.

"He should have been married with children and he would have if he had never met him." David spat, Jasper squeezed my hand tighter.

"Married? Maybe. But not to a woman, and children? Possibly if they thought of adopting. Your son was gay, Edward never made him that way. It was the way he was born." Jasper spat back, I closed my eyes, please let this stop, let this end right now.

"You should be lying there in that grave not my son." David spat at me, the pain ripped through me again and again.

"Do you not think Edward wouldn't give anything to swap place's with him? Open your fucking eyes." Jasper said, the anger in his voice surprising me. I had never heard Jasper like this, and he was defending me, through all my sins he was trying to defend and protect me.

He pulled my hand and headed toward the exit, I could faintly hear there voice's behind me, along with Jasper muttering to himself. I couldn't make sense of what was being said, I was trying to keep myself together, I felt Jasper take the keys out of my pocket. He opened the door and pushed me in the car, I just stared ahead, my whole body was locking down on me again. After everything, just when I thought there was some light at the end of it all, I get pushed back down. Everything felt like it was coming undone, in a matter of minutes what I had worked so hard on felt like I had done nothing.

The next thing I knew the apartment door was closing behind me. I couldn't remember the drive here or anything, I had shut off from it all. Jasper's arms wrapped tightly around me pulling me close to him whispering words in my ear. I broke there and then. I couldn't keep it together anymore, I fell to the floor taking Jasper down with me, as I sobbed hard on his shoulder. He rocked me gently rubbing his hand up and down my back.

"I tried..... so... so.... hard... to … save.... him." I choked out through my sobs, the pain burning in my chest.

"I know you did. This isn't your fault Edward, it's not your fault." He whispered in my ear.

"Please.... please don't leave me." I cried to Jasper gripping him tighter to me afraid he would leave me if I let go, the fear that he would was eating away at me bringing me more pain.

"I won't, I promise. I'm right here, I'm not going to leave you." His caring whispers in my ear sent a loving feeling through my body. He rocked me gently while I continued to cry. Jasper moved me off the floor and towards the sofa. He gently pulled me down and pulled me to him, my head resting on his chest as I held him tightly around the waist. I was so scared that he would have listened to what they said, and that he would think like them and run a mile from me. I couldn't handle that, I wasn't strong enough to deal with it.

Jasper seemed to sense this as he tightened his grip on me, running his hand through my hair, comforting me. These people despite how much I hated them, I wanted them so badly to know just how hard I worked to save their son that night. I didn't want them to think I killed him, that I let him die. I had loved him like there was no tomorrow, he had been everything to me. I would switch place's with him in a heartbeat. To hear them scream at me the same things they said almost two years ago ripped me apart. I was trying to move on with my life and become better, trying to rebuild what life I had left after he died, and they tore my work apart. Like people throwing rocks to glass house's, I was that easily broken when it came to James, when it came to people thinking that I had killed him.

Jasper moved slightly trying to get me to release my grip, I gripped tighter to him. "No, please don't." I begged, my voice strained and just above a whisper.

"I'm not leaving, I'm just trying to get more comfortable. Edward please listen to me. I know you're scared right now, but I am not leaving you. I'm not going anywhere, and I'll hold you and be close to you as long as you want me to." I relaxed my grip slightly, he kissed the top of my head.

"These people should thank you for what you did that night. Lord knows it was hard for you to work like that, but I do not for one minute think you killed him. I do not for one minute think I should stay away from you. I care so much for you Edward, why do you think I defended you today?" He lifted my head to look at my face. I saw his eyes were slightly red, a warm smile on his face reassuring me.

"Thank you for doing that Jasper." I told him, he went against two people he didn't know just to defend me.

"I would do it again and again, that smile on your face means so much to me. I won't have anyone, your dead partners parents or not, talking and treating you like that. I won't allow them to make you feel you like you're at fault. I won't allow them to make you feel like you can't go to his grave when you wish and speak to him. I won't allow anyone to hurt the man I love." His voice came out as a whisper at the end, his powerful speech left me breathless. He confessed his love to me right there and then, his heartfelt speech making me feel loved and safe. The tears came again touched by his words. He kissed the top of my head and pulled my head to his chest, his arms back to being tightly around me.

"I'm not pushing or rushing you, but I mean what I said. I can't help the way I feel towards you." He whispered in my ear.

"I know, and thank you." I squeezed him tightly. I was so thankful for having him with me right now, more so than ever before. He was there when I needed him the most.

* * *

**_Ok so i didnt know what James' last name was, as far as i could remember it was never named in the book so i made one up._**

**_I will admit this chapter hurt to write, i was really taken over when i wrote it but so pleased with how it turned out._**

**_Cant you see what i think about when im cutting hair? Hehe there's that OCD again._**

**_Anyway my lovelys im currantly writing the next chapter, yes i really do spend my spare time writing, oh on a good note i got an email back from Sony telling me my laptop should be back with me by tuesday. Thank fuck for that, im hating my hubbys tiny laptop, its too small. Ok so now im rambling on._**

**_Hit the button and send me some love :)_**


	19. Chapter 19

_**AN/ 260 Reviews? Wow you guys are awesome, I love all you guys for reviewing my story and telling what you thought during each chapter, thank you so so much.**_

**_Again a great thank you goes to my wonder beta, who has the wonderful job of checking my chapters near enough everyday, thanks hun._**

**_Anyway here's chapter 19_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**JPOV**_

What the hell had I just seen? Who the fuck were these people throwing this abuse at Edward? Her hurtful words hit Edward like a wrecking ball. I could see him crumbling in front of me, he froze on the spot as she continued to hurl abuse at him. I snapped, I fucking snapped, I saw fucking red, just who the fuck did this woman think she was? I wasn't about to have that, no fucking way. I squeezed his hand tightly in mine, praying to all the gods up there that he wouldn't fall back due to this pigheaded woman, who had to blame Edward for everything. Fucking bitch.

These people should be thanking him, he fought to save their son's life and yet they stood there calling him nothing short of a murderer. I was shocked, I was hurt, and I was angry. No fucker was going to make him feel like this was his fault, no fucker was going to undo all the work he had put in to himself over the last few weeks, no one.

I pulled Edward by the hand towards the car, the tears falling down his face. He hadn't spoken, he just stared ahead, like he wasn't even there.

"I love you, no one is going hurt you." I muttered to myself. I didn't think he heard it, or if he did I didn't think it went in. I took the car keys out of his pocket and got him in the car. He was spaced out, the tears had stopped, but his face, his eyes, they were lifeless. The Edward whom I had seen for the last two weeks was nowhere to be seen. I drove us home, flooring it most of the way, the anger in me desperately needing to get out. I had to release it before we got back, I had to have it out of my system by then. I had to focus on Edward once we were there, so flooring it seemed like a good way. Hey if I got a ticket for speeding it can go on my license, I didn't mind, I didn't have any points.

I pulled an almost coma like state Edward out of the car and into the lifts. His face hadn't changed, he still hadn't spoken, and his eyes were becoming more and more withdrawn. The wait in the lift was killing me, it seemed to take forever to get to our level. I just needed to get him home, I couldn't focus on him in the lift or the car, he needed my one hundred percent attention. The lift door finally opened and I grabbed his hand pulling him out of the lift and down the hall. Oh please do something, anything, you're worrying me now. I slammed the door shut and pulled him to me wrapping my arms tightly around him, whispering words in his ear telling him it was okay and that it wasn't his fault, they knew nothing, he broke.

He sobbed hard on my shoulder dropping to the floor and taking me down with him. I rubbed his back and held him tightly as I rocked him back and forth, I could almost feel his pain. His pain made me cry. I tried to hold back my tears but I couldn't.

"I tried..... so..... so hard....... to …. save..... him" He choked out through his sobs, the pain in his voice. They had ripped a fucking great big hole in his chest, his pain was overpowering. I kissed the top of his head trying so hard to comfort him.

"I know you did. This isn't your fault Edward, it's not your fault." I whispered in his ear. Edward had been accepting his death as not his fault, her hurtful vicious words could easily unpick that work.

"Please.... please don't leave me." His cries pulled my heart apart. His grip got tighter and tighter, it was starting to hurt, he was so scared I was going to leave him. Why did he think I would listen to that bitch in the graveyard?

"I won't, I promise. I'm right here, I'm not going to leave you." I told him pouring my love and care into the words hoping he could feel it. He continued to cry slowly calming down. I moved us off the floor and towards the sofa keeping him close to me as I moved. I pulled him to me, placing his head on my chest and wrapping my arms tightly around him as he wept. His arms around my waist almost squeezing the life out of me, like he thought I would go if he let me fall out of his arms. With every tight squeeze he gave me I pulled him tighter to me. I wanted him to know I wasn't going anywhere and he didn't need to be scared of that thought.

His fear rolled off him and I comforted him running my hands through his gorgeous fuck me hair. I would never leave him, I would be here as long as he wanted me. If he wanted me forever then he could have me forever.

My foot was under me and it had most of Edward's body weight pressed on to it as well as my own, I was getting uncomfortable. I needed to readjust our positions. I moved slightly trying to break his iron like grip he had on me, he felt it and held me even tighter.

"No, please don't." He begged me. My whole body ached to heal his pain, to remove that fear he had that I was going to leave him.

"I'm not leaving, I'm just trying to get more comfortable. Edward please listen to me, I know you're scared right now, but I am not leaving you. I'm not going anywhere and I'll hold you and be close to you as long as you want me to." I tried to reassure him. His grip relaxed enough for me to be able to get more comfy with him, I kissed the top of his head.

"These people should thank you for what you did that night. Lord knows it was hard for you to work like that, but I do not for one minute think you killed him. I do not for one minute think I should stay away from you. I care so much for you Edward, why do you think I defended you today?" I pulled his face up to look at him. I wanted to look into his eyes, I wanted to see his face, and him see in mine that I wasn't going to leave him, that I cared for him, fuck I loved him.

"Thank you for doing that Jasper." He didn't need to thank me, I would do it again and again he meant so much to me. How could I not defend him? I took a deep breath, my emotions were running high right now and there were things I needed to say, needed to tell him and hope that it would reassure him.

"I would do it again and again, that smile on your face means so much to me. I won't have anyone your dead partners parents or not, talking and treating you like that. I won't allow them to make you feel you like you're at fault. I won't allow them to make you feel like you can't go to his grave when you wish and speak to him. I won't allow anyone to hurt the man I love." The last part came out in more than a whisper. Fuck. I hadn't meant to add that bit on there. Yeah I loved him but it was so early in our relationship, it was still in very early stages, and now I had just told him that I loved him. Oh fuck. The tears came again, but they were different tears to before, they weren't pain-filled tears, they were tears that showed he was touched by what I said. I kissed his head and pulled his head back to my chest holding him tightly to me.

"I'm not pushing or rushing you, but I mean what I said. I can't help the way I feel towards you." I whispered in his ear. I just needed him to know that this was how I felt but I wasn't rushing anything.

"I know, and thank you." He squeezed me tightly. We stayed like this for ages, he slowly relaxed into my arms, his grip loosened around me and his breathing became steady, he was sleeping against my chest. It was the middle of the afternoon and I wondered just how much sleep Edward had last night, I was guessing not a lot.

I laid there with him pressed up against me sleeping soundly, gently squeezing me every now and then almost as if he was checking I was still there, bless him. _I'm right here baby, I'm right here._ I thought to myself kissing his head. I was so contented right now, this had brought us closer together. As the afternoon wore on I started to get hungry, Edward seemed in no rush to wake up and while I would love to stay like this forever I needed food. I carefully moved Edward so I could slide out from under him, he whimpered slightly from the loss of contact. I kissed him gently and saw his lips twitch into a small smile. I headed into the kitchen on the lookout for something to eat.

Now I had a problem with my plan of dinner. We hadn't been back for more than a day and we hadn't been shopping, the two weeks we were away meant there was fuck all in. Lovely, pizza it is then. I smiled to myself. Isn't it such a shame when you have to have nasty fatty food? _Oh yes, such a shame._ I placed the order, the pizza shop had a two for one offer, thank you very fucking much. I ordered two large pizza's with garlic bread, and coke. I had just hung up when I felt his arm around me pressing himself against my back. My breathing hitched at feeling him so close to me like this. I felt him breathe in deeply and kiss my neck softly.

"You left me." He whispered in my ear. I slowly turned round to look at him. His eyes were so red and puffy, today had done a number on him.

"You were fast asleep and I was hungry. I ordered pizza." I told him. His eyes looked sad as he took hold of my hand feeling my hand gently with his fingertips.

"Jasper tell me now, tell me now if you can't handle this and my shit." His eyes were full of pain already. I touched his face.

"Edward, I'm not going away. I promise you I can handle this. You're worth this to me." I told him gently. Truth was as much as it hurt, he was the pay off. At the end of it all he would be worth everything, once he was fully healed he would be the best pay off in life.

"I'm hardly great boyfriend material, am I?" He looked at the floor. I could see his insecurities right there for all to see. I had never given much thought to these sort of insecurities that he might have, I kissed his lips gently.

"You are perfect, you just can't see it yet, but I can. I'm with you every step of the way." I smiled at him and opened the fridge door. What a great site, milk and beer. Ah beer, I pulled out two bottles and handed one to Edward. He took it off me and walked back into the living room, his shoulder's all hunched forward, his head down. I watched him sit down and pull his knees up under his chest. My heart broke. How wrapped up had I been? Through the laughing and the joking, the hugs and the kisses, I had missed the little signs that Edward wasn't as healed has he had led me to believe or as healed had he had thought. I frowned looking at him, just what had today done to him?

His eyes darted up and looked at me, the green of his shining slightly surrounded by red swollen eyes. He smiled weakly at me. "Jasper...... please." His voice was strained as his hand reached out to me. I could see his lip start to tremble as I walked towards him, his hand touched mine and he gripped it tightly as I sat down next to him.

"Are you okay?" I asked him rubbing the back of his hand with my other hand. He shook his head, and took a drink of his beer.

"I feel like everything has gone backwards, everything was moving forward right up until I saw them." His voice trembled as he fought back his tears.

"It's just a small set back Edward, that's all. You and I will work though this. Nothing has gone backwards, only if you allow them too." I smiled at him.

"I had slowly started to believe that it wasn't my fault that he died and then........" I cut him off.

"No, it's not your fault. It never has been. Just because they say it was doesn't mean it's true." I gently traced fine lines on his arms, turning his wrist around and looking at the scar. "You need to carry on believing that this wasn't your fault, none of it." He smiled weakly at me. "Before they arrived how did you feel at the his grave?" During everything that had happened I had forgotten this fact until now. I wondered how he felt, if that had played its part to this as well. He smiled at me.

"I felt happy, like linking the two together you know?" I beamed, he had been connecting us together, his past and me, bringing us together. The normal happy marching band, platinum selling, all singing all dancing little Jasper wasn't doing those things, the thought loomed in my mind. He felt that until they arrived, until they had given him abuse and called him a killer. Would that stand now?

"That's good." I told him, my heart lying heavy in my chest. The door went and I got up to get it. I had lost interest in food now, I paid for the food and brought it in. Edward started to eat right away while I just looked at it, he looked at me.

"Thought you were hungry?" He asked me, I shrugged. He put his slice down and grabbed my hand looking at me. "You want me to listen to you and believe in what you say right?" I nodded. "Then do the same for me, believe me when I tell you things." He kissed my hand gently and went back to eating. We finished and I removed the empty boxes from the living room placing them in the trash. I headed back in to the living room, Edward had moved out on to the patio. The cold chilly air made me shiver. I stepped outside, his back was resting against the wall. He offered me a smoke, I took it off him lighting it up, I had been smoking way too much.

"I don't think Tanya will let me come off the pills now." His voice was full of disappointment. He had told me how much he wanted to come off them, how he hated taking them and that he hoped that at some point in the new year Tanya would take him off them.

"You never know. She is going to want to see how you cope with things now. You're seeing her tomorrow, right? Ask her, the worst she can say is no." He nodded his head.

"Yeah it's been over two weeks since I last saw her." His face was down looking at the floor. He was battling inside himself, not wanting to sink into depression anymore. It was a good sign.

He flicked his smoke over the side. "Jasper stay with me tonight again please." He asked his voice low, I looked at him and lifted his head to look at me. "I don't want to be on my own, I understand if...." I placed my finger against his lips stopping him from talking.

"I took it as red that you wanted me to stay with you again tonight, you don't have to ask me Edward." His fingers interlocked in mine. He smiled slightly at me, I could see his pain in his eyes, he didn't try to hide it from me anymore.

I took his hand and led him through our apartment, god I loved the our in that line. I headed towards my room, he never said another word to me as we got in bed. He curled tightly in to my arm resting his head against my chest. I could feel his hot breath hitting my chest covering me in a warm tingly feeling. He lifted his head gently and kissed my neck as I kissed the top of his head. I held him close to me feeling his need to feel safe and secure, he was asleep within minutes, leaving me wide awake. My mind played over today's events. With Edward receiving this sort of treatment from James' parents so soon after his death no wonder Edward had fallen into such pits of hell. To hear from the parents that you killed their son after working so hard on him to save him wouldn't help his healing process.

They had played their hand on Edward believing it was all his fault pushing him further and further into his depression. Did they have any idea what Edward had done since James died? The scar's on his wrists showed just what he had done, how serious he had been that night. He wasn't crying for help. As a doctor he knew the difference from a cry of help to the real deal, a bottle of pills mixed with Vodka and two long slashes down his wrists, was the real fucking deal. I didn't look at those scars and see them as something Edward had put there but something James' parents had. They may as well have taken the blade and done it for him. How the hell could you treat your son's partner that way?

Listening to Edward tell me how the funeral went only made me think that he wasn't given the time to grieve over James. A funeral was meant to be a point of grieving, a time to share and rejoice in there life. It was part of healing, being around people who are suffering along with you, offering the support you so badly need. Edward received the support from his family but the real support he needed was from James' parents. Edward had needed them to know how hard he worked to save him, how he would have given anything to swap place's with him, it's what your willing to do for the person you love. When he looked to the support network that was important for him to heal it wasn't there, instead they branded him a killer.

I had never been in a state where I had needed that sort of support which will help you on your way to healing, but the closest I can come to was coming out. Telling my parents that I was gay, that there would never be a woman in my life, or grandchildren for them from me, was hard. My family and I had always been close. A close bond of love and support that the thought of them disowning me and treating me like dirt was hard to bear. I had been lucky that my parents had showed me the love and support I needed for me to be happy in my own body and not afraid of who I was. I could have turned out differently if they had removed that support.

Poor Edward had lost so much and wasn't even allowed to say his goodbye's to James at his own funeral. I can't even begin to imagine the sort of pain he went through that day, knowing that there family blamed him and he wasn't welcome. I held him tighter to me as I began to cry, the pain I was feeling figuring all this out was only the tip of what Edward was feeling and all I wanted to do was to feel loved. I felt him tremble in his sleep, his arm gripping me tightly, his fingers dug into my side squeezing me. I pulled him tighter to me. I knew right there and then that he wasn't just scared of me leaving him. he was petrified. Edward hadn't really admitted what he felt towards me, maybe he didn't really know what he felt, or was scared to face what he felt for fear of me disappearing on him and causing him pain. He was protecting himself, placing a hard shell around him to keep him safe. But slowly that shell was cracking, and it was scaring him that if it broke it left him open to feel more pain, left him open to suffer once more. I kissed the top of his head, I would never leave him. I made the promise to myself that I wouldn't disappear from his life, that I would slowly help him see that his fear's he had right now he didn't need. I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep making sure that I was holding him tightly all night long.

_**EPOV**_

I woke up not knowing what time it was. I hadn't slept well the night before we went to James' grave and meeting his parents there had taken its toll on me, it had wiped me out. The sun was shining through the window. I moved slightly feeling Jasper's arms around me, I lifted my head and looked at his sleeping form. He confessed his love to me yesterday, I hadn't expected to hear that from him. I knew he cared about me, but love? I was a mess, how could he love me when I couldn't even get my act together? I had spent nearly two long years on anti-depressants, countless attempts at trying to kill myself, yet this man was showering me in love. He defended me against James' parents, I knew that his words would have little effect on them, my own parents had it out with them not long after James died, it had no effect at all. But I was deeply touched that he protected me yesterday.

I touched his face gently not wanting to wake the sleeping beauty that was just inches from my face. He was beautiful, but not just in looks. Yes he was gorgeous, beautiful. His eyes were amazing to look at, the deep crystal blue orbs that sparkled all the time. His smile making his eyes dance and fill with joy, he was without a doubt stunning. But his beauty ran deeper than just the way he looked, he was beautiful inside. His warm loving caring nature showered me in a wonderful blanket of love, making me feel safe and secure. His understanding to my past and my problems, he wanted to be there, and help me through it, to listen and ask question's helping me work through the problems that had filled my life for nearly two years. Jasper was an angel, he was my angel.

Looking at this beautiful angel in front of me I felt the warm feeling that consumed my body. I wanted him so much, wanted him to be in every part of my life, he made me happy, so happy and contented that what happened yesterday hadn't pushed me back. His help, his love for me yesterday kept me in place. While the wounds I had suffered yesterday opened the holes in my chest yet again I could feel them closing again. I was moving forward, and while it hurt like a bitch yesterday I had come to the realization that I would have to deal with things before I was out of the woods. My healing was showing in how I handled the aftermath of it all.

Today filled me with some dread, I was seeing Tanya. With no contact for two weeks I was sure she would be looking to see changes, would she see just how much I had changed? I wanted to come off the pills so much, to leave them alone, but I knew Tanya would never ever agree to it yet. Yes I had these crazy thoughts that this would be the end of it, but I knew that it wasn't, not yet anyway. I might have come a long way but I was still on the road to recovery. I couldn't run before I could walk. My road to recovery meant I needed to face my feelings. How did I feel about Jasper? I was falling for him, I knew that, wanting his touch all the time, wanting to feel his body in my arms, I was slowly falling for him. I cared about him, and I knew my feeling's were sinking deeper into me, bedding themselves down in to every fiber of my being, consuming every inch of me, repairing me slowly from the inside. My feelings for James were changing, I still loved him, and I knew I always would but the love was slowly becoming different. I couldn't explain it, I would always miss him and always love him but it wasn't a burning love I felt anymore. He would always be special to me, and it would hurt if anyone tried to hurt his memory or remove the memories I had of him, but his love was slowly being replaced.

Jasper moved slightly and opened his eyes, he looked dazed for a minute. I smiled at him, watching his face warm up into a wonderful smile that made my heart skip a beat.

"Good morning my angel." I whispered to him. I had to believe that James had sent me this angel, he should have wings. He sighed closing his eyes for a moment, the relaxation clear on his face.

"Morning babe, how did you sleep?" He asked as he nuzzled his head into my neck, I sighed and smiled.

"Pretty well. Thank you Jasper for yesterday, for what you have done for me." His head pulled back and he looked at me, embarrassment on his face slightly. What was he embarrassed over?

"I'm sorry I told you that I loved you yesterday, I didn't mean to say it." His eyes looked down away from mine.

"Why? Did you not mean it?" I pulled back slightly, had I read him all wrong? Had I mixed the feelings I was getting from him as something else? He didn't say anything to me, his head stayed down, oh. I looked at him waiting for my answer.

"Yeah I meant it, but I hadn't meant to say it then. I didn't want to freak you out." I smiled as relief crashed through me.

"You didn't freak me out. I was a little shocked to have heard it, but it didn't freak me out. I've felt it anyway. You have showered me in your love and last night you drenched me in it, it's a nice feeling." His eyes looked up to me, his smile lighting his whole face up. I kissed him gently on the lips feeling the wonderful tingle on my lips, causing it to run through my body.

"What time are you seeing Tanya?" He asked me.

I groaned, I didn't want to go. "I don't want to go. I want to stay here like this with you all day."

He beamed at me again. "Me too, but you need to go and I need to go for food shopping. Did you know we have nothing to eat?"

I chuckled "Yeah I had noticed."

I kissed him again and released him from my arms. I rolled out of bed and stretched and wiped my face with my hands. I was going to have to tell Tanya all about the visit to James' grave. I smiled and headed out of his room to get showered. Back in my room I changed quickly, I had about an hour and a half until I was due to see Tanya. I sat on the edge of the bed and ran my fingers through my damp hair. My eyes stumbled across the picture of James, I picked it up and looked at it. My mind crashed with different emotion's. His parents word's running through my head, all I had wanted to do was see him, to try and link my lives together as one. Was I asking too much for some peace in my life to be able to live a normal life? I ran my fingers over the photo smiling slightly, my past lay in the ground, all I had left were memories and photo's. My future stood just a few feet away from me in another room waiting for me, my angel. I placed the photo back on the side and smiled. I stood up and headed into the kitchen where I could hear Jasper.

"Jasper?" His head snapped round and he smiled. "I'm heading off to see Tanya in a minute." I moved forward and closed the distance between the two of us snaking my arm around his waist pulling him closer to me. I kissed him on the lips, a slow passionate kiss. Jasper moaned in to my mouth as my fingers trailed lighting on the small of his back, his skin feeling soft under my touch. I pulled back and smiled at him. "I'll see you soon." I kissed him once more and left the apartment.

It was bitterly cold outside as I made my way to car. I groaned, I didn't mind the cold weather I just hated coming out in it first thing. Tanya and her stupid early appointments, sure she got a kick out of it.

My drive to Tanya's office was short, the roads were empty making it easy to get through the town. I parked up and headed into the office. Tanya was at the desk looking over some papers in her hand, she heard the door open and her head snapped up. I smiled widely at her. Her mouth dropped to the floor, I just shocked Tanya, that's a first.

"Edward?" Her voice sounding surprised to see me smile, me and smiling hadn't gone together for a long time. In fact me and smiling in Tanya's office never happened.

"Good to see you Tanya." The shock on her face quickly changed to a smile as she led me through to her room, once inside she sat down and pointed for me to sit.

We talked for ages, running through all that had happened during the break. Tanya was beside herself, her face shining at me every time I told her about how Jasper made me feel, or about how I found the visit to the grave comforting. I told her my fears about Jasper leaving, working through it all and her telling me that time and trust was the only way to stop feeling like that. I told her about what happened when James' parents showed up, how Jasper had defended me, and how I acted after the event. Tanya was happy with the progress I had made during this short space in time, my little steps had paid off and I was living.

I left Tanya's feeling happy, I had never left her office feeling this free. Normally I hated coming here, talking about my problems but for the first time I felt free, like a weight had been lifted. Dumping my thoughts on her gave me a wonderful sense of relief. I was grinning like an idiot by the time I had gotten back to the apartment. Jasper was busy cooking in the kitchen, he had gone shopping. His ear buds were in, he hadn't heard me come in. I walked slowly up to him wrapping my arms around his waist. "What you making?" I asked him making him jump.

"Fuck Edward, you nearly gave me a heart attack." I smiled against his neck gently kissing him, his breathing picked up.

"So what you making angel?" I rested my head on his shoulder

"Fish, salmon in fact, hope you like it." He rested his head back on me.

"I'm sure I will, it smell's wonderful by the way. I have news by the way." He span round facing me.

"What? Did Tanya take you off the pills?" I smiled at him.

"Nope, but she has taken me off one and weakened the dose of the other one, so I'm on my way to coming off them." He beamed at me, my angel was glowing right in front of my eyes.

"That's brilliant, I'm so pleased. She's happy with your progress.?" He asked as he went back to making dinner. I opened the fridge door and pulled out two bottles of beer, handing him one and sat up on the work top. "She is. She thought it was fantastic how I handled yesterday, but that was all you, you kept me together yesterday and pulled me through it." He blushed, his cheeks turning a wonderful pink color. "So what have you been doing other than making dinner and shopping for food?" I asked him as I took a sip of my beer.

"That's what I want to talk to you about." He turned and faced me, his hands resting on the counter top behind him.

"Go on." I said, he looked down to the floor. "Spit it out Jasper."

His head lifted up and he looked at me for a minute before looking away. "Well I spoke to Alice today, the gang is meeting up tomorrow night and she wanted me to go."

I almost laughed at him, what the hell was he doing? "Jasper, you don't need to ask me if it's okay for you to go. I won't mind and I'm sure I can look after myself for a night." I smiled at him.

"See that's the thing, Alice wants me to bring you with me. I kinda told her about us and she is dying to meet you, just like everyone else. I told her I would get back to her on it. So what do you think?" I frowned, groups of people? I didn't know about that.

"Where?" I asked him, I could feel the walls beginning to come back up.

"It's a local bar, it's not normally packed out and you're able to talk to each other without shouting. Please? Just an hour, it might do you some good and I'll be there." His voice pleaded with me.

"I don't know Jasper, me and groups of people." I ran my fingers through my hair.

"Please just an hour and then we'll go, I promise it won't be that bad." I sighed.

"Fine, I'll go okay?" He beamed at me and kissed me.

"Thank you, I'll call Alice now." He shot off into the living room.

I met Jacob and Bella and they were alright, it wasn't that bad, surely his other friends couldn't be any worse. He was right, it might do me some good to go out and meet new people, my people skills had improved slightly. All again thanks to Jasper, and he would be there so I would have my support if I needed it. _It's one night, it won't kill you._ True it won't, and I do want to have a normal life again, and this would be normal, wouldn't it? Fuck it. What harm can it do?

* * *

**_Ok my beta said i should mention this, the points on liecense, see im from the uk and we get points and a fine, 12 points and you lose your liecense._**

**_How wonderful was this? I know we can see that Edward has come a long way, but i think the last few chapters have really shown just how mych Jasper has grown ._**

**_I loved writing this chapter writing there inner workings of there mind i hope you guys liked it. _**

**_Anyway my lovelys hit the review button and send me some love :)_**


	20. Chapter 20

_**AN/ Well im gobsmacked, 282 reviews? I cant believe it, i know i say it a lot but honestly i never thought i would get reviews let 282. Hehe it really makes my day.**_

**_Good new i got my laptop back, oh it feels so good to have my baby back and not having to use my hubby's._**

**_Again thank you to my Beta who does such a wonderful job everyday checking my chapters._**

**_I know i left a loaded question in my last chapter, i could of been really mean and not bothered updating for a few days but i couldn't do that._**

**_So does the worst happen? _**

**_Here's chapter 20!_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**JPOV**_

What was my best feeling in the world? Waking up next to Edward, that was my best feeling, feeling his arm's wrapping tightly around me I was in heaven. Right now in my bed curled into Edward's chest this was my heaven. Of course kissing Edward was a close second, a fucking close second. _Get it right, if you asked yourself this question when kissing him you would say that kissing him was, in fact it would be anything to do with Edward._ Yeah okay that was true. My world was falling into place, Edward had yet again stayed with me during the night. I secretly hoped that this would be an ongoing thing, that he would spend every night curled with me in bed. I wouldn't complain. Hell no, I would be over the moon. I was unbelievably happy, I was bursting at the seams, I could hardly contain myself anymore. This wonderful, amazing, strong man was coming along so much. Last night we had dinner together then curled up and watched a film. These little things filled me with joy, I was flying high.

Tonight Edward was meeting my friends, all of them. I knew he was dreading it, but was going to come along and give it a go. He was trying and that was the main thing. He knew he had to convince Tanya to let him come off the pills, and the only way he could do that was by doing these things. I wasn't worried for tonight, I knew my friends would welcome him in to the group with open arms just as his family had done me. That was something else I wanted to talk to him about, my parents were due to arrive back in a few weeks and I wanted them to meet him.

I was buzzing with excitement for tonight, I was going to get my....... my what? What was he? What where we? I mean, was he my boyfriend? We did all the things that normal couples did, bar having sex. We kissed, cuddled, held hands, ate dinner together, woke up together, so was it right to call him my boyfriend? What else could I call him? He wasn't really my friend, was he? He was more than that, a lot more than that. I was in love with him, he cares for me, so were we a couple? I mulled this over in his arms not wanting to move and wishing that I could have this every morning, but I knew that this was my last morning like this for a week. I was due back at work tomorrow following the winter break and no doubt tomorrow I would fall into my usual pattern of getting up late and running around like a mad man. Yes this was going to be the last morning for a week. _What if he doesn't want to spend the night with you at the weekend? _We're not going to think about that. _And why not?_ Because I don't need to think about it, because I don't want to think that he won't want to spend the night with me, happy now?

"What are you doing Jasper?" His husky voice full of sleep snapped me out of my inner thoughts.

"What do you mean?" I knew for a fact I hadn't spoken out loud.

"Well your chewing something around in your mind, I can feel your forehead frowning every couple of minutes." Little Jasper was rolling on the floor laughing. _Busted again Jasper._

"I'm just thinking, that's all." Please don't make me tell you.

"Beautiful, tell me what you're thinking about" His wonderful silk voice turned me into mush. _Don't crack, don't crack. _I felt Edward's fingertips trail gently down my back, over my ass and down my thigh before going back up my side's. He kissed me on the top of my head. The fucker, that wasn't fair! "Angel?" He lifted my face off his chest and kissed me gently on the lips, running his fingers down my throat so lightly I could hardly feel it. I shivered. Oh fuck.

"I was thinking about us. Like what are we?" He smiled softly at me.

"You Jasper, are my rock, my support system, you are my angel. I crave your touch, your skin against mine, your body against mine. I crave your warmth, I crave your love, I crave you Jasper so bad. Everyday I'm thankful that you're willing to wait for me to fully be yours. Does that answer your question?" I couldn't speak. My eyes began to water, he craved me, he fucking craved me. Little Jasper was busy performing in front of million's of screaming fans. I was beaming thrown out in to outer space, flying through the fucking clouds past the stars and into another world.

"Jasper?" I snapped back to this world, to the man who had just said he craves me. His wonderful green eyes stared right at me, looking into my soul.

"Um... sort of." I replied, he chuckled at me.

"Well if you can't figure it out I'm not going to spell it out for you." He let me go and rolled out of bed. I frowned missing him next to me already. I watched him smile before he walked out of the room, I heard the bathroom door shut.

Does that mean we were together? That he was my boyfriend? _What the fuck Jasper, you're not five anymore and need to have someone to ask you out. Come on, this is how it happens in the adult world. You're together. I'm sure he sees it that way. _It would be nice if he would come out and say it. _Then why don't you? _Because I was a chicken shit, that's why.

I slowly got up and headed into the kitchen. Edward was already there, kettle on, shirtless and looking extremely fuck-able. "You looking forward to tonight?" I asked him as I lent my back on the side next to him, he shrugged at me.

"Not really, I don't know any of these people and I'm a little nervous about meeting them." I touched his arm.

"Babe it will be fine, they will love you, you have nothing to worry about. Trust me." I smiled warmly at him as he passed me my mug.

"I do trust you." I beamed and headed in to the living room.

The day passed too fast for me, work was heading my way fast. No it wasn't fair, I wanted my two weeks back with Edward, my two wonderful earth moving weeks with this wonderful man. We spent the day chilling out watching crap on TV and talking. I showered and changed going for a dark blue shirt and jeans, I ran some product in my hair to stop it from turning in to a complete frizz ball. I had to admit I looked good, the shirt fit me well, you could see the muscle's I had as it hugged and hung in all the right place's. I walked out of my room and in to the living room seeing a nervous but sexy looking Edward sitting there. His hair was still a wild mess of bronze, but it had product in it giving it more of a styled look than a mess. My eyes fell down his body, his crisp white shirt making his strong shoulder's look even bigger. He had a few button's undone showing just a snippet of his well defined chest. I knew his black jeans would make his ass look amazing, fuck he's sexy as fuck.

"You look amazing." I said to him as I picked up my bottle of beer. He smiled slightly his head already dropping down.

"I don't feel it, but thank you. You look beautiful as always." Cloud fucking nine here I come.

I watched as he tugged at the sleeves of his shirt, pulling it at the wrist's. I placed my hand over his. "Stop it, you can't see them, and even if you could it's dark in there. No one will see them, okay?" He nodded slightly, he was pulling back in to his shell again. When would he stay out? _Jasper you can't rush him, at least he is coming tonight, be thankful for that. _True, at least he was coming tonight. I hadn't seen the gang over the holidays and I was looking forward to finding out what they had been up to. The taxi pulled up and I grabbed his hand leading him out of the apartment and into the lifts, he gripped my hand tightly.

"It's okay Edward, tonight will be fine." I kissed him gently on the lips. I was flowing with excitement. I couldn't wait to show him off, but I couldn't let him know that, he was having a hard time as it was. I needed to keep cool over this. The lift doors opened and I pulled us out in to the hall, and out the main doors. The taxi was waiting right outside, we got in and I gave the address, I kept hold of Edward's hand gently rubbing his knuckles.

We reached the bar, I paid the taxi and got out. I looked at Edward, his face was already down looking at the floor. I could see his chest moving, taking deep breaths. I squeezed his hand causing him to look at me. "If you don't want to do this we can go." I said gently to him, he shook his head.

"It's okay, we're here now." I touched his face and gently kissed him before leading him into the bar holding his hand tightly.

I heard Emmett before I saw him. His booming laugh nearly made the walls shake. I felt Edward tense beside me and I rubbed my thumb on the back of his hand to reassure him.

"Jazz it's about time you girl, where you been?" Emmett boomed at me getting up to give me an oversized bear hug, I dropped Edward's hand.

"It's good to see you to Emmett." He slapped me hard on the back. "Yeah it's been a while. You must be Edward, how's it going man? I'm Emmett." Emmett offered his hand to Edward who shook it quickly.

"Nice to meet you Emmett." Edward's voice was straining. I felt bad for him, this must be so hard for him.

"This is Rosalie, Emmett's girlfriend." I said to Edward. Edward offered his hand to Rosalie who looked him up and down almost unimpressed.

"Guy's what are you having?" Emmett offered, at least Emmett was being friendly.

"Two beers Em." Emmett wandered off to the bar while we sat down.

"Where's Alice and Bella?" I asked Rosalie gently tracing patterns on Edward's hand.

"Bella's sick, something about the flu or something and Alice is running late. Anything else you want to know, the fucking time? Maybe the colour underwear I've got on." She snapped.

"Rose chill, I was only asking." I said to her.

I lent over to whisper in Edward's ear. "Just forget about her. She can be like this, but she is nice once you get to know her." He gave me a weak smile. Emmett returned to the table with drinks and sat down.

"So how was Christmas? You guys have fun?" Emmett asked. I beamed at him "I'll take that as a yes then." Emmett took a sip of his drink.

"So what did you guys get each other?" Rosalie asked looking at Edward.

His eyes looked awful, he wasn't relaxing the way I had hoped. "Um Jasper bought me a star to remember James." Edward said. I beamed looking at him full of love.

"James? Your... um..." She trailed off.

"My dead partner." Edward said. Rosalie looked at the table, she clearly didn't know what to say. "Its okay, you don't have to tread around eggshells." He said taking my hand.

"Sorry I just didn't know what to say. That's a lovely gift though." Rosalie said, her eyes scanned the room wanting to move away from this subject.

"I'm so proud of you Edward." I whispered in his ear, he turned his head to look at me.

"Thanks, so is this everyone?" He asked me, the nerves running off him. I ran my fingertips over his hand.

"Just waiting on Alice and Seth to get here and then that's it." I smiled and watched as he cringed a little.

Edward slowly backed away resting his back on the chair pushing himself away from anyone talking to him. He answered a question if someone asked, but other than that he kept himself to himself. Every now and then I felt his hand touch the small of my back sending bolts of electricity through my body. I would return his small gesture with a gentle squeeze of his thigh. Alice and Seth soon appeared, and Alice being Alice went to in to overdrive talking about her Christmas and what she had been doing, claiming how perfect it had been. She had nothing on mine, mine was the best, yet I wasn't going to sit here and tell them all about it. "So Edward, I hope you're looking after my Jazz." Alice called across the table to Edward. My heart beat wildly in my chest waiting to hear is remark. He surprised me by leaning across the table and taking hold of my hand.

"It's Jasper who has been taking care of me." He smiled at me and whispered in my ear. "My angel." I flushed turning redder by the second. God, I was giving Bella a run for her money tonight. He kissed my ear ever so slightly turning me into mush.

"Aww, look how cute they look." Alice chimed clapping her hands. Floor please please open the fuck up and swallow me whole.

"Alice please." I begged her feeling the embarrassment fully in effect.

"Oh Alice nothing, Jasper. Look at you? You're glowing more than a pregnant woman does." My face burned, I heard Edward chuckle besides me. Bastard don't laugh, you'll only encourage her.

"Don't be embarrassed beautiful." Edward whispered in my ear, Alice heard it.

"Oh my god, you two look so great together. If you get married can I plan the wedding?" Her face was full of excitement. I felt Edward tighten his grip on my hand.

"One step at a time Alice." I said trying to get her to stop. She shrugged at me and went on to talk to Rosalie about god knows what.

This was all I needed, I really hoped he didn't think that idea came from me because it didn't. Of course little Jasper had thought about shit like this, marrying him, calling him my husband, buying a house together, coming home from work every night and sitting out the back relaxing curled up together watching the sun set. I even thought about adopting children together. Of course in my head we didn't have any of the problems that faced us, but a boy could dream right? I was not pushing him or rushing him, if we never move past this part I would be happy.

"I want to get out of here, you don't have to come. Please stay with your friends." He whispered in my ear, I shook my head.

"No, if you're going, I'm going too." I smiled at him. We finished our drinks off and got up saying goodbye to everyone and made our way through the bar out in to the cold night. He took my hand, a beautiful smile on his face. Breathtaking. And he calls me beautiful. No, I didn't have a patch on him.

"Want to go to dinner with me?" He asked looking dead on in my eyes. Little Jasper was jumping up and down screaming yes, yes fucking yes! I smiled not wanting to show just how excited he had made me.

"Um sure, we can grab a pizza or something and take it back to the apartment." I said to him. He shook his head at me.

"Jasper, I asked you to go to dinner with me, as in me and you sitting at a table in a restaurant." Blow me the fuck over, dinner.... as in a date. Oh fucking yes.

"As in a date?" I asked then kicked myself for being so stupid. He chuckled at me, his beautiful chuckle filling me with joy.

"Yes Jasper, as in a date. So is that a yes or are you blowing me off?" He asked a smile on his lips. He wants to go on a date with me, a real date. Little Jasper was currently accepting his MTV award for best dance video.

"I would love to, where are we going?" I asked him as he took my hand and led me down the street.

"Somewhere I know. It's quiet, but it does amazing food. I'm sure you will like it." He said keeping me close to his body. I couldn't believe this, I had no idea that this night would turn out like it had. I wanted to tell him I would love anywhere as long as it was with him, but at the risk of sounding like a girl, I didn't.

He led me across the street walking past a few place's. Turning on to different streets and roads I had no idea where we were going. He turned and led me down a path that was just lit with street lamps. The path broke out on to a beautiful pond. He started pulling me toward the restaurant, it was small but had the most beautiful setting around it. I could see the windows showing the restaurant inside, I couldn't wait for us to get in there.

We entered and Edward asked for a table for two, the waiter led us to a table in the corner looking out over the pond. The table had roses on it with little tea lights lit all over the table, it was beautiful. The whole place was stunning, very romantic. As we sat down I looked around the room. Our table was the only one that looked like this, none of the others had a bouquet of roses on it, and then I noted the card.

_For my Angel x._

He..... he planned this? My eyes started to fill up, the tears slowly flowed over my lids. I smiled wide at him. I couldn't believe he had done this, for me.

"You planned this?" I asked smelling the red roses in front of me.

"Yes, you like it?" He asked. When did he do this? When did he plan this out?

"I love it, thank you, but how did you know I would leave?" _Don't be stupid Jasper; he knew you would leave with him if he had been there for a second._

"Just a guess. I wanted to take you out Jasper, our relationship hasn't started that normal has it? And I thought it would be nice for us to have a date instead of us just talking in front of the TV. This way we can talk over dinner." He said as he took my hand across the table. I was gob-smacked, blown over, by this. I was so happy right then, my tears were tears of joy.

"Please stop crying Jasper, you have no idea how your tears block the sight of your beautiful blue orbs." I tried to stop, wiping my face a few times. But I was that overjoyed, that touched that he had done this for me, I couldn't stop them.

"Sorry I'm just...... so touched by this, thank you." I said to him, he smiled.

"You're very welcome Jasper. I want us to move forward in our relationship, and I want to take my boyfriend out for dinner." He called me his boyfriend. I was screaming inside my head. I was his boyfriend. I had spent so long wanting to hear it from his lips that now he said it I couldn't contain the silly ass grin that hit my face.

We looked over the menu, Edward ordered a bottle of wine to go with our dinner, we both order steak. We ate and looked out of the window, the pond looked beautiful surrounded by trees. We talked little during our meal, choosing instead to enjoy each other's company. I had so much to say, but at the same time I couldn't think of a single word. We finished off our food and sat drinking the wine. Edward was glowing, his face had a permanent smile across it. His eyes looked so alive, the emotions running thick through them.

"I'm falling for you Jasper and it scares the shit out of me." He suddenly said. I looked at him. "I'm not scared of falling for you. I'm scared of what could happen." He looked at his wrists and then back to me.

"Baby, I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere, you have to trust me on that, don't be scared of me, of us." I told him truthfully. I knew where he was coming from, he had had his happiness ripped away from him in the worst kind of way. How could he not be scared about this?

"I know. You ready to go?" He asked as he finished off his glass of wine. I nodded and he called for the check. I went to get my wallet out of my pocket, he looked at me like I had grown horns.

"What are you doing Jasper?" He asked frowning at me.

"Getting my wallet." I watched as Edward handed his credit card over to the waiter typing in the numbers. He stared at me, disbelief across his face the whole time.

"I asked you to come for dinner with me. I never intended for you pay for a thing." He said.

"Sorry." I said feeling embarrassed by this.

He smiled at me. "It's fine, you can buy next time. Come walk with me." He said as he stood from the table.

He held my hand in his as we walked out of the restaurant, my roses in my other hand. I was so overjoyed and so full of love right then I was sure I was going to burst.

"Have you enjoyed this evening angel?" He asked me as we walked by the pond.

"Yes, I can't believe you did this." I was trying to keep my emotions in check. I didn't want to sound like a complete girl right now.

"Well it took a lot to get here tonight. Your friends by the way are nice, but I was having trouble being there. I just wanted to get out of there and I thought about just going home and forgetting this, but once I was outside with you I relaxed. It's easier for me to be me with just you." He smiled as he spoke, his face fully relaxed, the nerves he once had this evening now completely gone.

The moon was full in the dark night's sky, the sky clear. We could see the stars as we walked hand in hand around the pond. The moon was reflected on the water shadowing a beautiful white light on it that rippled every now and then. Edward was a romantic. I wondered what else he could do to be romantic. He turned to me, his face being lit up by the moonlight, a breathtaking smile on his lips as his hands snaked through my open jacket and around my back pulling me close to him. I could feel his heart beating fast against my chest, mine was doing the same thing. His hands gently pushed the back of my shirt up touching my bare skin. I felt the bolts run through me again as his lips found mine.

His tongue trailed across my lips wanting entrance. I opened them, a moan escaped as I felt his tongue enter my mouth. One of my hands went in to his hair fisting it, pulling him closer to me, as my other hand ran down his back resting on his firm ass. He groaned as I gave it a gentle squeeze. His lips left my mouth trailing kisses down my neck and up to my ear.

"My angel, my Jasper." He breathed breathless in to my ear. I moaned as he nibbled my ear, oh fuck this feels so nice. His lips found mine again kissing me gently. I shivered unsure if it was the cold air around us or the situation we were in, he smiled against my lips.

"Shall we go home?" He asked me pulling away from me and taking my hand. Home, he called it home. He sees our apartment as home, I nodded.

We walked back towards the town to get a taxi, his hand firmly holding mine. I was so proud of him tonight, so proud of him for what he managed to achieve, and he was amazing. His wonderful romantic gesture made me fall in love with him all over again. We got a taxi and headed back to our home, our apartment.

"I'm sorry Jasper. I feel like I'm teasing you all the time." He said as I closed the front door.

I took his hand and smiled. "It's okay, you're not. Well you're leaving me with a raging hard on all the time, but I understand." I did, I wasn't lying. He walked into the living room looking at me.

"There hasn't been anyone else since James, but believe me Jasper, I want you. I'm just not ready for our relationship to go that far just yet." He smiled at me as he sat down.

"I know Edward, it's fine. I like that we're taking things slow. Can I ask you a favour?" I stayed standing up. I needed to go to bed, I had work in the morning.

"What do you want angel?" My knees were starting to buckle, how can his voice turn me in to such goo?

"Will you stay with me tonight?" I asked while looking at the floor. I didn't know if I was pushing, it was always Edward asking me to stay with him not the other way around. Before I knew it he had hold of my hand.

"Love to, you don't know how nice it feels for me to go to sleep and wake up next to you. I don't think I ever want to sleep on my own again." I smiled, he was thinking the same things as me. He let go of my hand and disappeared in to his room, I assumed he was getting changed. I went in to my own room to get changed my mind filling with us sharing a bedroom, together at some point. Who would move rooms? Would he want that in the end? Our clothes, our things together in one room? I was sitting on the edge of my bed deep in thought with just my sweatpants on, a tee in hands, which I hadn't got round to putting on.

"You okay Jasper?" I looked up and gasped. He stood there bare chested in black sweatpants. I had seen Edward a few times with no top on but he had never gotten into bed like that before. My eyes ran over his body, the black pants contrasting nicely against his pale skin, almost making his muscles stand out even more. I could see the little trail of neatly trimmed bronzed hair running from his belly button down past the waistband of his pants.

"Yeah." My voice came out a high pitched squeal causing him to chuckle. He made his way over to the bed and climbed in, fuck he was going to sleep topless. He grabbed the tee shirt from my hands and threw it across the room.

"Get in bed Angel." He patted the side next to him. I climbed in bed and was soon covered by his wonderful strong arms wrapping themselves tightly around me. Our chests were pressed together; I liked this a lot more than having thin material between us. I felt him take a deep breath against my neck before gently kissing it.

I smiled feeling his lips against my skin, this was pure heaven, pure fucking heaven. He kissed me gently on the lips, I moaned in to the kiss as he deepened it. His fingertips gently ran across my bare skin as I pulled him closer to me. What I wouldn't give to fuck him right now. _Don't push; let him come to you, you're getting there slowly. _

He smiled against my lips before pulling back and resting his head against my chest. I loved the feeling of his breath hitting my skin and he kissed my chest. "Good night my angel." I smiled, I was his, he calls me his.

"Night baby." I whispered feeling his hair touch my face, his hair smooth as silk, tickling me lightly like feathers.

I closed my eyes and let my mind drift away. This god was lying in my arms, wanting me to be as close to him as I could be, surprising me with a wonderful romantic dinner by the water, how did I get so lucky? Through all he had been through his wonderful soul still shone through making him even more beautiful than I ever thought possible.

* * *

**_Hehe i left you all guessing the worst, aren't i mean? I hope i made it up with there wondeful date, how romantic was Edward? God im jealous i want that lol. In fact i wouldn't mind topless Edward sleeping next to me right now, i wouldn't be updating if he was (Wink)_**

**_Anyway my lovelys hit the review button and show me some love. :)_**


	21. Chapter 21

_**AN/ Just over 300 reviews? Im blown away guys honestly i am. I did my own little happy dance worthly of an MTV award this morning when i saw the number lol.**_

**_Thank you do much for the all the wondeful reviews you guys leave me, i get my emails sent to my phone and it brigthens up my day when i get them, thank you._**

**_Im so happy that you all thought the date was romantic, i think my hubby needs to get his act together, i want that lol. No wait in fact i want Edward or Jasper, or better still both......oh and whipped cream. Im gonna stop there before i get carried away lol._**

**_Here's chapter 21 hope you guys like it!_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**EPOV**_

I had been awake for the last two hours looking at Jasper, watching how his face moved in his sleep, from the little pull of his brow to the little smile that played on his lips every now and then. His lips were slightly open as he breathed in and out, his hand resting on my chest while the other one rested on my hip. His curly blonde hair was all over the place, hanging slightly on his cheek. He was stunning, and was willing to wait for me while I healed. How could I be this lucky? How could I find this sort of contentment twice in my life? People search there whole lives for this sort of feeling and I had found it twice.

My angel, my wonderful angel, I loved this feeling of waking up and seeing his face just inches from mine. I wasn't joking when I told him I might never go back to sleeping alone. Why would I want to go back to waking up on my own when I could wake up next to Jasper every morning?

I brushed the hair off his face. Last night had gone well. Meeting his friends was interesting, if not a little awkward, for me at least. I smiled thinking about our date. I can't believe I almost blew it off and came home, I was glad I didn't. Jasper's face was priceless when we walked in. I just wanted us to have a normal date. Our relationship was nowhere near normal, who gets involved with someone who is as seriously fucked up as I have been? Other than Jasper, I had no idea. I wanted us to do something normal and a little romantic, candlelit dinner by the water with the moon out, roses on the table, just the two of us, perfect. I knew it was cheesy, but what can I say? I was an old romantic at heart.

Sorting it out was hard with Jasper always around me yesterday, but I managed it and seeing his face was worth the hour or so hell I went through with his friends. Okay that's not really fair, his friends were nice. The blonde haired woman seemed a bitch, but Jasper assures me that it was just how she is and once she gets to know you she was fine. Her boyfriend Emmett seems nice very down to earth. The other girl, pixie with black hair, Alice I think her name was? She's a bit full on, her talk of marriage wasn't something I was expecting here, considering our relationship at the moment, but at least she and the rest were themselves. As I said before there was nothing worse than people acting or treating you differently just because of what had happened.

I looked at the sleeping beauty next to me and sighed, he was going back to work today. After spending everyday for the last two weeks together I wasn't looking forward to being on my own. I had quickly gotten used to having him there, his eyes shining at me when he smiled, the warmth of his skin next to mine, the wonderful tingly feeling I got when I touched him. Do I really have to go all day and not feel that? I better make the most of this then.

My hand trailed down his bare chest, my fingertips running down the line of his chest, defining his chest muscles before moving to his abs. His stomach muscles contracted under my touch and a soft moan escaped his lips. I smiled as I ran my fingertips across his soft skin feeling his abs before running back up over his chest and ghosting my fingers gently over his nipples which hardened under my touch. Jasper rolled slightly on to his back and he took in a ragged breath. My fingers lightly ran up his neck and back down feeling his pulse beating under his skin. I gently kissed along his jaw and towards the hollow of his neck gently nibbling the soft skin there before working my way back up his neck and jaw feeling his stubble tickling my lips slightly. He moaned as my lips trailed towards his ear gently nibbling his earlobe.

"Angel wake up." I whispered in his ear. He moaned and rolled on to his side. I chuckled at him before shaking him slightly which then caused him to roll on his front. My fingers traced gentle patterns on his back working their way down to his waistband before running back up.

"Jasper, Angel wake up, you have work." I kissed the back of his neck feeling his hair tickle my face.

"No, five more minutes." He mumbled out at me. "Jasper." I whispered in to his ear, he groaned and turned his head away. I shook him again gently and chuckled rolling out of bed grabbing the quilt and taking it with me. He shivered slightly as the cold air hit his body, his back muscles tensed up under the cold. I grabbed hold of his foot and started to tickle the sole of his foot, he jerked his foot away but I kept hold of it. As he turned himself back on his back my eyes ran down his body, it wasn't hard to miss the erection in his sweatpants.

"Edward..... stop... please..." He screamed out at me as I continued my attack on his foot. His eyes opened as he tried and failed to get his foot back, even going as far as using his other foot to push me away. I grabbed hold of his other foot and pulled him down the bed towards me holding his ankles. I put them either side of my hips as I moved over him, kissing up his stomach and chest as I went, Jasper moaned tilting his back on the bed. I kissed his neck working up to his jaw and then his chin before attacking his hot mouth. His tongue darted out and explored my mouth, I moaned in to the kiss and our tongues touched one another's. Jasper ran his hands down my back before fisting them in to my hair tightly pulling me closer to him. I broke the kiss needing air and smiled at him.

"Good morning angel." I whispered breathlessly at him, his face flushed.

"That's one way to be woken up." He smiled, his checks slightly pink and his lips a little swollen.

"I thought you would like it." I kissed him again gently and got off him darting out the door, before I went too far. My raging hard on was becoming painful, as much as I wanted to take things further with Jasper I wasn't ready to go there just yet. I took a few deep breaths outside the bedroom door leaning my back against the wall trying to think of things to get rid of my hard on, nothing was working. Everything I thought of wasn't shifting it. It left one thing, but it was surely going to sort it out, I thought of my parents having sex. Yep, that did it. Feeling my cock soften I popped my head back around the door. Jasper was sitting up in bed looking at me, slightly concerned by my sudden departure.

"Sorry beautiful, you did nothing wrong. I just had to gain control again, you're killing me you know." I smirked as he laughed.

"I'm killing you? What do you think you're doing to me?" He asked getting off the bed and walking towards me.

"Point taken. Sorry, that was my fault." I told him as I looked in to my angel's beautiful blue orbs.

"Oh no, it was one hell of a way to wake up." He smiled at me before kissing me and heading in to the bathroom.

I headed in to the kitchen and put the kettle on before turning the TV on, the news was on, showing some massive car pileup on the highway. I quickly turned it over, flicking around noticing that most channels were covering the story. I gave up and turned it off. I wasn't ready to face that sort of news just yet. As I turned it off I heard Jasper's faint moans from the shower. I chuckled and walked back in to the kitchen just as the kettle came to a boil. I poured out the hot water and finished off the coffee's taking them in to the living room. I opened the patio doors and went outside, the cold hit making me shiver. All this just for a smoke? I shook my head and lit up as Jasper walked out dressed and ready to go to work, his hair still wet. I couldn't help but chuckle as he looked me.

"What?" He asked.

"Mmm... Oh... fuccccck." I said back to him making him go bright red. I laughed even harder and pulled him towards me. "Don't be embarrassed beautiful. There is nothing wrong with self love." I smirked kissing his neck. "Self love won't be forever angel, I promise." He smiled shyly at me as he took my smoke off me taking a couple of drags and passing it back.

He walked back in and I looked at his ass, his trousers hugged his ass wonderfully. I had a sudden urge I reach out and grab it. Fuck's sake, I need to get things in check before he fucking kills me. I threw my butt end over the side and walked back in to our apartment. Jasper sat down on the sofa waiting for me, his work stuff all ready to go. I was going to be bored today, fucking bored.

"You might want to leave earlier today, there was some pile up on the highway." I told him as I sat down next to him gently taking his hand in mine. I didn't want him to go, not yet anyway. He nodded his head and finished off his coffee flashing me a warm loving smile. He stood up to collect the rest of his things. I was starting to feel lost, the feeling of loneliness already starting to rip through me. Before I knew it Jasper had his coat on and was ready to leave. I walked over to him wrapping my arms around his waist pulling him to me. I didn't want him to go. I breathed in his scent wanting to remember how he smelt all day long. I kissed him gently on the lips before pulling back and looking at my angel. I wanted to cry, I was feeling that shitty.

"Have a good day at work beautiful. I'll see you tonight." He beamed at me leaning forward and giving me a gentle kiss.

"You will indeed, bye." He whispered and with that he was out the door. The apartment suddenly felt big, cold and lonely. How much had I gotten used to Jasper being around me? Too much by the sound of it. I felt like something was missing, was this normal? Had I gone without this contact in such a long time that now I didn't know how to feel when they weren't there? How did I do this again with James? _You went to work Cullen. _I cringed.

I knew I had to start thinking about work at some point. The hospital was still paying me for being on leave, extended leave at that, they won't pay me forever. At some point they were going to accept that I was not coming back and cut their losses and then I would have to find something else to do, but what? I had always wanted to save lives, even as a child I wanted to follow in my father's footsteps. I had dreamed of becoming a surgeon like him, but when I went to med school I fell in love with A&E. Being there when it all comes in, the buzz the hospital gets when everyone is hard at work, the thought of knowing you're someone's only hope of surviving. Some people were brought in, pulled from car wrecks and they wouldn't make it up to the theatre without a doctor being in A&E.

Of course working there meant working really close to the public, it meant Friday and Saturday nights with drunken idiots who find it highly amusing to not to tell you the basic info you need. Or them making out there dying because there nose is bleeding all over the place from where they got in to a bar fight. Those nights were the worst, having to deal with the drunks that came in. They would think nothing more than to try and rip you a new one when they get pushed down the line because something more life threatening had just arrived. And let's not forget the people who walk in with nothing more than a cold, wanting to take up beds for nothing more than a cold, beds that were needed by others with more important things than a cold. I really did love my job, but now? I couldn't go back, no way.

So what was I going to do? I had only ever known the medical field, being surrounded by it all my life. What was I going to do once I had to get a job? I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair, my head hurting from trying to think of what else I could do. You know what I came up with? Nothing. Not a single thing appealed to me, so right now me thinking about work was pointless.

I needed to get out of here for a while. It was too empty now, too empty for me to be here. After all this time, after a time that not too long ago I craved the emptiness of something like this, I now hated it, hated it with a passion.

Deciding to head out of the apartment I took a quick shower and changed and headed out in to the cold mid morning air. I looked at the clock on the dashboard, 11:45 AM. Fuck. I had ages until Jasper would be back, I needed to figure something out to pass my time or I would go mental.

Somewhere during my internal moaning of how much time I had left I found myself parked up at the graveyard. This was always a place I would end up if I couldn't think of anywhere else to go. I got out the car and slowly made my way to James' grave, a strange feeling washed over me. I wasn't sad coming to see him, I felt oddly contented. Normally I was battling my emotions trying to hold myself together before I broke down at his grave, but now? Nope, that feeling wasn't there. I felt refreshed, like walking back to my past and not being gripped by pain. I was only here a few days ago with Jasper but never got to have my five minutes with him on my own thanks to his parents showing up. Funny how in a few days my thoughts had changed. A few days back I came here feeling like crap, now I felt happy, contented, almost wanting to tell him everything that had happened.

I reached his headstone and sat down on the floor facing it. I smiled looking at it, don't get me wrong I wasn't happy that he was dead, I was just happy. Happy that I could be here and not break down, happy that I could feel peace being here, sitting down and being close to him.

"Hey boo, this is different huh? I'm not crying like a baby coming to see you. I'm sure you're happy to see that." I whispered to his headstone smiling softy. "I'm sure you have laughed at me crying, you always said I acted like a girl when I cried." I chuckled as I thought about it. "God if you had seen some of the shit I have pulled since you've been gone you would have died laughing at me." I sighed as I touched his gravestone. "I miss you babe, and I'll always love you, always, but I'm healing now. It's taken me a long time and I've walked through hell, but I'm getting there. I know you're not mad about Jasper being in my life, I know you sent him to me. You always did think about me and my needs before your own. Always looking out for me, and even now you're still doing it. Thank you. Thank you for bringing him to me." I whispered to him.

I sat there for ages just thinking, talking to him every now and then. I was completely shut off from the world around me that I didn't notice anyone behind me, anyone there with me until they sat next to me. I froze for a second catching just a glimpse of red hair out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head slightly to look at the woman sitting next to me. She looked at me and smiled.

"Victoria?" I asked looking at her, she looked so much like her but I wasn't sure if it was her or not. I hadn't seen her in two years.

She nodded. "How have you been Edward? Where are you living now? I came by the house a few time's after the funeral but you never seemed to be there." She looked at her brother's grave.

"I'm getting better now, thank you. I've not been in the house for a little over eighteen months, too many memories you know?" They looked nothing alike, apart from their eyes. They shared the same eyes but other than that nothing. Their personalities were so different, different ends altogether.

"Did you sell it?" She asked. I shook my head. "No, I've still got it. I just don't live there anymore. I didn't handle things well Vic, I hit rock bottom hard." I told her. I always felt easy talking to her, and even after James died I could still talk to her.

"We all took it bad, I'm still not talking to my parents after how they treated you, bastards. You were James' partner and yet there own pigheadedness kept them from accepting you in to their life. James would be turning in his grave." I smiled at her. "Yeah, he would." I answered her. We sat there in silence for a while.

"Edward how badly did you take it? I know you're not back at work yet." She asked me, I smirked.

"Checking up on me, huh?" She smiled and nodded her head, I rolled up my sleeves. "That's how badly I took it." She gasped looking at the two scars that now and forever would be there.

"Edward." I shrugged a bit not sure what else to do.

"It wasn't my only attempt either. I've spent so long believing that it was my fault, that I killed him, that I failed, that it all got too much and I cracked." I told her surprised by how easy it felt to tell her this.

"It was never your fault Edward, god you loved him I saw that, we all saw that, don't ever think that you did this." Her voice stern at me, I smiled.

"I don't now, but it's taken me only until recently to accept it." I told her looking at his grave.

"Good, how do you feel being here?" I laughed, this almost felt a session with Tanya.

"Now I feel at peace here, almost like I find it comforting. I'm not afraid to look back at my past with him and smile without crying and being washed with pain." I looked at my watch.

"Good, you meet someone else?" She asked me, I smiled.

"Your brother sent me an angel." I stood up and looked at her. "I'll tell you sometime." I handed her my number. "Stay in touch Victoria." She gave me a hug. "Of course, I never wanted to lose touch with you in the first place." I nodded at her and slowly walked back to my car.

I found today such a calming experience, so spiritual. I think I was finally fully letting him go, my heart was finding him his own little special place and making way for someone else. For my angel. My wonderful angel whom I had missed so much today, I couldn't wait to see him. I felt almost giddy on happiness, my whole body ached wanting to feel him back in my arms, feel his skin and his warmth, the tingly feeling that I now loved so much.

Arriving back in our apartment I decided to make us both dinner, it didn't take me long to decide what to make him. Lasagne, considering he loved it so much the first time I made it. I set to work and pretty soon I had it cooking slowly waiting for my Angel to return. I couldn't believe how much I missed him today, I hated him leaving this morning. Hated the thought of being on my own all day, but in a good way I was glad I was. I was coming closer to terms of James not being here anymore and the closer I got to it the better I felt and the more I could heal and move on.

The door soon opened and I almost ran to him, pulling him tightly in my arms, holding him close to me. His wonderful smile made my heart skip a beat. I kissed him on the lips hard, urgently needing to be close to him. I heard him moan, I guess he missed me too. I smiled against his lips pulling back and looking at his eyes shining full of love.

"I've missed you angel." I told him running my fingertips across the side of his face, his head turned in to my touch.

"I've missed you too baby, something smells good." I took his hand and led him in to the kitchen, the wonderful warm tingly feeling running through my body. God, I had missed this today.

"I've made dinner, it won't be long. How was your first day back at work?" I asked him as I opened the fridge and handed him a bottle of beer. He groaned, that good huh?

"I wonder what their ages are half the time, it's been that bad today, and it was like I was talking to a wall." I chuckled. "Edward, I spoke to Alice today. She is so sorry for what she said last night, she didn't mean it. She was..." I cut him off by placing a finger on his lips.

"Jasper stop, she was being herself. That is what I want in my life. People who don't pussy foot round me. She was being herself. Yes, what she said shocked me a little but she doesn't need to say sorry for being herself." I kissed him gently. I couldn't get enough of him, and these hours apart had turned me in to some sort of addict. An addict for wanting his touch all the time, the taste of him on my lips on my tongue. I was craving him something awful.

"So will you be up for meeting my friends again at some point?" He asked me his voice a little low, he was looking at the floor slightly. I lifted his head with my fingers.

"Of course, but not yet. Okay? How about me and you have dinner and curl up on the sofa and talk about our days." I smiled at him waiting for my answer, his face beamed at me.

* * *

**_The sexual tension is building between the two of them to boiling point hehe. I love a slow build up its so much more better. _**

**_I really wanted to ry and write more of Edward coming to terms with things, with James' death and his feelings for Jasper i hope it came out alright for you guys._**

**_Anyway my lovelys hit the reviews button on send me some love :)_**


	22. Chapter 22

_**AN/ You guys are awesome im getting such wondeful reviews from you all, thank you so much.**_

**_Again a thankyou to my wonderful better for doing her thing._**

**_I think you guys are really going to love me for this chapter. hehe_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**JPOV**_

It had been three weeks since our first date, three weeks since I returned to work and for the last three weeks I had gone to sleep and woken up with Edward next to me. This, Ladies' and Gentlemen was pure fucking heaven, you can keep your golden gate's and your harps with your white fucking clouds. I would rather have this heaven, the heaven of Edward waking me up every morning covering me in kisses and licks. As I said, pure fucking bliss. But of course my heaven came with fucking hell right along side of it. As Edward cut down on his anti-depressants he became hornier and hornier, choosing to tease the fucking life out of me. His wonderful kisses, soft caressing licks and sensual touches were becoming more and more teasing, I was a walking fucking hard on. Don't get me wrong. I have control, but I only have so much and I was reaching the end of it very fucking fast. I truly believe, hand on heart that he enjoyed teasing me this much, teasing me to the point of cumming without even laying one fingertip on my cock, no scrap that, without even breathing on it.

Today was Saturday which equalled more play time, and as I laid on my back with him nicely in-between my legs showering my chest in wet kisses, licks and nibbles, I was about ready to fucking burst. It's painful, fucking painful. I moaned as he gently licked my nipple hardening it under his tongue.

"Good morning, my angel." His husky voice whispered to me as he looked up through his long eyelashes, his chin resting on my abs, his forest green eyes turning darker by the second with lust.

"Morning.... babe." I breathed out as his tongue trailed down from my belly button to the waistband of my boxers before running it to my hips and back again. He chuckled as my muscles clenched under his touch.

"Did my angel sleep well?" He asked as he ran his teeth over my nipples.

"Y...Yessss." I almost screamed out. I couldn't take much fucking more, I was going to explode. Could you die from this shit? I honestly thought I was going to. His mouth met mine with need and hunger, pushing himself against me. I moaned in to the kiss and felt Edward's rock hard cock push against mine. He took this chance to suck the tongue out of my mouth before exploring my mouth with his tongue.

My hands fisted his hair pulling him closer to me before I trailed a hand down the side of his body making him shudder slightly. He moaned as his lips moved down my neck, gently sucking my collarbone. His lips soon trailed down the middle of my chest until he reached the waistband of my boxers. My whole body was alive. I was so hypersensitive right now, I was sure I would feel dust settle on me. I felt his thumbs hook the sides of my boxers before slowly pulling them down, all the way down.

My mind was about to explode, we had never gone this far, dry humping was about as far as we had gotten. I almost thought I was dreaming. This had to be a dream, it fucking had to be. "Fuck." I cried out as his nose slid over my balls and up the shaft of my throbbing painfully erect cock until he reached the tip. He kissed the tip gently before trailing kisses back down my shaft. I was going to go off bang. I squirmed underneath him, his touches were almost painful, painful in the best possible way.

His tongue licked up my shaft, painfully slow. I was begging for more. My whole body was aching for more of him, more touches, more licks, more of anything as long as it was faster than this. I felt him stop and smile against my cock, sensing my impending need before continuing to the tip where he licked the pre-cum that was there.

"Mmmm..." He murmured against my throbbing head causing the vibrations to send me in to overdrive. I was past making any sense of my thoughts, and they were wiped out completely as he took the tip of me in to his mouth. Feeling his hot mouth round my head I cried out in pleasure. It took everything I had not to cum there and fucking then.

His mouth slowly slid down my shaft taking me all the way in, his nose brushing against my short blonde curls. He swallowed round me causing my hips to buck and cry out once more. His mouth slid back up, sucking in his checks as he came up causing a 'pop' as he released me from his mouth. His tongue swirled across the tip before running smoothly across the slit. I gasped as he took me down his throat again and again, picking up his pace with each movement. My hands fisted the sheets either side of me.

"Ed.... Edward.... fucccckkkk." I screamed out as I felt him run his fingers over my balls and underneath me, pushing my thighs further apart. I felt a finger enter me, I almost came undone as my hips thrusted in to his mouth. His movements picked up speed, bobbing his head up and down as his mouth covered my aching cock. His finger pumped me a few times before he added another. I couldn't hold back any longer.

"I... I'm.... gonna... cum..." I cried out in a breathless voice, feeling my balls tighten. His free hand gripped me tighter to the bed keeping me still as his mouth sucked harder around me. Exploding in his mouth I saw stars. Little Jasper saw stars. My head rolled back on to the pillow as I came hard in to his mouth, filling it with my hot cum. I cried out screaming his name as my toes curled up. His movements slowed down as I rode my waves of pure fucking bliss. He sucked me dry before releasing me from his mouth, giving my now over sensitive head one last lick before his head came up to me. A devilish smile played on his lips as I breathed hard, panting trying to catch it.

"I have been teasing you, haven't I?" He whispered in my ear before kissing me slowly and gently on the lips. I nodded as he smiled at me, his eyes shining at me.

"I... I wasn't expecting that." I breathed, his face just inches from mine as he kept me pinned on my back. He smiled at me.

"I know. It's more fun when you don't expect it." He smiled. I tried to roll him over on his back, but he pushed back at me. In the end I settled for him being on his side. I kissed him softy letting my tongue gently roam his mouth while my hand trailed down his chest towards his boxers. I gently tugged his boxers down causing Edward to moan in my mouth, his cock sprang free. I so badly wanted to taste him as my fingers touched his head which was wet with pre-cum. Edward broke the kiss and moaned his head rolling back as I took hold of him in my hand. I gently moved my hand up and down his cock, in slow pumping actions adding a twist of the wrist every now and then. He hissed at me as he took in a ragged breath. I kissed down his neck toward his chest, heading towards my goal. His hand came down and took hold of my chin pulling me back to him.

"Stay.... here, beautiful." He breathed at me as his hips started to thrust backwards and forwards in to my hand. I tightened my grip around his cock and pumped a bit faster causing him to gasp and groan. His lips met mine again in a heated kiss before he broke away breathing hard, his eyes locked on to mine, showing all his emotions, all on display for me to see.

"Angel..... that feels so good." He gasped out as I pumped him faster. I kissed along his jaw up to his ear as I continued to work him, his hips thrust faster into my hand. As I nibbled his earlobe his head rolled on to my shoulder, panting hard his hot breath covered my shoulder making my skin tingle. His moans got louder as his hips thrust quicker into my hand, I felt his body start to tense as I ran my thumb over the tip of his cock. Gripping him tighter I pumped faster and faster, his whole body began to tremble.

"Cum for me, baby." I whispered in his ear as his body shook.

"Jasper!" He screamed out as he came hard shooting his load over his stomach and mine. I watched his face as he came. His eyes were squeezed tightly shut, his head tilted backwards, his mouth open, pure pleasure written over his face. I slowed my pace down bringing him down from his high before letting go of him. His head dropped on to my shoulder breathing hard and kissing my neck.

His head moved and I kissed him gently on the lips, his face full of relaxation and his eyes slightly closed. He smiled sheepishly at me causing me to beam.

"We should get up." He whispered in my ear kissing my neck. I wanted to cancel our plans today, after this. After flying through fucking space this morning I had no intention of leaving this bed to go and visit my parents. They had arrived back last weekend and we had decided to go. I couldn't wait for them to meet Edward, although Edward wasn't convinced on him meeting them.

"Jasper?" He looked at me and smiled. "Don't you want to go? Because if you would rather we stay here then it's fine with me." He smiled devilishly at me. The fucker, he knew I wouldn't want to move. He did this on purpose.

"Oh no, we're going." He cringed pulling a face. "Is that why I got a blow job this morning?" I asked raising an eyebrow at him.

"No, not the only reason. I wanted us to move up a level, I'm not ready to make love to you, but I want other things to happen. Besides, you've been killing me for weeks, I couldn't take anymore." He kissed me gently on the lips. We were moving forward, it was like our relationship was just beginning where you do other things, get to know each other's body before having sex. No, correction, making love. I was all happy and warm inside.

"We're still going." I whispered to him kissing his neck. He groaned at me pulling a face and hitting me with puppy dog eyes. I was becoming undone as his lips trailed down my neck. "Edward stop, why don't you want to meet them?" I asked him pulling his face to mine. His eyes looked down away from mine.

"How much do they know about me?" He asked, a whisper coming up instead of his normal strong musical voice I normally heard.

"I've not gone in to details, but they know you have had a few issues." I told him pulling his face higher up. His eyes looked sad as he looked at me.

"Jasper, them meeting me isn't a good thing." He whispered, I smiled warmly at him.

"Why? Because you tried to kill yourself?" I asked him. He looked at me and nodded his head going down. I pulled him to me wrapping my arms around him. "Babe, they won't judge you for what you have been through." I whispered in his ear. I hadn't seen Edward like this for ages. I had almost forgotten this side of him, this broken side.

"Jasper, they're not going to want their son with someone like me." He whispered to me pulling me tighter to him.

"They will love you Edward. My parents aren't ones to judge, trust me when I say you will feel completely at home. Look at me, Edward." His head came up, I could see the tears already waiting to fall. I kissed him gently on the lips. "Trust me babe, go and have a shower and I'll put the kettle on." I smiled kissing him as I rolled out of bed. Looking at him I could see the torment on his face.

I wandered off in to the kitchen, I knew he was worried about meeting them, I guess James' parents still haunted him that way. Of course I knew that my parents were nothing like that, they had never had a problem with me being gay, and I highly doubted that they would have a problem if they knew the full story to Edward. I had played the card carefully when telling them about him. He had given me his trust and opened the door wide in to his mind for me, but the things he shared with me weren't things he would share with others. They knew his last partner had died following a car accident and Edward had a breakdown, other than that they knew nothing else. I had spoken to my mother a few times giving her updates on how Edward was, and what sort of progress he was making. His worries were for nothing, but I couldn't get that through to him.

In the last few weeks Edward had come along so much. I came home one night to find him talking to Emmett who had just happened to pop by looking for me, and stayed. The love and joy I felt towards him seeing him laughing and joking with Emmett was enough to bring me to tears. I was so proud of him for doing it, for being able to talk and be friendly with Emmett. They hit it off well together and have become rather close friends. Well, close for Edward anyway. How he was with me was different to how he was with others. When it was me and him there weren't any walls of protection around him, there was no hiding the scars that ran across his wrist's. I got to see the real Edward, the Edward that others were only just beginning to see. I felt privileged to be the only one to see this side of him. Like I knew a secret that no one else knew about. I was special enough to see this wonderful man as his true self.

We had been on a few dates, nothing as special as our first, that night was perfect. We had even been to the movies, and acted like a couple of horny teenagers. Our relationship was growing in to something wonderful, in to something beautiful. The love and protection I felt towards him consumed me to a point of tears when I spoke about it to him. I would happily lay my life down for him. I wanted him forever, not just for this lifetime but for all the days of time.

My bed had become our bed, he never slept in his, choosing to say our bedroom, or our bed instead of my bed or bedroom. Edward was slowly moving in to my room, I didn't mind, in fact I was overjoyed by it. I was over the fucking moon and stars and he wanted us to share a bedroom together, to share a bed, and waking up in his arms every morning was pure heaven. God, I loved him so fucking much. How could I have really considered kicking him out all those months ago, calling him a nut case. I was ashamed to have acted that way towards him, to have been so heartless thinking he could do anything and might kill me. I had almost thrown the best thing that had ever happened to me out of my life. I thanked my lucky stars I chose to let him stay.

"When are we leaving angel?" He asked me snapping me out of my thoughts. I looked over to see him standing in the doorway with just a towel wrapped around him, water still running down his body. My eyes ran over his wet chest watching the little droplets of water over his muscles. I wanted to drop to my knees and worship him right fucking there. My tongue ached to run over his abs right now. _You know he is doing this on purpose trying to get out of going. _I knew, but boy iwas it very tempting.

He moved across the kitchen towards me snaking his arms around my waist pushing his wet body against mine. My breathing hitched as it caught in my throat causing him to chuckle and place kisses down my neck.

"You know our bed now needs changing. How about we change the bed and have fun making it dirty again?" He whispered seductively in my ear. His husky voice made my knees tremble.

"Nice try Edward, but we're still going. We can have fun later." I told him in a slightly higher pitched voice.

"But I might not want to have fun later. However, I do want to have fun now." He whined in my ear running his hand down my chest and then running his fingers around the waistband of my boxers. That wasn't fair.

"I'm sure you will be, they're looking forward to meeting you Edward." I told him grabbing his hand and stopping him from going any lower. I would be done for if went any lower.

"I don't want to go." He whined like a five year old to me making me laugh.

"It will be fine." I tried to reassure him. He stomped his foot on the floor and let out a low long groan, I laughed even more.

"Did you just stomp your foot?" I chuckled out to him.

"Fuck off, dancing queen." He snapped sulking at me. I laughed even harder.

"Baby, it will be fine. I'll be there the whole time." I handed him his coffee. "And I'll stay close to you." I couldn't help running my fingers across his chest, temptation was just too much when it's right there in just a towel dripping wet.

"Promise?" He asked looking up at me through his long eyelashes.

"Hand on heart babe." I gave him a gentle kiss before heading off in to the shower.

I showered quickly and got changed coming out in to the living room to see him leaning against the railings on the patio. His long sleeved white sweater hugged his muscles in all the right places, making his chest look huge. I could see the defined muscles underneath it, I was not going to last the whole day with him looking like that. There was no way I would get through it.

"You ready to go?" I asked him taking his smoke off him and having a couple of pulls of it. He shook his head at me.

"Please don't make me go angel, don't shatter what we have please." His voice pleaded with me, thick with emotion. I took hold of his hand kissing it gently.

"This won't shatter what we have. I know you're worried, but you don't need to be. My parents will love you, they will see a wonderful man whom I have fallen in love with. I'm right here babe, with you through all of it, and I mean all of it. My mum can't wait to meet you. She already thinks you're wonderful." I told him trying to calm a worked up Edward down.

"She does?" He asked his voice sounding surprised, I nodded.

"Edward for what you have been through and how you're still standing shows just how wonderful and strong you really are. You may believe that it's all me that did his for you, but it wasn't, you did it too." I kissed his lips tasting the mint toothpaste on his lips.

"Come baby, for me please." I put on a puppy dog look and pouted slightly, he sighed.

"Okay, but please don't leave me, stay by my side." I nodded and took his hand leading him back inside the apartment.

We soon got ourselves ready to leave. The car ride would take us about hour and a half to get there, and looking at the time now we would reach there at about eleven. I led him out of the apartment holding his hand tightly hating to see him like this. It tore my heart to see him suffering right now, but I knew I wasn't taking him to the wolves, and that this would be fine. By the time we would leave Edward would be thinking he got all worked up over nothing.

We reached my truck and set off. I knew this was hard for him, but I just needed him to trust me on this. I needed him to believe me when I told him that things would be okay. As we drove there in some silence I kept looking at him, he wasn't pulling as far back in to himself as he once had done which was good. He was getting better at meeting people, but he still kept pulling at the sleeves on his sweater. You couldn't see the scars, but Edward was so fussy over them knowing that questions would be asked if people saw. Maybe not to him directly, but they certainly would behind his back.

I gripped his hand in mine as I made my way down the street I grew up on. "Babe relax please, and stop pulling. It's just the four of us, no one else." He gave me a weak smile and gripped tighter to my hand. I rubbed small circles on the back of his hand as I pulled up outside my childhood home.

"This is where you grew up?" He asked me looking around.

"Yeah, see that house there?" I pointed to the house a few doors down across the road. "A girl named Jessica lived there, I think her parents still do. Anyway, she had the biggest crush on me when we were growing up, she told everyone that by the end of high school I would be hers. She looked pretty stupid when I came out at sixteen." I chuckled. "She used to follow me everywhere like a love sick puppy. I would see her looking at me through her bedroom window." I shivered. "Scary thought, the girl was a nutter." He chuckled.

"Did she think she could change you in to being straight?" He asked and I nodded thinking back to school prom, where she was convinced that a night with her would make me straight. "There's always one, and I'm glad she didn't because I wouldn't have you now." I smiled at him.

"Me too." I kissed him gently. "Shall we?" He frowned slightly and got out waiting for me to join him. I took his hand and led him around the back of the house. My mother was already in the kitchen making dinner.

I squeezed his hand and flashed him a reassuring smile before opening the back door. "Hey mum." I said. She turned round and looked at me a wide smile hitting her face as she engulfed me in to a hug.

"Jasper it's so good to see you, I've missed you so much." She said pulling out of the hug.

"I've missed you too. Mum, this is Edward." I beamed and looked at the wonderful man standing next to me.

* * *

**_So what you guys think? Was that enough to keep you going for a while? hehe._**

**_There relationship is now moving in the right direction, there falling in love with one another. Isn't lovea wonderful thing to see? _**

**_Anyway my lovely's send me some love and you never know what you might :)_**


	23. Chapter 23

_**AN/ Thank you so much for the wonder reviews im getting, it means a lot. **_

**_Again a thank you to my beta who does a wonderful job checking these chapter's out for me, thanks hun._**

**_If you haven't read it yet go check out Custom Creations by Kim Masen. I found it yesterday and i love the fast pace of the story._**

**_Im glad you liked the last chapter wasn't it nice to see our boys having some lovin?_**

**_Anyway here's chapter 23_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**EPOV**_

This was something I didn't want to do. Meeting Jasper's parents, I had known about this day and I disagreed. It wouldn't matter if I had a year to mull it over, I would still feel the same way, I would still not want to go. Jasper beamed at me all throughout the morning, he was excited to see his parents after there long trip. I couldn't fault him for feeling happy to see them, I just didn't see why I had to go.

Would you really want your child to be with someone who has had a mental breakdown, been on and was still on anti-depressants, and had a number of failed attempts to end their life? I was hardly what parents would class as great partner material. I saw disaster heading my way, Jasper on the other hand saw a great day. I would be lying if I said that some of my thought patterns didn't come from the first time I met James' parents, which had been a nightmare from start to finish, and started the ball rolling on countless fights.

_Flash back_

_We pulled up outside his parents house, the sun was out casting warmth throughout the city on a beautiful summer's day. I was feeling nervous as hell meeting them, going through the normal things, would they like me? Would they be happy to see him with me? Those sort of things. I smiled nervously at James who laughed at me, turning his body towards mine._

"_I don't know why you're so nervous about this, I met your parents' first and I wasn't this bad." He said to me, I just stared at him._

"_No, you were worse. James, what if they don't like me?" I asked him as I looked at the house, he ran his thumb under his bottom lip thinking, a habit he had._

"_So what? It doesn't matter if they don't like you, I do and that's all that matters." He gave me a kiss before jumping out of the car and heading towards the house. He walked in leaving the door wide open for me to follow. I walked slowly behind him hearing his mother's voice as she spoke to his father. I heard James speak followed by his mother's laugh. He walked back in to the hallway where I was standing, his face happy, showing me a wonderful warm smile full of love. His mother was right behind him, her eyes shining, until she saw me. Her face fell._

"_James? Where is she?" She asked him confused, looking around. My heart was beating wildly in my chest. " She who?" He asked her, he walked closer to me still smiling._

"_Your girlfriend, the one you were bringing today." She asked looking at our hands interlocking._

"_Mum, this is Edward, my boyfriend. I never said anything about a girl." He said looking at his mother, who changed shades by the second, the rage was starting to fill her face turning her almost purple._

"_Boyfriend? He's a man, James!" She all but screamed at him. _

"_Really? Fuck Edward, are you a man?" He played off at me. I wasn't in the mood to play along. _

"_I don't want fags in my house, they're full of disease." She snapped at him, James' mouth fell open._

"_You don't want your son in your house?" He asked. _

"_This nonsense has to stop James. Did he set you up to this? My son wasn't raised to be a fag." She turned to look at me. "You better stop this nonsense with my son, whatever sick, twisted game you're playing with him better stop. He isn't one of you." She snarled at me._

"_Sick, twisted game? Mum, I came out long before I met Edward, you're being unreasonable." He snapped back at her, tempers soon started to flare. I walked out the door and headed back to the car, I could hear their raised voice's inside the house. It wasn't long before James' appeared looking pissed off. _

It was the start of a very bad relationship between me and his parents, and on the rare times I would go with him it normally ended in an argument. It put a strain on our relationship, causing us to fight over it. I didn't want that again. James didn't give a flying fuck what his parents thought. He loved them, but if they couldn't accept it then his attitude was fuck them. Jasper was way too caring, if his parents took a dislike to me because of my past it would shatter what we had. I didn't want to lose what I had with Jasper, the love I felt off him towards me, the love I had started to feel towards him. I didn't want to shatter the bubble I was in.

So now I stood here, next to beaming Jasper as he looked at his mother, whom had a look of awe on her face looking at her son.

"I've missed you too. Mum, this is Edward." He beamed looking at me full of love and care in his eyes, I smiled slightly at him.

"It's nice to meet you, Mrs. Whitlock." I smiled offering out my hand. She refused it, pulling me in to a hug and patting my back the way caring mothers do.

"Mrs. Whitlock, you make me sound old." She laughed out. "Please call me Betty." She smiled at me, the same warm smile I had seen so many times from Jasper, so this is where he got it from.

"Jasper, my boy, are you going to stand there looking like a love sick fool all day or are you going to introduce me to this man?" Came the voice from the man standing in the doorway smiling. He looked a lot like Jasper, sharing the same curly hair. I chuckled as I watched Jasper turn red.

"I think he's just going to stay love sick." Laughed his mother, sending Jasper even redder.

"I'm George, and for my sin's I'm Jasper's father. It's a pleasure to meet you." He offered his hand out, I shook it.

"Edward, nice to meet you too." I started to feel a little more relaxed, they seemed friendly enough.

"Would you like a drink son?" His dad suddenly said, Jasper went to answer. "I wasn't talking to you, you can get your own, and you're big enough now." He said looking at Jasper.

"Thanks a lot, Dad." Jasper said rubbing my hand gently with small circles.

"Please." I answered his dad.

"Beers it is then. Jasper help your mother while me and Edward go watch the football." His dad said passing me a beer. I cringed internally gripping Jasper's hand tighter.

"Come on Edward, I'm sure Jasper can survive for five minutes without you." He said walking off in to the living room. I was sure Jasper could, me on the other hand? That was a different story.

"Five minute's babe, that's all, and you will be fine, they like you." He whispered in my ear before giving me a kiss which he got a little in to, forgetting his mother was standing just there. She cleared her throat. We pulled away from each other and his face was beaming, her warm red cheeks shining along with her eyes. I let go of Jasper's hand and walked in to the living room. His dad had his feet up on the recliner, the home had a wonderful lived in feel, so cosy and comfy, and you could feel the love running through the house. His dad smiled as he looked at me sitting down, sitting on edge.

"Relax, Edward. No one will bite you. Look, I know you have had some hard times, and when Jasper told us, well it broke our hearts to hear something like that." He said looking at me. "I don't know the full story and I don't want to know, I want you to know that whatever problems you may have had, you're making my son one happy man, and you're welcomed in to this family." He smiled and went back to watching the football.

I was touched by his words, that was something I had never experienced before, being welcomed in to your boyfriend's family. I relaxed a lot more, it was clear to see where Jasper got his wonderful nature from; his caring and compassionate nature had been embedded in to him as a baby. He had been showered in love and compassion all his life that he took it in to his adult life. It was nice to feel the other side of this, the side that James felt when he was welcomed in to my family, the same feeling that Jasper felt when he was welcomed in also. It was nice to know that they saw how happy their son was, and no matter what, that's all that mattered. Maybe I had worried over nothing, I should have trusted Jasper when he told me to. He's never led me in to something that was going to hurt me, or leave me feeling like crap.

My angel appeared next to me showing a wonderful grin on his face. "Dinner will be in about five minutes, shall we go for a smoke?" He whispered in my ear, I nodded as he took my hand and led me out of the house. Once outside I attacked his lips with mine pulling him closer to me, the need to feel him as close to me as humanly possible was overpowering. He moaned in to the kiss as my tongue traced his lips, he opened his mouth granting me entry. The need to taste Jasper was consuming me, I was losing control, losing control of my emotions. I was falling in love with him, and it filled me with joy. I broke away from the kiss breathing hard, looking in to his lust-filled eyes. I wanted him so bad, and I wanted all of him, to make him mine. As badly as I wanted him I wasn't going to rush things. We had only just moved up a level, and even though I thought about what it would be like to be in him, or him in me, I wasn't ready to go there just yet. I smiled and kissed his lips softy once more before breaking my hold on him and pulling my smokes out.

"They're nice, Jasper. Your parents, I mean." I said as I offered him one, he lit it up and took a long drag before grinning at me like an idiot, one of those 'I told you so.' grins.

"They love you Edward, I knew they would. My mum is made up with you." He smiled, his hair falling all over the place, I pushed it out of the way, off his face. My wonderful angel, how did I get so lucky?

"What did my dad talk to you about?" He asked me leaning back against the wall, and bending one of his knees.

"He welcomed me in to your family, telling me that I'm making his son one happy man." His fingers interlocked with mine.

"You are making me very happy Edward, I love you." My heart skipped a beat, it wasn't the first time he had said this, but he hadn't said it since the day we ran in to James' parents. I knew he loved me, I could feel it when he touched me, or the way he looked at me. I felt it all around me whenever we were together, but hearing it again made me flush slightly, bringing butterflies to my stomach. I wanted every waking minute with him, I didn't want to ever part from him.

I smiled at him, I didn't know what to say, what could I say? I'm falling in love with you? It doesn't carry the same weight or meaning, and I was not going to say it if it wasn't true. I knew he wanted to hear it from me, watching as his face changed slightly trying to cover up the hurt he was feeling because he didn't hear it back, it made my chest ache.

"I'm sorry, Jasper." I said running my fingers across his face.

"It's okay, I understand, you still love James." He looked away from me. I shook my head at him, taking his chin and turning his face back to mine.

"No, Jasper listen, maybe I should lay my feelings out a bit better. I do still love James, but it's different, it's not the same as it once was. I've made a special place for him to make room for you. Jasper, I am falling for you, falling in love with you. God, Jasper, I miss you like crazy when we're not together, and being next to you is all I want, to feel you as close as possible. You're already in love me with me but I'm still falling." I smiled watching his eyes fill with tears.

"You are?" He choked out. I wanted to hit him for being stupid, did he really not know how I felt?

"Yes Jasper, I thought you might have known." I shrugged. "Felt how I feel you know?" He smiled sheepishly at me.

"I thought..... well..... sometimes, but I thought it was just my mind playing tricks on me, making me think that I'm feeling these things from you when I'm really not." He mumbled at me causing me to chuckle.

"Angel whatever you're feeling isn't in your mind." I took another drag of my smoke and flicked it away. I pinned Jasper against the wall kissing up his neck towards his jaw, trailing kisses across his jaw towards his earlobe. Jasper moaned tilting his head to the side to give me better access. His breathing hitched coming out in ragged breaths, his hands on my ass squeezing gently.

"Boys dinner is ready." I heard his mum call, we both groaned. I rested my forehead against his breathing deeply, I kissed his lips and smiled.

"You're a tease." He whispered breathlessly at me.

"I know." I smiled as I held his hand heading back inside the house.

_**JPOV**_

The day was going far better than I ever thought possible, I just had one small tiny problem. Okay, a big fucking problem. Edward's teasing had left my jeans incredibly tight. Fucker, he played me time and time again and every time I fell for it._ That's because you're a girl Jasper and you love him teasing you._ Yeah maybe I do, but I was going to give him a taste of his own medicine, see how he likes it. _Yeah I can really see that working. _No one asked you.

We had just finished off a wonderful dinner that my mother had made. I sat back in awe watching as Edward spoke and bonded with my parents. He had worried about today for weeks, not listening when I told him that he had nothing to worry about. One thing that bugged the fuck out of me was Edward was stubborn, he wouldn't move on something if he truly believed it. I couldn't stop the little smirk that played on my lips as I thought about this, his stubbornness on him believing he was right and I was wrong came back to bite him on his oh so sexy ass. Yes I wanted to be a child and scream I told you so, but I didn't, not yet anyway, I'd save that for later.

I gently traced patterns on the small of his back as he talked with my parents, content in knowing that this had gone better than I ever thought. Edward was talking, he wasn't just answering question with one word answer's, he was giving full length answer's, asking his own questions. Edward was showing my parents his true self, the side that I only ever saw. He was recovering in such a way now that the man I saw when he first walked in to my life wasn't even around. It's like I had never seen that Edward. He was winning his fight, his sessions with Tanya were going from strength to strength that he only saw her once every two weeks now instead of every week, a couple of times a week. She had given one last course of anti-depressants to take then he was done, he had a handful left to take. His future was looking brighter and brighter, and I was basking in the glory of this wonderful man.

"So Edward, you're a doctor right? Are you going back to the hospital?" My dad asked. My heart stopped, I felt the muscles in Edward's back tense slightly and he took in a deep breath.

"I'm so sorry Edward, I didn't mean any offence, I was....." He trailed off. Yeah you see where my mental filter came from?

"No it's okay, and yes I am, but I'm not too sure about returning to the hospital." He answered. What? Wait a minute. Did he just say he wasn't too sure? He had never given me any sign that he was even thinking about thinking of going back. Yet in front of my parents he had just admitted that he wasn't sure, my mouth was wide open as the shock ran through me.

"You could always work as GP, you can never get in when you need to. There is always a doctor off sick, I can't even remember the last time I saw my own GP, it's always some stand in." My dad rambled on. My mouth stayed open listening to where this was heading.

"It's an option, but I'm not too sure if I would be happy doing something like that. There are many options I could choose from if I decide to return to that field of work." Edward said talking to my dad. Wait, he was looking at options about where he could use his medical training, and he hadn't told me. I felt hurt. We said no secrets, that we would talk about everything, and yet he was sharing this information with my family and I knew nothing about it. My face fell.

"Jasper, are you alright?" My mother asked. No, I was not alright. I was hurt that he didn't share it with me first. I was sulking.

"I'm fine, I'm going for a smoke." I stood up and headed outside. I knew it was stupid that I was hurt because he never told me but we had a deal, and now I was left wondering about us.

"Beautiful, what's wrong?" I felt him standing in front of me, but I kept my eyes down. I was fighting to keep my tears back, but failing. He lifted my face up and looked at me.

"Is this because I didn't talk to you about my work?" He asked his voice sending out caring tones. I simply nodded my head, he chuckled and kissed my lips.

"What am I going to do with you Angel? I didn't tell you because I'm not sure, and I've been getting information on different areas. I was going to talk to you when I had it all in front of me. Jasper you really shouldn't let your mind wander." He smiled at me. I felt stupid once again. He was right, I had let my mind run away with me thinking that he didn't want to share this information alone with me, yet he was just waiting to gather all the information. I kissed him

"Sorry." I whispered at him, he smiled. "It's fine. You know I've really enjoyed today here, you were right, so go on and say it. I know you want to."

I smiled. "Told you so."

He chuckled at me. "Feel better?" I nodded at him and wrapped my arms around his waist. He shivered slightly, the man wasn't made of steel after all, I thought to myself with a smile on my lips. I pulled out my smokes and gave Edward one. He lit up and leant against the wall next to me.

"So what do you think Angel about me going back in to my field of work?" He asked as he blew out the smoke.

"I think it's great that you want to use your skills somewhere else, even if it's not back in the hospital. I want you to be happy in your work, and I know you love that field." I told him. It wasn't a secret that he loved the medical field. He had told me how he had always wanted to be a doctor, it never changed even as he grew up, he had his heart set on it, and for him to return to what he loved would be great for him.

"I'm not sure yet, but I'm thinking about it. I've got time till I need I to make my choice. And I want your input on it Angel when the time comes." I watched him turn his wrist over, his eyes looked down at them, his sleeves covering his scar.

"Babe don't worry about them, I'm sure that no one will see them and even if they do, so fucking what? You know you pulling at your sleeves all the time draws attention to them, if you didn't do that no one would look and wonder what you're hiding." I tried to keep my voice caring; I didn't want him to think I was being nasty about this.

"I know, but it's habit. You're the only person I willingly show them to. I don't think about it when were together you know?" His head rested back against the wall and his eyes closed.

"Babe, I don't see them. Honestly, hand on heart, I don't see them, and I'm sure others won't." I told him taking hold of his hand.

"But you saw them when I first moved in and you freaked out." True I did do that, but there were other things in to the mix that made me freak.

"Edward when you first moved in you were nothing like how you are now, you were a broken mess who truly believed that he didn't deserve any happiness, who truly believed that he was being punished. If I didn't know you and saw how your are now, I wouldn't freak. In fact, I wouldn't think anything of it." I smiled at the man I loved with all my heart.

"I don't know, I'm going to have to seriously think about it." He sighed. "Thing is, I don't know if I could cut it again in my job, with all that happened..." He trailed off. I picked up his hand and kissed his knuckles.

"Babe, I'm sure you were a good doctor and I'm sure that whatever area you go back in to you will be great at it. Edward, I saw you talk to your father at Christmas, watched as you and him spoke about things that made zero sense to me, and I heard the passion in your voice, and the longing as well. It's born in to you Edward, you just have to find your confidence again, the same as you're finding it now in your life. You being able to talk to my parents so freely or hang with Emmett shows your confidence in yourself is growing, your self-worth is growing. You just need to apply it to your working life. Babe whatever you do I will be by your side and I will support you one hundred and ten percent." I smiled at him.

"Thanks, that means a lot." He gave me a gentle kiss before we headed back inside.

The rest of the day passed with ease. I watched as Edward continued to get to know my parents, laughing and joking with them. My mother even got the baby photos out, which was embarrassing for me, watching as he laughed and made fun of me.

"Jasper, what are you wearing?" He asked looking at one photo.

"Aww he loved that cowboy outfit, he wouldn't take it off, he wore it night and day. He sobbed his little heart out when he fell off his bike causing a great big hole in the trousers. He's still got the cowboy hat in the loft." My mother informed Edward causing him to laugh even more.

"Yeah let's all laugh at me, I've seen your baby picture's Edward, you were a fatty." I mumbled not liking the jokes being on me.

"Aww my little cowboy." Edward whispered in my ear before giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"We should get going." I said. Truth was, I wanted our alone time. Edward had continued to tease me to the point of exploding; I had to get my payback and see how he liked it.

"Already? Well you two have a safe trip home, and Edward it was wonderful to meet you. I hope Jasper brings you back soon." My mother said pulling Edward in to a warm hug.

"Thank you, it was a pleasure to meet you too." He shook my dad's hand and headed out the front door towards my truck.

"He's a lovely lad Jasper, you have something special with him, take good care of him." My mum said and gave me a big squeeze.

"I know and I will, I'll see you soon." I left the house and made my way to my truck. Edward had taken the keys off me and was waiting to go. I got in and started the engine.

"Its been a good day Edward . I'm so proud of you." I was so happy right then. He had done so well with my parents, he shot me a loving smile, little Jasper started break dancing. He leant over to me and trailed his hand up my chest, my breath caught in my throat.

"Put your seatbelt on Jasper." He whispered in my ear, I rolled my eyes at him. "Jasper do you realise how many people I have seen who didn't wear their seat belt? Please angel, you mean far too much for me to risk losing you." I sighed and put my seatbelt on. Yeah I get it, he'd seen what could happen but come on, I'd never once crashed my car. I'd never once even had someone crash in to me, but if it keeps him happy I would do it.

"Happy now?" I asked him. Okay, I didn't need to be that snarky with him.

"Much. I'm looking forward to getting back home as much as I have enjoyed today." He smiled trailing his hand up and down the inside of my thigh. My whole body went in to spasm, my jeans got tighter and my breathing laboured. Was he trying to get me to crash?

"Edward....." I breathed out as his hand trailed up inside my sweater, pinching a nipple.

"Hmm?" Was the only response I got from him as he lightly trailed his fingertips down my abs. I gasped, causing him to chuckle.

"Sorry, that's not fair, is it?" I shook my head at him. No, it fucking wasn't fair but you could carry on, I didn't mind. "I'll stop." He breathed in my ear. No I didn't want you to stop, I wanted you to carry on, do not leave me like this again, it wasn't fair. I'd spent the whole fucking day walking around with a hard on, a fucking painful hard on at that.

I was going to make him pay for this. Edward liked to tease, but I wondered just how much he liked it when he was the one being teased and not the teaser. I floored it home; it had to have been the longest fucking ride home ever. In the fucking history of driving between the apartment and my parents, it's never ever been this long before.

"What's the rush Angel?" He asked crossing his arms over his chest with a smug look on his face. Yes you fucker, you have successfully left me high and fucking dry again today.

"No reason, just thought you wanted to get back as fast as possible." I said, he chuckled

"And why would that be? Hmm? You have gotten yourself in to a nice little fluster once again beautiful." The smug look never fucking moved. This was unhealthy, men shouldn't have a hard on all day long.

"You know just what you're doing, don't you? You know just how to play me" I said hating the fact that he could do this. He smiled at me, leant forward and whispered in my ear "Yes, I don't hear you complaining." He kissed me on the cheek as I pulled up to our apartment.

"Do I not have any sort of effect on you?" I asked getting out. He snaked his around me pulling me close to his body, I could feel his rock hard cock digging into my ass.

"Does that answer your question?" His husky whisper caused me to moan. _Your problem is you turn in to goo when he does it. He, on the other hand, doesn't. He hides it better than you._ Who asked you? Know it all.

I pulled Edward up the stairs, not patient enough to wait for the lift. The fucker was going to get his payback. I unlocked the door fumbling with the key like a girl, Edward chuckling behind me. Yeah chuckle now, you won't be in a minute. I got the door open and dragged him in, kicking the door closed I pinned him up against the wall.

My mouth attacked his with force, his hands fisted hard in my hair as I pushed my tongue in to his mouth. He moaned as my hands slid up his sweater feeling his muscles contract to my touch. I pulled away needing air, and then started kissing his jaw and down his neck. He moaned as I sucked the soft spot at the hollow of his neck. His breathing was hard, gasping for air as I continued my attack on him. His hands came out of my hair and went to my waist. I grabbed them and slammed them against the wall, I was in charge. He growled at me. Fuck me, I almost came there and then, it was the sexist sound I had ever heard.

I kissed his mouth again hard, tasting him and loving the feeling of his hot warm mouth. My fingers ran down his chest giving his nipples a gentle squeeze, he groaned at me as I did it again this time a little bit harder. My hands dropped down his chest to the waistband of his jeans. I ran my hands over his swelling bulge.

"Jasper." He breathed out breathlessly to me. I smiled as I kissed his neck, I slowly undid his jeans feeling him squirming under me. I dropped to my knees and lifted his sweater and placed wet kisses on his abs. I pulled his jeans down along with his boxers with force, his cock sprang free right in my face. Fuck, it was beautiful. It gently throbbed in my face as I took in the sight of his magnificent cock. His beautiful long and thick cock, the head slightly red and wet with pre-cum. I moaned at the sight of it. I couldn't wait to take him in my mouth. Edward was a big boy, and I was going to have fun with this.

I kissed down his abs and across his hips, his cock pressing into my neck. He moaned and gasped loudly at me as I licked my way up the inside of his thigh. I gently sucked on his balls before running my tongue up his beautiful long shaft.

"Fuck... Jasper... please." He pleaded, his voice in breathless whispers. I smiled against him and licked the tip of his cock before slowly, painfully slowly taking his head in to my mouth and swirling my tongue around it. He gasped and moaned as his hands fisted my hair. I slowly took him down my throat going halfway before coming back up to the top. I went back down again taking him as far as I could. I relaxed my throat as much as I could before picking up my pace. I played with his balls with one hand causing his him to jerk his hips.

"Baby... so...... fucking..... good..." He gasped out as I went faster and faster. I felt his thigh muscles start to tremble as his moan's got louder. I sucked harder wanting to taste his wonderful nectar, my thoughts of bringing him to this point and stopping went out the window. His balls tightened and his body shook.

"Jasper!" He cried out, gripping my hair tightly as he came hard, shooting his load down my throat. I happily drank it up. Edward tasted fucking amazing, and I drank all he had to give. His hands loosened in my hair as I released him from my mouth, pulling his jeans back up as I stood up to face him. A thin layer of sweat covered his face as he smiled. His breathing was easing, I kissed him on the lips gently, and smiled at him.

"Bedroom, now." He breathed out pulling me toward our bedroom.

* * *

**_Didn't it go well with Jasper's parents? Hehe i really enjoyed writing this chapter. there relationship is picking up speed now._**

**_Anyway my lovelys hit the review button and tell me what you think. :)_**


	24. Chapter 24

_**AN/ Hello my lovelys im so happy you liked the last chapter.**_

**_Aagin thank you for all the wonderful reviews im getting, i love reading them, all your idea's and thoughts about what happening. Im so glad that your all like the realness of the story, hehe it makes me sooo happy._**

**_Again a wonderful thankful to my Beta for being a star._**

**_Now this chapter is in two parts, we cover a lot of feelings in this one, i hope you enjoy being in there heads lol._**

_**

* * *

**_

_**EPOV**_

The weeks just seemed to fly by, before I knew it we were in February and the shops were once again out to make as much as possible shoving Valentine's Day down your throat. I'd never been one for Valentine's, don't get me wrong I would do the whole card and a gift, but I didn't see it as the day you should tell your loved one that you love them. If you love them then surely you should say it without February 14th? So even with my beliefs why had I not told Jasper that I loved him? Because I wanted it to be special. I had told him a few weeks back that I was falling in love with him, but I hadn't said anything else after that. I wanted tonight to be just right. I had come a long way, I was healed beyond any belief that I ever thought possible. I had come such a long way that I had made some big changes in my life, changes that I never thought I would make.

James had left a lot a money behind when he died, money I didn't want or need. It would never bring him back and it had spent almost two years sitting in the joint back account collecting interest, so I got rid of it. I gave it to charity, a charity that I knew James would want it to go to. He had always been so touched by children who had come from broken homes and were having a bad start in life, or the child that was in hospital. I once took him to the baby centre where all the ill babies were. Some of them had been born way too early and weren't given much chance of survival, some were born with serious health problems, it broke him apart, he cried over them. So I split the money in half and gave it to them. I knew the hospital funds could use the extra cash in that department and they were overjoyed when I gave them the cheque. I was closing the door on my life with him, keeping my memories safe and not being afraid to make new ones or live my life.

Some things were taking longer. I had toyed around with the idea of selling the house, but I couldn't bring myself to sell it. It wasn't just the fact that I had once lived there with James that stopped me from selling it, but also the fact that I loved it. I had been back a few times clearing things out, things that I didn't need. Things that before I couldn't part with, I had now done that. Tanya told me that doing these sorts of things showed my grieving was coming to an end, that I had accepted what had happened and was moving on. I couldn't argue with her on that, I had accepted his death. It had taken me almost two years to get there, a walk through fucking hell and scars that will last a lifetime, but I had finally gotten there. My fight was almost over.

I had now moved completely in to Jasper's room. We gutted out the room I had turning it in to a gym, and yeah it hardly got used. We took Emmett with us when we went to kit it out, he had a field day telling us we needed to buy this and that. The treadmill was about the only thing that got used. We redid Jasper's room making it our own, and while we moved things around I asked Jasper if he would mind me finding a place to put James' photo. To be honest I thought he was going to freak at me, after all who wants to see your boyfriends dead ex? Jasper had been fine with it. He understood that while I could let some things go I couldn't let everything go just yet, his picture was one. It didn't hurt to look at it anymore, I wasn't consumed with guilt or pain when I looked at him, I felt happy and contented now. The photo wasn't on display, it didn't scream where it was. It sat up on the bookshelf, it wasn't in our line of vision, but I knew it was there and that was enough for me.

My relationship with Jasper had grown, we had become closer, he knew me inside and out just as I knew him inside and out. I couldn't ask for anything more of my angel, the wonderful man who had come in to my life while I walked through hell and pulled me through it. I don't know if I would have been able to face the things I had if he wasn't by my side, offering me his support, love and encouragement. He really was my angel. We still hadn't gone all the way; this was something I was putting off now on purpose. I wanted it to be special, to be right, just like for me to tell him that I loved him. I needed it to be right, and tonight I had it all planned out, tonight was the night. Even though we hadn't gone all the way we had had plenty of foreplay, lots and lots of blow jobs and hand jobs. We had learnt what each other likes and dislikes, we were connected on so many levels that it just left one.

So Valentine's night was the night, tonight was the night, I'd been planning for days. The great thing about not being at work meant I had time to plan things without Jasper being around. I had a bombshell to drop on Jasper tonight, I had made a decision and tonight I was telling him what it was. He didn't know what this decision was, no one knew. I had kept this close to my chest, again needing things to be right. I needed to be one hundred percent sure that this was what I wanted before I went and did it, and only I could make that choice.

I had come off the anti-depressants about two weeks ago and my sex drive had gone in to overdrive. Jasper was attacked by me on a regular basis, sometimes he never made it past the front door before I was attacking him, not that he seemed to mind. I was unbelievably happy the day Tanya had told me that I could stop taking them, they had been a pain in my ass for so long. I realised over Christmas that I didn't want them anymore, I just needed to get everything in check before coming off them. The joy I felt not having to take them was amazing, I no longer needed them. Problems that I faced now I didn't shut down, I talked about them. Jasper was always at the end of the phone if I needed to talk to him, but thankfully any problems I had faced he was with me.

I still saw Tanya and I thought Tanya would be staying for a while yet, but my appointments had come down from three times a week to once every two weeks. Tanya wanted to wait around until I started to work again. The lovely word of work, which had been her top topic over the last few weeks, I had groaned, whined and screamed my way through these talks. Yes, I had acted like a five year old. I knew Tanya's thinking for wanting to continue these sessions until I started to work. I hadn't worked since that night, since James died, and starting work again no matter what I did ran a risk of bringing up the memories. Memories that I had dealt with, but didn't want to have at the forefront of my mind.

I had gotten to know Jasper's friends better, and wasn't freaking out anymore when those nights came about. I wasn't completely out of my shell and I still had some trouble being around people, but it wasn't half as bad as it was. I had seen Jasper's parents a few more times as well. We had been over for Sunday dinner, his mum cooks one of the best Sunday dinners I'd had, and they had been over here. It was amazing to be accepted by my partner's parents.

Jasper stirred in my arms, the alarm had gone off a while ago but Jasper had refused to move, pleading for five more minutes. I had given him half an hour. Jasper was terrible at waking up but moaned when he was late. I had taken to setting his alarm earlier than he thought giving him his extra snooze time.

"Jasper, angel, wake up." I whispered in his ear, he groaned. "Come on angel, it's Friday, last day and then it's the weekend." I kissed him gently on his cheek as his eyes opened, his beautiful blue eyes shining at me. I smiled staring in to them, the love I felt right now consumed me. I had been so close to telling him so many times but I had managed to stop myself.

"Hey babe." His voice was full of sleep. I hovered over his face slightly running my fingers through his blonde curly hair before running my fingers down the side of his face. I smiled warmly at him.

"Good morning beautiful, go take a shower while I make you a coffee." I kissed him gently on the lips before pulling away. He groaned and rolled on his stomach as I got out of bed, I chuckled at him as he flipped me off.

"Jasper get out of bed, you'll be late." He pushed his head in to the pillow groaning. I heard a muffled reply of 'fuck off' as I walked out of the room chuckling.

Jasper and morning didn't work well. We had agreed that we wouldn't give each other cards until tonight as Jasper was crap with the mornings and spent most of the time grumbling and moaning about having to go to work. I headed in to the kitchen to put the coffee on, hearing Jasper mumble as he left the bedroom and towards the bathroom, someone wasn't a happy boy this morning. I wandered in to the living room flicking the TV on and put on the local news. I collected the cups that had been left in the living room last night, putting them in to the sink. I headed back out and on to the patio, the cold chill in the air was refreshing, it helped me wake up breathing in the clean morning air. I leant against the railing looking right in to the living room lighting up. I smirked as I saw an unhappy Jasper walk in to the living room mumbling something or other that made me chuckle.

He walked out mumbling to himself, as he took out a smoke from the packet and lit it up, he took a long drag and looked at me. I flashed him a smile and wrapped my arms around him.

"You're cute when you're grumpy." I whispered in his ear. He shrugged sulking at me.

"I'm not grumpy." He said in a flat tone.

"Yeah, you are Jasper, as you are most mornings. Last day today babe, lie in tomorrow." I kissed his neck feeling him relax under my touch.

"What are we doing tonight?" He asked and he turned himself round in my arms so his back was pressed up against my chest.

"It's a surprise I told you. Stop asking, I'm not going to tell. In case you didn't know, I'm pretty good at keeping things to myself." I rested my chin on his shoulder squeezing him a little tighter.

"Yeah, I know. Are you going to see James today?" He asked me gently, Jasper still tredded carefully around this subject.

"Nope, I went yesterday. I didn't want to go today, it wouldn't be right or fair for me to go today." I told him. Jasper's understanding was great, I couldn't complain, but going to see James today wasn't right. I knew it would hurt Jasper if I did. He would never say it, but today was about us, not about my past with James.

"I don't mind you know." He whispered. Liar. You do, but you won't admit it to me.

"Jasper, I went yesterday to see him, besides I don't think he will mind that I don't go today, this is about us angel." I kissed his neck feeling him smile, his fingers gently traced patterns on the back of my hand.

"I like that word, us." He whispered. I chuckled at him, he was still so easily pleased by the littlest things. Words like 'us' or 'ours' caused Jasper to have the biggest smile on his face, you would think he had just won a million. I kissed his neck and moved him heading in to the kitchen to finish off the coffee, Jasper not far behind me. I passed him his coffee and he sighed.

"So what are we doing?" He asked again, I rolled my eyes at him.

"If you really want to know I'll tell you, but don't get your hopes up, it's nothing great." I said picking up my coffee and heading in to the living room. I could almost hear Jasper turning my words around in his head trying to decide if he should push this or not.

"Please tell me, I want to know." He asked. I sighed, defeated.

"Okay, well it's nothing special, but I thought we could order take-out, get a DVD, and curl up together on the sofa. I'm not really wanting to go out anywhere and be ripped off ." I watched his face fall slightly. I wanted to laugh but held it in, Jasper composed his face quickly. "Sorry not much of a surprise, is it? You can choose what we order in though." I added, he nodded at me. I wanted to tell him that I was joking, I didn't like the hurt he was clearly trying to cover up, but I knew Jasper well and I knew that if I kept this up he would be blown away by my surprise.

"Oh, you sure you don't want to go out?" He asked me, the hurt in his voice killing me. I was being mean, but I didn't want him to know and besides he asked, so I had to lie.

"I'm sure. I can't cuddle up to you in a restaurant, can I?" He simply shrugged and finished off his coffee before grabbing his things.

"I better go. I'll see you tonight, okay?" I nodded at him, I hated him leaving, I hated him leaving feeling hurt even more. I pulled him in to a hug and kissed him gently on the lips. "Take care, angel." I whispered in to his ear.

"I love you." He whispered and took off out the door. A devilish smile hit my face. Yes, I was mean, but I would soon make it up to him.

_**JPOV**_

The whole campus had been buzzing; watching the students trying to get themselves laid in the lamest way was pretty funny. Hearing the guys coming up with some cheesy pick-up line, I couldn't help but laugh. Did they really think those lines would get them laid? I watched as Mike Newton got bitch-slapped by one girl. If you ask me, he had it coming. Walking up to her licking his finger and then pressing it on her jacket coming out with lines like, 'Lets get you back to my place and out of those wet clothes' was hardly the greatest way to get laid and I think the slap was justified. _You enjoyed that slap more than you should have._ Yeah, I did.

Valentine's day I was hoping for something special to come from Edward, it wasn't like I wanted bells and whistles. I just wanted something a little special, like a romantic dinner for two. I couldn't hide my disappointment on my face when he told me just what he had been planning. I guess I shouldn't have asked, that was my own fault, if I never asked then I wouldn't be disappointed.

I couldn't complain with our relationship. In the last few weeks Edward had come a long way and things between us had gotten a little heavy, but sex was still off limits and the words I so badly wanted to hear from him failed to leave his mouth. I knew I couldn't rush him on this, if I pushed he would pull back, leaving him be made him come out more. I swear I could feel his love for me, in the way he touched me, held me or looked at me but the words never came. It hurt to say it to him and not hear it back. I chose to hardly say it, hearing him sigh after I would say it did nothing to ease the feeling of not hearing it back.

Maybe one day I would hear it from him, maybe one soon, I hope. Other than that things were great between the two of us. His relationship with my parents had grown, he felt almost at ease being around them. My parents loved him and thought he was amazing. I had to agree, he was. His healing had come along so much that the normal pulling of the shirt sleeves I had gotten used to seeing when we were out started to stop. He still did it, but not half as much. It was almost like he would suddenly remember he hadn't pulled them and then yank them. He had stopped taking the anti-depressants, I was so happy the day he took the last one, the smile radiated off him that morning. I knew how much he hated taking them; I think it depressed him more to take them. He felt as though they were holding him back from moving forward in his life, since he stopped taking them he had progressed so much more.

I watched as he split the money James left and gave it to two charity's that he would have wanted. My heart swelled watching him do this, he was accepting it. We had been to his house a few times clearing it out and he would tell me stories of his past with James. He never cried through any of them, instead laughing and smiling about it. He never looked sad as he reflected back on his life. That showed his recovery, being able to do those things showed how far he had come.

I knew deep down I was being selfish, wanting all these things when it wasn't that long ago that Edward could hardly look me in the eye and we spent every night in bed together. Everyone was selfish in this world, you have to be a little selfish to survive, but could I really look at Edward and be truly hurt that he hadn't said 'I love you' yet? No, I couldn't. Even though he hadn't said it, even though we hadn't actually slept together, it didn't stop me basking in his progress. In his recovery knowing that I had helped him through it. I had always claimed that I would be happy with whatever I got from him, but the more I got the more I wanted from him. I was stuck in a circle going round and round wanting more from him, but also being happy for what I got.

I looked at the students who were busy taking a test, ha-ha that fucked them up when pop quizzes hit their desks when they got in. That will teach you, maybe next time you will learn what you're meant to. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I pulled it out and smiled as I saw the message.

_Can't wait to see you tonight, missing you Angel x_

I beamed and wanted the class to hurry up and end. All my thoughts about wanting more had gone out the window. His simple text had sent me in to a spin, a spin of wanting to get back to him as soon as possible, back to the man I loved so much, back to the man I wanted to be with for the rest of my life. I basked in the thought that we had the weekend together, a whole two days of just me and him, no one else. We had zero plans this weekend and it was just the way I liked it.

My eyes flicked to the clock, thirty minutes to go, just thirty little more minutes and I would be out of here and flying back to my baby. Hurry the fuck up. Why does time go slower when you don't want it to?

The bell finally rang. I breathed out happy for it to be over, knowing I was just minutes away from seeing him. Well I say minutes like it's just a couple, but it's more like twenty-seven and a half minutes, twenty-nine if there was more traffic, twenty-two if there wasn't any, and thirty-four if a road was shut down. Was that sad?_ Very, Jasper, very. _Screw you brain. I gathered my things and headed out of the classroom, I wanted to skip and dance all the way to my truck. I was fighting to keep myself on the ground, I was sure if Edward was here seeing me like this he would call me some stupid name, and take the piss out of me.

My truck was parked right near the main doors, perfect parking for wanting to get out of here fast, and that was what I had intended to do. Get out of here at lightning speed; of course today the world had other plans for me. I was just about to pull out when Peter came to the window tapping away at it. I groaned. Why now, why right fucking now? I rolled the window down and looked at him, his silly grin told me he knew he was holding me up and I wanted to go, bastard.

"Peter?" I said trying and failing to get the tone just right so I didn't sound like I was as pissed off as I actually was.

"Jasper, glad I caught you old boy. I wanted to know if you were heading to the teacher's meeting on Monday." He smirked at me. You have got to be fucking kidding me, all this stopping just for some crap ass meeting.

"Yeah, I wouldn't want to pass up the chance to listen to how we should be teaching." Now go the fuck away, I answered your stupid question.

"Good, me too. You in a rush?" He asked, I was just about to answer when he started talking again. "Good. I have some art work I need help moving, will you help me Jasper?" NO. NO .NO. NO. NO. I screamed in my head.

"I'm kind of in a rush." I told him hoping he would now get the picture and fuck off; I should be halfway home by now, wanker.

"Five minutes Jasper, that's all. I'm sure you can give me that?" He said in a tone which stated if you don't then I will guilt you in to it. I groaned.

"Fine, five minutes." I grumbled getting out of the truck and following Peter back in to the school. He pissed about with the key leaving me with my arms crossed over my chest tapping my foot and huffing. He smiled and I wanted nothing more than to wipe the smile off.

I looked at my watch. I should be home now, just about making my way to the apartment door, waiting to be attacked by Edward the moment I stepped foot inside the door. I huffed again as Peter finally after ten minutes of fucking around opened the door. He flicked the light on.

"Oh.... I... um, how odd." How odd? How fucking odd? There was fuck all in here to be moved. I looked at Peter who just shrugged.

"Maybe someone did it for me. Thanks anyway, Jasper. Have a good weekend." And he took off; the fucking wanker had kept me behind for no fucking reason.

I reached my truck again; the car park was almost empty as the sky was starting to get dark. I kicked the engine in to life and set off, hitting every god damn red light there was. Why today of all days? I asked looking up as I hit yet another red light. The world hated me today. Oh yes, it fucking did.

By the time I reached the car park I was over forty-five minutes late, and in one bad mood, my happy mood had gone. I had texted Edward to tell him I would be late and got fuck all back. Nothing, not even an okay, which pissed me off. He always replied to me, always. He must be either busy, fucked off or he just didn't fucking care. I got out and made my way now sulking to the lifts. I made my way to our apartment and opened the door to find it in darkness, not one sound was coming out of any room, and all the doors were shut.

"Edward?" I called out as I locked the door behind me. Nothing. Great. It looked like he went out and wasn't back yet. Some spending the night together, we hadn't even exchanged cards this morning and I really thought I would be arriving home to find him waiting by the door for me, but no, not this time. I dropped my keys in the bowl and walked towards the living room door sighing, feeling sorry for myself and feeling lonely. Opening the door my mouth dropped, the whole living room was lit up in candles, rose petals scattered everywhere. My eyes started to water as I looked around our living room, the beautiful warm glow the candles were giving off gave a romantic feel throughout the room. Then my eyes landed on him. Standing there in the middle of the room looking sexy as hell holding a bunch of roses was Edward. I burst in to tears as he walked towards me snaking his arm around my waist.

"Happy Valentine's, Angel." He whispered as he gave me a kiss.

* * *

**_I know, i know i left you all thinking we were going to have some good lovin' in this chapter. But i promise its coming, and all good things come to those who wait._**

**_please review my lovely's even though i may of disappointed you without the lemon. :)_**


	25. Chapter 25

_**AN/ Guys i cant believe my story has almost reached 400 reviews, honestly when i started this i never thought i would get this many reviews that so many people would be interested in my little story, so a big thank you for all that has reviewed and put me on alert.**_

**_Again my wonderful Beta gets a massive thank you for getting this chapter back to me sooner then i thought. Amy you are a star!_**

**_I know i left you guys all hanging dry yesterday, and im sorry i was so mean to you all, but as i said good things come to those who wait so here is Chapter 25!_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**EPOV**_

I had spent the day sorting everything out for tonight, preparing dinner, sorting out the rose petals and the candles. The candles turned out to be one big pain in the ass, there were fifty-five fucking candles in this apartment right now, fifty-five candles I bought from IKEA. The woman at the checkout looked at me like I had horns. Clearly people didn't buy this many candles at once. I had already pre-ordered the candles, I wasn't about to stand there filling a trolley with fifty-five candles, fuck no; I had better things to do with my time. All I had to do was pay and collect. Why fifty-five candles? Simple. I worked it out, I had done my homework and worked out just how many I would need, I had the living room to cover as well as the bedroom. The rose petals were easier to sort out, of course this being Valentine's the florist had a good idea just how much I would need without me having to figure it out. They arrived and that was that, all boxed and ready to be scattered around the room.

For dinner we were having Carbonara, Jasper liked his pasta dishes and I thought this would be a nice treat for him. It was something filling but light, I was a pretty good cook when I turned my hand to it and Jasper seemed to love everything I put in front of him so this was a sure winner. I had the wine chilling in the fridge, and everything was set. The trouble was I wanted it to be dark or darkish so I had to have some help on this. I had contacted Jasper's friend Peter and asked him to keep Jasper back by half an hour. I didn't care how he did it, he just had to do it.

So as I peeked out the window I saw my angel pull up in the parking lot. I felt the wonderful warm feeling filling me. My heart rate picked up as I took in the sight of him getting out of his truck, even though he looked thoroughly pissed off I couldn't help but smile. Closing the doors in the apartment I lit the remaining candles. I stood in the living room holding his rose's I had bought and waited for him to return home. I heard the door open and slam shut, I heard him call out and huff as he dropped his keys in to the pot next to the door. I smiled widely knowing my eyes would soon look upon my beautiful angel. The door opened and he walked in, his mouth dropped open as I watched him look around the room tears filling his eyes. Had he really thought I wouldn't do anything? I slowly walked over to him and snaked my arm around his waist as he burst in to tears.

"Happy Valentine's, Angel." I whispered in his ear before giving him a soft warm gentle kiss on the lips. God how I had missed him while he had been gone.

"You..... you did this... for me?" He choked out in tears. I nodded my head as he looked around the room.

"You didn't really believe me this morning, did you angel?" I nuzzled my face in to his neck, breathing in his wonderful scent.

"I.... Yes." He answered. I couldn't help but chuckle as I kissed him and gently ran my thumbs under his eyes to wipe his tears away.

"I wanted to do something special for my angel. Do you like it?" I asked him as I led teary-eyed Jasper to the table.

"I love it, just like I love you." He beamed at me, his wet eyes sparkling in the candlelight, his face full of love and happiness.

"I know." I smiled and kissed him gently as he sat himself down. I walked off to go and get dinner leaving Jasper to pour the wine.

I know I said I was going to tell him tonight, and I was but that wasn't the right time to tell him. I didn't want it to sound as though I'd just said it because he had. I wanted him to truly believe it when I said it. Jasper was insecure about the future of our relationship, he'd been full of love for me from the get go, it's taken me a lot longer to reach that point; and I was hoping that tonight will remove those stupid thoughts he has once and for all.

As I thought Jasper had loved dinner. We chatted a little during dinner, Jasper telling me how his job was getting on his nerves. His facial expressions changed with every word he spoke, a mixture of hate and anger flickered across his face every now and then. Even angry my angel looked beautiful. Placing my elbows on the table I looked at him next to me, as the candlelight illuminated his gorgeous face. I took a sip of my wine and smiled when he finished talking, I took a deep breath and held his hand.

"Jasper, you are my everything, you are my angel. You have been my rock and my support, you have showered me in love and compassion. You have pulled me through some dark times, and stood by me when I walked through hell, giving me the strength I needed when I couldn't go on. You have been my rock to lean on when things became too much. You've shown me I can move on and make new memories without destroying my old ones. You've shown me love I never thought I would get again, that I honestly thought I didn't deserve. You helped me build up the self-confidence I lost, and showed me my self-worth." I looked at my angel who had a fresh set of tears in his eyes. I took another breath to try and calm myself down, my voice was thick with emotion as I tried to speak from the heart. I gently rubbed my thumb over his knuckles.

"Jasper, I love you, with all my heart. I love you." I looked him right in the eye as the tears rolled down his face. I smiled at him and gave him a gentle kiss.

"You do?" His eyes lit up looking at me, I nodded.

"Yes, Jasper, with every fibre in my being I'm in love with you, dancing queen." I whispered in his ear gently giving it a kiss. I heard him laugh.

"Will you ever stop calling me that?" He asked, I chuckled and shook my head.

"No, because you will always do something that will remind me." I trailed my fingertips ever so gently down his throat and chest, I heard him suck in a ragged breath.

I kissed down his neck gently, his head rolling over to the side giving me better access. I gently sucked on the soft spot at the bottom of his neck causing him to moan. My hand gently trailed up inside his sweater feeling his muscles contract to my touch. My lips moved up his neck to his mouth kissing him softly. His mouth moved perfectly with mine as I traced my tongue across his lips wanting entrance in to his mouth. He granted me access allowing my tongue to explore inside his mouth. Jasper moaned and broke from the kiss as my hand pinched his nipple gently rolling it between my thumb and index finger.

"Come to bed with me." I whispered in his ear, his breathing hitched in his throat. I smiled as I took his hand and led him to our bedroom. I had covered the room in candles as well. I had been careful not to leave them too close to anything, the last thing I wanted was to set the apartment on fire.

Pushing open the door I heard Jasper gasp as he saw our room. I had covered our bed in rose petals, and I had scented oils burning in the room. I looked at him and smiled, my angel was beaming at me.

"Edward." He breathed as I kissed down his neck placing my hands on his hips. Slowly I lifted his sweater up, I pulled it off his head and looked at him, his body lightly tanned showing off perfect muscles. I ran my hands down his abs, I could do this forever, I loved the feeling of his muscles underneath my fingertips.

"I wanted tonight to be perfect." I whispered to him as I kissed down his neck and shoulders. Jasper shivered as I kissed across his collarbone and licked up his neck and over his Adam's apple. His hands fisted in my hair pulling me closer to him as his lips attacked mine. I moaned in to the kiss feeling his rock hard cock push against my thigh. His hands left my hair and started to undo the buttons on my shirt. I pushed him on the bed letting the shirt fall off my shoulders and on to the floor. I crawled over him and kissed him again, pouring my love in to the kiss. Hearing him moan in to the kiss I figured he had felt my love through it. My hands started to undo his jeans as his did mine, my thumbs hooked his jeans and boxers. I smiled against his lips as I moved my head down his chest gently grazing my teeth across his nipple. Jasper gasped and moaned as I kissed down his stomach, his abs contracting under my lips until I reached the waistband on his jeans. Gently I started to pull them down, Jasper lifted his ass off the bed so I could get them all the way down and off his body.

I stood and quickly pulled down my own jeans and boxers, before looking at the beautiful blonde-haired man in front of me. My eyes drank him in, and I became even harder at the sight of him. His thick cock throbbed against his lower stomach, looking painfully hard. I smirked and kissed up his thighs feeling him squirm and wiggle underneath me. My mouth ghosted over his shaft, Jasper groaned loudly at that. I kissed across toward his hips gently biting his hips before working my way down. I breathed over the tip of his swollen cock hearing him gasp.

"Edward..... please." He pleaded with me. My tongue trailed slowly over his tip, licking up the droplets of pre-cum that had gathered there. He moaned as his hands went in to my hair. I picked up from the base, loving the feel of his smooth silky skin that covered his cock over my tongue. My tongue reached his head and swirled it around his tip. I gently took just the head of him in my mouth as my tongue continued to roll around over it, gently going over across his slit. Jasper cried out as he felt my tongue touch his sensitive places. I slowly pushed my lips down his long shaft relaxing my muscles in my throat to deep throat him. Jasper moaned loudly as he hit the back of my throat. I slowly moved back up his long shaft sucking my cheeks in as I went. Jasper was wiggling wildly underneath me as I brought him slowly to his point of ecstasy.

My tongue swirled around his head once more before I went back down. I swallowed around his cock as he hit the back of my throat once more, causing me to moan around him. My teeth gently trailed up his shaft making Jasper cry out in pleasure. I picked my pace up bobbing my head up and down his wonderful thick cock, flicking my tongue against his slit every now and then. I played with his balls while I continued my attack on his cock, sucking him harder and faster with each stroke.

"Edward..... fuuuccckkk." He cried out as his body went stiff and his balls tightened. I sucked him harder as he shot his hot seed down my throat. I happily drank all he had to give and continued to bob up and down as he rode out orgasmic waves of pleasure bringing him down slowly from his high. I released his cock from my mouth and trailed my tongue up his chest before kissing him hard on the mouth.

"I love you." I whispered in his ear as my hand reached in to the bedside drawer pulling out a bottle of lube and a condom. I put a good amount on my fingers before gently inserting one in Jasper's ass. He moaned as I pumped in and out of him a few times before adding another. I kissed his neck while I continued to pump his ass with my fingers, Jasper moaned and shivered underneath me as I added a third, gently widening him. I couldn't wait to make love to him; I was painfully hard and needed release soon. I removed my fingers from his ass slowly and rolled the condom on my rock hard cock, I coated it with lube before adding a bit more to Jasper. Pulling his legs wider apart I raised his ass off the bed and placed his feet on my shoulders. I locked eyes with him as I placed myself at his entrance. Slowly I pushed in, Jasper gasped and moaned as my head went in. I stopped and waited for him to get used to me before slowly pushing a bit further in.

"Fuck... Edward." Jasper moaned as I slowly pushed in and out of him each time going further and deeper in him, his tight hole gripping my cock nicely. I moaned loudly feeling him tightly around my cock as I pushed in and out of him, until I was all the way in. My eyes never left Jasper's as I slowly lent forward allowing Jasper's legs to lock around my waist digging his heels in to my ass. I kissed him on the lips softly as I pumped in and out of him slowly.

"You're... so fucking... tight... baby." I moaned out as I picked my pace up, loving the feeling of being inside the man I love. Jasper arched his back a little as he moaned in pleasure underneath me.

"Harder.... Harder." He breathed out, his cock erect once more. I pulled almost out of him leaving just the tip in before slamming hard back in him. He cried out in pleasure as I slammed in to him a few more times slowly before working my pace up. With each moan I slammed harder and faster than the last one. I was close, I could feel the tingly feeling building in my stomach.

"Cum with me, angel." I panted out as I fucked him harder and faster. Jasper placed his hand on his cock and started to pump himself using the sweat of our bodies as lube. Jasper cried out as he worked his strokes to match my thrusts, I could feel him start to tense under me.

"Edward!" He screamed out as he shot his load in-between us covering our stomachs in his hot cum. His ass tightened around me as he rode out his own orgasm bringing mine on. My thrusts became frantic as I climbed higher to mine, with one final thrust I erupted in him, throwing my head back.

"Jasper! Jasper!" I cried as my body shook being taken over by my mind-blowing orgasm. I collapsed on him panting hard, trying to catch my breath. I lifted my head off his chest and looked in to his wonderful blue eyes, the lust and need gone and in its place was love. I kissed him passionately on the lips before pulling out of him. I didn't want to leave him, I wanted to keep myself buried inside his warm tight ass. But at the risk of the condom coming off, I reluctantly pulled out of him and headed to the bathroom to dispose of the condom and bring back a warm washcloth for Jasper.

_**JPOV**_

My mind was blown. I was blown out in to outer space, soaring higher than the clouds, up and in to the stars. I truly did see stars, I left my own body, left this world, and we connected in such a way that I was high on my emotions. I was consumed with so much love for him right now I wanted to cry tears of happiness. He had given me the perfect night, the perfect Valentine's Day. I couldn't describe the feelings I was feeling after making love to Edward, they were so powerful, so raw and true, I felt every inch of his love for me. He had opened the floodgates to his love for me and I drowned in it, it consumed every part of me, every nook and cranny of me was filled with his love.

My mind was spent, I couldn't think straight as I gave myself to him in the most intimate of ways, as he claimed me as his. I fell deeper in love with him tonight as he showed me his romantic side, planning our night to be perfect and one to never forget. He had blown me away during our lovemaking. We didn't fuck, we made love, and the wait was well worth it; feeling him in me, making love to me, pouring his feeling in to it, setting the fire that still burned deep within me I felt more alive then I had ever done.

I heard his words, the words I had longed to hear left his lips tonight. I couldn't stop the tears as he spoke to me from the heart, telling me all that I meant to him before finally saying the three words that sent me in to a crazy spin of tears and love. Little Jasper had been busy doing the Tango while I heard these words. They weren't empty words, every letter was filled with his love, and his eyes were filled with it as he spoke them to me. His voice was full of his emotions, throwing as much weight and meaning behind them as he could. I don't think I'd ever heard the three words mean so much from someone before.

He walked back in to our bedroom, a wonderful loving glow radiating off him as he brought a warm washcloth for me to clean up with. I smiled at him and kissed him gently on the lips.

"I love you so much Edward." My voice shook, I couldn't control the emotions that ripped through me, the overpowering feelings that ran through my veins.

"And I love you, with all my heart." He kissed me softly as he took the washcloth from my hands disappearing out of the bedroom.

I pulled the covers back and got in rose petals falling on the floor. I smiled, I had never made love on a bed of rose petals before. It was so sweet and loving from him, he was such a loving soul, how did I get him? I got comfy in bed as I looked around the room, the warm loving glow of the candles making our bedroom our own personal romantic heaven. Edward walked naked back in to the room holding two glasses of wine and a bowl of strawberries. He smiled and passed me one of the glasses before placing his down with the bowl and getting in bed.

"To us." I said holding my glass to his, he clicked his with mine and smiled.

"To us, Angel." He gave me a gentle kiss and took a sip, before placing it back down and lying on his side with the bowl of strawberries between us. I smiled widely at him; he was full of surprises tonight.

"Any more surprises, babe?" I asked him as he fed me a strawberry. He smiled and popped one in his mouth, that's a yes then.

"Well?" I asked again, wanting to know why he was smiling like an idiot at me.

"You know how I've done a lot of thinking about going back to work?" He asked and I nodded. "Well, I go back in four weeks time." He smiled and took a sip of his wine.

"Really? When did you decide this?" I asked him. Wait. I didn't even know what he was doing work wise.

"Yep, really. I decided about a week ago, I toyed around with it, made a few calls and go back in four weeks time." He beamed at me while I thought. Did he mention to me where he was going and I had forgotten? I'll look fucking stupid if I ask him and he has told me.

"Why are you frowning, Jasper?" He asked concerned. Shit, I didn't realise I was frowning.

"I'm trying to remember where you said you were going." I said weakly, you suck as a boyfriend Jasper if you can't even remember this.

"I never told you Angel, but when I say I'm going back, I mean I'm going back. As in to the hospital, back to A&E." He said looking at me full of love and devotion in his eyes.

"Wow, really?" I couldn't believe it. I knew he had thought about it, but he always seemed so closed off to the thought of returning to hospital and was more looking at something else in his field of work.

"Yes, you were right. I do love the hospital, even though it harbours a lot of bad memories for me. I decided to face it and go back to the place I love. Jasper, you helped me make this decision, your words of encouragement pushed me to face it and go back. If it doesn't work out then I'll find something else, but I really want to try. Jasper, I don't want regrets in my life, I've had them for too long." He smiled again. Was there an end to this wonderful man?

"I'm so proud of you, Edward. I know you will do great." I gave him a gentle kiss and took a sip of the wine. Edward rested his head on his head propping himself up on his elbow.

"What about you, Jasper? I know you're not happy at work, why don't you think about doing something different?" He asked lighting up and passing a smoke to me. I took a drag and blew the smoke out.

"We really need to quit these things." I said trying to move off me and on to something else.

"Yeah, I know and we will, but stop avoiding the question." He said, his forest green eyes staring at me, I was getting lost in them. "Jasper." I snapped out of whatever spell I was placed under. His eyes cast spells over me whenever I looked in to them, forbidding me from doing anything else but looking in to them, not that I minded.

I screwed my face up. "Like what? Teaching is what I wanted to do Edward." I whined at him. _God Jasper, you're such a bitch._ Fuck and off brain.

"Well you could teach a different level. Why not aim at high school kids instead of college kids, or you could look at teaching infants." He pushed the hair off my face which had stuck there from our lovemaking.

"Infants? As in little kids." I asked raising an eyebrow at him, I had never thought about that before.

"Jasper, just think if you were teaching infants the chances are you could make it fun for them to learn things. I could see you taking them to the history museum and getting in to it, making silly voice's. You should think about it." He said as he flicked the ash in the ashtray and shoving another strawberry in his mouth, I sighed.

"I don't know, Edward. I mean what if...." He cut me off by placing a finger on my lips.

"Don't you dare say what if I can't. If I can face A&E again you can face a new challenge of teaching infants. I reckon you would love it and find it very rewarding." He had a point, how could I really moan about me not being able to do it after he had just told me he was going back to the hospital? If he could face his fears, face the place he lost James then I could give it a shot.

"I'll look into it." I said truthfully as I yawned stretching out on the bed. I placed my now empty glass on the side and rolled over facing Edward snuggling up to his chest.

"Thank you for tonight, it was perfect." I gave him a kiss and smiled. "I love you."

"You're welcome, glad you enjoyed it. Good night angel. Love you." He wrapped his arms tightly around me as I drifted off to sleep.

I woke up the next morning to an empty bed. I lifted my head up and looked around gathering my bearings. I could hear the shower running as I rolled on to my back wincing slightly as I felt the pain in my ass. Fuck, the pain was well worth it. I laid there for a minute thinking back to last night, his warm loving feeling that covered me like a blanket. I smiled knowing he loved me, smiled knowing we finally had a full relationship.

My smile soon turned devilish as I thought about my plan. I quickly got out of bed grabbing the bottle of lube and a condom from the drawer and darted in to the bathroom. I smiled watching him shower behind the frosted shower screen. I placed the lube and condom on the side where I would be able to reach it and climb in the shower behind him. I kissed his neck making him jump.

"Good morning angel." He murmured as I trailed kisses down his neck. I had learnt that Edward enjoys dominating and being dominated, I wondered how much he would love this.

"Morning." I breathed in to his ear as my hands trailed down his side and across his stomach, before reaching his hardening cock. He moaned and tilted his head back resting on my shoulder as I stroked him off and sucked on his neck.

"Jasper." He breathed breathlessly at me as the water ran down our bodies. I ran a hand down his back still stroking his cock and slid a finger in his ass. He gasped and that wonderful sexy growl came from deep within his chest. I turned the water off and reached for the lube and condom, he went to turn around.

"Don't turn, stay there." I snapped at him hearing his soft moan escape his mouth. I coated my fingers in lube and gently started to prepare him for me, he moaned and bucked his hips against my moving fingers, I smiled as I kissed his neck. I put the condom on coating it generously in lube before spreading his ass and placing myself at his entrance.

I could feel him starting to tremble in anticipation; I pushed my tip in his ass hearing him moan as I pushed deeper in him. I moaned as I felt his ass cheeks touch my pubic hair. I didn't move at first, giving him chance to adapt to me. Edward placed his hands on the shower wall to steady himself as I buried myself deep within. I didn't start off slow, my thrusts started fast and hard, panting hard against the nape of his neck as I continued to thrust harder and deeper in him.

"Fuck, Edward." I breathed in his ear as he moaned under me. "You're mine, you're all fucking mine." I growled in his ear. He let out a low growl that turned me on even more. I was being forceful with him, dominating him as I gripped his hips, pulling them hard to meet my thrust. Edward soon started to stroke himself off, his pumping action meeting my thrusts.

"Jasper.... you..... feel so.... fucking..... good." He grunted out through his heavy panting. I felt him start to tremble as my thrusts became frantic. I was flying fucking high, past the rooftops and in to the clouds. I bit down on his shoulder causing him to scream my name loudly as he shot his load over the wall. His ass spasmed around my cock bringing on my own release, I came hard as I blew off in to outer space.

"Edward!" I screamed his name as the orgasm ripped through my body at a powerful force, draining the life from me. Muscles started to give way as I clasped on to his back breathing hard. I felt drained of all my energy as the waves of pleasure subsided from me. I pulled out of him slowly giving him a gentle loving kiss on lips, his face flushed, his eyes half closed, as he looked at me with a goofy grin on his face. You would have thought he looked high. I guess he was, our lovemaking had made us both high, euphoric even.

I stepped out of the shower and got rid of the condom. Hearing Edward turning the shower back on I stepped back in, pushing myself flush against his body. Wrapping my arms around his waist I kissed him on the neck.

"I love you." It felt wonderful to be able to say it and not have any hurtful feelings coming my way by not hearing it back. Edward turned himself round and faced me placing his hands on my shoulders.

"I love you too, beautiful." He smiled and placed a loving kiss on my lips.

My euphoria continued to soar as we washed each other in the shower. I was so happy I could burst, I swear I was going to at some point. Surely you can't with stand this much happiness and not die from it?

I grabbed us a towel each and got dried off. I headed in to the bedroom to get changed as Edward went to put the kettle on, my euphoric state had got me thinking. Right now I was so in love, so unbelievably happy that I thought I would die if this happiness was taken away from me. That caused a slight pain in my chest. This was love, real love. I had never really been in love before. Yes, I had been in relationships where I thought I was in love but it never felt this strong, to a point where I would die for Edward just so he would live. Then it hit me.

The tears ran down my face, if I felt like this after only a few short months how would I feel a few years from now? I weighed that thought against the one of losing Edward and the pain came from just the sheer thought of it. My heartbeat skipped and my stomach turned. I truly understood why Edward went off the rails after James died. He had felt this wonderful feeling for years and then had it ripped from him, it caused me pain to just think about it. The thought of losing him hurt. How much would it hurt if I actually lost him?

"Jasper? Are you okay?" I heard his voice and lifted my head to see a concerned looking Edward heading my way. He bent down and looked at my tear-soaked face, cupping the side of my face with his hand while his thumb rubbed my cheek.

"Angel? What's the matter? Tell me what's wrong?" I cried harder then. I realised all he went through. Yes, I understood to a degree, but I never truly understood the full reasons behind it. I hadn't been in love before, and falling in love with Edward, feeling his powerful love for me made everything stick together in a perfect picture. No bits missing, no tears in it, I saw the whole thing.

"Jasper!" He all but screamed at me as I continued to just look at him, I could see the panic hitting his face. I fully saw his reasons for holding on to his past, for not wanting to move on, for holding everything close to him. It all made sense to me in a whole new light.

"You." I choked out, his face looked frantic as the word left my mouth. "I understand... all of it." I choked out. He shook his head at me.

"Understand what? Jasper, you're not making sense." The panic was high in his voice as he looked at me.

"I understand..... I see it all, how you felt when you lost James. How did you do it? How did you get through it, Edward? I feel so strongly for you and we have only been together a few months, how did you get through it when you had that feeling for years?" I asked he took a deep breath and sat on the bed next to me holding my hand. "I couldn't handle losing you now, let alone in a few years time. The thought of it now is enough to drive me to kill myself." I said my voice trembling.

"I don't know, Jasper. Please don't think about this, relationships aren't meant for us to think about unthinkable things like that." He said rubbing my hand in his.

"But how did you do it? How did you come out the other side?" I asked, my new thought pattern on it suddenly changed how I thought he got through this. He sighed and rubbed his forehead.

"Jasper please, don't think about this, please." His voice pleaded with me.

"Edward, I've never been in love before, not like this. I understand fully what you went through and....." He cut me off.

"Jasper, love can bring you two things, a euphoric high, where you can't possibly believe this wonderful feeling exists, but it can also bring you pain like you have never imagined in your life. My world was shattered and I had to rebuild it from scratch. I had to learn things and come to term with things I didn't want to, but I found that wonderful feeling again, I fell in love with you." He kissed my hand and smiled, tears in his eyes.

"Does it scare you? You know the thought of losing me?" I asked him turning on the bed to face him bringing my foot underneath my knee.

"Yes. Jasper, I'm petrified of losing you. I've been there, I don't want to go there again, but I can't think about it because if I did I wouldn't move forward with my life. You feel this feeling of love and the thought of losing it scares you. You understand better now than you did before, which is nice in a way, but you can't think about it Jasper because it will rule your life. I'm here and so are you, and that's all that matters." He smiled at me, a beautiful smile that lit his whole face up.

"I'm sorry." I said looking down at the bed. He lifted my chin and looked at me.

"No, don't be sorry for understanding something, and don't ever be sorry for sharing your fears with me. You healed my heart Jasper, your love and compassion healed me. Slowly you gave me the strength I needed to face my fears. Jasper, I got better because I wanted too. I didn't before, I see that now, I understand it. I wanted to get better because I wanted a life with you and for me to have the life I wanted I had to get better. You do these things for love Jasper; it's thee most powerful emotion there is." He gave me a kiss and got off the bed. He stopped at the door and looked at me.

"Think about it Jasper, you'll see how I got through it if you think about what I just said." He walked out of the room. I sat there for a moment, I understood now how he felt and why he went to such measures and he got better because he wanted a life with me, because you do these things for love. Was Edward falling for me before he mentioned it? Or did he know he would fall?

I got off the bed and headed in to the kitchen and looked at him, I saw his strength, for the first time I saw his real strength. My mother had told that anyone who has been in love and felt love would understand his pain better than most. I thought I understood when I loved him, but now he loves me back I saw what my mum had said. He knew he would love me, or he hoped he would. He took the gamble on me and fell in love. My heart soared as I looked at him, he found the strength to get better for me. All the times I doubted our future, or I doubted how he felt about me, he had been fighting to get better for me, not for him but for us.

"You did it for us?" I asked him. He turned around and looked at me and nodded his head at me.

"Yes, Jasper. Now please stop over-thinking things and letting your mind wander. We have the whole weekend together and I want us to have some fun." He said placing a kiss on my lips. I smiled as I watched him walk in to the living room.

"What kind of fun are you thinking?" I asked him with a slight smirk on my face.

"Oh, I don't know, I'm sure we can think of something fun to do." He wiggled his eyebrows at me and flashed a devilish smile at me. I was turned on in seconds.

* * *

**_So how was that? Did i disappoint? Or give you all what you wanted?_**

**_Personally i thought it was fucking hot, and i wanted to make love on rose petals lol._**

**_I really did spend all day yesterday at work, cutting hair running this chapter through my mind, playing it all out, i hope i pulled it off, its been a long build to this point._**

**_So my lovelys hit the review button and show me some love :)_**


	26. Chapter 26

_**AN/ Wow over 400 reviews!! I cant believe it thank you so much for your wonderful reviews.**_

**_Im so glad you guys liked the last chapter, we are, as sad as it is coming to the end of the story :( There are a only a few more chapters left before it's done. I cant believe it's almost over!_**

**_Here's chapter 26_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**EPOV**_

I stood at the airport waiting for the flight to come in, my parents were flying in for the weekend before I went back to work. This was the first time I had seen them since Christmas and while I couldn't wait to see them it also set alarm bells off that after this weekend I was going back to work. The thought filled me with dread, dread that I wouldn't be able to get through the day, dread that I wouldn't be able to do my job, and dread that I would be hit with countless reminders of that night.

Even though I was filled with dread I also couldn't wait to get back. I had grown up being surrounded by the medical world, my father had become one of the most respected surgeons across the land, and there was never a shortage of him being offered transfers to different hospitals. My extended leave was given because of who my father was, and I had spent my medical training hearing words like 'Cullen? Are you Dr. Cullen's son?' You could say I had a lot to live up to. His work colleagues had thought I would shadow his footsteps and follow his same work career, and while it did interest me and I had every intention of becoming a surgeon, it all changed when I went to med school. I was glad that I had fallen in love with a different area. I didn't have my reputation to maintain so much there, it wasn't his area, being in the theatre would have been.

Jasper stood by my side holding my hand as we watched the flight board, looking to see when it had landed. He had started to look in to moving his job, looking at teaching infants instead and had been busy trailing through the local schools looking for something perfect. I had used for more four weeks wisely. I had started to wear T-shirts out of the apartment, therefore putting my scars on display. I was going to be spending my time in scrubs and my wrist's wouldn't be covered, I had to get used to it before I went back.

It was hard at first and I found myself with my hands either in my pockets all the time or under my arms, but I slowly stopped doing it, and after a while I forgot about them being there. I would every now and then catch someone looking at them, but they soon turned their head away when they realised they had been caught. The first time it happened I had a meltdown, saying I wouldn't be able to let this go, but now it doesn't bother me and the more I tried to hide them the worse it looked.

"There flight has just landed babe." Jasper broke me from my thoughts, and was pulling my arm towards arrivals.

I was nervous about this as was Jasper, our parents wanted to meet, both of them had said on different times that it would be nice to all meet up together. So here we were, the weekend before my return to work and his and my parents were meeting. Lovely. This was unknown waters to me. My parents had only met James' parents once before the funeral and that turned in to a shouting match. As for Jasper while this was a first for him as well, I didn't think they wouldn't get on, I knew they would. I could already see my mother and his becoming fast friends, I could see our fathers getting along nicely. It's just... that..... well it seems so..... serious?

I mean it wasn't like we weren't serious, because we were. We lived together.... okay I moved in before anything ever happened between us, but we now shared the same bed. I loved him, I was stupidly in love with him. There wasn't a thing I didn't love about Jasper, even when we fought I still loved the things he would do. Like the way he would stand there and pull both sides of his hair while shouting at me, or the look on his face when he huffed and placed his hands on his hips. On more than one occasion our arguments had ended up in torn clothes from attacking each other. But this, the whole meeting of parents it was like...... I don't know... something you did when you're going to take that next step.

We stopped outside the arrivals waiting to see them. I gave Jasper a gentle kiss whilst snaking my arm around his waist pulling his body flush with mine.

"You look so sexy right now." I whispered in his ear, Jasper blushed and pushed me gently.

"Edward not here." His voice came out slightly higher than normal. I ran my nose across his neck and up to his earlobe before biting it gently.

"And why not?" I heard his breathing hitch in his throat and I chuckled.

"Your parents are about to walk through that door any second now and we are in an airport." He breathed breathlessly at me. I personally didn't care. There were other places we went, and I wasn't suggesting fucking Jasper in front of everyone. I'm not that sick, but I was feeling rather horny. I groaned and pulled away noticing my parents coming through arrivals.

"Edward." My mother called as I walked towards her giving her a hug.

"Hey mum." I pulled away and looked at my mother. I didn't think I'd seen her this happy, her tears threatening to spill over her lids any second.

"Jasper." My mother hugged Jasper so tightly, like she was hugging her son. My mother had never made it a secret what she thought of Jasper. For what he had done for me, to her he saved her son, and for that she would forever be grateful to him.

"Hi Esme, did you and Carlisle have a good flight?" Jasper asked as he shook my father's hand.

"Long and boring." My father answered. My mother kept her arm around Jasper as we walked through the airport, I chatted with my father about nothing important. We reached the car and loaded the bags in.

"Short-sleeves Edward? Well done." My father said as I got in the car, I smiled softly at him.

"I let go Dad, and besides with me starting back at work I needed to get used to it." I ran a hand through my hair and looked at Jasper next to me, I smiled lovingly at him and started the engine.

The drive back to the apartment was short; the parents weren't meeting up until tomorrow giving mine enough time to settle themselves before meeting them. We had once again moved things around to accommodate their visit. Now my old room looked like a gym/bedroom, Jasper hadn't been keen on this idea.

_Flashback_

"_You take our room and I'll sleep on the sofa." Jasper said as we moved things around in the spare room, I shook my head at him._

"_Jasper don't be stupid. They're not stupid, they know we are together and they know that we sleep together." I watched as Jasper face turned red, I laughed._

"_What? You didn't think they just thought we went as far as kissing and cuddling, did you? They will find it odd babe if you sleep on the sofa. But if it makes you feel any better I won't attack you the whole time they're here, okay?" I flashed him a smile and he sighed shaking his head. Even though Jasper could be dominating at times and was not a prude put parents in to the mix and he turned in to one._

I looked at him and smiled, he had once again reminded me this morning of my promise. Yeah like I was going to stick to it. My sex drive was still sky high after coming off the anti-depressants so he was out of luck on me keeping my promise. Besides I knew he wouldn't complain once I had him pinned down underneath me.

We arrived back at the apartment late evening, and we ordered take out. Jasper had been like a girl before they arrived, the spotless apartment was without doubt shining. He wanted to make dinner saying it would look bad if we ordered take out. He wasn't having it any other way, despite the fact that they weren't arriving until late in the evening and would be tired from their flight and would be happy with something quick to eat and bed. Jasper had still pressed the matter of cooking dinner. Yeah I won that round.

"Esme, Carlisle, would you both like a drink? A glass of wine or a bottle of beer maybe?" I smiled as I watched Jasper pussyfoot around my parents. God Jasper, they're my parents, not royalty.

"A beer would be great son." My father answered looking at my mother.

"I'll have a glass of wine Jasper, if that's okay." My mother answered. Jasper grinned like an idiot and made his way in to the kitchen. I followed him, watching him pour a glass of wine his back to me I couldn't help but wrap my arms around his waist and press my hard cock in to his ass. Jasper gasped softly as I kissed his neck.

"Hey angel, you okay?" I whispered in his ear, he nodded his head as I kissed down his throat. Fuck, it was taking so much not to fuck him right now against the worktop.

"Yeah, I just wish we had cooked, that's all." I rolled my eyes at him and pulled away.

"I really don't think they care whether we cooked or not tonight, they seem happy enough." I grabbed the glass of wine and walked in to the living room. I handed it to my mother and sat down.

Food arrived shortly after, and we fell in to easy talking. My father talked about me starting work again, it wasn't hard to notice how proud my father had become over me going back to work in the hospital. My mother was just as bad. She kept looking at Jasper and beaming, you could almost see the rays of light coming from her eyes and mouth every time she smiled at him.

"So Jasper, Edward mentioned you're on about going to work with Infants, have you looked in to that anymore?" My mother asked beaming once more at Jasper.

"Um yeah, I've seen a few schools I wouldn't mind going to, but at the moment we're in the middle of the school year, so most jobs won't be up until the year ends." I gently rubbed the small of Jasper's back while he spoke to my parents about what he was looking at doing, work wise.

"I'm sure you'll find something Jasper that you will be happy doing. I think we should get some sleep, it's been a long day and a long flight. I'm so looking forward to meeting your parents tomorrow Jasper." My mother continued and I watched as Jasper cringed slightly. Yeah, we were really looking forward to the whole parents meeting thing.

We said goodnight to my parents and took away the empty cups that were left. I turned everything off and watched as Jasper wandered into the bedroom, and I smiled devilishly at the thoughts running through my mind. I walked in after Jasper closing and locking the door behind me. I licked my lips as I saw Jasper already down to his boxers, well that will save time.

I walked over to him and wrapped my arms around his waist pulling him to me as I kissed him hard. My hands kneaded his ass as he moaned in to the kiss parting his lips. My tongue darted in as I started to move us towards the bed, the kiss was passion filled with lust and need. I needed him badly, and I had been thinking of this all day and had managed to work myself up in to a frenzy. I pushed Jasper on the bed and pulled my tee off. I was back on Jasper within seconds attacking his mouth while my own my hands roamed down the sides of his body and towards his boxers. I pulled them down smiling devilish at panting Jasper.

"Edward, we can't." He said as I removed my jeans. Like hell we fucking can't.

My hand went in to the drawer pulling out the lube and a condom. Smirking I crawled my way towards him, lube already on my fingers.

"Get on all fours Jasper." I growled out to him. He shook his head at me.

"We can't, your mum and dad are down the hall." He whispered looking at the door, if I wasn't so horny I would have found it funny.

"So?" I said as I kissed him down his chest before biting his nipple gently. Jasper gasped as my finger went in his ass.

"They.... might.... hee... hear us." He breathed out as I pushed my finger in and out before adding a second one.

"And?" I looked up at him before placing kisses down his rock hard cock while pumping my fingers in and out of him.

"Edward...." He breathed out. I smiled, he was going to lose this battle.

"I know you want to, your cock has given you away. All fucking fours now, I won't ask again." I snapped at him.

"Edward stop.... please..." I bypassed his pleas with me. We had rules, he knew them and we stuck by them. I continued to lick and kiss his cock driving him slowly crazy.

"Shut up Jasper." I breathed as I took his cock in my mouth. He moaned as I slid my lips down his throbbing cock sucking hard before coming back up to the top and rolling my tongue over his tip, gently tonguing his slit. Jasper's hands went in my hair fisting it tightly as I picked my pace up. Jasper soon started thrusting his hips upwards causing his cock to hit the back of my throat. I grazed my teeth over his wonderful thick cock as I came back up, releasing him from my mouth.

"All fucking fours, Jasper." I snapped at him. He smiled widely at me and moved on to all fours faster than I had ever seen him move. I couldn't help but smile as I rolled the condom on to my cock and coated it with lube. I placed my head at his entrance pushing slowly in, my head rolled back as I felt the sensation of being in Jasper.

"Jasper.... I've .... wanted you.... all... fucking day." I groan out as I push myself deeper in him, picking up my pace as I thrust harder and faster into him. Jasper moaned underneath me trying to keep his noise down from my sleeping parents. I held his hips driving them back to meet my thrusts.

"Fuck... Edward." Jasper pants out as I continued to slam in to him, hitting spots deep within him. My thrusts became frantic as I felt myself getting closer to release. Jasper's hand reached down to his rock hard cock and started to pump.

"Cum for me, Jasper." I whisper to him as his strokes match my thrusts. Jasper stiffens before crying out as he shoots his load over the cover underneath us. His ass clenched around me bringing my own release on, with a couple of frantic thrusts I explode. Breathing heavily I kissed Jasper on his back before pulling out of him. I disposed of the condom in the bin and handed Jasper the wet wipes. I smiled at him, a real 'one to me' grin, and he rolled his eyes at me.

"Real smug, Edward." He said as he cleaned up and got in to bed. "Do you think they heard?" He asked as we lay facing each other.

"I don't know." I gave him a kiss and curled in to his arms. "Goodnight, Jasper." I felt his arms wrap around me, I felt safe and contented in his arms. It was a place I had spent so many times walking through darkness trying to get to the light, trying to get to my angel.

"Night, babe." He kissed me gently on the top of my head, I was out within seconds.

_**JPOV**_

I had been awake for ages looking at Edward's sleeping form. He looked so peaceful, his face so relaxed, so beautiful. He looked like he didn't have a care in the world, while I was a nervous wreck over today. Why couldn't he be awake and worrying about it? Why was it me that was like this?

"Edward." I nudged him, he moved slightly but didn't wake up. I flicked his nose causing him to snap his eyes open rubbing it.

"What was that for?" He groaned his voice full of sleep, I smiled at him.

"You wouldn't wake up." I said giving him a gentle kiss on the lips. I got out of bed as he flopped on to his front. This was different, it was normally me who couldn't get up, not Edward.

"Jasper, come back to bed. It's way too early." He groaned, but I was already gathering my clothes. I could hear his parents in the living room chatting. Oh fuck ,what if they heard us?

"Babe please, get up with me. I don't want to go out there on my own." I whined causing Edward to chuckle.

"Why are you afraid the monsters might get you?" He chuckled out.

"Very funny, your parents are up." I sat on the edge of the bed as Edward just shrugged. "What if they heard us last night?" He chuckled again and lifted his head to look at me.

"So what? Jasper they're not about to bring it up over morning coffee or dinner." He sat up and ran his fingers through his hair. I pouted at him puppy dog eyes and all, he sighed. "Fine" He got up and pulled on a pair of sweatpants, he gave me a kiss and opened the bedroom door.

"Love you, angel." He flashed a smile and disappeared in the bathroom. I could hear him trying not to laugh as he dashed there. Bastard!

I walked in to the kitchen and flicked the kettle on. I took a few deep breathes and walked into the living room seeing Edwards parents watching the local news channel.

"Morning." I said trying to sound happy and not at all embarrassed by this.

"Ah, good morning Jasper, did you sleep well last night?" His father asked with a slight smile in his voice. I turned red, shit they had heard.

"Carlisle leave him alone, sorry Jasper." Esme said smiling warming at me. Yeah they had fucking heard. I was so going to have words with Edward later.

"Um... it's okay." I said turning redder by the second. Carlisle grinned at me knowingly.

"Jasper, don't be embarrassed. We're well aware of what goes on between you two, but you are being safe aren't you? Using plenty of lubrication and....." He trailed off. Carlisle grinned at me fighting back a laugh. Oh fucking hell, I was having a sex talk by my boyfriend's dad. Could this get any worse?

I got up and headed in to the kitchen as the kettle boiled. Edward appeared a few moments later, showered and changed, his hair still damp. Fuck he looked good right now. He flashed me a breathtaking smile and I became hard. I wanted to grab his hand, turn him around and lead him right back....... Wait. I was getting distracted. I shot him a dirty look causing him to chuckle.

"What's the matter, angel?" He asked smiling at me like he didn't know. I watched as he got a cup out and poured himself a cup of coffee.

"You bastard." I whispered to him not wanting his parents to hear, they had heard enough. "I've just had the safe sex talk with your dad." I was not a happy boy right now, Edward laughed. "It's not funny." I spat at him.

"Jasper relax, he's just playing with you, that's all. They heard and he's trying to make you not feel embarrassed by talking about it." Oh yeah, because having the sex talk wasn't embarrassing at all.

"You knew, didn't you?" I said pushing my finger in to his shoulder making him laugh even more. "You did, didn't you?" I continued, he carried on laughing but nodded his head. "That's it Edward, you're on a sex ban." I picked up my mug and smiled smugly at him. He raised an eyebrow at me and moved towards me wrapping his arms around my waist and kissing up my neck turning me in to a pool of goo on the floor.

"We'll see about that." He whispered as he sucked on a sensitive spot at the base of my neck. A small moan escaped my lips no matter how hard to tried to keep it in. I felt him smile against my neck before giving me a kiss and walking off.

The drive to my parent's house was easy. We chatted about pointless things, I couldn't help but think back to when I first met his parents and how different things were then. It seemed like a lifetime ago, not just a few months ago, and how had things changed. It didn't seem possible that back at Christmas Edward was still so badly broken. Looking at him now his eyes were alive, his face was happy, his whole posture had changed. No longer did I see him curl in to the human ball trying to compact his size in to the smallest space possible, not making eye contact. That man was long gone.

We pulled up outside my parent's house, I got out of the truck and made my way around the back of the house Edward following with his mum and dad. The back door was open, it was starting to warm up slightly for April, summer was on its way.

"Hey mum, dad." I said walking in and seeing them both sitting at the breakfast bar chatting. Edward was right behind me now, he was stupidly close to me. I could feel him press slightly in to the back of me, his breath on the back of my neck. I had to fight back the shiver that threatened to run through me.

"Hey Betty, George, I would like you to meet my mother Esme and my father Carlisle." He smiled at them as our parents shook hands.

"It's wonderful to meet you both, we've heard a lot about you from Edward." Carlisle said as he sat down.

"All good I hope." My dad said smiling at me.

The day passed with ease. As our parents sat and spoke to one another they got on like a house on fire, and it couldn't have gone better. I listened as they exchanged stories of both me and Edward growing up laughing as they started pulling out baby photos.

"Mum, you don't carry that around with you?" Edward asked mortified as his mother pulled out her purse that had about ten baby pictures.

"It's just a few I carry around with me. All mothers do it Edward." He looked like he could die of embarrassment, I couldn't help but chuckle.

The day was drawing to the end as I stepped outside for a smoke. Edward had already given up, but me? Well I was trying to and I had cut down a hell of a lot, I just wasn't fully there yet. I enjoyed it too much.

"Jasper." I turned around to see Esme standing there, she smiled warmly at me as she walked towards me.

"Hey, you alright?" I asked her as she stopped in front of me.

"Yes, I'm fine Jasper. I just wanted to talk to you, that's all. I know I've said this a few times but I can't express what you have done. You have given me my son back, he's no longer the shell he once was, he's alive again, he's living and that's you Jasper. I can't believe you got together. I saw the love you held for my son at Christmas, but I never thought I would see that same love, that same passion and desire coming from him. Carlisle and I are so pleased to have you in our family, our family Jasper we look at you as our own." She smiled and squeezed my arm, my eyes filled with tears.

"Come on, I'm sure Edward will be wondering where we are." I wiped my eyes and noticed that Esme had tears in her eyes. The road hadn't just ended for Edward but for them as well.

I walked in to the house to see him, my love standing there smiling with open arms waiting for me.

* * *

**_This was more of a filling chapter then anything else. I covered some good points and we got a bit more lovin as well. _**

**_Next Chapter is Edward starting back at work!_**

**_So my lovelys hit the review button and send me some love :)_**


	27. Chapter 27

_**AN/ A massive thank you for all who have reviewed my story as well added to on alert and to favourites, thank you. It means so much to read your reviews knowing how much your enjoying this story. I know a lot of you are sad that we are now entering the last chapter's, I am too. I love this story so much and as much as i dont want it to end it has to at some point. But dont worry i promise you that i will answer all your question's in the last few chapter's and end it right.**_

**_Here's 27_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**JPOV**_

"Please Angel." Edward pleaded to me in a soft almost childlike voice as he ran his fingers up my thigh. I wanted to groan as I felt his fingers reach closer to my cock. I knew I couldn't if I groaned then he would have won and I was standing my ground on this one, so I pushed his hand away.

"No, I told you sex ban." We were now driving back from the airport after dropping his parents off, they had been here for the last four days and for the last three of them Edward had been placed on a ban.

"But I want to fuck you senseless when we get back. I want you screaming my name from the top of your lungs." He whispered in my ear as he started to kiss down my neck sucking gently on my soft spot just below my ear. I shivered and felt him smile against my skin.

"You didn't have the sex talk with your dad, did you? And for that you're banned." I pushed him away again as he pouted at me, throwing me a puppy dog look that was making me melt by the second. He licked his lips and lent forward again.

"You know you want my lips around your cock, my tongue swirling around your tip, tonguing your slit gently." He murmured in my ear, I shivered again as I felt my jeans get tighter around my cock.

We stopped at the red light and I ran my hand down his chest. Ghosting it over his pants I heard him take a sharp intake of breath. I rubbed my hand over it a little bit harder and he moaned.

"Jasper just pull over, please. I need you." He breathed at me as I continued to rub him through his jeans. I smiled and pulled my hand away as the light turned green.

"No." I snapped back at him, I was going to make him suffer for this one. He had failed a few times over the last three days to wear me down, and I have to admit I was getting close to cracking.

"Jasper, please." He pleaded again with me. I shook my head at him and continued to drive home. I saw out of the corner of my eyes Edward huff back with his arms folded across his chest, I knew he was already thinking of a different plan so we could fuck.

I pulled up outside our apartment and got out. Giving a gentle sway of my hips I heard Edward groan softly as he walked behind me. I looked behind my shoulder and flashed him a smile as I waited for the lift to open up. He snaked an arm around my waist pulling me closer to him, I soon pulled out of his embrace.

"Jasper.... It's been three days. How long are you going to keep this up for?" He asked me. I smirked at him pissing him off even more. _Bear, cage and stick. Jasper be careful._

"It's not my fault you're horny all the time recently." He shot me a dirty look and huffed. I knew I was pushing Edward, horny Edward also meant moody Edward if he couldn't' get his way.

"He was joking, you can't take this out on me. It's not right, it's against my human rights." I laughed at him unable to stop myself. As I looked at him he was serious as hell.

"Human rights? Edward, I don't think they have laws against you not getting laid." I kept my tone light and playful with him. In the last three days Edward had suggested a handful of positions to get me to crack. None had worked.

"It's abuse." He mumbled at me making me laugh even more, he was clearly sulking now.

"No Edward, you not getting laid is not abuse. You can go a few days without it, it won't hurt." I said as the doors opened on to our level.

"It's been three days already, that's one more than a few." He snapped back. I was going to have some fun with him.

I opened the door and dragged Edward towards our bedroom. I looked at him to see his face, he was beaming at me clearly thinking he had finally broken me. I smiled back devilishly at him, he bit his lip and groaned. You're not even close I thought to myself as I opened the bedroom door and pushed Edward on the bed. I climbed on top of him straddling his waist and attacked his mouth in passion filled kiss. I ground my hard cock against his causing him to moan loudly. I smiled against his lips as I slowly slid down him my hands trailing over his muscles before reaching his jeans. I popped the button and pulled down the zip, he lifted his ass off the bed as I pulled his jeans and boxers down.

He was writhing underneath me anticipating my next move. His cock sprang free standing up very proud, and looking painfully erect. I kissed the tip gently causing Edward to moan before I took his full length down my throat making him gasp. His fingers went in to my hair fisting it tightly as I sucked him harder and faster.

"Urg....Jasper." He breathed out at me as I continued to suck him off faster and harder, sucking in my cheeks and letting my tongue cup his length. "Jasper..... fuck...... so...... good." He panted out as I played with his balls with my hand. Edward started thrusting his hips upwards hitting the back of my throat, I moaned around him causing the vibrations to send him in to overdrive. Edward was moaning and cursing as I continued to push him closer to the edge.

I let my other hand trail up his stomach and towards his chest where I pinched his nipple. Edward cried out lifting his shoulders off the bed for a second and I felt him start to tremble. I knew he was almost there and I let go. Pulling my mouth off his cock I got off smirking to him.

"Jasper... what.... the..... fuck .... are … you... doing?" He panted out at me, his face flushed and a thin layer of sweat covered his face and body. I smiled widely at him.

"You're on a ban, remember?" Edward pulled himself up resting on his elbows, he looked far from amused.

"You can't take me that far and stop, that's not fair." I smiled at him and took my shirt off. Unbuttoning it slowly I kept my eyes locked on his as I let it fall off my shoulders and on to the floor. I smirked and licked my lips as I started to undo my jeans. I watched Edward as his eyes filled with lust. I didn't pull them down right away, I ran my hands over my chest slowly pinching my nipples. Edward groaned as my hands hooked the waist of my jeans pulling them slowly down.

"Jasper please... I need to feel you." Edward pleaded out in a whisper. I walked over to the nightstand and opened the drawer pulling out a condom and the bottle of lube. I climbed on top of Edward and kissed him slowly but passionately, pouring my love in to the kiss.

I pulled back slightly to look at him, his face glowing and full of love. I wanted to cry right now, not because I was sad but because of the love I felt for him and that I felt off him for me. How did I ever manage to get him? I covered my fingers in lube gently pushing one at time in to Edward, he moaned and withered under me. I kissed his neck gently nibbling here and there until he was ready. I removed my fingers and rolled the condom on my hard cock. Covering it in lube I placed myself at his entrance slowly pushing in to him. He gasped as I filled him burying deep within, his legs locked around my waist pushing his heels in to my ass.

We both moaned as I slowly started to thrust in to him keeping my eyes locked on his. I kept my thrusts slow and deep slowly climbing us both to our euphoric high. He was my drug as I was his, craving each other constantly. I realised just how mean I had been to place this ban for the last three days. I missed him, missed the feeling of being deep within him, claiming him and his body as mine. Connecting us to a higher place our room filled with love as we panted and moaned each other's name. Fucking was good, but you could never get a better feeling than making love, the emotions running through as you connect with your partner, your lover, becoming one as you carry the most wonderful act out. Love is such a powerful thing compelling me in to outer space, filling my chest with so much love I found it hard to breathe.

His lips were slightly parted as I thrust deeply in to him. I lent further forward to capture his lips with mine. I pulled back as my thrusts picked up their pace, filling the fire burning deep within me. I knew he could feel it too as his moans became louder.

"I love you." I whispered to him as I watched him start to stroke his hard cock. His stroke's matched my own thrusts as I climbed higher to my orgasmic high. I felt Edward start to tremble underneath me knowing he was moments away, my thrusts became frantic.

"Jasper!" He cried out as he came hard covering his stomach and chest in his hot cum. His body continued to shake as he rode out his orgasm, his ass spasmed around me bringing me to my own release. I threw my head back and cried out as my body was taken over by my orgasm. I panted hard as I collapsed on his chest gripping his shoulders tightly. His arms wrapped around me holding me close to him as he kissed my head. I rested my face in the crook of his neck panting, trying to catch my breath.

I pulled out of him whimpering slightly at the loss of contact, I disposed of the condom ad handed Edward the wet wipes. It saved having to make the trip down the hall all the time, and with Edward having a high sex drive it was a pain in the ass. We were however going through lube and condom's like they were going out of fashion, they just didn't sell them with enough in them.

"What are you thinking about, Angel?" Edward asked me while rolling on to his side, running his fingers down my arm. I sat down and looked at him pulling a foot under my knee.

"Condoms." I told him truthfully, he looked confused for a second then chuckled.

"Only you Jasper can make love then think about condoms afterwards. What are you actually thinking when you say condoms?" He asked as he continued to run his fingers down my arm.

"They don't have enough in the packet, we go through them like there is no tomorrow. Can we buy them in bulk?" I asked him, because I was sure he would know. He shrugged at me.

"I have no idea Jasper, write to Durex and see if you can buy in bulk from them." He chuckled out. "I'm hungry, what are we having for dinner?" I shrugged. I hadn't really given dinner much thought.

We soon settled on take-out and a DVD, curling up together on the sofa,. Edward was distracted most of the night, no doubt his mind filling with tomorrow. His first day back at work, he was nervous but excited at the same time. I knew his thoughts kept drifting back to that night. Every now and then he would squeeze me a little tighter and kiss the top of my head as he lay with my back on his chest tracing patterns on his arms.

"You worried about tomorrow?" I asked him as the film came to an end.

"A little. Sorry, my mind has been elsewhere tonight." He kissed my head again. I understood, I knew this was going to be hard for him. I wondered what he would be like when he returned home tomorrow after spending his first day back.

"It's okay, babe. I don't blame you for thinking about things tonight, it's your first day tomorrow, and I just wish I could be with you." I felt his lips smile on the top of my head, I still loved this. It was one of the first things we did, cuddling up together, covering each other in sensual touches. Edward could be cocky, a tease and naughty, but he was still so loving, wanting to always be touching me, having me close to him.

"Me too, shall we go to bed? I'm a little sleepy." He yawned and stretched out moving me slightly off his chest so he could sit up better.

"Of course." I got up and held out my hand. I could already see the nerves hitting his eyes, a battle of emotions going on inside of him.

We got in to bed and Edward was in my arms within minutes wrapping himself tightly around me. Even though he was better he would still every now and then crave these sort of cuddles from me. I could feel his breath hitting my chest covering me in wonderful warmth of knowing my man was right here with me, covering me in the same love I was covering him in. He lifted his head and gave me a kiss.

"I love you, angel." He whispered as he laid his head back down on my chest.

"Love you too, babe." I held him tighter listening as his breathing evened out and became deeper, letting me know he was asleep. I prayed to god, and all above that tomorrow will go alright for him and nothing will happen on his first day.

_**EPOV**_

The alarm sounded but I was already awake, and up I had been for a while now while Jasper slept. I lay next to him for a while but soon his snoring got on my nerves so I got up and sat in the living room waiting for the time to pass by. It'd been two years since I last worked there, two longer years since I last dealt with the people that walked through those sliding doors. The hospital was thrilled to get me back and at the time so was I, but now that the day was here I was full of dread.

There were people who still worked there who knew me when I was last there, people who were on shift the night James died. I now had to face them, face their face as they look at you full of sorrow for what had happened. I didn't want that, I didn't need people to pussyfoot round me. After dealing with everything and moving on with my life and finally letting him go, it's the last thing I wanted. Today was in fact the day I fully let him go. Over the weeks and months I have slowly let him go bit by bit until I was left holding one thing. My work. It was the last place, the place I had seen him alive, the place I saw him die and while I may have moved forward in my life and while I loved Jasper to death there was still that thought of everything changed right there, in that place.

Facing this will be my biggest challenge, it's something I had to do on my own, no one else could do it for me. I'd already gone halfway by saying I'd go back and setting up my start date. According to Tanya this was half the battle. Really? Is it? Because saying I'd go back and sorting out my return date was fucking easy compared to what I was feeling now.

I was finally closing the door that I had been pushing for the last few months while getting back on track and healing, but when I walked through those doors today I was going to be hit with the memories. As I said before I'd dealt with them, but it doesn't mean I want them thrown in my face all the time.

I heard Jasper call out. "I'm in here, Angel." I made my way in to the kitchen and flicked the kettle on. I smiled as a sleepy looking Jasper with hair all over the place walked in wrapping his arms around my waist and gave me a gentle kiss. What I wouldn't give to have him by my side today as I go in there.

"How are you feeling babe?" He asked as he pulled away from me, I missed his warmth right away wanting to pull him back to me.

"Okay, I guess. I woke up early, I'm a little nervous and dreading it slightly but other than that I'm alright." I half smile at him as he wanders around the kitchen.

"You know I'll be with you every step of the way, close your eyes babe and I'll be right there with you." I smiled at him feeling the tears wanting to come up. I knew I would do this, but I didn't realise how bad it would be.

"Thank you, I wish you were there with me." He walked to me and placed his thumbs under my eyes as they filled with water wiping them before the tears have a chance to fall.

"You can do this, and you will be fine. If you need me call me, whenever, it doesn't matter. I'll answer the call no matter what, okay?" He smiled and gave me a gentle kiss before heading off in to the bathroom to shower.

I wandered in to the bedroom to get changed. My shift was due to start in an hour and it would take me about half an hour to get there. Please god let today be alright, please. I prayed slightly hoping that my pleas got heard.

In what seems like no time at all I have to leave, I was battling to keep myself calm as my heart beat wildly in my chest. Standing near the front door I looked at it and for the first time in weeks I didn't want to go out. Jasper's hand touched my shoulder

"I'm with you, babe, every step of the way. You're not alone, I'm here, and I'll be waiting here tonight." He whispered in my ear as I turned to give him a hug and kiss before I left.

"Love you. Promise me you'll be here when I get back." I asked him feeling weak for being so dependent on him all the time.

"Of course, I love you too." I gave him one last kiss before I left the apartment and head towards the lifts.

It's strange because in a lot of ways it feels like my first time. I felt similar to this the very first time I started working in the hospital while at med school. Although this time round there was something else lurking around me. It felt like fear, only darker. Failure, maybe? I didn't know. I couldn't make sense of what I was feeling right now.

Getting in my car I switch on the engine and take a few deep breaths before setting off towards the hospital. I was going to be shadowed today and for the next three weeks. Great. Nothing says I can't do this without help worse than being shadowed. I knew why they were doing it, it was routine. Most of the women who have long leaves had this. It's not meant to make you feel like you don't know; it's meant to help you considering you have spent so long out of the groove. But you don't forget, it's embedded in to you. It's like riding a bike, you never forget.

All too soon I was outside the hospital, the place I had avoided like death for the last two years, swearing blind I would never go back and yet here I was sitting there waiting for my shift to start. I glanced at the clock, ten minutes to go. I took another deep breath and stepped outside. The air was fresh, a little chilly still, but its warming up now. Seeing the main doors I stopped outside of them.

I closed my eyes and tried to picture Jasper's face, tried to feel his blanket of warm love he coats me in when I was down. I could hear the sounds of the hospital, people walking across squeaky floors, talking, people moaning, and the smell of death. You can feel it hanging in the air, lurking around the corners. Why did most people get scared of death? In my opinion, it's not blood or needles or hospital food, or even pain. It's the feeling of death these place's carry. Anyone who was connected spiritually would always feel out of sorts here, and would claim that spirits are roaming the corridors.

I opened my eyes and looked at the doors once more. _I can do this, I can do this._ I chanted to myself as I slowly walked in and headed towards the staff area. I looked around and tried to lose the feeling of suffocation that was threatening to wrap itself around me. I wouldn't be beaten by this. I'd faced everything else, I could face this.

As I walked through the hospital I saw face's of people I know who give me welcome smiles and faces of people I don't know. A lot changes in two years. I reached the door, it's opened slightly and I could hear a woman's voice.

"....I don't know how he will cope today. I heard he lost his partner right here, involved in a car crash of some sort the night he was working." The gossip was going around again. I didn't move, I waited to see what else was being said.

"I have a friend who works in another hospital, she said he has been admitted a few times with attempts to kill himself, even balding his wrists. She says it was October time the last time he was in there for trying to top himself." Another woman said. Great. They know my history.

"You shouldn't listen to gossip. I know Edward, I was working with him that night, and I can tell you right now none of you lot would have handle it any better. He wouldn't be here if he thought he couldn't handle it." I smiled at the voice I know all too well, Jane. I pushed the door open and walked in. I felt all eyes on me, the two women that were talking about me turned red. Jane smiled and gave me a hug.

"Welcome back Edward, it's not been the same without you." She whispered in my ear.

"Thanks, so the gossip about me is flying around then?" Jane nods slightly as I looked at the two women. "Want to see them?" I ask them, their heads shot up and looked at me.

"See what?" One asks, I smiled and removed my coat turning my wrist's over.

"There's your gossip ladies." I was surprised by how well I was handling this. Jane smiled at me as the women look embarrassed

"Sorry... we... I.... just..... The..,." One of the women trailed off looking at the floor.

"Are true, he died in a car crash. I was working that night, he died on my table, and yes I have been admitted more than once, happy now?" I raised an eyebrow at them as they muttered something and left the room. I took a deep breath and looked at Jane.

"They love to gossip, it will be someone else next week, you know what it's like. So Edward how have you been?" She sat down as I opened my locker. I had it cleared out a while back, as it had pictures of James in it.

"I'm okay, better now through." I walked over and got the bottle of water out.

"You look happy Edward, that's good. Is there another man?" She asked smiling at me, I smiled back at her. "Who? Tell me all about him. By the way I'm shadowing you; I thought you might like it that way." I had missed this woman, apain in the ass sometimes but loyal no matter what.

"Thanks, I did wonder who it would be. His name is Jasper." Saying his name made me feel warm inside, I couldn't wait to see him already and I'd been gone for not even an hour yet. "My angel. He helped me out a lot, helped me through things, and pulled me through when I couldn't move, we fell in love." I beamed at her, this was the first time outside of Tanya and my family I had spoken about my relationship with Jasper. It gave me such a beautiful feeling of happiness.

"I'm glad Edward, your beaming at just his name, it must be love. Come on, let's put an end to the gossip." She smiled and held the door open for me as I walked back out and in to A&E.

The morning passed with ease, the gossip was still going around and I got asked a few times if I was the same Dr. Cullen who lost his partner here the night he was working. I grew bored of answering there questions after a while and chose to just show them my scars, it answered all their questions in one and they soon left looking a little embarrassed. Break soon rolled round and I left the hospital to call Jasper, he had texted me before he left for work wishing me luck. I could almost feel his comforting arms through my phone.

"_Hey, Angel."_ I said as he answered the phone.

"_**Edward! God babe, I've done nothing but worry about you all morning, how's it going?"**_ I smiled hearing his wonderful voice, full of love, panic and concern. I couldn't wait to see him tonight.

"_It's going well, there has been a bit of gossip which I expected but I'm handling it well. I'm fucked through, two years of not working has taken its toll. How did I do these shifts before? And the nights one's too." _I rambled on. I was without a doubt fucked, I could sleep now but I still had ages left to go until my shift finished.

"_**Well we all have to do it, I'm sure you'll get used to it soon babe. I'll give you a nice rub down tonight, relax all those sore muscles." **_He purred down the phone, I had to suppress the groan that wanted to escape my mouth.

"_I'll hold you to that."_ I couldn't hide the smile in my voice or on my face as I spoke to him.

"_**Crap, babe I gotta go, the bell has just gone. I'll see you tonight love you."**_ He said down the phone as I heard the students moving around to their next class.

"_Okay, love you too, dancing queen." _I hung up before he could reply. With a slight smirk on my face I walked back in and faced the afternoon.

When my shift was finally over I couldn't have been happier. For one I was fucked, for two I was fucked, for three I wanted to see my angel. I had to come back tomorrow as well, I could sleep for a week. Fuck, I should have made better use of my time sleeping when I was off. No wonder Jasper was crap getting up in the morning. Had I really forgotten what it was like to feel fucking drained at the end of the working day? I was thankful that the day had been easy, nothing major happened that could have thrown me off. I had gotten to know the new people that had started working there, along with catching up with people who had moved areas. It had been a good day.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Edward. By the way you did great today" Jane said as we parted in the car park.

"Thanks, it feels good to be back. I'll see you in the morning." I called after her as I got in my car. I let out a long breath and relaxed. I had done it; I had been there and faced it all. I had let him go with the bad memories of this place and I just kept hold of the good ones. I just needed to see my angel now.

The drive home took longer than it did this morning, then again there was more traffic on the roads this time round, but finally I pulled up into the car park. I saw Jasper's truck parked up and a warm smile hit my face, he was there waiting for me as promised. I walked in to the building my limbs aching form the long shift, my eyes almost closed. All I wanted was Jasper and bed. I didn't care which way round it went, or whether they were together in an order of Jasper on the bed, I just wanted those two things.

My key turned in the lock and I pushed the door open to see him standing there. The moment he saw me the widest smile hit his face, lighting up all of it, making his beautiful blue orbs sparkle. Within seconds we were in a warm embrace which turned in to a frenzy of kisses, sucks, nibbles and roaming hands, pushing and pulling each other towards the bedroom.

* * *

**_I Know I did it again, leaving it with the bedroom but i dont want to fill up the last few chapters with lemon's. _**

**_So Edward had his first day back and handled it well, who would of thought that he would openly show his scars to shut people up? He really has come a long way in this story and im so pleased that i took the long way round and went through each stage of his recovery._**

**_So my lovelys you know what to do, hit the review button and show me some love. :)_**


	28. Chapter 28

_**AN/ Over 450 reviews! Wow guy's thank you so much for them, i love to read each and every single of them, they make my day and keep me writing lol.**_

**_Again a thank you to my wonderful Beta for doing her thing, cheers hun._**

**_I know a lot of you want to continue on with this story but i feel it's almost at it's end, but the good news is i am currantly writing a another Edward and Jasper story, it's a little lighter then this one, and i will be posting it once this one is done. I hope to see you all there._**

**_Anyway here's chapter 28!_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**JPOV**_

My face had been glued to the TV all night watching the events that unfolded before my eyes. My heart was beating wildly in my chest as it unfolded. I looked at the clock, Edward's shift was due to finish in an hour, there was no way he would be leaving now, not after this. I could only imagine what Edward was feeling watching as these poor people were brought in, caught up in something they had no control over.

It had been two months since Edward had started back, and in that time he had settled himself back in to work. He had off days with work, some days he didn't want to talk about it if there had been a car crash victim brought in. I could understand that, my uncle was a Fireman and on some calls he couldn't bring himself to look in the mirror if the fire he had just left involved children. He wouldn't talk about it, but would give you the biggest talk on safety and fire.

A plane had come down just outside the airport, crashing on to the highway, wiping out half the traffic that sat there. The death count was already high according to the news and more was to follow. The channel was feeding a live feed from the site, showing the horror that was enough to give me nightmare's. People were dying on the tarmac crushed by metal, all I could think about was Edward. Selfish I know, but I wanted to know if he was okay. I wanted him out of the hospital now, I didn't want him to have to face this mess, as it would only bring up bad memories for him. I knew he would switch off, try not to think about things and just do them. He had told me before that when something bad happens you can't think about it, you just do it, and try not to let the images enter your head. But I knew that after he left work, once he let the switch come back on it would haunt him, bringing up the past he had worked so hard to fight back.

I had no idea when he would be back now, some point during the night I guessed, but it depended on when everyone was brought in. He couldn't leave, walk away and let someone else deal with it, he had to do it. This was the first major accident that had happened since he had been back, the first time he was going to have to face a nightmare.

I felt sick, consumed with worry for him. I had texted him a few times knowing he wouldn't reply, but just wanted him to know I was here waiting for him. That I was going to stay up until he arrived back here. I wondered if he worried in the back of his mind if one of the people being brought in was going to be me. Even though he knew by this time I would be back home, but your mind will let you think of other things. What if I had ran late at work? What if I hadn't come straight home after work? What if I was stuck in that horrid mess that was filling the TV every thirty seconds. I had been on that highway today, I had passed that same spot only two hours before that plane had come down. It could have so easily been me stuck there right now.

Even though I knew he wouldn't answer his phone, I knew he didn't have it on him; I hoped he would somehow sense that I was texting him, telling him I was here. sense that I was okay and his nightmare of losing me wasn't going to come true. I thought about going to the hospital, just so he could see me and I him. To know I was alright, but I knew it was stupid and it was then likely going to be hell in there. I didn't want to see it, I didn't know how he could see these things and be able to switch off. I guess it was the same as him not being able to understand how I could teach, you just did it.

The evening wore on late in to the night. The news channel was still covering the event, no doubt they would be covering it until the morning. I had muted the TV, I couldn't listen anymore, and the sights alone were enough without having to listen to the reporter.

I tried to think about my new job, I was leaving college in a week's time, term was ending and I had a brand new job teaching infants at a local school. I was shocked when I had the interview and spent the afternoon with the children that they offered me the job. After all I was used to teaching eighteen year olds not seven year olds, but they liked how I was with the children. I have to say it made a nice change listening to them tell me things and being sucked in to the story I was reading them, their little minds having no question of not learning. They were ready to suck up all the information in front of them.

Edward had pushed me in to this one, after our talk about it on Valentine's I hadn't done anything about it, not wanting to move from my comfort zone and out in to the unknown. It had been Edward who had talked me in to going and having a look, saying that I only had to look, there was no harm in looking and it might help me make a choice. I agreed and went along to the school, getting an interview and walking back out. Then Edward had to convince me to go to it, after all there was nothing wrong in trying, I didn't have to accept the job if I didn't want it. He just didn't want me to have any regrets in life.

He said he had too many regrets to know how it feels, and he now looked at life differently. He never left for work on an argument, choosing to sort things out between us before he left. He said one of the worst things was knowing the last words he told James was fuck off, and since then he never wanted to leave with bad words between us because you just never know what might happen. He never went to sleep on an argument and told me all the time he loved me and what I meant to him. He wanted to make sure if the worst ever happened we knew just how much the other meant to us. I understood where he was coming from with his regrets. He wanted to go back to work choosing to try and fail than to live the regret of not trying. So with that in mind I took the job that was offered to me, figuring I would give it a shot.

The night wore on and I became tired. I wouldn't go to bed, I wanted to be awake for Edward when he finally came home so I was drinking my bodyweight of caffeine to stay up. If I felt like this, how did Edward feel? He had started his shift at eight this morning and should have finished at six, but yet it was now past midnight and he still wasn't back. My heart bled thinking he must be drained and running on empty.

At just gone two in the morning I lost my battle and sleep won, I drifted off on the sofa, the light still on waiting for my love to return. The next thing I remember was Edward stroking my face softly waking me up. I opened my eyes to see a tired looking Edward, his eyes bloodshot with deep purple rims underneath them.

"Angel." He whispered to me as his arms wrapped themselves tightly around me as I sat up. I held him tight to me feeling him gently sob on my shoulder. My emotions got the better of me as I started to cry pulling his head off my shoulder and kissed him on the lips. I wanted to feel him, to know he was back and for him to know I was here.

It was gone five now, he had been at work for almost twenty-four hours. He hadn't slept in that time, he was drained as he kept pulling me tighter kissing my neck and breathing in my hair. I didn't say anything, choosing to let him talk when he was ready. I pulled him off the floor and in to the kitchen making him a drink. His arms stayed around my waist the whole time, resting his head on my shoulder blades as I moved around the kitchen fixing him a sandwich and a coffee.

"Did you see?" He choked out, his voice husky from lack of sleep.

"I did babe." I whispered to him as I handed him his coffee and sandwich before walking back in to the living room. He sat down his head resting on the back of the sofa, I watched his Adam's apple bob up and down as he swallowed.

"It was awful, Jasper. So many people, family's looking for their loved ones, children being brought in. So many people lost their lives tonight, Jasper. So many people..." I could see the tears run down his face. I lifted my hand to wipe them away.

"Thank you for the texts. I got them and I read them during the night as I was changing scrubs. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to reply, but I was thankful I knew where you were." He said turning his head to me and giving me a gentle kiss on the lips.

"It's okay, I didn't think you would get a chance to. I just wanted you to know I was here." I smiled at him and held his hand rubbing tiny circles over his knuckles.

"When do you go back?" I wasn't sure when his shift pattern changed. I was hoping I would get some time with him this weekend.

"Sunday night, I'm on nights for a week." He smiled at me, that was good. At least I would have him today, tonight and tomorrow before he went back. "I'm tired Angel, come to bed with me. I want you close to me." He got up holding his hand out for me. I smiled and took it as he led us to the bedroom.

Striping off and in bed within minutes, I soon found Edward curled tightly in to my arms wanting to feel safe. I stroked his hair and told him how much I loved him as he fell asleep. He was out within seconds of getting into bed.

I woke up just after eleven, Edward was still asleep and curled tightly around me, his arms like a steel cage gripping me tight to him. The more I wiggled trying to break his hold the tighter it got. I huffed, as much as I loved being this close to Edward I needed to piss badly and his hold was making it impossible to get out of bed. I wiggled and pushed gently against him, I didn't want to wake him as he had been awake for so long and he needed to sleep, but I was being left with no option but to do so. I managed to get a small bit of space between the two of us just enough so I could side down through his grip and out the bottom of the bed.

Carefully I broke free from him, pulling a pillow down between his arms where I had just been, I figured that this might keep him a sleep a little longer. Once free of his grip and off the bed I gently kissed his lips and stood back watching his lips slightly smile at me. I felt so much love for him right now but the image of his face this morning when he returned haunted me.

As I made my way to the bathroom, I wondered how he would be like when he woke up. Would this make him come undone and send him flying backwards?

I mentally slapped myself and shook my head. Where was my faith in him? My trust in his knowledge that he would be okay? I was writing him off already, thinking that this would send him back, send us backwards. How fair was I being by thinking this? Through everything I had had faith that he would be okay and now in the light of what happened yesterday I was suddenly doubting it.

Was I letting my mind play tricks on me or did I truly think he wouldn't handle it? I had to ask myself this question. I could worry all day long, but it would make no difference if I didn't know if this was my mind playing tricks or what I truly believed. I left the bathroom, and wandered in to the living room. We were meant to be going out tonight, meant to be meeting up with friends hitting a few bars and going to a club, but now would Edward really want that? Or would he want to hide away from the world.

I battled with myself for the rest of the morning, my mind telling me one thing and my heart telling me another. My mind told me he was going to pull back away from me, away from all the progress he had made and my heart told me to have faith in him, that if there was a problem he would have mentioned it when he got in this morning. Yet he hadn't, he brushed over what it was like but he never gave me any sign that he was pulling back. Was I just over-thinking things? Like I always do, like when I thought he didn't care for me, or when I was worried about our future together? I had pulled myself up on the sofa my knees up resting my elbows on them, deep in thought.

"What time are we going out, Angel?" His husky voice full of sleep snapped me out of my thoughts turning my attention to the god that was walking towards me.

I smiled at him and gave him a kiss as he sat down. He still looked tired, his eyes heavy and full of sleep. He ran his long fingers through his hair and smirked looking at me.

"You've been worrying about me, haven't you?" His question caught me off guard as they always did. He could read me so easily.

"Sorry babe." I whispered to him making him chuckle.

"It's okay. I figured you would have been, but I'm fine Jasper. It was hard last night, all those people coming in hurt and dying. I won't lie, my mind did drift back to that night, but I'm okay, I promise Jasper. This is part of my job and sometimes these things happen, it wasn't the first and it won't be the last." He smiled and sat back on the sofa, it was already gone two in the afternoon.

"As long as you're all right. You wouldn't lie, would you?" I asked staring at his forest green eyes, the eyes I fell in love with when he first showed up. He smiled at me his eyes lighting up at me.

"I promise. I have been doing some thinking though, last night made me make a few decisions about us." My heart stopped. What decisions had he made? Oh god, he wasn't breaking up with me, was he?

"Don't panic, Jasper. It's nothing bad, I promise. I'll tell you later when we get back tonight." He gave me a gentle kiss and walked in to the kitchen, I breathed a sigh of relief.

"You still want to go?" I called out to him hearing him bang around in the kitchen and flick the kettle on.

"Yeah, why wouldn't I?" He called back making me smile. It was the first time we had been to a club together. We had been on a few nights out with the gang, but we had never been to a club before. I was excited about it, seeing Edward in a club. I was like a child wanting the new toy, I was that excited.

"Just thought you might be too tired, that's all." I called just before he came back in with two mugs and a packet of Hob Nob's under his arm. He placed the mugs down and sat back next to me unwrapping the packet and dunking one in to his coffee.

"I've slept and I will sleep tonight before work. I'm fine, besides I'm looking forward to showing you off." He flashed me a devilish smile.

I knew what the look meant, he had some idea's when we were out. I had found out that Edward liked to be a bit risky when fucking, wanting to fuck where we might get caught. Our early Sunday morning run had ended up with Edward fucking me against a tree. Thankfully he did pull me in to the forest and there wasn't anyone around, but when we hit the trail again we saw another runner who gave us a dirty look. Edward grinned like an idiot and ran off. I almost died of embarrassment, the runner had heard us in the woods.

_**EPOV**_

"For fuck's sake, Jasper. What the hell are you doing in there?" I shouted down the hall. We should have left fifteen minutes ago, but Jasper had to get changed again.

I sat down and waited for my Angel to get himself ready. Jasper had been close to me all day following what happened last night. I don't know how I got through it, it was worse than anything I had seen before. People with burns having been stuck on the plane as it burst in to flames, people with metal sticking out of them, crushed victims who were hanging on by a thread. It was hell. My mind went back to the night James died on more than one occasion, every time I heard the crash trolley charging it was like another flash of the past there in my eyes.

I had wondered if Jasper was at home, I prayed to god I wouldn't see him being brought in. I never wanted to see him being brought into A&E full stop. I knew he should have been at home, there was no reason for him to be there, but he could have been there. How I managed to get through the night and not breakdown I have no idea, but I did, and I won't let last night pull me back down. I'd seen crash victims before, I'd seen people die before and I got through it, just sometimes it's harder than other's, this one was a little closer to home.

The relief I felt when I had to get changed seeing his warm loving text's made me smile. When it was all done, when the hell ended I could finally go home, he would be there. Last night made me think about my relationship with Jasper and what I wanted. I wanted things to change, change between us. I wanted more than what we had, I just hoped he did to.

"You're having a go at me, but yet it's your fault. You ripped my shirt." I smiled at him while he picked up his wallet and keys.

"It looked a lot better on the floor than it did on you, and besides I didn't hear you complaining." Jasper frowned at me making me laugh

"That's not the point." He said to me. My eyes ran over him once more, and I resisted the urge to strip him once more and take him on the floor. I didn't think he would be too impressed if I cost him another shirt tonight.

His blue shirt was bringing out his beautiful blue eyes, his jeans were hugging his ass perfectly making me hard by just looking at him. He bent down to pick up a cup and I had to suppress the moan that wanted to escape.

We left the apartment a later than we intended and got in the lift. I leant against the wall inside the lift and I pulled him back to me wrapping my arms around his waist and kissing his neck. I couldn't help but push my hard cock in to the back of him making Jasper moan. I really wanted to fuck this night off and spend the evening in bed, but I knew Jasper wanted to go.

We reached the bar and were greeted by his friends. Alice was in full blown talking mode, crewing off Bella's ear about something or other. I couldn't take my eyes off Jasper as he sat and chatted to his friends. Watching him sitting slightly forward resting his elbows on the table I could see his muscles in his back flex every now and then, turning me on with every flex.

"Dude, were you working last night?" Emmett asked as we left the bar towards the club.

"Yeah, unfortunately, I was." I felt Jasper grip my hand and give me a warm smile in which I returned.

"Shit, was it as bad as it looked? I was watching the news the whole night." Emmett said.

"Emmett, I think everyone was watching the news, besides you shouldn't be asking Edward." Bella smiled at me. It was nice but I didn't mind the questions, they weren't personal. I felt Jasper squeeze my hand tighter.

"It's fine, babe. Stop worrying." I whispered in his ear giving him a kiss.

"Yeah, but I know you don't want to talk about it." He whispered back to me, I smiled and rubbed my nose against his before capturing his lips with mine.

"They're so in love. Isn't it sweet?" Alice called out as I pulled away from Jasper who was turning red.

"Shut up, Alice." Jasper hissed, I couldn't help but chuckle as we made our way in to the club.

We had chosen to go to a gay club, the club was packed out as we made our way through it to order some drinks at the bar. It had been a while since I was last in a club, and it was a first for me and Jasper. I couldn't help but smile as I looked over to my Angel who was dancing away on the dance floor with Alice. I had noticed a few wandering eyes on him. I wasn't surprised by this, his blonde curly hair, his tall muscular body and blue eyes, the way he moved on the dance floor so gracefully. He gave Dancing Queen a whole new meaning tonight.

I downed my drink and made my way towards him. I had watched them move closer to him, he never so much as gave them a second glance. His eyes always met mine flashing me a smile. He was mine and it was time that those in here knew who he belonged to. I made my way on to the dance floor and stood behind him. Grinding in to the back of him I snaked my arm around his waist pulling him closer to me. I kissed his neck and smiled as I saw a few turn away admitting defeat. He turned to face me and I attacked my lips on his, if there was ever any doubt that he wasn't with me, I removed those thoughts right away. Jasper picked up on my sudden aggressiveness, he pulled away from the kiss and smiled at me.

"Is someone a little jealous?" He asked. I shrugged and tried to play it off as if I wasn't, but I was. I could almost picture what some of them in here were thinking. He laughed at me

"You so are. I never thought I would see you jealous Edward." I blushed slightly not liking being caught.

"Just a little, they're undressing you with their eyes." I whispered in his ear. He smiled and gave me a kiss.

"It's a good job I'm all yours, let's get out of here." He grabbed my hand and started to pull me through the dance floor. We said goodbye to everyone and made our way back home. Jasper spent the ride home talking about his new job and how he couldn't wait to leave this one and start his next one. He was counting down the days until he was out of there.

My mind was elsewhere while he spoke, it wasn't that what he was saying was boring me, it wasn't. I wanted nothing more than for Jasper to be happy in his place of work, but while he was talking I was busy thinking about our future together, and what I wanted to talk to him about. We reached our apartment and I walked in to the living room sitting down slightly hunched forward and rubbing my hands. Jasper brought in a bottle beer and handed it to me, and I smiled as I took it and watched him sit next to me.

"Can we talk?" I asked him my voice shaking slightly. Jasper looked concerned for a moment and nodded his head at me.

"Jasper, this is about us. You know I love you, and I'm thankful every day that you're in my life, but last night made me think. Think about everything, my past as well as my future. I had all this before and lost it. There are things I regret never doing, showing and telling. I don't want that this time round. I've been given a second chance at this and I want this to be right, with no regrets." I smiled rather weakly and grabbed hold of his hand.

"Okay, so what are you saying?" He asked me. He still looked nervous wondering where I was going with all of this.

"How would you feel about moving?" I asked him watching as the concern left his face.

"Um, sure... if you want." It didn't sound convinced that he wanted to move. "Why though? What's wrong with here? I'm not being nasty or anything Edward, but I don't want to move in to your house. You shared it with James and I don't want our memories to cloud those." He sipped his beer and shifted slightly, I smiled at him.

"I wasn't thinking about moving to my house, I'm putting it on the market. However, I would like us to buy a house together, a fresh start. Somewhere where it's just us, me and you, no old memories of bad things, just me and you making new memories." I looked down to the floor. "So what do you think?" I looked up at him to see him smiling brightly at me with tears in his eyes.

"Fuck, yes!" He screamed out at me. "When can we start looking?" Crawling on top of me he showered me with kisses.

"Whenever you want Angel, but first let's go to bed." I whispered against his ear gently nibbling it making Jasper moan.

He got off me and led me to the bedroom, by my hand. Once inside he soon started to undo my shirt kissing his way down my neck and over my chest pushing me on to the bed. He continued to kiss my chest licking his tongue over my nipple turning them in to hard pebbles. I gasped as I felt his teeth gently bite down on it while his other hand played the other one. He ground his hard cock against mine making me moan at the feeling.

"I love you, so much." He murmured as he got off me slowly taking the rest of his clothes off before removing mine. I was in heaven feeling Jasper lick, kiss and nibble. "But I want to feel you in me." He flashed me a wonderful smile handing me the lube and condom. I sat myself up on the bed resting my back against the headboard then removed the condom from the foil packet and rolled it over my cock. Coating it in lube I pulled Jasper to me his legs falling either side of my hips. I held my cock as he slowly pushed down on me.

"Jasper.... so..." I panted out, not getting a chance to finish before his lips were on mine. Slowly he lifted himself up and down until I was all the way in him. I moaned as Jasper moved up and down adding an occasional rocking movement. My hands were on his hips helping him move as we kissed, no need or urgency, just pure love. Our movements were slow and sensual as we climbed higher to our euphoric state, connecting as one, reconnecting to each other, falling in love all over again as we made love.

"Fuck." Jasper moaned out as his head rolled back, his body covered in a thin layer of sweat. I kissed and sucked his neck as I began to buck my hip upwards, hitting deeper inside of him, hitting his sweet spots. Jasper started to pick his pace up slamming down harder and faster on to me. I could feel the tingly feeling building in my stomach as I tried to hold off.

"Cum for me beautiful.... I'm so close." I panted out as our movements became more frantic and frenzied. Jasper grabbed hold of his cock and started to stroke matching the same thrusting movements. I sucked harder on the base of his neck marking him as mine. Jasper cried my name out throwing his head back as his hot cum shot up in between the two of us, covering both our chest's. His ass clenched around me bringing on my own release.

"Jasper!" I cried out as my body shook with force from my orgasm. Jasper continued to move milking me for all I was worth. It was intense. I hadn't felt anything like it before, consumed in my love for Jasper, consumed in the love we felt for each other. My emotion soared as I gently climbed down covering me in a warm feeling. I felt my eyes begin to water, the passion and love I was feeling for him was too much. Jasper collapsed on me resting his head in the crook of my neck. We were both panting hard holding each other close as we came down from our euphoric high.

"I love you, Jasper." I whispered to him as he pulled his head up to look at me. His own eyes had their own shimmer of tears in them as he smiled at me, we both felt it tonight. The euphoric high that had taken us higher than before as we connected in every which way possible. Our souls had become one. We were joined together on a higher level than physical, we had merged in to one person, to one being. I found my other half, the other part of my soul.

"Marry me, Jasper." I asked him once he got back in to bed from cleaning up. He looked at me shocked, he blinked a few time's running what I had just said through his head.

"Are you serious?" He asked a little shocked, his voice trembling as he spoke. I held his face in my hands.

"Yes, I want you to be mine, all mine and no one else's. I want you to be my husband Angel, I want the world to know just how much you mean to me. I want it official that we belong to one another. Will you do me the honour of becoming my husband?" A fresh set of tears ran down his beautiful face. I wiped them away and smiled at him, his eyes shone brightly at me.

"Yes." He whispered out as he gave me a kiss.

* * *

**_Yey! Now who did a Jasper happy dance after reading this? Come on now dont lie, i know you did, hehe._**

**_Anyway guys you know what to do, hit the review button and send me some love's for our wonderful boys :)_**


	29. Chapter 29

_**AN/ Aww guys thank you so so much for your wnderful reviews, i do try and reply to them all, and im sorry if i have'nt replied to one of you, but i want you to know just how much the reviews mean to me. I cant believe I'm almost at 500! Whats all that about? lol.**_

**_A thank you to my Beta Amy for doing her thing, and checking out my chapters everyday for me, thank you hun._**

**_I've learnt a lot about the difference between the UK and the US while writing this story, even the difference in words we use. I hope you all have figured out some of the english words I've used and you have understood them._**

**_This has been a wonderful experance for me writing this, i hope you all have enjoyed the road with me._**

**_Oh in case you didn't know a Hob Nob is the worlds best biscuit when it comes to dunking in your coffee. _**

**_Here's 29!_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**JPOV**_

I stood in the bedroom of the fifth house we had come to see. I liked this one better than the rest, but it still didn't feel right, there was just something off about it. It was nice and all, a nice area to live. The street seemed nice enough but it didn't feel like home, or it didn't feel like it was going be our home.

It had been a month since Edward had asked me if I wanted to move and buy a house with him, a month since he had asked me to marry him and a month since I had left my old job. The summer holidays were now in order, which was fantastic. With Edward's shifts we sometimes hardly saw each other, more so if he was working nights. I would have about an hour with him in the morning and three in the evening, and then nothing more. I hated the night shifts he did. But with me being off for the summer it meant I could see him more, well be with him more, switching my body clock to match his so we slept at the same time. Of course it would soon end when I went back to school but for these few months I could do it.

"What do you think, Angel?" Edward asked as he walked in to the bedroom I was standing in. I shrugged, finding the right house was becoming more of a pain. Our time was taken up with either looking at the houses or looking for houses.

"I don't know. It just doesn't feel right, you know?" I said turning around to face him, his face smiling brightly at me.

"Thank god, I hate it. I was worried you might like it. Come on we have one more to look at today." We headed down the stairs and out the door, the estate agent was already waiting for us. The poor woman had had enough of us, she always seemed to be viewing with us.

We pulled out the next address and headed off typing the area code into the sat nav so we could find it. This one was a little out of our price range; Edward had wanted to view it even though we couldn't really afford it. It had been the house he wanted to see first, the house he compared the rest to, the house he wanted. I hadn't looked at it thinking there was no point, we couldn't afford it so why bother.

My heart stopped as we pulled up to the house that sat a little on the hill, the surrounding area breathtakingly beautiful. Trees formed around the house, the house on the road spaced far apart to give each one its own privacy, but not too far that you felt you were on your own. The house itself was huge, dark wooden panels covering the house gave it an almost cabin feel, it fit in well with the woods around it. The stairs that led up to the front door had built in lights, the garden was perfect, just enough plants to make it look nice but without having to maintain the work. The windows were large, covering a lot of space. The dark wooden door with a porch lamp looked stunning.

The estate agent opened the door on to beautiful grey slated titles, the walls were white leaving it for you to have a blank canvas. The staircase ran long and curved at the end, the dark wooden banister curly at the end with its black metal poles that twisted running down each step. The stairs themselves were a dark grey marble fitting in nicely with the tiled floor. I pushed the two large opening doors in to the living room taking Edward with me who was nearly bouncing with delight. The floor in there was another dark wood hitting the black and chrome fire place, the surrounding was a high glass marble that blended in perfectly to the fire itself. The room again was painted white, much like the rest of the house was I thought. The room was huge with big windows at the front.

We moved in to the hall again and walked towards another door, opening it I found the kitchen, all modern with granite worktops. Again it was massive and I wondered how we would fill the cupboards, it was pulled into a L shape, giving it a kitchen come dining room with large patio windows the lead out to the back. I opened the doors bringing a now childlike Edward who looked like he was about to burst with excitement at any second on to the wooden decking.

My mind thought back to all the times I had pictured this sort of back garden curled up together watching the sun set, this was perfect, but I wasn't letting him on just yet. The garden seemed to stretch out far and wide completely private and away from wondering eyes; the garden was complete with a hot tub. God, I was getting hard thinking about how much fun we could have in there. We walked back in to the house and up in to the master bedroom. This again was plain white, but what sold it for me were the patio doors that opened out on to a balcony that overlooked the back garden. I walked out on to it looking around, no one would see us here. As if he had the same thought as me Edward snaked his arm around my waist pulling him closer to me as he kissed my neck.

"Just think, we could fuck right here and no one would see." He whispered in my ear before continuing to kiss and suck my neck making me shiver.

"Umm, I had the same idea." I felt him smile against my neck as I rested my head against his shoulder.

"Do you like it? I love it." He said looking out over the garden. I could see us living here, but it was out of our range.

"I know you love it Edward, but we can't afford this, it's out of our price range." I sighed. I had fallen in love with it just had Edward had done, but the pain was we couldn't have it.

"It's not that far out of our price range. We could afford this Jasper with ease, you know that. Besides I don't have a mortgage to pay off when I sell my house. We can afford it. Please Angel, I really want this one." He pleaded with me. I was sure, yeah I loved it but at the same time could we really afford it and have money left over? I didn't want to be broke all the time just for a nice house with a hot tub.

"Let's keep looking." I said pulling away from him. Edward pouted at me hitting me full on with his forest green eyes.

"Please Angel, we're getting married and I want this house to start our new life in." He whimpered in my ear, I sighed.

"Let's see if we can knock them down, okay?" His face lit up and he pulled me to him kissing me deeply. The estate agent cleared her throat making us pull away and me turn a nice shade of red.

"So Gentlemen, have we found one we like?" We both nodded at her. She smiled, I wasn't sure if she was happy that we had found one or happy that it was over for her. "That's great, now I do know the owners are willing to accept a slightly lower offer for the house, so are we putting an offer in?"

We left the house awaiting the call from the estate agent to tell us if our offer had been accepted. Edward was on cloud nine, he made no secret that he was and is having this house by any means. The smile was permanently on his face as we drove back to our apartment, which was now on the market. Trying to sell place's was a pain. Edward had just handed the keys over saying that the estate agent could do it all, but in the apartment we ended up being around, and sometimes they couldn't view one of the rooms because Edward was asleep if he was on nights.

We pulled up and made our way in to our apartment finding the TV on. We looked round and saw Alice at the dinner table. I rolled my eyes, I needed to get the keys back off all of them.

"Nice to see you're making yourself at home, Pixie." Edward said as he sat down near her looking at what she was doing.

"Well, you weren't back yet and don't moan or I won't plan your wedding." She threatened. Edward laughed at her causing her to slap him on the arm, he playfully acted hurt while continuing to chuckle at her.

"You know you won't stop the planning Alice, you've already put too much time in it." He smirked at her, he had a point, Alice would threaten it but she wouldn't go through with it.

Since we told everyone that we were getting married Alice had insisted that she plan it for us. Edward and I weren't too bothered by it, we had told her what we wanted, and we had the final word on what she had planned, it was working out well. Edward was taking the wedding planning in his stride, not showing much nerves over it at all, whereas I was the other way, panicking over the little things were already going wrong.

I had a meltdown in the middle of the store when the woman told me that the clothing I wanted was going to take six months to get here. That fucked me off, the wedding was happening in two months time, just before I went back to work. Alice had argued my corner for me, threatening the woman with her life if they didn't arrive on time. Edward had no idea of what I was wearing just like I didn't know what he was, but he did hear all about my meltdown.

Alice was the only one that knows what the other was wearing, being there both times when we went to pick, she was making sure we matched and didn't clash. We were getting married by the lake, and having the reception at the place where Edward took me on our first date. The restaurant was on private property and they owned the lake and surrounding area being able to close it off just for us for the day.

"I don't care Alice, what's the difference?" I snapped out of my thoughts hearing Edward talking to Alice his head already pressed against the table.

"Of course it matters, Edward. You need to decide where you want the salmon to have come from." Alice snapped as Edward groaned.

"It can come from fucking Tesco's for all I care, just as long as it's cooked right and tastes good." He snapped back. I chuckled, this argument had been going on for the last three days as we tried to sort out the food menu.

"Edward just pick where you want it to come from." She huffed at him. He kept his head down as he groaned at her.

"I want smoked salmon, and I want it pink. Other than that you can fucking pick if it bothers you so fucking much, now can we please move on to something else." Edward snapped out, pleading at the end for Alice to give up on the salmon and go on to something else.

"Fine, dessert? What do you boys want?" Alice said in a lighter tone.

"Jasper, on all fours." Edward replied with a chuckle, Alice didn't see the funny side.

"Save that for your wedding night, now the dessert!" She snapped. Edward chuckled at her lifting his head off the table, he turned and smiled at me.

"It's all yours Angel, have fun with the evil woman." He wandered off leaving me alone with Alice.

I sat and looked at the menu for desserts; they all sounded mouth watering, could I have one of each? In bite-size? Could we do that instead, little tiny bite-sized desserts that had one of every wonderful mouth watering dessert on this menu? I mused over this while Alice waited for me to decide, trouble was while I was thinking what we should be eating for our guests, I was busy thinking what I could eat off Edward instead. Do we really need to have dessert? In fact, do we have to have a reception at all? It would be great if we could just get married and fuck off and have our own little reception for two. I looked over at Alice who shook her head.

"Don't even think about it, Jazz." Bitch. I pouted and sulked and looked at the menu some more, what would people really want to eat? This was getting stupid, I had dreamt about our menu chasing me down the fucking road, Alice was that obsessed with it. Maybe I should just let her pick and be done with it.

"Come on Jazz, hurry up and choose one." She whined at me. Yeah, I was taking my time, but I didn't know what to pick. They were all so yummy.

"So are you joining the two surnames, or are you taking his?" She asked suddenly. We hadn't really spoken about it; we had plenty of time before we had to decide and I think we both wanted to mull it over for a while.

"What makes you think he won't take mine?" I asked feeling a little offended that she had left him taking mine out of it. She laughed, her high pitched laugh bouncing through the room.

"Jazz because I know you, and you're more likely to take his then he is to take yours." She said matter-of-fact at me. I folded my arms I guess she was right, I was more likely to take his then him take mine. Edward Whitlock, didn't really sound right. I looked over to see Edward smiling at me as he walked in.

"The estate agent just called, our offer has been accepted." He beamed at me sitting down and giving me a kiss. We had just bought a house, we just needed to sell these two now.

_**EPOV**_

The weeks flew by, time was slipping away faster and faster and the day was approaching fast. We had met up the Registrar and discussed the wedding, talking about what was going to happen and what we wanted. Everyone knew what was happening, but Jasper had continued to worry about the smallest of things, calling the poor woman countless times to either 'just make sure' or 'just checking'. His latest was 'double checking'. The venue was booked, suits were ordered and rings were almost sorted. The rings were becoming a problem. I had to be careful of what sort of ring I had, I couldn't have any stone's in to or I wouldn't be allowed to wear at work for fear of a stone coming loose. Taking the ring off wasn't an option for me, Jasper wanted a matching set so we had spent countless hours going around all the shops in the fucking land trying to find the right ones. What I liked Jasper wasn't keen on and the other way around.

It had to be right, you can't go off and change them when you don't like it anymore. I didn't see me ever taking it off, so it had to be perfect, something we both liked and wanted. The wedding was now less than three weeks away and Alice was as much of a pain in the ass as she had been a star. Sorting out the little things that we neither had the time for, to getting things we didn't think we could get; the woman was a force of nature, knocking the price on several things, she should go in to planning wedding's, the woman can sort anything out.

The house I had so badly wanted and was willing to go to whatever means to get it was now ours. We had picked the keys up a week ago and were now sorting it out ready for us to move in. This involved going around countless shops looking for sofa's and beds and such. It had been fun but it had also got on my nerves when I had just come off a night shift and the last thing I wanted to do was go and look at paint. We had decided that for our wedding night we wouldn't go to some fancy hotel. We were going to the house we had bought, our new home, to spend out first night as a married couple in our brand new home.

My old house had sold pretty fast, and the keys were being handed over tomorrow, ready for the new people to have it. I was a little sad signing the deeds over, I had loved the house, it was home for me, but I had moved on. It hurt to see the deeds and see James signature on them knowing that we both signed it together. I had sorted most of the house out, I now just had a few things to collect and it would be empty. I never thought I would sell it, then again I never thought I would find love again or get married, but then my Angel came in to my life.

The apartment was in the process of being sold, an offer had been accepted and we were now dealing with the paperwork, well Jasper was.

"You getting out or are you just going to continue looking in to the sky?" Jasper's voice brought me out of my thoughts. I turned to see him smiling at me showing all the love in the world in his eyes.

"Sorry, just thinking." I replied getting out of the car. Jasper had come with me to the old house to collect the last things from it.

I opened the boot and pulled out the box. Slamming the boot down I walked towards the front door. Pulling the keys out of my pocket I fumbled around looking for the right key. God, I used to know the key without even looking.

"Do you want me to wait here?" Jasper asked as I pushed the front door here, picking the random mail that still came here, it was junk mail as nothing of any importance came here. My heart did pull slightly seeing one addressed to James. It used to really upset me, almost as if someone was laughing, sending junk mail to someone who was dead. Now there was only a dull ache seeing it, knowing he wasn't here anymore.

"Angel, don't be stupid. I want you to come." I walked in to the living room carrying the box. Rolling my eyes at Jasper, he had become a little distant when coming here, always asking me if I wanted him to be here with me.

I wondered if it pissed him off me finishing off my old life like this, he never said anything but the thought remained the same. I couldn't blame him if he did. How nice could it really be to be planning this future with the man you love and then seeing them sorting out there old life. Maybe he just wanted to give me space to do it on my own, I didn't need to. I had said my goodbyes and I had let him go. I wanted a fresh start, no more past haunting me where I looked. The only thing I wanted to do was to visit James' grave on his birthday and the day he died, other than that I didn't feel the need to go.

I sat down on the floor and started to remove the photos from the frames, placing the photos in the box for safe keeping. Jasper sat down next to me looking over at them, looking at my past life. I heard him sniff a few times. I looked over to see him with his head down crying.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Jasper just shook his head at me, not lifting his head up to look at me. Frowning I placed my hand under his chin and lifted his head.

"What's wrong, Angel? Tell me." He smiled weakly at me and wiped his eyes.

"You." He whispered at me. I was confused, why was I making him cry? "Sorry, I'm just emotional right now. I can't believe you want to marry me, and watching you closing the lid on your old life makes me so happy and special that you are doing this for me." He choked out. I smiled and lifted his head up giving his a gentle kiss.

"For us babe, these pictures are nothing more but points from my old life. I don't need them, all the memories I need of James are up here." I tapped the side of my head. "You are all I want now, and I can't wait for us to start our new life together and make new memories. Are you having cold feet about marrying me?" I asked him with a slight smile on my face.

"No, worried that you won't show up but not cold feet." He smiled at me.

"Don't worry, Angel. I'll be there." I whispered to him kissing him gently.

I continued going through the photos that I still had in the house. My plan was to remove them from the frames, and place the photos in the loft out of the way for safe keeping. I didn't want to throw them out but at the same time I didn't want to see them anymore. The afternoon wore on as I told Jasper some of the stories behind the photos. The party that I had after finishing med school, where I got so drunk I ended up in A&E having my stomach pumped.

I finished off sorting the photos out and packed it away in the box. Walking around the house checking that nothing was left I felt a mixture of sadness and relief. Sad for finally giving the house up, letting of the memories that this house held for me, my past, my old life with someone else; but also relief, while this place held some good memories for me it also held some really bad ones, it carried the night I last spoke to James as well as the night I tried to end it all. I was happy to let it go, let it all go and move on, start a new life with my angel.

We arrived back at the apartment, I was working that night, I hated the night shifts, hated having to go to work knowing Jasper was at home. The day shifts were better, we would have the nights together at least until I fell asleep from being drained. I wondered just how much strain I was placing on our relationship. While Jasper was off the summer it made it a little easier, he would stay awake through the night in order to sleep next to me during the day. It wasn't fair that he was having to do this just so we could spend some time together. As much as I loved my job, it made relationships hard.

I jumped in the shower, both trying to wake up and sooth my muscles. I only had two more weeks at work to go until I broke up for four weeks. I was surprised that they were letting me take the time off considering I had not been back that long after my two year break, but hey I wasn't going to complain. I came out of the shower with just a towel wrapped around me and headed in to the kitchen.

"Angel?" I called after him wondering where he was. I shrugged flicking on the kettle and running my hand over my face. I suddenly felt Jasper kissing my neck.

"Looking for me?" He whispered in my ear, I smiled.

"Yeah, what you got planned tonight?" I asked him as I turned around in his arms placing my hands on his hips.

"Alice, she wants to go over the final details again." He sighed rolling his eyes at me, I laughed and he pouted.

"Do you mean you wanted to go over the last minute details?" Jasper nodded, I chuckled kissing the top of his head. "Thought so. Jasper, you do know the details haven't changed since the last time you checked?" I asked him pulling away and pouring out the boiling water.

"Yeah, I know, but I'm just making sure. I want it perfect babe." He said following me in to the bedroom as I changed in to my scrubs.

"It will be." I gave him a kiss and wandered back in to the living room finishing off my coffee. A lot of the apartment was boxed up ready to be moved, half the stuff we had replaced and we were giving the rest away to charity.

The apartment door opened and Alice walked in covering her eyes.

"You two aren't up to anything, are you? You know I love you both, but I don't want to see your love making." She said holding out one arm feeling her way across the hall. I chuckled, I wouldn't miss this when we moved. No one was getting a key, no one.

"Alice, you can look. We're not doing anything." Jasper called out. She dropped her hand and smiled as she entered the living room.

"Well Dr. Cullen, you in scrubs..... I bet you have the nurses drooling over you. Hell, it would be worth getting hurt just to see you in A&E." Alice said smiling. I rolled my eyes at her. "I'm only playing Jasper, you know that." Jasper looked far from amused, I gave him a gentle kiss.

"See you in the morning angel, love you." I got up and grabbed my car keys.

"Love you too, babe." Jasper whispered in my ear.

I waved to them and left for work smiling, just less than three weeks and we would be married, until my Angel would be mine, officially mine.

* * *

**_Aww our boys have found a house and are busy planning there wedding, I'm so happy!_**

**_There is one more chapter and then the final one left, sad i know i don't want it to end :(_**

**_Anyway my lovelys hit the review button and send me some love :)_**


	30. Chapter 30

_**AN/ Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo 500 reviews, im so happy right now.**_

**_A wonderful thankyou to my beta for doing her thing._**

**_Thank you to all who have reviewed this story, its sad that there is just one chapter left, the final one to the story. But i have some good news. Drum Roll please.......... I'm doing a sequel to Healing Heart!_**

**_The idea for it hit me yesterday while in the middle of cutting someone's hair, yes i know a weird place to get an idea, and after thinking about it, it will work as a good sequel to this one. I hope you all continue to join our boys on there next journey._**

**_Ok so i spent all day writing this yesterday, i even took the lap top to work with me so i could get it done. I hope you all like it_**

**_Here's chapter 30!_**

_**

* * *

**_

_**JPOV**_

I was so nervous, the wedding was just two days away, two short days and me and Edward would be married. The planning was in full effect, the last minute details had been sorted, suits collected, rings in pockets. All that was left to do was go through the last minute details with the venue and look at the set of the room. Yet even though I knew everything was in order and Alice was well and truly on the case, I was still worrying over everything. It was keeping me awake at night thinking about all the things that could go wrong, wondering if we had sorted out the legal paperwork for the wedding, even worrying about flowers. Flowers? I had spent hours, days, weeks thinking about those stupid flowers, that come the day I wouldn't care about. It angered me that while I was wide awake lying in bed Edward was fast asleep next to me, it was like he didn't care about the wedding at all. He claimed that there was no point in him worrying about anything considering I was doing enough worrying for both of us, no, the world ten time over. Bastard!

We were standing next to the lake going over where we wanted everything. Edward was busy talking to them, all I could do was look at the dark clouds that were forming in the sky. I had become obessed checking the weather forecast everyday, twice a day for the last four days, even though they all said that saturday would be nice, I wasn't convinced. The wedding itself had been planned for outside with the lake in the backdrop behind us surrounded by the forest. The wedding hadn't been planned for rain, if it rained the whole thing would be ruined.

"Angel?" I heard Edward's voice as I continued looking at the sky praying that it wouldn't rain. I felt his arm snake around my waist his head resting on my shoulder.

"Two more days, Angel." He whispered placing a gentle kiss on my cheek. I frowned and sighed. "What's wrong?" Giving me a gentle squeeze, I rubbed my forehead. All the planning was becoming too much for me, feeling as though I was the only one that cared about this. I was starting to wonder why I was bothering in even getting married if he didn't care about the details.

"What if it rains?" I mumbled feeling all alone right now. Edward chuckled, that didn't help my mood, in fact it angered me even more.

"So what if it does? We'll get married inside. It makes no difference to me, Angel." He whispered in my ear in a calming tone, I saw it as patronising. Getting married by the lake had been his fucking idea and now suddenly it made no difference. I pushed out of his arms pissed off by the whole set up.

"You just don't care, do you?" I seethed t him. "All this planing and all I have heard from you is 'it doesn't matter'." I screamed at him seeing red, all the stress was coming out of me in one go. "It fucking does matter, but you know what? Fuck it. Fuck the whole fucking wedding, it's off." I didn't stay around, I didn't even look at him, I just stormed away and towards my truck.

We had come in one car today, but I wasn't bothered by that fact. He could fucking walk for all I cared. I was so mad, angry that this day meant fuck all to him, hurt that he couldn't see why I was freaking out over the littlest thing. I wanted it to be right, to be perfect. It was meant to be an important day in both our lives yet it was no big deal to him, like getting married was something you did everyday of the week, like brushing your teeth, it was nothing.

I fought the tears back all the way home, two day away from what was meant to be the happiest day of my life. I was crying, I was in pain, and I'd just called off the wedding. By the time I got through the door I was in tears. Big fat hot salty tears were running down my face, streaking it as they fell. My chest was hurting as the sobs rocked through me, making my head hurt. I flopped on the sofa pressing my face deep in the cushion, trying to mask my sobs. I didn't know why I was doing this, there wasn't anyone in the apartment other then me. Edward wouldn't be back for god knows how long, that's if he came back at all. Then it hit.

The words I threw at him by the lake, hurting him. I didn't need to look at his face to know he was hurting, to know my words were cutting through him like a knife. Would he not come home now? Would this be the end of us? Of course I hadn't meant what I said to him, I didn't mean any single word of it. I wanted to marry him more than anything, but I had just let everything get on top of me and all the stress came out, flying it at him, at the man I was meant to marry. What was worse was I just left him there, by the lake, with no car. How could I have been so selfish? I should have spoken about how I was feeling instead of blowing off at him like that. I had been stupid, letting everything get on top of me and taking it out on the one person I shouldn't have done.

I picked up my cell dialing his number. I wondered if he was still there by the lake, or if he had left. It kicked to his voice mail, not even ringing. I sobbed more, harder then I did before; now panicking that I had destroyed our relationship, destroyed this wonderful thing we had. He had made me promise I would never leave him and yet I left him there. I walked away. How much did I just tell Edward what I thought of our relationship by acting like that? Even though I knew I didn't mean any of it, did he? Did he believe the words I threw at him, did I just make him feel unloved.

He was right, none of this mattered, the food didn't matter, the suits didn't matter, it didn't even matter if it rained. All that mattered was us getting married, that's what all this was about, all this stress and sorting and planning was for others to enjoy the day with us. All that should matter to either of us was that we both turned up and got married, the rest didn't matter. I had been so stupid, I had gotten myself all caught up in the planning that I had lost sight of what was really happening. I had lost sight of what was more important than anything else. Us.

The apartment door opened and closed, I heard him slowly walk towards the living room. I turned my head to face the door, my eyes sore and puffy from crying, from being an idiot. He half smiled at me as he walked through the living room door heading towards me, holding something in his hand. He bent down and stroked the side of my face, frowning slightly.

"Angel, I care. I want things to be right, but what I want most is you being there marrying me, everything else is immaterial, if it rains it rains, so what will that stop us from getting married? Not the food, the suits, all this stuff we have planned... none of it matters if we don't get married. Jasper I could tell you what I've worried about, but wha twould that do to you? Make you worse. I know you're stressed, so am I. We have planned everything out, we can only hope it goes right on the day, and if it doesn't then it doesn't. As long as I leave there with my ring on your finger and you as my husband I will be happy." He smiled warmly at me giving me a gentle kiss on the lips.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have acted that way. I'm just so stressed and it all kind of came out of me." I whimpered to him feeling like utter crap. He smiled gently at me his wonderful forest green eyes showing nothing but love and care.

"It's okay, you still want to marry me or....." He trailed off, I nodded and smiled widely at him.

"Yes, of course I do. I'm just a little....." My sentence got cut off with his lips crashing hard against mine. I moaned in to his mouth, he pulled away smiling widely at me. I looked at his hand to see the two envolopes. I recognised the stamp on the letter, my heart started to beat wildly in my chest.

We had both been tested and were awaiting our results to arrive back, we both wanted to say goodbye to the condom's once we got married. I didn't think there would be anything wrong, I had been tested every six months just to make sure. I was fit and healthy, but you never know. Edward had only been with me since James, he wasn't worried about his results. His number of partners were a lot lower then mine. But I was crapping it, what if something was wrong, what if they didn't pick it up on the last test I had. I had freaked out a few times over this, even though Edward had told me more than once that if there was anything there it would have shown up during the six months and I was panicking over nothing.

"Shall we?" He asked handing me the envolope. I had never been so nervous opening the results before. My hands were shaking as I watched Edward open his, his eyes scanning down the paper before smiling at me. "Mine's all good, Angel. Stop worrying, there is nothing wrong with you, now open it."

I tried to trust in his words that there was nothing wrong, that I was just overreacting like I always do, but I just couldn't stop myself from shaking. I had never wanted the tests to come back clean so much in my whole life. Edward ripped the letter out of my hand and tore it open, he scanned it as he did his and smiled. "See nothing to worry about." He said handing me the letter for me to see. I looked down at it and sure enough it was clear, we could say bye bye to the condoms. I smiled at him.

"How about we try it now without the condoms?" I asked in the most sexy voice I could muster, he shook his head at me.

"We agreed, wedding night. So Angel, you're going to have to wait two more nights." I pouted making him laugh. I knew what we agreed but that didnt mean I wasn't going to try my luck beforehand. I couldn't wait to feel him without anything in the way, feel him completely.

Later in the evening we picked up Edward's parents from the airport. My parents were driving up tomorrow as they only lived an hour way. We had agreed to stay in a hotel the night before the wedding making it easier for all in question. Besides it helped Alice keep track of things, the woman had handed out timetables to us all, with a detailed plan of how long we were to spend there. Edward had laughed, tears in his eyes thinking Alice was joking, he screwed up the timetable and threw it in the bin. I knew that Alice wasn't joking.

Greeting his parents at the airport was full of hugs and kisses, his mother was already crying at the thought of her son getting married. It would be fullblown waterworks by the time Saturday arrived, no doubt my mother was already gearing up to cry. We showed them around the house which was now ready for us to move in to, our wedding night would be here in our new home.

The walls had been painted warm colors in the living room, blending in nicely to the oversized corner sofa we had bought. The oversized TV sat in the corner, all fifty inches of it, that had been the one I wanted. Pictures had been hung, curtains put up, the stupidly large long dinner table with high back chairs was in, complete with center arangement that Alice had said we must have. Rugs had been placed down, mirrors hung up, the kitchen was kitted out. The bedroom had the extra large king sized bed in it,sitting high off the floor, fully made, and looking more comfy then it did in the showroom. The house was without a doubt just waiting for us to arrive.

After showing his parents around the house we headed back to our now empty apartment. It looked as though no one lived here, and I guess in two days time no one would until the new owners moved in. We ate, talked and relaxed trying to settle any nerves that were flying around. Once again I was the only nervous one, Edward was fine, calm and chilled. Bastard.

I woke up the next morning and surprisingly felt a lot more calm today then I did yesterday. I think my nerves went to pot on me then and had now recovered, so hopefully I should get through today and tomorrow without any more meltdowns. The day passed in a blur as we went from one place to another dropping things off. Alice had made us have a manicure, telling us that we would be having picture's taken of our rings and therefore our hands had to look right. I had never felt so gay in all my life, the woman even coated my nails in clear nail varnish. I knew I was gay but come on, that's just taking the piss. I have to admit they did look good once they were done, but I don't think I'd have it again. Edward had gone for a massage as well wanting to relax his muscles from his night shifts. The woman who was doing it nearly wet herself with excitement as she drank Edward in. I chuckled looking at her sticking her chest out and licking her lips, smiling seductively at him. I couldn't resist walking up to him wrapping my arm around his waist and kissing him deeply right in front of her. I even added an ass squeeze just for good measure. As I pulled away him I saw her open mouth of shock, she pulled herself back together slowly and led Edward down the hall.

We had dinner with both our family's in the evening, just enjoying our time alone. We ate light and didn't drink. The last thing I wanted was to be sick from eating too much on top of a nervous stomach or wake up in the morning with a cracking headache. We walked down the road to where the hotel was, we were on different floors and had two different times to leave, so we wouldn't bump in to each other. Parting from Edward was hard. We hadn't spent a night apart like this unless he was working. Knowing that he was just down up above me on the next level made my heart ache, not being able to hold him or kiss him. But I had to man the fuck up, and not be such a pussy.

"I love you." I whispered in his ear while wrapping my arms around his waist out the lifts.

"As I love you, Angel." He smiled lovingly at me and kissed me passionately making me moan with delight as I felt his tongue push its way through my lips. My hands grabbed his ass pulling him closer to me, his hands in my hair kept me locked in place, not that I wanted to move. I could feel his hardness pushing agasint mine making me moan in to the kiss.

"Put him down." I heard my dad call out. "You're giving everyone a free show." He continued, we pulled away from one another a little out breath and me turning redder by the second. Thankfully the lifts opened up, we were being made to take different lifts. I gave him one last hug as I felt the tears run down my face, he smiled kissing them away.

"The next time I see you, we will be getting married. I love you, angel." He whispered in my ear giving me a gentle kiss before he was getting pulled off me by his father towards the lifts. He smiled before he disappeared into the lifts. I burst in to tears.

"Come on, you'll see him tomorrow son." My mother whispered in my ear as she hugged me. I knew I would, but I wanted to see him now. I wanted to be with now, this was harder than him working nights. At least when he worked nights I knew I ccould be anywhere near him, it's not even an option for us to be together, but tonight? He was on the floor above me and I couldn't be with him. I sobbed gently as I walked in to the lift with my parents. _It's one night Jasper, that's all. Just one night._ I told myself as I walked in to my room. The room was large with a joining door to the other room, which was handy. I wouldn't have to go far in the morning. I tried to settle down and relax with my parents but my mind keep going back to Edward over and over again.

_**EPOV**_

Lying flat on my back I opened my eyes to see the dark ceiling. It was still dark outside, which meant it was still early in the morning and yet I was now wide awake and feeling sick. I rolled to my side grabbing my watch to see the time. I switched the light, squinting my eyes as the light came on. Fuck, it was only 3.00 AM, it was too early to wake anyone up. I groaned placing the watch on the side and flopping back on my back. My stomach kept turning, wave after wave of sickness hit me before I had to run and be sick, throwing up the remains of last nights dinner.

I felt awful, wide awake, shaking slightly and feeling sick, the nerves had hit me, and hit me bad. While Jasper had been a wreck the last few days, I had been calm. it hadn't been an act I actually felt fine, but now was a different story, between parting with Jasper last night and waking up the nerves had hit me tenfold. I was sure Jasper would find this most amusing to see me like this. Grabbing a glass of water I went back to bed and turned on the TV trying to calm down for the wedding, or at least until it was a decent time where I could wake my parents up and bug the fuck out them.

We were getting married at 4 PM, so I had thirteen hours until I saw Jasper. Thirteen fucking hours to feel like crap, why did we pick that time?

"Fucking hell." I cursed out loud and walked to the joining door to my parents room, opening it I walked in. Yeah just gone three in the morning and I wsa waking my parents up like I was five. I don't care how much of a mamma's boy it makes me seem, I was getting married today so I was allowed to do this.

"Mum?" I whispered in her ear gently shaking her, she stirred a little and I continued to shake her.

"Ed... Edward? What's wrong?" She mumbled out, her voice full of sleep as she rubbed her eyes.

"I've been sick, and I feel sick. I can't sleep." I whined like a five year old to her. She was, after all, my mum.

"Darling, it's nerves." She soothed stroking my cheek.

"Will you talk to me for a bit please?" I asked her. I knew waking up at this time in the morning wasn't going to be good, but I needed my mum. She nodded at me. I got up and walked back through the joining door to my room, I sat on the bed waiting for her to come through. I could hear my father mumbling something to her and her laughing softly. Slowly she came through the door half asleep and sat on the bed looking at me.

"My little boy is getting married today." She smiled at me. "I can't believe it. Jasper is such a wonderful lad Edward, you found a real gem there." She beamed, I could see the tears already starting to fill her eyes.

"No, he found me. Were you nervous when you married dad?" She laughed softly at me, wiping away her tears.

"Very, I didn't sleep at all that night. I think I dozed for about an hour, but that was it. Trust me Edward once you're there those nerves will disappear. Once you see him you will block everything out and just focus on him." I smiled and laid my head back down on the pillow. "Try and get some more rest Edward, even if it's just an hour. You have big day ahead of you and you'll be thankful for this extra sleep." She gave me a kiss on the top of my head and wandered back to bed.

I looked at the ceiling for what seemed like the longest time. I closed my eyes thinking about today, thinking about seeing him, and declairing my love for him. I tried to picture our future years from now. I pictured Jasper in the garden with children running around him. We had spoken about children before but nothing too serious, just passing thoughts really. I knew he wanted them, just as he knew I wanted them. Maybe in a few years we could really look in to that, be it a surrogate or adoption. I wanted a family and I wanted it with Jasper, with my angel.

"Wake up, Edward!" My eyes snapped open to see Alice with rollers in hair bent over the bed a few inches away from my face. I groaned, well at least it was light now. "You're getting married today, get up!" She called again, it wasn't enough that I was awake she wanted me to be up and moving.

"What time is it, Pixie?" I asked sitting up in bed. The room was bright, the sun was shining outside. I smiled that would make my Angel happy.

"It's seven. Come on, the buttonholes are arriving soon, where is your suit?" I pointed to the closet. I wondered what Jasper had picked out for today. I knew he would look good, he looked good in anything, but I knew Alice would make sure he not only looked good, he looked fantastic.

"Have you woken Jasper up yet?" I asked her as I watched her checking over the suit making sure it was up to her standards.

"Not yet, I'm heading there next. Want me to pass a message on?" She asked turning back around to face me, I nodded.

"Tell him to turn up, please." I smiled weakly, my nerves weren't any better than they were at three this morning, she laughed at me.

"Don't be silly. Of course he will turn up, he loves you. Now how about I tell him that?" I chuckled and nodded . "Good, I'll be back in a bit. I'm going to wake Jasper and check his suit, then make a few calls." She walked out of my room and in to my parents room. I heard her speak to my parents for a minute before hearing the door close.

"Good, you're up. How are you feeling?" My dad asked me. I cringed a little, I felt like I was about to throw the remaining contents of my stomach up.

"Shitting it." I answered honestly. My father went in to doctor mode on me, checking my pulse and feeling my temperature. "I'm not sick, dad." He chuckled at me and sighed.

"I know, but I'm still your father and I still worry about you. Shall we order breakfast? The buttonholes will be arriving soon." He grinned at me. I smiled weakly, food, and no, I didn't want food right now.

After being forced to eat breakfast which I then threw up I texted my Angel letting him know I was missing him, and that I couldn't wait to marry him and that I loved him. The time wore on, and I showered before Alice appeared with more orders and of course buttonholes. I had a white rose buttonhole, along with the rest of my family.

"Why aren't you dressed yet?" She asked placing her hands on her hips and tapping her foot. I laughed at her. What was she, my mother now?

"Alice, we have ages left yet, there is no rush." Wrong move, her look became murderous as she walked over to me. For someone so little she looked scary as hell.

"Two hours Edward, that's all you have left. Two hours, then you are having pictures taken in forty-five minutes. I need to make sure that mess you call hair looks styled, and not I've just been fucked." I opened my mouth to say something but she beat me to it. "Jasper is already dressed and has been for a while, the next time I walk in here I want to see you dressed Mister." With that she turned on her heel and disappeared.

I walked over to where my suit hung. Looking at it, I smiled, it was different. I didn't think Jasper was expecting me to wear this, ¾ length jacket, which was a wine taffeta in colour; it gave a lovely shimmer effect, matching the waistcoat, black shirt and black trousers and to finish it off I had a silver cravat. I got dressed and sat and waited, not being able to stay still. I kept bouncing my knee, my nerves weren't any better now than what they were at three this morning.

"Aww Edward, my little boy. Look at you." My mother started crying as she came up to me giving me a gentle kiss.

"So do I look alright?" I asked a little shyly. I was a little nervous about what I was wearing, after all who wears a shimmer black and red jacket, and a black shirt?

"Gorgeous, it suits you. I wonder what Jasper is wearing." I could have told her what he would be wearing later, but I left it at a smile.

"Oh good, you're dressed. Edward stand." Alice ordered, was I a dog now? Sometimes I thought the hermit me was a lot better, I didn't have to deal with this.

I stood up and turned round letting her look all over, pulling this and straightening that, until she was one hundred percent happy with the suit.

"Stunning, now the hair, sit." I sat down as she started attacking my hair with product, pulling it about and styling it.

"Alice..... How's Jasper?" Other than our little texts this morning I hadn't spoken to him, she smiled at me.

"Edward, he's fine, a little nervous, but excited about marrying you. I always knew you two would get married. Remember the first time I met you and I asked if I could plan the wedding?" I nodded thinking back to that night. "Well, I wasn't joking. I knew that night when I saw you two together, and here we are now." She smiled at me. "There, you're done, now I know this will be hard but don't run your fingers through it, you have pictures in fifteen minutes Edward." She gave me a kiss on the cheek and disappeared.

I took a few deep breaths, shaking slightly and walked out of the room. My mother was already crying and the wedding hadn't even begun. I held her hand and took her out in to the hotel grounds. I had a few pictures taken before I had to leave. The limo was waiting outside the hotel as I walked out catching the eye of few people looking my way. I flashed them a smile as I got in the limo waiting for my crying mother and calm father to enter.

"I think I'm going to be sick." I moaned as the limo started to move. Rubbing my forehead I opened the window to let some breeze in.

"You'll be fine, remember what I told you." I nodded. I never thought I would feel these nerves. I had been so calm all the way up until this point, and now I had gone to pot. How was I going to speak, let alone walk?

Before I knew it we had arrived at the venue, our guests had already started to arrive as the limo pulled up. The area in front of the lake was now set up in a half circle with two aisles. The flower stands were up complete with the seasons' flowers. The sun was starting to sit low in the sky casting a nice golden light over the lake.

I kept playing with the ring in my pocket turning it around and round the tip of my finger while pacing backward and forwards while waiting. I could hear the guests seating, I heard Emmett's booming laugh over everyone else. All I had to wait for now was the string quartet to start, count to ten and move. I was walking first down one aisle while Jasper had to count to twenty before walking down the other. My stomach was turning around that fast I was giving the washing machine a run for its money. The string quartet started and I counted to ten taking a deep breath and walked out.

I saw friends and family flashing camera's and smiling, mouthing there hello's as I made my way to the bottom. I smiled at the registrar, and turned to see my angel walking down toward me. I smiled widely seeing him looking as beautiful and as stunning as ever, his suit looking magnificent on him. He had gone for an ivory ribbon embroidered silk ¾ jacket with matching waistcoat, a white shirt and trousers finishing it off with a red wine coloured cravat, and red rose button hole. He looked so beautiful that he took my breath away. He reached me smiling brightly with tears in his eyes; I interlocked our fingertips together feeling the wonderful tingly feeling running through me.

The registrar smiled at us both and waited for the music to end before she spoke. "We are gathered here in the presence of the witnesses for the purpose of uniting in matrimony, Edward and Jasper."

I wiped the tears that were running down Jasper's face, whispering to him that I loved him

"Please remember that love, loyalty and understanding are the foundations of a happy and enduring home."

"No other human ties are more tender and no other vows more important than those you are about to pledge."

I could feel my eyes starting to water as I looked at the angel in front of me, I could hear my mother crying softly in the background along with a few others.

"Do you Edward take Jasper to be your husband? Do you promise to love and comfort each other, honour and keep each other in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, for better or for worse and be faithful to each other as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." My voice shook slightly

"Edward, place the ring on Jasper's finger and repeat after me."

My hand was shaking as I placed the ring on Jasper's finger, my ears had now started to fall as I listened to what she said waiting for my turn to speak.

"I give you this ring in token and pledge of my constant faith and abiding love. With this ring, I thee wed." My voice broke as I spoke the words to Jasper, he was mine, all mine. The feelings and emotions rushed through me as I smiled proudly at him feeling covered in our love.

"Now Jasper, it's your turn." He looked at her the smile radiating off him, I could his love me rolling off him in waves.

"Do you Jasper take Edward to be your husband? Do you promise to love and comfort each other, honour and keep each other in sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, for better or for worse and be faithful to each other as long as you both shall live?"

"I do." His words were strong and powerful, the nerves gone from him as he spoke his words with true meaning.

"Jasper, place the ring on Edward's finger and repeat after me." All I could do was stare at Jasper, looking in to Jasper dark blue sparking orbs as he placed the ring on my finger.

"I give you this ring in token and pledge of my constant faith and abiding love. With this ring I thee wed." His emotions got the better of him as his voice trembled at the end; I smiled at him giving him a wink.

"Now that you have joined yourselves in matrimony, may you strive all your lives to meet this commitment with the same love and devotion that you now posses. I now pronounce you married, you may seal the deal with a kiss."

We both shared a gentle but passionate kiss, I pulled away from him smiling at my now husband. I was on cloud nine; my emotions soared higher than the clouds as we heard our friends and family cheer and clap. We walked back down hand in hand, hugging family and friends.

We posed for photos, but I didn't even take it in, all I saw was Jasper, my angel, my rock. Our photos consisted of us being around the lake in different styles, never once leaving from the loving gaze we both were sharing, we posed with family and friends before finishing off.

We walked down the path back towards the restaurant holding hands, neither one of us spoke, we didn't need too. We were both feeling the same thing, and enjoying our day, enjoying the moment of being freshly married. As we neared the doors I saw Victoria. I had invited her, but didn't know if she would come or not, if she might find it a little weird after what happened with her brother. She was beaming and ran up to the both of us throwing her arms around us both.

"It was perfect, I'm so happy for you guys." She cried pulling away; I was shocked that she was here.

"You came." I whispered out. She smiled and laughed; the same smile I had seen James pull so many times before.

"You didn't think I would miss this, do you? Edward, I'm so happy to see you like this, with Jasper. I know my brother will be happy too." I smiled weakly at her as the tears came again. I wasn't sad, I was happy to have her here and to hear her say that.

"Thank you." I whispered to her giving her a gentle hug.

"So what have you done with the surnames?" She asked. Jasper smiled at me showing all the love and care in the world before kissing my wedding band.

"I've taken Cullen." Jasper said, his eyes never leaving mine. I had wanted us to double barrel, but Jasper didn't want to. He wanted to take mine.

"Congratulations, I better let you two go in or there might be trouble. The little black-haired lady is scary." She said joking. We both laughed and headed in.

The food was perfect, Alice had done her job. The champagne flowed like water; thank heavens we weren't picking up the tab for it. The afternoon was passing by fast, we had opted not to do speeches, for one there were things that I didn't want to share with anyone but Jasper, and two I had picked our first dance song, and the words were perfect. I knew that everyone here knew of my past and my troubles before Jasper, and they knew of Jasper's love and support for me during those times, so my song reflected it.

I found myself hungry considering I had thrown up breakfast this morning. Jasper had asked me how I was this morning, I did try and play it off like I was fine but my mother dropped me in it.

"Don't listen to him, Jasper. I found Edward waking me up at three this morning telling me he felt sick and wanted his mum." She grinned at me. Why did parents do that? Embarrass you when they could.

"I knew it, I knew you would freak come the day, you have been too calm throughout." He whispered giving me a gentle kiss on the lips, I smiled at him. I couldn't stop looking at his band, his solid platinum ring that had been diamond cut giving it a simple yet beautiful pattern that sparkled when the light hit. Mine was the same, Jasper had wanted us to have matching rings, and after many hours of looking we finally found these.

We went for our first dance, Jasper didn't know what song I had, but I pulled him close to me on the dance floor as the song began. I had picked Lay Your Hands by Simon Webbe.

"I love you, listen." I whispered to him.

_Sometimes life can be a burden,  
Trying to stay one step ahead,  
Feel the world upon my shoulder each time,  
I'm standing out on the edge,  
And my hopes have all deserted me,  
Like they've washed away in the sand,  
And it's hurting my pride, trying to survive,  
But I know that I stand a chance,  
When you lay your hands,_

__

Cos it's the only thing I have that still makes sense,

_  
__Chorus__  
Oh baby when I`m calling out,  
Give me love and affection, keep telling me, showing me the way,  
Oh when you see me falling down,  
Lift me up from the shadows, will you take me away to a better place,  
And when I`m in my darkest hour,  
Be by my side, to turn the tide,  
Until my suffering ends,.  
When life is getting me down, getting me down, and close to defeat,  
Come and lay your hands on me.  
_

_  
Feel this road is getting longer now,  
And I`m too far away from home,  
Cos I gotta keep on moving on,  
But I can`t do it on my own,  
Baby keep my head above water,  
Help me swim for my life  
Cos the game is getting harder,  
The strain is getting stronger,  
And I can only face the fight,  
When you lay your hands,_

_Cos it's the only thing I have that still makes sense,  
_

_  
__Chorus__  
Oh baby when I`m calling out,  
Give me love and affection, keep telling me, showing me the way,  
Oh when you see me falling down,  
Lift me up from the shadows, will you take me away to a better place,  
And when I`m in my darkest hour,  
Be by my side, to turn the tide,  
Until my suffering ends,.  
When life is getting me down, getting me down, and close to defeat,  
Come and lay your hands on me.  
_

__

TilI I'm healed again,  
Rediscovered my strengths,  
And those bitter blues are gone, all gone,

_Cos it's the only thing I have that still makes sense,  
_

_  
__Chorus__  
Oh baby when I`m calling out,  
Give me love and affection, keep telling me, showing me the way,  
Oh when you see me falling down,  
Lift me up from the shadows, will you take me away to a better place,  
And when I`m in my darkest hour,  
Be by my side, to turn the tide,  
Until my suffering ends,.  
When life is getting me down, getting me down, and close to defeat,  
Come and lay your hands on me.  
_

_  
Come and lay your hands on me._

I sang the words to him as we moved slowly around in a circle, Jasper sobbing softly in my shoulder.

"Thank you." He whispered to me giving me a gentle kiss on the lips.

"No, thank you." I replied as we left the dance floor.

The evening moved along pretty fast, laughing, dancing, and drinking, the constant flow of champagne that never seemed to end, soon we were leaving. We had decided that we would leave early wanting to spend time together before we were completely worn out. We gathered our guests outside which by now was dark, and watched a fireworks display that lit up the surrounding forest, glowing beautifully off the water. We said our goodbye's and thanked everyone for coming and snuck off in to the awaiting limo while everyone continued to watch the fireworks.

I was glad of the alone time with him. Even though we hadn't left each others' side, we hadn't had a chance to spend one minute alone talking to each other, so the slow limo ride with our glass of champagne was welcomed by both of us.

"So how do you feel being my husband?" I asked him while kissing his neck

"Like I am the luckiest man alive." He whispered out rolling his head over to the side giving me better access to his neck. "How do you feel being my husband?" He asked rather breathlessly. I smiled and picked up his hand kissing his ring.

"I can't even put it in to words, Angel, I'm that happy. I'm over the moon to call you mine, to call you my husband, and I can't wait to get to our new house." I grinned at him.

We had both been dying to get in there; it had been ready for about a week now. Alice was one hell of a person, she had taken charge of making sure that everything was running smoothly there, and on time for us to be able to move in the night we wanted to. The limo came to a stop and the door opened, we got out and stood looking at our brand new house, which was ready and waiting for us.

Trying to open the door became a problem, a small one; it's not that easy trying to unlock a door when your half cut from all you have drunk. Somehow we managed it almost falling in through the front door. We took our time going around the rooms before heading upstairs.

The bedroom lamp was on and the patio doors slightly open, a bottle of champagne sat chilling on the side with two glasses. Fresh flowers covered the room, creating a beautiful smell in the room.

"Alice?" I asked Jasper. I had wondered where she had disappeared to about an hour before we left; she had just arrived back before we left; now I knew where she had been.

"My treat." Jasper said taking my hand and leading me toward the bathroom that was just off our bedroom.

Candles had been lit in the bathroom, creating a wonderful romantic feel. The giant-sized whirlpool bath that I had fallen in love with was slowly filling up with water. I noticed that the bath had rose petals in it. I smiled wrapping my arms around Jasper's waist resting my head on his shoulder.

"A bath sounds lovely right now." I whispered in his ear, he kissed my cheek.

"I thought you would want one." He smirked, slowly taking off his wedding suit and climbing in.

The water was wonderful, the whirlpool system was fabulous, I should have gotten one of these years ago. We chatted while relaxing together in the warm water drinking our champagne. We soon left the bathroom drying each other off before heading towards the bedroom.

I kissed Jasper hard making him moan as our naked bodies tangled on the bed together, my tongue traced his lips wanting entrance that he happily gave. My tongue explored Jasper's mouth, our tongues danced together in harmony, before pulling away needing air. I kissed down his neck and chest gently biting his nipple before working my way down to his belly button.

Jasper moaned and gasped as my tongue flicked into his belly button before travelling further down. Licking the tip of his hard cock, and tasting his pre-cum I moaned. Jasper shivered and squirmed underneath me as I slowly wrapped my lips around his head, my tongue flicking across his slit.

"Edward..... fuck." He breathed out as I took his full length down my throat hitting the back of it. I popped the lid on the bottle of lube and pushed a finger in to his ass. Jasper's back arched and he cried out as I bobbed up and down his rock hard length while pumping in and out of his ass before adding another and another until he was ready.

I released his cock from my mouth sitting back on my heels. My cock throbbed painfully as my eyes drank in my husband. My husband, it sounded so surreal. It hadn't sunk in yet that we were now married, that he was now mine, and that he was my husband. I smiled at him before licking my lips and attacking my mouth with his.

I pulled back slightly as Jasper placed his thigh on my hips, I coated my cock with lube before placing it at his entrance. This, our first time with nothing in between us, I felt euphoric and I hadn't even entered him yet. Slowly I pushed the tip in to him, I gasped feeling his warm inside. It felt almost like fire, my whole body was hypersensitive right now as I locked eyes with my lover, my partner, my husband. Thrusting slowly in and out of him until I was all the way in Jasper moaned as his legs locked around me, digging his heels into my ass, forcing me deeper in to him. I leant forward kissing him slowly, savouring the feeling of being in him, being deep inside the man I loved more than life itself.

"I love you, angel." I whispered to him as I picked my pace up, I had been thinking about this all day. I had been hard for most of the afternoon looking at him in his suit. I knew I wouldn't last long. Jasper's moans got louder and more urgent as he started to stroke his cock, matching my thrusts.

"Cum with me, Angel." I moaned out feeling my release approaching quickly. My thrusts became frantic as I drove deeper and faster into him, slamming in to him with force. Jasper went stiff, arching his back off the bed.

"Edward!" He cried out as his orgasm hit, shooting stream upon stream of his hot cum on his chest between us. His ass clenched around me bringing on my own release. I threw my head back screaming his name out as I shot my load deep within him, filling him with my hot cum before collapsing on top of him breathing hard. His arms wrapped tightly around me holding me close to him.

"I love you, Jasper. My heart, my soul, my everything."

* * *

**Well there it is, there married! I cried while writing it, i got so wrapped up init, picturing it as i wrote that i cried lol.**

**Anyway my lovelys please hit the review button and show me some love.**

**Oh and if Anyone has a good name for the seqeul please let me know, as im coming up short with a name at the moment .**

**Thank you, Jen**


	31. Chapter 31

_**AN/ Well here it is the last chapter (wipes tears away.) I have loved writing this story, i hope you all have enjoyed reading it as much i hve enjoyed writing it. It's sad that it's over, but I'm looking forward to doing the sequel. :)**_

**_I want to thank all that have reviewed this story, thank you so much for your wonderful support and kind words, it had made a difference when i wrote this._**

**_A big thank you to my Beta, Ealasaid77, who has gone through each chapter near enough everyday so i can update so often, thank you hun._**

**_This chapter is short, i had to change it and move things around becuase of the sequel but i think it closes off nicely and set's up for the next one._**

_**

* * *

**_

_**JPOV**_

It had been two months since we got married, two wonderful months of him being my husband. I still couldn't get used to calling him my husband. I still looked at the platinum band on my thinking, admiring it in all its beauty, it never left my finger since he put it there and I don't ever plan on removing it.

We had settled in to the house nicely, we didn't have chance to truly enjoy it before we took off on our honeymoon for two weeks. Two weeks in Maldives was amazing, our hut was set out in the sea, waking up every morning and stepping on to the balcony seeing the little fish swimming below you in the clear blue water, was wonderful. The beach was pure white sand, it was so private, so peaceful and perfect for making love all day long. It had been a gift of both of our parents, they wanted to give us a honeymoon we would remember, and it certainly was that.

We spent our days relaxing on the beach and making love in the sea, our evenings consisted of pretty much the same. We drank, ate, slept and fucked for two whole weeks, heaven. We came back tanned, relaxed and refreshed and very much in love. We arrived back to our new home, and to my new job teaching infants.

I loved it, they gave me so much joy, there little minds soaking up all the information that was put in front of them. I came home happy every night, I loved the marking I had to do, I was truly happy in all area's of my life.

I stood out on the balcony watching as the sun started to come down waiting for Edward to come home. I smiled running my hand along the top of the balcony. Edward loved the balcony, he was so excited to get back here to test the balcony out. The neighbours might not be able to see but they sure as hell must of heard us out here. We have had some amazing nights on here, and in the oversized bath, the shower, and the hot tub. The hot tub was a must have, if we ever move I so want to bring it with us. I heard the front door go and smiled, he was home.

"Angel?" He called. As I turned in the hallway to walk down the stairs I was smiling brightly looking forward to seeing him. He beamed at me, holding something behind his back as he waited at the foot of the stairs for me.

"What have you got?" I asked him as I reached him giving him a gentle kiss on the lips. He pulled his arm round and held in his hand a little black and white puppy.

"What's that?" I asked looking at the cute little puppy.

"This Jasper is called a dog." He smirked at me, I rolled my eyes at him stroking the puppy's soft head.

"I can see that Edward, I meant what is it doing here?" He placed the puppy in my hands and smiled at me.

"He's ours, I picked him up just now. He's a nine week old Staffordshire Bull, and he has just left mum. Do you like him?" He asked, all I could do was nod. The puppy was beautiful, his head a little bigger than the rest of him, he was like a little ball of muscle waiting to grow.

"You bought a puppy?" Yes, I had wanted a dog and we had spoke about it, but I never thought he would just turn up home with one. I carried the puppy in to the living room and sat down with him on my knee, he curled up and went to sleep. "Edward, he's so cute."

"I know. I knew you wanted one so I thought I would surprise you with one. A nice little addition to our family, don't you think?" I smiled and nodded my head. "So what do you want to call him?" Edward asked

Crap, what name should I call him? I ran through a list of names in my head trying to pick one, or one that suited the pup. Every time I looked at the pup all I could think about was how sweet Edward had been in buying me this.

"Jasper?" I looked at him and shrugged. "Well,you better hurry up and give him a name, we can't call him pup forever, can we? And if you're like this now how will we ever pick a name for a child?" I opened and closed my mouth looking like a goldfish.

Child? As in us having one? It was a subject that neither of us had ever really brought up, we both wanted them, but we hadn't sat down and talked about it though.

"You want us to have children?" I asked. I watched Edward smile at me giving me a wink.

"I would like us to look in to it, and the pup will be good for a child. Besides I checked out the breeds and these rank one of the top to be with children." I smiled at him and gave him a gentle kiss. How amazing was he?

"I think we should definitely look in to it, and as for the pup, how about Bruno?" I asked, he smiled.

"Bruno it is then, I'll go and get his things out the car." He stood up and left the room, leaving me with Bruno curled in my lap and the thought of us having a child.

In the last year since I had met Edward he had healed, gotten over his depression and fallen in love with me. We had bought a beautiful house that was worth every penny we spent to have it, even if it was a little out of budget. We'd gotten married, bought a puppy and now we were looking in to having children. My life was complete. My dream was right in front of me, and I couldn't wait to enjoy every day of our lives together.

* * *

**_Well there it is, its all done. I hope you all come and check out the sequel which should have the first chapter up tomorrow._**

**_So for the last time on this story, please hit the review button and send me some love._**

**_Thank you, Jen :)_**


End file.
